Recherche du sens d'être (English)
by Galadiel
Summary: Darcie comes back to Hogwarts - this time not as a student but a professor. But will the old walls, hiding the memories from the past, be able to bring solace? (Translated from the Polish version)
1. Prologue

I still remember that day. I laugh every time I recall it: that shock in my mother's eyes, anger in my father's voice... both of them probably thought that I was making fun of them. But I must admit myself that back then I was not sure, either, whether someone had or had not tried to make some not-really-funny fun of me. Owls! Seals looking as if they were taken straight out of the Middle Ages! And those letters calligraphed in ink... all of that seemed to be just unreal.

And yet – after some time a woman appeared on the threshold of my house; a woman dressed so strangely that one could think that she was either a madwoman or a real witch. I remember that she locked herself with my parents for a longer time in one of the rooms, until at last they, completely pale, let me leave with the stranger, who told me about the world I had never dreamt of. Well... I _had_. Of course I had. Nevertheless, the one she told me about was a thousand times more beautiful than the one I had created in my mind.

She also told me about the school I was supposed to attend from then on. Yes, that was how it all started: with a letter an owl brought to me, sealed and bearing a magnificent signature with twists. And with that strange lady. And then? Then, everything went on... much faster than I had ever thought. Because before I realised, I found myself on a peculiar street, called Diagon Alley, and after that, with a trunk full of book of spells, ingredients for potions and scrolls of parchment, in my brand new black robe, I was already sitting in one of the compartments of a beautiful, red Hogwarts Express.

That was where I got to know all the witch had not managed to tell me about: about the Houses, the Sorting Ceremony and all that. Truth be told, I could not understand the nickname I was given back then, when I said that my parents did not believe in magic, but I was already aware that I would not want to attend classes with my new acquaintances.

I still remember the admiration I felt when I saw the school for the first time; it was hard to believe I would live in such a place. Yes, I did miss my parents. I knew that I would be missing them all the time... but at the same time, I was too fascinated to want to get back to the life I had lived until then. That was when I realised some gate was opened right in front of me, and I was definitely going to take advantage of this opportunity.

That night, even though I was exhausted, I could not fall asleep because of excitement. For the next seven years such nights happened quite often. Well, not always were they caused by happiness – sometimes I just needed to study for my exams, or I simply did some different – more or less forbidden – things.

But this night I slept like a baby, even though I had just returned to this castle for the next time. To start completely anew.

My name is Aubrianna Darcie Shirley. Aforetime I used to be a Ravenclaw. But today I am beginning my life as a professor in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


	2. Beginning

It was said that Professor Dumbledore had not hired young teachers, fearing that they were not experienced enough. I believe that he _had_ had some reason to behave like that, and I must admit that losing such an outstanding man was a major blow for the magical (and not only magical) world. I remember that I cried at least for a week after those terrible happenings...

Yes, yes, I remember everything perfectly. I was in my third year when all of it happened. I knew that we were going to face some turbulent times, even though many of the older students tried to calm us down. I was very thankful for their support, since they were like older siblings to us... though, they treated us a bit as if we were children. We were thirteen back then, not three, and we could understand well enough what death was. After all, some of us had already experienced losing someone close to us.

But that was not what I was supposed to talk about.

It was said that Professor Dumbledore had not hired young teachers – and although his death was a great loss for us, it opened the door for me. The door that led to the career that would not be possible for me during his tenure.

When I started my job at Hogwarts, I was just twenty. I had graduated just two years before and my parents were convinced that I would start some job in the Muggle world. Or maybe that I was going to continue my education amongst other young Muggles. Maybe I should have done that – it would definitely be less dangerous for me than staying in the magical world...

However, I could not – or maybe did not want – to cut myself away from the world that had been my home for the past several years. It was much easier for me to live amongst the magical people than Muggles. And I did not want to work in a bank or an office. And yet, despite all of the leaflets I had got in my fifth year to read, I still did not know what I wanted to do.

For the last years at Hogwarts I had been studying a lot... maybe because I had chosen too manysubjects for my N.E.W.T.s. The teachers had warned me that it would be difficult... that it might turn out to be unnecessary... and after the school, despite my good grades, I was so much like that fifteen-year-old sitting in Ravenclaw Tower, staring at the faboulously colourful, moving brochures, but still not knowing what to do.

The idea to become a teacher appeared out of nowhere, honestly. I had already started my job in a local shop, trying to get back to the normality of the Muggle life... it was hard to get used to it. I could not use magic, and things that until now had been so easy to me, now turned out to be difficult. For example, spreading the goods on the shelves. And yet, just a little motion of my wrist would be enough...!

I managed to stay there just a year. Then, there were a library and a flower shop. In the end, I decided that I needed to get back to my kin... to the wizards. I could not live in a world that had once used to be a normal one to me.

The first place I thought of was Hogwarts. My home. Because even the house I lived with my parents was not my _real_ home. Just this one school let me feel safe and loved, exactly the feelings I had always wanted to surround me. Maybe that was when that desire was born. The deisre to get back to those wonderful corridors, to the secret passages, to the armours and disappearing-step staircases...

I have no idea what made me take a piece of paper and write that letter. The teachers could still remember me as one of the students, so I did not have to be concerned to accept a stranger. Nevertheless, I decided to attach a list of my N.E.W.T.s grades, just in case someone would be hesitant about it... and deciding that it was better to try and fail than regret it all my life, I put the letter into my owl's beak and she flew out through the open window, straight into the darkness of the night.

I got the response a couple of days later, bering the very same signature with twists that had once, many years before, invited me to attend the Hogwarts school. I felt the same excitement I had felt back then... I remember laughing like a madwoman. I, Darcie Shirley, got that job! Professor McGonagall asked me to join her for an interview... but according to what she had written in the letter, the school _really_ needed some fresh blood.

My heart was beating like crazy. Not thinking much, I just gathered my things and having said goodbye to my parents so in a moment I was already sitting in the _Knight Bus_, clenching my fingers on the bag.

I wondered who I would meet there. I knew that some of the teachers that had once taught me stayed, but some of them had already left because of their age or maybe their health condition. From what I knew, Neville Longbottom who was just a couple of years older than me, the very same who was the classmate of the famous Harry Potter, now was the Herbology teacher. Professor McGonagall no longer taught Transfiguration, but she stayed at school as the headmistress, and some other student, who had graduated when I had been in my second or third year, had taken the vacancy after Professor Slughorn and started teaching Potions.

I had a feeling that Hogwarts would be a completely new place. Different than the one I had always known... and yet, it was still my home, no matter what. And with the same excitement with which I had used to get back after the summer holidays, I was now heading to meet the headmistress.

I have no idea what I felt when I got to know who I was going to be from then on. Happiness? For sure. I knew I had got back home, and this time, forever. And it had not been that sure two years before. On the other hand, had I not hoped for something _more_ than just teaching History of Magic? I still remembered myself that everyone _hated_ those hours spent with Professor Binns in the stuffy room...

Nevertheless, when I was leaving the headmistress' office, I felt motivated, like back then, when I had been preparing for my exams. More and more often did I realise that I was planning lessons in my head... that I was wondering how to make the classes – which had always been associated with boredom – become something the students would attend with pleasure. Something they would discuss on the corridors, after the lessons...

Call me stupid and naive, but that was what I really counted on.

And even now, preparing for my first classes, I felt that I might actually do it.

It was a funny thing that I, standing behind the lectern, I was not much older than they were. I remembered perfectly what it was like to sit where they were sitting... the classroom had seemed to be so little, so crowded... but right now, from this new perspective, from which I was looking at them as a teacher, it was _huge_. And the number of people gathered inside simply took my breath away.

Yes. I was supposed to start talking to those countless fifteen-year-olds. It terrified me to no end.

"Good morning," I spoke finally, and my own voice felt strange in my mouth. It was so... squeaky. "My name is Aubrianna Shirley, and from now on I will be your History of Magic teacher."

I jeard an outburst of laugh. I knew that it was caused by my name; that was the reason why I usually used my middle name... but nevertheless, I was called _Aubrianna_. Well, I assumed that for the students I would be Professor Shirley.

And yet, it still hurt.

"What is so amusing?" I asked, hoping that the tone of my voice was not too bitter, as I looked around the classroom to find that jester. I noticed him – he sat in the corner of the room, and on his chest, there was a Slytherin badge. So he was a Slytherin... nothing had changed there, even though the staff was so different than the one I remembered.

I took a deep breath and narrowed my eyes. Just in case, I put my wand aside and approached the boy, looking down at him.

Ha! The boy! This boy was just a couple of years younger than me... and he still seemed to be taller. Nevertheless, I decided not to get baffled, even when he stood up when I told him to – and now, it was him looking down at me.

"Your name...?"

"Marcus... Marcus Stillwater," he introduced himself in a quite cheeky, arrogant tone I so often heard in the Slytherins' voices.

I curled my hands into fists to calm down. I managed to do it to the degree where when I spoke my voice sounded just the way it should.

"So, Mister Sillwater... please tell me, what was so funny to you?"

I have no idea how long it had taken. However, the whole lesson, even though it lasted just an hour, seemed to be forever. When the group left the classroom, I slumped down onto the chair and hid my face in hands.

I was under the impression that my whole plan of becoming a teacher who could make the classes, which seemed to be boring, interesting was now ruined. I had just become the most obnoxious beak of all... I could see that in the eyes of the students that had been looking at me. I knew that it would only take a while before they found some unpleasant nickname for me.

Like back then... I remember we had Herbology classes with Slytherins. One of them really hated me because of my name and my looks. Sometimes he laughed at me that I was for sure one of the Weasleys... because I was a ginger with green eyes and my face was covered with freckles. There was one difference: my nose was not long, and I was definitely shorter than the Weasleys that attended Hogwarts when I was there.

And although calling me a Weasley was not unpleasant, the fact that I was often called other names was not that nice. For example a squirrel or sometimes a carrot. I always tried to change my looks, but no matter how much I tried and how hard I studied, I had never managed to master this branch of Transfiguration.

The noise of the students entering the classroom brought me out of my thoughts back to the real life. With the back of my hand I wiped away the tears from my eyes and with relief I realised that now I was about to have a lesson with the first years.

Still, the whole day seemed to last longer than any other.

I was physically exhausted when I headed to the Great Hall for dinner. I did not even think about the way the teaching staff would accept me... because the previous night, during the welcome feast there had not been enough time to talk. Right now, though, I had to get used to my new life there.

The teachers who worked with me now, were my family from now on – just like before, when I had been a student, the whole Ravenclaw had been my family. Right now, though, the age difference was much bigger... and I had a strange feeling that no-one really trusted me. Only Neville sent a hesitant smile to me, and I smiled back. Well, he was almost the same age as me, and I think that during our school days we talked a little bit. Just a casual acquaintance.

When I stood up and started walking back to my room, I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I was quite surprised as I turned back to check who it was, but it was just Neville.

"Don't worry," he said in a quite cheerful tone. "They are not that bad."

I smiled softly and nodded my head. That strange lump in my throat that had been disturbing me since the first classes that day, now was gone. I took a deep breath.

"Darcie Shirley," I introduced myself, deciding not to mention my first name. Especially not after all that had happened during the first lesson that day. I did not want to cause another outburst of laughter.

"I know," he replied, and his face lit up even more. "I talked with you during our school days... do you remember? You were in your first year... you forgot to jump over the disappearing step in the staircase between the fifth and the sixth floor... I always forget about it. I pulled you out."

I laughed sincerely. He was right! Now, as he reminded me about it, I realised that something like that had really taken place. And it was nice to know that amongst all those people there was someone who knew me, even if just a bit. Someone who was not hostile.

That was why when I lay in my bed that evening I kept smiling to myself. Maybe that day had not been that bad in the end...


	3. McGonagall's Secret

We were seen together more and more often – me and Professor Longbottom. Or just Neville. We were the youngest of the staff, and soon, we discovered that we had some mutual friends, so we could get along really well. It was no surprise that soon the strange despodency that had already begun to get over me was now passed. Once again, I started feeling at home and when I wrote a letter to my family, I could tell them with all honesty that I was really delighted I had decided to come back to Hogwarts.

I have to admit that I had been missing this all the time: those four-poster beds, meals in the Great Hall, the hum of conversations in the corridors, old, creaking suits of armour. Even in my dejection, when I tried to be honest to myself, I realised that I would never, ever want to get back to the Muggle world. Yes, I know that the Muggle world was the one I had been brought up in. I should have felt at home there... but it was not like that. However, I believe that no wizard who had a wand in his hand at least once could ever feel good pretending to be a Muggle.

I had not managed to achieve anything special as a teacher now. However, I got to that point when the students no longer could find anything funny in my name. Moreover, when I strolled down the corridors I could hear unpleasant comments about me less and less often. Nevertheless, this was not without any victims: in the second week of the school year three Slytherins, one Gryffindor and one Ravenclaw already had a detention with me. I did not really want to do that, well, I did not even know how to punish them, but Neville advised I should use this kind of punishment.

"If you don't show them you're not the one to mess with," he said, "it won't ever be finished. You _have to _show them that in spite of your age, you are the teacher, not an older friend. You have every right to punish them."

When he saw I was hesitant, he added, "Yes, I know, I didn't want to do this, either. I thought there was another way out... you know, a milder one. One that would make the students both like and respect me. But there's none. A couple of Slytherins and Gryffindors were punished as an example, when I caught them putting dragon dung into my gloves... they were a bit sulky for a couple of weeks, but finally they let it go. As of late they even told me that they liked Herbology the most. If I hear something like that from Malfoy's son, I'll burst out laughing, I swear."

I smiled at him and nodded, and when I heard some taunt about my name and red hair for the next time, I made sure to give out some detentions (well, I have to admit they were some boring ones, since the delinquents had to rewrite blurred fragments of their colleagues' essays – but there was some laughter in it, anyways, when one of the Gryffindors found the name of his fellow convicted Slytherin in the header of the essay he was rewriting at that moment) – and for the next several weeks I was left alone.

Slowly, I began to get back my self-confidence. I was not back as a Ravenclaw anymore. I was a teacher whose job was not only to pour some knowledge about History of Magic into the students' heads, but also to educate them. And unfortunately, lots of wizarding families neglect the education of their children at home. Especially when they are those _pure blood families_.

Do not get me wrong; I did have some pure blood friends, and they really were wonderful people. Even now, as I got back to Hogwarts, I could notice some children bearing the names of old wizarding families. And they were honestly very polite people. Nevertheless, there were other people, the ones that breathed out insolence. I made it a point of honour to eradicate such a praxis. Maybe it was something personal, since I came from a Muggle family... though, I believed that it should be done.

It was exhausting, I have to admit, and after a couple of weeks I was already fed up. However, I did not want to give up so easily.

Sunny September was passed and we welcomed October; along with it, gusty winds intruded the castle grounds. Old windows moaned loudly, yet many students still got out of the building during the breaks or after the lessons – especially when one of the teams planned to train a bit.

Soon, I realised that I had not seen nor played a Quidditch match for a long time already; I wondered which Hogwarts team was now the best. As soon as Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley had left the school when I had still been a student, there were two other Seekers: Bartholomew Weep, who turned out to be a complete mistake, so he was soon replaced by Apollonios Grimsworth. He was much better, but still not as good as The Boy Who Lived.

That was when our team managed to take the lead. We did not have a good Seeker, to be honest, but we did have three wonderful Chasers: Angelica Moore, one of them, was our Captain. And I was the Keeper. I believe I was not the worst. Well, I did let in some goals, but some of the ones I defended went down in history... at least the school's history.

I wondered who took the lead now, so I could not help but eagerly await the next match. However, it was supposed to take place in mid-November, so I had to be patient.

It was Wednesday afternoon when I, ignoring the wind biting the cheeks and exposed hands, left the castle. I put the collar on, like back then, when I had still been a student, and having pushed my hands deep into the pockets of my robe, I began strolling along the lanes, listening to the hum of conversations and outbursts of loud laughter amongst the students who surrounded me. Neville did not join me; I could see him planting some exeptionally hideous plants on the bed in front of one of the greenhouses. Already imagining the excitement in his voice at the moment of his telling me about them, I laughed quietly and turned right.

I did not even realise when I got to the parts of the school grounds where I could meet almost no-one. Not even a half of the afternoon break had passed, so I did not have to be afraid that I would be late for my own lessons, nevertheless, I could not help but feel a bit uncomfortable.

Soon, though, I heard someone's steps, and I looked around, deciding to leave if I was not welcomed there. The person passing me by, however, seemed to have not even noticed me. Her steps were fast and energetic, as always, her lips pressed together so hard that they created just a thin, horizontal line.

I was certain that Professor McGonagall was really worried. Wondering what could have caused it, I reached my hand out to her, but she, lost in her own thoughts, just passed by in complete silence and turned into the nearest path. Frowning a little, I followed her, ready to help her, if it turned out to be necessary.

Noticing that she came to a halt at some point, I stopped as well, making sure that no-one would be able to notice her. I had some strange feeling that I should not be there, but at the same time my curiosity simply did not let me turn back and leave.

Both of us waited like that for a couple of minutes, and I had already begun thinking that Professor would turn back and head to the castle when some hooded figure approached her and apparently nodded in greeting because soon McGonagall returned the gesture, saying something that sounded like "finally".

"I've already started worrying that you wouldn't come," she said, frowning even more; if she looked at me like that, I was sure I would just run away. Maybe that should have made me realise I was not allowed to be there and eavesdrop, but at the same time I could not force myself to move, knowing that if I made any noise, I would definitely be noticed.

"I was stopped by... urgent matters in London, Minerva," replied some cold voice, coming from beneath the hood. "Besides... I believe you are aware of the fact that being here does _not_ give me any pleasure."

Something about this man's voice – because it was a man, for sure – made me want to cast a spell on him. However, I managed to control myself. Though, I did feel some satisfaction when I saw that McGonagall was smiling.

"Just like talking to you does not give _me_ any pleasure," she responded, "but I am aware of the gravity of the situation."

"Let's talk business, then, shall we," snarled the man, moving nervously. I was under a strange impression that he was willing to ignore the gravity of the situation McGonagall mentioned. "I don't have all day."

I had never heard anyone addressing Professor McGonagall like that. I had always respected her a lot, therefore I could not help but feel irritated when I saw the way the stranger treated her. I realised I had a wand in my hand, my fingers clenched tightly around it, but I did not let myself to cast any nonverbal spell.

No, I have never heard this cold male voice, I thought when I tried to recognise the hooded person. It was someone whom I had probably never met before. However, he seemed to be some acquaintance of McGonagall's, though I would not call their relationship any kind of friendship.

"Are you _completely_ sure it's him?" asked McGonagall, and now, I could hear a mixture of concern and uncertainty in her voice; it was a tone that surprised me entirely. It simply was not like this woman.

"Absolutely. You are not accusing us of incompetence, Minerva?" The man moved slightly once again, but McGonagall did not let herself get provoked. She was still staring firmly at her interlocutor, until he continued. "It's him, no doubts. One of our men keeps following him... however, we cannot be too careless. I have a feeling he has already sensed us... and you know that it's not just any wizard."

McGonagall put her hands on her hips and cast her eyes down, lost in thoughts. Even from this point I could see her chest moving fast because of her heavy breathing. It seemed that this information did not make her happy.

"Don't stop. We have to be completely sure it's him... and that he won't get away form our grasp. And _no-one_ can know what you are doing, is it clear?" She looked up at the man in front of her quite fiercely.

He, however, only laughed sarcastically.

"Do you really think we are idiots?" he asked, moving to the side. "We do know our job... and if I wanted to die, I know many other ways."

"I don't care about your life," responded McGonagall, and the muscles of her jaw twitched slightly. She was definitely irritated. "It's not that easy. If you make him angry, he might take his revenge here... and I am not going to let anyone hurt my students."

"Then you'll give your life for them," the man sneered once again, right before he turned back and left towards the Forbidden Forest, and McGonagall did not even try to stop him.

That was when I realised that I was an unwanted observer. If Professor passed by, she would definitely notice me...

"Here you are, Darcie!" I heard, and my heart jumped.

It was not, however, McGonagall's voice, so I probably should some kind of relief. I sighed and trying to pretend that nothing had happened, that I had not just been eavesdropping, I turned back towards the other.

"Neville," I replied and forced myself to fake a smile. "You seemed to be taking care of the plants..."

The man nodded, and a soft blush appeared on his cheeks.

"Did you see? Well, come with me, I'll show them to you, you definitely should take a closer look. I prepared them for the next classes with the third year..."

At least half of his words, even though they reached my ears, did not make it to my mind. However, it was a good moment to leave the spot where I had been standing until now. I could only nod and follow Neville, turning back just once to look over my shoulder, but when I did, McGonagall was already gone.


	4. Herbs, Potions and Riddles

Even though days kept passing, all that I had heard during that memorable walk could not just leave me alone. I could not help but wonder who was the person Professor McGonagall had talked about with the mysterious stranger... and who that man actually was. All that kept tormenting me mercilessly because I got the impression that either the headmistress or the whole school was in danger. Anyways, I knew I had to do something with that, but at the same time I realised that I really should not have been there, therefore I needed to be careful about what I was doing and saying.

Until now I had always talked about everything with Neville. Right now, though, I had to keep it secret from him since I felt that the more people knew about it, the worse, and although I trusted him, I could not share this information with him. And I had a feeling that he somehow knew I was trying to hide something from him, because everytime I was silent, he looked at me with some strange attention until I quickly found some casual topic.

Now even Quidditch did not seem to be as thrilling as before. Of course, I waited for the matches rather impatiently, however, I could not keep all of my attention on it, just like I had used to. My head was busy with the mystery McGonagall's conversation with the stranger had left in it... and the lack of any new clues made it impossible for me to solve it.

Maybe that should have made me stop... but I still could not get rid of those thoughts. Who were they so afraid of? Or who did they care about so much that finding that person seemed to be so important to them? For some time I thought they meant You-Know-Who... but then I realised it would make no sense. Because if it was to turn out that he was revived once again, all of the media, not only the wizarding ones but the Muggle ones as well, would be bellowing about it everywhere. They would not risk the thing that had already happened twice.

But then my thoughts ran towards the next person important for the history of magic, and it was no-one else but Dumbledore himself. But even he was lying in the tomb that was situated at the back of the castle. He was not like the Dark Lord... he would not know how to survive death. Even though he was a genius and with his wisdom he went beyond what the world considers magic, I did not believe that he would have found a way different than the black magic to become immortal. Besides, did he really want to be immortal...?

"You've not been yourself lately, Darcie," I heard and it made my head turn. My hand, holding a fork, came to a halt halfway.

Neville, sitting right beside me, kept looking at me with worry in his eyes. Therefore I quickly forced myself to smile, hoping that would calm him down, but from the way he glanced at me I deducted I achieved an effect completely different than the intended one.

"I'm fine, Neville," I replied quickly, shaking my head. "For real... besides... would there be anything that could trouble me..."

"I have no idea," he responded and like back then, when he had still been a student, his cheeks turned red. In a moment he started stuttering, too, and it made me feel terrible. I should not have lied to him... but at the same time I knew that telling him all the truth was out of the question. "I just... so- sometimes I just look at you... and you're so strangely... lost in thoughts... pale... and you eat hardly anything. I ju- just thought you might be sick."

Well, yes. It was a bit similar to some illness but it was much closer to obsession. Even I caught myself not sleeping at night, still trying to solve the mystery I should not have even got to know about. Maybe that was the reason... maybe that was why McGonagall did not want anyone to hear her. Maybe she was afraid that someone could get into some trouble...

On the other hand, I still remembered her words. She was afraid that the students might be in danger, therefore it was something important. It was no coincidence... the fear I had seen on her face could not be faked.

"I haven't been sleeping well as of late, that's all," I lied, feeling even worse now. Neville did not deserve my lies. He was so worried about me... and I really appreaciated it. I simply could not show how thankful to him I was.

"You should go and see Madam Pomfrey," he advised at once, nodding. "Together, we created some strong sleeping solution..."

I honestly adored when he did that. When he spoke about Herbology with such passion in his voice... I knew he loved it. I had never been really good at it, though. It was much easier for me to master Charms and Transfiguration, and Professor Flitwick had always been proud of me. Well, many had thought that it was only because he was the Head of my house and because I, especially later on, when I had become the Prefect, had become his pet, even though I had not deserved that...

However, even I was aware of the fact that the majority of those comments had come from jealousy I had never been the wisest person in the school, nevertheless, for sure my intellect was quite extraordinary, and no-one could deny it. Besides, Professor McGonagall would have never accepted me if it were not so.

"Don't worry about me so much," I told him quickly when he stopped to take a deeper breath. "Really... I don't need any sleeping potions... nor any visits to the Hospital Wing. The students had already begun to get sick because of this bad weather... it will be better if she can focus on them. And on brewing the Pepperup Potion."

Neville glanced at me hesitantly, but at the same time, he laughed, apparently thinking the same.

"Then... then maybe I could do something with it?" he asked after a moment, quietly, looking around a bit nervously, as if he was afraid that someone might be eavesdropping. Well, in this situation it was not really plausible, because during the dinner the racket in the Great Hall was so terrible that I could hardly hear my own thoughts. "You know... I'm not a Healer... but I know some things about herbal therapy..."

I felt some strange sensation in my stomach, and I put the fork back onto the plate, finding I was not actually hungry anymore.

"I... I really appreciate it, Neville, but..." I began hesitantly, then sighed quietly. I really did not want him to be hurt, but at the same time I was not really sure where this conversation would lead us. And I definitely did not want it to be too uncomfortable for either of us. I was already blushing enough, so much that it was as if my skin was on fire.

Neville apparently realised that because he cast his eyes down and began staring at his plate, poking at its contents with a strange expression upon his face, as if it was something that should have never been put in a school dish.

At that moment I felt even worse as I understood that my words had apparently hurt him – probably hard enough, judging by his reaction. Before I could react, though, another voice, this time a female one, reached my ears.

"Miss Shirley."

There was no doubt; it was the headmistress. Shocked, I stood up quickly, and my face lost not only the blush that had been covering it for a while, but any colour at all. I was terrified that she might have guessed that I had heard her conversation... but how would she have done that? Still, my heart kept pounding madly in my chest when I turned towards her, terror painted upon my face, which apparently surprised her.

"Are you alright, Miss Shirley?" she asked, raising her thin brows high and looking at me over the spectactle frame.

I nodded quickly.

"Yes, I am perfectly fine, Madam," I answered, trying to smile once again. Since her lips were not pursed, I slowly began to calm down.

"Wonderful, because I am going to need your help," she replied, pushing her glasses up her nose, and I absently put a strand of my hair behind the ear. It was a strange thing to get used to, the thought that I no longer was her student – I was a teacher, just like the rest of the people sitting at this table. But it had been just a month, maybe one and a half... I still needed time to get used to some things.

"Of course, Madam," I said, nodding. Nevertheless, my heart jumped up to my throat and began rattling feverishly, taking my breath away. "How could I help you?"

A soft, almost unnoticeable smile emerged upon her lips when she beckoned at me. I turned to Neville, said my goodbyes and followed her.

"The issue is... well... it's quite complicated."

McGonagall started talking as soon as we left to the empty corridors. There, she could express her incertitude, however, even with me she did that rather hesitantly. I felt strange when I noticed that the hand she used to smooth down her hair was trembling slightly. I opened my mouth, wanting to ask the very same question as before, but somehow I lost my courage. Besides, she soon took up the topic once again.

"I... have never supposed that something like that could _ever_ happen here... and I am asking for discretion in this matter. I really... do not want anyone else to know about it... because I realise that many might... might _not_ really approve of my decision."

The longer she talked, the more complicated it seemed. I frowned a little, but did not dare cut in.

"The matter is... delicate. And... quite unusual, I'd say. It will involve firing one of our teachers, immediately... but that should stay between us. Your task, Miss Shirley, is... making a conversation which is... well, gently speaking, quite _unpleasant_."

The corner of my lips twitched. I had no idea whether I should have felt honoured that I got such an important task from the headmistress, or quite the opposite. That was when I realised that she had not been leading me towards her office, but in the opposite direction. I was not fond of those parts of the castle, they were dark and cold, and the memories from the past did not want to leave me alone.

"I still don't seem to understand," I answered hesitantly, shifting my eyes back to her.

McGonagall sighed, massaging her temples with her fingers. Right now, she seemed to be older than ever, and it made me feel weird.

"And I'm not even surprised, Miss Shirley, because even I feel at least uncomfortable in a situation like this, despite all I've ever been through in my life, and I'm quite proud of the fact I've been through quite a lot," she muttered when she finallyopened her eyes and looked at me seriously. "I have hoped that along with Tom Riddle's death all of the riddles would be gone... but he'd done much more bad things than I'd ever suspected. But maybe... maybe in all the bad things there's some light, because it's not connected with death, but with life."

I raised my brows and was about to open my mouth to ask another question when I saw her shake her head, hushing me.

"You are only supposed to learn _how it has happened_," she explained quietly, the tone of her voice strange to me. I had never met Professor McGonagall being this unofficial with me, even though I had talked to her in many situations. "That's all."

She cleared her throat, fixed her glasses and knocked on the door in front of which we had cometo a halt. My heart was still pounding fiercely. I was still not quite sure what I was to do, even though the task had been defined more than accurately. A quiet voice reached our ears from the depths of the office and the headmistress pushed at the door, leading me inside. I took a deep breath, my lungs now filled with slightly stale air, so characteristic for dungeons.

"Ah... so this is our star..." I heard a derisive voice I knew so well. "I believe we've already had a chance to meet... but... ah... good manners require it..."

I did not want to look up, knowing what I was going to see, but since the owner of the voice approached me and reached his hand out towards me, I had no other choice. The pale face, dark hair, long, hooked nose... All just the way I remembered it. All but one thing: now, this face was marked with numerous scars.

In complete silence, I shook the cold hand.

"_Professor_ Severus Snape, at your service."


	5. Snape's Story

I felt strange. As if someone had just clenched his hands around my throat and hit me in the head with something heavy. Because it was _impossible_! Well, of course I had not been there with him when You-Know-Who had killed him, but Harry Potter himself had been talking about it. I still remembered that moment perfectly that moment. No-one had really liked Professor Snape but no-one had hoped he would die.

Well, that time had been honestly quite difficult to me. I do not really know how I had managed to get back to school for my fourth year. It had been the time when the Muggles had been oppressed. One of the wizarding families I knew had somehow managed to prove that – in some very twisted way – I was related to them. Whenever I thought about it, I could not help but feel that either the officials had been surprisingly stupid or someone had confunded them; I had never tried to explain that mystery, though.

As I recall, Professor Snape had never really liked me. Probably because he had realised that I had never been related to any wizard. My family was completely deprived of any magical ancestry. If not for that owl those few years before, I would probably have never got to know that there was a world different than the one I had always known thanks tomy parents.

And now, after so many years, once I had finally got accustomed to the thought that I would never see this man again, he stood there, right in front of me, shaking my hand. I could not help but remember all those hours spent with him in the Potions class, and then, in the Defence Against Dark Arts class. I remembered perfectly those cold, black eyes, set upon me, expressing nothing but disgust.

But right now, I was no longer his student. Theoretically, we were equal now, teachers hired by Hogwarts' headmistress. But could that change anything? I knew that he still felt the very same antipathy towards me, just like he had before, when I had still been sitting at the school desks, and even the fact we were equal could not affect that. Besides, his work experience was so much bigger... was that not enough to make him more powerful, to have an upper hand?

"Sit down, please," the man invited me into the depths of the office with a small gesture. At the same time, Professor McGonagall said her goodbyes and left quietly. Soon, I could hear delicate clatter of the heels of her shoes on the stone floor of the dungeons.

Once again I felt as if I were a teenage girl who came there to fulfill her detention. I pulled the chair rather hesiantly, then took a seat, exactly like he had told me to, having no courage to even look up at him again.

_Get a grip_, I thought to myself, feeling definitely quite stupid. After all, I was no longer a student, a foolish youngster who had done something wrong. Actually, I kept doing everything just the way I should, just like I had been told. _No longer are you the same Ravenclaw you used to be when you met him last time... you're a Professor, too, just like _he_ is a Professor._

But it did not make the gap between us any smaller.

Snape took a seat at his desk, putting the tips of his long fingers together and setting his piercing eyes upon me. I could not help but shiver slightly; his sight was no longer as cold as it had used to be. Quite the opposite. It was full of something I could not quite describe, but it did not make it any less uncomfortable.

"So?" he asked, raising his brow a little.

"You may believe me, sir, that... that I really... haven't expected to see you here," I muttered before I could actually think about what I wanted to say properly. No wonder I immediately regretted all I had just told him and my face turned red.

"Neither did I," he answered casually, then he fell silent for a moment and finally moved away from the desk, leaning back in the chair. I, on the other hand, still kept sitting stiffly on the very edge of my chair. "I only know that you were sent here by Professor McGonagall. And I wonder why... after all, she would be able to talk to me just as well. There is _nothing_ I could tell you but could not tell her."

For some reason his words made me feel ashamed. Did he really think that I had asked the headmistress for this task?

"I haven't expected anything like this," I mumbled, staring at the desk that stood between us.

"Of course you haven't," he responded, then stood up slowly and began to walk around the office. "Then know, please, that my _miraculous escape_ has nothing to do with a miracle. Not for nothing I was once called the Potions Master... besides, I am not a complete imbecile, like some think."

The tone of his voice shocked me; it had not changed even a bit, even now as he was saying those words about himself – it was still cool and matter-of-fact, as if he was still telling me some kind of simple story.

"I knew _who_ I was made to work with... but for some reason no-one really thought about the possibility that I could be prepared for any possible attacks from the Dark Lord. What's more, no-one even came to check on me, to see what state I was in when Potter had left the shack... He was stupid and told them all I had died. Whereas I, even though heavily injured, was still alive, and my antidote slowly fought the venom circulating in my veins."

It sounded a bit as if he revelled in his own story. Soon, he stood right by my chair and propped himself up on the desk with one hand. I almost jumped, feeling my heart beating madly. Hoping that he would not notice my motion, I moved slightly away from him.

There was something resembling some sick fascination painted upon his face as he went on with his story. The longer it lasted, the less confident I felt.

"I thought back then that I was doomed to die on the floor of that loathsome shack where once one of Potter's friends played a wolf... And yet, although slowly, the antidote got rid of the poison from my veins. It did not change the fact that I had lost a huge amount of blood, and I did not have a phial with the right potion. I have to admit that I did not do this one thing... I found it hard to catch a breath, feeling all of my wounds open whenever I tried to get some air. And yet... yet I did not die. However, when I finally regained my consciousness, all of this was already gone. With the last ounce of my strength I healed the worst of my wounds and with difficulty slipped out of that shack, making sure no-one would notice me. All of Hogsmeade's residents were somewhere around Hogwarts, getting rid of the corpses and saving all that could still be saved, so it was not so difficult to enter one of the houses. Fortunately, there still are wizards who keep some right potions in their first-aid kits... and although still weak, I soon found myself able to keep on going.

He stopped, finally turning his face towards me to look straight into my eyes. It was an unpleasant, piercing eyes, but for some reason I was unable to break this contact, even though I really tried to glance once again at my hands.

The whole story seemed to be unconceivable, however, one could notice some sense in it. Snape had told all of it, from the very beginning to the very end without hesitating even once, and now, I realised it was probable that he, in some almost miraculous way, got out of the Shrieking Shack still alive.

"But... but then..." I started hesitantly after a moment. "Then how is it possible that no-one looked for you _after_ the battle? I mean... at least just to... to bury you or..."

Snape grimaced slightly.

"I am not the one to be asked about that, missy. Maybe for some reason they thought that the Dark Lord's snake had devoured me... I have no idea what Potter told them," he added, this time quietly, frowning a bit. It seemed that even after so many years his antipathy to Harry Potter was still not over. However, if it was just like he had said, it was nothing strange; after all, it would mean that the words of the Boy Who Lived stopped everyone from looking for Snape.

"Then... when you healed yourself, where did you go?" I asked, not quite sure if I was doing the right thing.

"This, Miss Shirley, is my own business. The only important thing is that I returned to where I should be... and, unfortunately, I don't really like the changes that have taken place here.

Maybe it was just my imagination but I had some strange feeling that he was talking inter alia about me. Honestly, I felt sorry for the boy who had just got used to the thought of being the Potions Professor; even Professor McGonagall had told me that Professor Snape's return would entail firing Blade, however, I did not quite understand her motivation. Why would she not just say no to Snape...?

I hoped that she would say even a word of explanation when a couple of hours later I stood in front of her in her office. Nevertheless, I heard nothing.

"Well... it explains a lot... however, it does not put us in a good light."

McGonagall sighed and sat down at the desk, removing the glasses to rub her eyes. She looked like she was very tired; and one could not be surprised. After that day I wanted to just disappear myself, as if I had never existed.

It was true that Snape's story did not put all the people, whom wizarding world now called heroes, in a good light. I still could not understand why no-one had gone to look for his body... If they had considered him dead, why had they not decided to bury him? I was convinced that everyone had realised that even though not many had liked him, he had played a significant role on the way to the victory of good.

Right now, though, when You-Know-Who was already dead, even the smallest sins seemed to be a great crime, since we had got overly used to peace. Perhaps that was why I so severely judged the behaviour of all those who had simply ignored the dead of the Professor.

"What now, Professor?" I asked after a while. "Why do we need to fire Professor Blade if Professor Snape is back?"

A blush returned onto Professor McGonagall's face, and her eyes were slightly narrowed when she looked at me, slipping the glasses onto her nose.

"There are things you are not aware of," she replied only. "Things... that I would rather you would avoid getting involved in. Mister Blade is a young, energetic man, I am certain that he won't have any difficulty with finding a new job. I will give him great references."

I did not like this answer at all but I trusted Professor McGonagall. However, at the same time I had to bite my tongue so a question about those _things_ would not just slip out of my mouth. Unfortunately, excessive curiosity was one of my flaws and as soon as McGonagall mentioned that there were things in Hogwarts that she would rather hide away from me, I immediately desired to find out that secret, even though I knew I should not.

"But what with the students, Madam?" I glanced at her hesitantly. "I... I still remember that Professor Snape was... uh... well, not really liked by the students. Professor Blade, on the other hand, is quite popular."

I did not want it to sound as if I was questioning her competence, but as soon as I finished that sentence, I regretted it.

"Professors are not to be _liked_, Miss Shirley, they are here to _teach_. And I can assure you that there is no-one in the whole world who could match Professor Snape's skills, at least when it comes to brewing potions."

I was under some strange impression that it was not the subject Professor Snape wanted to teach in the first place, however, I did not allow myself to say another impudent comment.

"You know that I always care about the good of the school and the students. Professor Snape's return will do us all much good," she added in a sharp tone, glimpsing at me just the same way as she had used to when she had taken some House Points because of me. "Even though, I could not argue with the fact that he had never been popular, amongst the teachers just like amongst the students."

The last sentence surprised me so much that I could not muster any response to it. McGonagall used my silence and quickly asked me to leave the office.

While I was strolling down the corridors, I was lost in thoughts. So much that I did not even notice when someone approached me. Only when he had repeated my name several times, did I look up.

"Oh, hi, Neville," I said absentmindedly.

"You did not come back to dinner so... I began to worry. Even more when I did not see you anywhere around... Here, have some toasts, if you're hungry."

He handed me a napkin with some toasts, and I thanked him, taking it from him.

"Are you alright? You seem... a bit nervous."

I knew that I could not tell Neville anything, especially not in such a situation, when I had been asked to be discreet. Besides, I was not even sure if I wanted Neville to know... to hear anything from all that had happened during that day from me.

"Neville... it... it was a difficult day. Right now, honestly, the thing I'd enjoy most would be to find myself in a bed with a good read and stop thinking about reality," I confessed, and he sighed, nodding.

"I understand," he replied only, then patted me on the shoulder. "So... see you tomorrow."

He smiled weakly, then turned back and left, and I felt some unpleasant sensation in my stomach. How would he react when he saw Snape the next day during breakfast...?


	6. The Return of the Potions Master

However, Snape did not appear next day during breakfast. I looked several times towards the chair he had used to sit, but it was still empty. Nevertheless, I could not miss that there was one more seat that was unoccupied.

"I wonder where Blade is," muttered Neville, taking a seat next to me. I moved the jug with juice a bit closer to him, however he did not accept it. "I haven't met him on the corridor, even though we usually pass by each other on our way... Maybe he's caught a cold, too, like some of the students... Yesterday I had to sent some to Madam Pomfrey again."

I did not say a word, feeling myself blush. I just hoped that Neville would not be able to notice that since if he could, he would guess that I was hiding something from him.

For a moment there was silence between us, even though both of us could hear the usual hum of conversations coming from the four tables where the students sat. I glanced involuntarily towards the Ravenclaws, remembering myself sitting amongst them. Usually with a book propped up on the jug, but sometimes talking with the others. I could not help but smile softly at this memory.

Sometimes I would give all I had to find myself there once again. My life had seemed to be so much easier a couple years before. I had not had to worry about much more than passing my exams and good grades. Very few of us had realised that outside the school there was some danger awaiting us. And Muggleborns, just like me, sometimes had not even known about the Dark Lord's existence for a long time, at least until someone else had told us about him.

It was the quiet clicking of a spoon against the chalice that made me get out of my thoughtfulness and look to the side. I was quite surprised to see Professor McGonagall standing and looking around at the students, whose faces were now turned towards her, painted with astonishment.

"Dear young people," she addressed them, her voice strong and confident, even though I could see some strange shadow upon her features. Or it could be just my imagination playing tricks on me after what I had experienced the previous day. "I am glad seeing you in good moods today. I have two messages for you, which – I truly hope – you will accept with understanding."

Both the Headmistress and I noticed the surprise in the eyes of the students. Some of them even found courage to express it out loud. Nevertheless, a subtle motion of McGonagall's hand immediately made them fall silent. Neville moved a bit closer to me but said nothing.

"I am deeply sorry to inform you that your current Potions teacher, Professor Morgan Blade, had resigned. However, you have nothing to worry about since the classes will be taking place as usually."

"How is it possible if we have no teacher?" asked one of the Gryffindors, his voice expressing impatience, and some of his fellow students nodded.

McGonagall closed her eyes for a moment. It would seem that such a behaviour irritated her; however, she was in no hurry to reveal the whole secret. Well, it was not something one could be surprised with.

"That, Mr. Atkins, was not what I have just said," she replied, quite vexed, but it was obvious that she was doing her best to stop the outburst of anger. "I have only said that you will _not_ be taught by Professor Blade. From now on, these classes will be taught by another teacher."

Some of the students had started to protest loudly. A few even dared to let out some unclear cries that made me quite indignant, so I was really surprised when the Headmistress remained completely silent. Nevertheless, the fact that her lips were pressed together so hard that they created a very thin line let me know that she was more than just irritated.

"How can they be taught by another teacher if there is _no_ other teacher of this subject in this school?" asked Atkins.

"Another teacher? Like who?" squeaked some Hufflepuff girl at the same moment.

"Like me," said a voice right behind my back. I almost jumped, not quite ready for that. Holding my breath, I turned my head slightly to the side and from the corner of my eye I noticed the figure of Severus Snape moving slowly. Just like before, his robes were waving slightly, making him look a bit like an enormous bat.

Only then did I notice that Snape was limping slightly, his left leg apparently hurt, but one had to take a really good look to spot that.

Upon McGonagall's face a strange expression appeared when the man approached the free seat and slumped down, not having even deigned to look at the students. Without another word, he reached for a jug of juice and filled his cup.

There was complete silence in the hall. All of the eyes were fixed upon the Potions Master. Neville softly touched my hand.

"I thought... I thought that... you know... that he..." he muttered quietly but in this silence it seemed to be a loud cry.

"Get back to your breakfast. The classes will be starting soon, all according to the schedule. Potions included," said McGonagall harshly, then got back onto her seat and sighed deeply. Just like the previous day, now, too, she seemed to be quite tired.

After a while I noticed I was still holding an untouched toast in my hand. And, to be honest, I no longer fancied eating it.

"Your face is white," noticed Neville after a while, even though I would have really preferred if he had not done that. When he cared about me, I felt some strange sensation in my stomach. Perhaps it was shame. "Are you certain you are all right? You have been acting... weird for the past few days."

Of course I knew that Neville was right, however I did not have enough courage to admit it. I quickly forced myself to smile.

"I'm feeling all right, really, Neville, there's nothing you should be worried about," I assured him. I could only hope that he would not start asking abour Snape, because then I would no longer be able to lie anymore, and I would tell him about our conversation the previous day...

But he did not ask. After a moment, even though I felt that he was staring at me, seriousness in his eyes, he finished his meal and stood up.

"Well, I got to go. I am starting my classes with third-years soon. I cannot wait to show them the Dittany I managed to grow... Now, we have to replant it properly, as well as fertilise, and then, it will only get easier." He smiled brightly. "When it's ripe, I'll show them how to get the essence out of it, 'cause I think there's nothing that could come in as handy as the essence of Dittany."

I could not argue with him. Of course I did not have as much experience as he did, but I had already managed to see that Dittany was quite helpful in many situations. Even the alleged miracle of Snape rising from the dead was all thanks to Dittany.

I said my goodbye to Neville, watching him slowly walk towards the Great Hall's door. After a short while I stood as well and headed towards the exit, knowing that a day full of hard work was still ahead of me. Even though as of late I had been experiencing less and less unpleasantness from the students.

* * *

"Your students are insolent and know nothing about respect," I heard after a couple of hours when during one of the breaks I sat in the sfaff room. "Maybe you should have waited a few years if you were not ready to become a teacher."

"We are not talking about me but about Mr. Stillwater and his shameful attitude towards the subject, Professor!"

It had been long since I had last lost control over myself, but now I did. My cheeks seemed to be burning, yet for the first time in forever I paid almost no attention to it. I was really happy that I had not started to stutter, because then I would be completely lost. And it was already difficult to keep at least the remains of self control, when I looked right into those insolent, black eyes, listening to such words.

"No wonder your students have no respect for _you_," replied Snape, his voice full of cold satisfaction, his crooked smile showing his yellowish teeth. "If you clearly do not deserve it..."

"How _dare_ you!"

It was all I could squeeze out at that moment. I could not believe my own ears. Yes, he was right – I was young and inexperienced, and probably I was not able to deal with the students and their behaviour as well as he did. However, I still had hoped he would not dare to go this far and offend me like that.

"Mr. Stillwater used improper words during his classes. Talked instead of participating. And he regularly refuses to do his homework, Professor. I believe that as the Head of his House, you could somehow influence his behaviour..."

I did my best to sound as calm as possible, but my heart kept pounding madly and I heard hardly anything through its loud banging in my ears.

In Stillwater's case detention was simply useless. Conversations with Blade had usually been no good, because as a young teacher he had almost no respect from the students, even though they seemed to like him a lot. Besides, Blade generally disregarded the matter of raising the young people, as if he had completely forgotten that he was the Head of their House. What was more, I was afraid that if I wrote to Stillwater's parents, they would praise his behaviour.

"_Improper words_?" repeated Snape, raising one of his brows. "What are _improper words_ for a teacher like you?"

Something about the tone of his voice made me feel uncertain. I had a feeling that he was doing his best to provoke me, but what for, I was not quite sure. That was why I could not be certain what to say and what to be silent about.

"He called me a Mudblood in front of all of his colleagues," I replied dryly, hoping I did not sound like an offended teenager.

"And?" Snape seemed to be still impassive, which drove me absolutely furious. I did not believe that even he could consider it normal. And yet, for some reason he kept trying to make me mad. "I guess he was right, am I wrong?"

I blinked fast. And not because I could not believe that Snape had really said that, but to fight my tears. I did not want him to feel satisfaction when he saw them.

Until now, I had not realised how cruel a man he could be. When I had been walking there to talk to him, I had known that it had been going to be a difficult conversation, nevertheless, I had been positive I would be able to achieve anything. That the conversation witht he Head of the House would make the young Stillwater at least a bit calmer. But it seemed I had been wrong all this time.

"I see," I answered quietly, feeling my voice break. No, no, not right _now_... I did not want Snape to witness that. "I guess I will be forced to use other means against Mr. Stillwater."

The Potions Master sneered.

"I am waiting with the most immense impatience, _Professor_," he whispered ironically.

Without another word, I stood, turned towards the door and left.


	7. A Shadow

A rumour had started amongst the students that someone had cursed the seat of the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Right now it did not look like the previous curse, that the person could hold this office just for a year, but that the Headmaster appeared quite rarely in the school. Instead of that, he would travel or just vanish, because no-one really knew where Dumbledore had been going to aforetime – and now, this custom was adopted by Professor McGonagall.

I, on the other hand, had a feeling that since I had overheard her peculiar conversation with the stranger, odd things had begun to happen in the school. Even the fact that Snape had come back to the living was one of them; still, not the only one.

Sometimes strange people came to the castle; usually they were hooded, sneaking quietly into the Headmaster's office, where they were received by McGonagall, as long as she was in the school. Now and again during breakfast I could see some owls landing on the table in front of the Headmistress, but she never opened the envelopes, when people were looking, just quickly finished her meal and left fast as she only could.

I would not even mention that she really departed very often. Well, of course I was aware of the fact that as the Headmistress she had exceedingly lot of things to do, both _in_ the school and outside, but as of late she could hardly ever be seen in the castle. One day I even heard that a second-year Hufflepuff told her friends that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named came back from the dead and McGonagall was looking for a way to get rid of him, or else Hogwarts would be in danger.

Snape, who had been just passing by, grimaced slightly and took fifteen points from Hufflepuff, which made the girl's eyes glisten with tears. His smile full of some grim satisfaction, he then added that he was awaiting her the next Friday after supper for a detention. The girl's sobs echoed across the corridors; her friends soon followed her, hoping to be able to calm her down – I could see hatred in the eyes of one of them, as she turned to look at Snape.

"I think you were too harsh for her, Professor," I said suddenly, which surprised even me. Snape also seemed to be out of balance. "No-one had ever forbidden gossiping in this school before."

"I don't remember asking you for your opinion," he retorted roughly. "This girl has been spreading this nonsense for a long time already, some of the students have begun to believe her. The only way was to stop this behaviour."

"Stop, but not in this way!" I protested.

Snape came to a halt and looked directly at me. I shivered, when his dark eyes met mine. Unwittingly, I took a step back, which made him grim triumphantly, showing his yellowish teeth.

"I almost regret that I cannot take _you_ some points," he answered, and I frowned. "Ravenclaws would be _delighted_ to see themselves landing on the very bottom of the rank."

I did my best not to let him provoke me, nevertheless, I was already on the very edge of my edurance. However, I knew that I could not lose control over myself, even if it was so easy to do so while talking to Snape.

I took a deep breath to calm down and, to my surprise, it worked.

"Even you, Professor, could not take any points away from me during the classes," I noted, for the first time feeling the sweet taste of triumph. Snape apparently had not expected that, because he could only raise his brows in surprise.

"Your achievements were digustingly _mediocre_," he admitted after a while, but when he was saying that, it sounded almost like a compliment. "But you are right. I was quite astonished, seeing such accomplishments made by a Mudblood."

Knowing that he had just won this battle, Snape bowed his head slightly and left, and I felt the blood rushing to my face. For the first time he had dared to call me like that, and it was even more humiliating when I knew that he approved of such behaviour even when it came to the students.

However, I could not complain to anyone. If I did that, he would win the whole war, and I could not let that happen. The last thing I wanted was for Snape to see me as weaker than I really was. Even if that meant that I would have to listen to his offensive words more and more often.

I was right; it was not the only time when the Potions Master had called me that. I tried to avoid him, but it turned out to be particularly difficult, because we kept crossing each other's way surprisingly often. On the days, when McGonagall was gone and her seat in the Great Hall was empty, it seemed to be even more bothersome, since I could not stop feeling Snape's pertinacious stare during every meal.

To tell the truth, I was not quite sure what it was all about. Every next meeting turned out to be even worse. And I _really_ tried to avoid him like the plague – this way, I hoped, I could not provoke him, which would let me just exist – relatively at ease. But it never happened.

At some point I just stopped entering the staff room, and during every break between the classes I just stayed in my office. Thanks to this I could enjoy the tranquility, all right, but even I needed company. To my complete terror, though, every time I left my office, I met Snape. Almost as if he had been stalking me... even though there was no reason for him to do that. I was convinced that those meetings were just as unpleasant to him as they were to me.

Neville, of course, had spotted that something was going on, but at this moment his care – yes, I know I will sound ungrateful – not only did not help me, but even bothered me, even though I was really thankful to him. But what was I supposed to tell him? That first I was forced to listen to Snape's tale, and now this might-have-been dead man kept harassing me, followed me step by step just to make fun of me?

I have to admit that I did not understand Snape's behaviour. It was so not like him, and if not for the fact that I had been experiencing it for days now, I would not even believe myself. I wanted it to stop already, so I could just go out into the corridor or to the library unbothered, without the impression that even my own shadow has eyes.

At last, a little too late, I realised that the only way to break this vicious cycle is to talk to Professor Snape, but I had never been as terrified of anything as of facing the Potions Master after all that had happened. However, the longer it had lasted, the more I felt that it was inevitable. At the same time, though, I was even more intimidated, whenever I imagined that sneer upon that man's thin lips and the glance full of contempt as he called me a Mudblood.

After October came in November, rainy and windy. Soon, the first Quidditch match of the season was bound to take place, and I noticed that I had completely forgotten about it, even though just a few weeks before I had not been able to focus on anything else.

Just as always before such happenings, the Hospital Wing swarmed with students who had fallen victim to strange jokes. For example, one of Gryffindor Chasers was sent to the hospital from the Charms class right after a Slytherin Beater "accidentally" jinxed her brows, making them cover all of her face. Of course, Gryffindors did not remain indebted for long. A couple of hours later the same Beater was found with another team member in the Prefects' Bathroom, completely bemused. Despite Snape's threats, no-one could find out how it had happened and who had been the culprit.

Even though until now I had not rooted for anyone, now, deep in my heart, I had started to cheer on the Gryffindors, in spite of the fact that when I had still been at school I had been quite irritated by their arrogance. While the House of Gryffindor was considered to be the proudest of all, I had never been able to understand this phenomenon. It would be a lie to say that I had never had any friends from Gryffindor, but I had never really liked the majority of the red-and-golds.

Still, even they were better than the Slytherins. Even more so, since I knew now how much they are praised by Snape, who had once again become the Head of their House.

At the beginning of November a thing happened; a thing I had not expected and which tore my thoughts away from the Quidditch, Gryffindors and Slytherins, and even from Snape.

"A Head... of House...?" I repeated, staring blankly at the Headmistress's strained face. McGonagall seemed to be strangely tired, but when I had asked her about that before, she had got quite angry, so I had not tried to continue the subject. "Pro- Professor... I am not quite sure if this... I mean... I only started my job in September..."

"I am well aware of that, Miss Shirley," replied McGonagall sourly. "Nevertheless, Professor Flitwick asked me to let him step down from this seat. He considers himself too weak now. Nothing strange, I believe; he has already resigned from his retirement, just to stay at the castle..."

I admired Professor Flitwick; I always had, since I had been one of his students. Many students disregarded him just because he was so short, but I could not help but notice how remarkable a wizard he was. Well, I think all of us Ravenclaws adored him. Sometimes we had even managed to persuade him to teach us some extra spells. The best way to do that was to remind him about the old good times, when he had still been young and loved to duel.

It was sad to think that he was getting old, but it is the unavoidable fate of us all. Still, I would have never thought that I would be offered the office he had just resigned from.

"We need the Head of Ravenclaw. Right now, you are the only representative of this House amongst the teaching staff. And please, do not panic, Professor Longbottom took this office relatively soon after he had become a teacher, two years after, I think. Why would you not be able to do that, then?"

I was convinced I could notice a soft shadow of smile upon her face, but I could not be really sure about that, so I did not return it. I looked down and cleared my throat, having no idea about what to say.

I had just been a student myself. Neville had become the Head of Gryffindor quite soon, but it had still been two years after he had begun teaching. I had started just two months before, and everything still seemed to be so new, even if I had known the castle for such a long time. However, I had never got to know it from this side.

"I need your answer now," said McGonagall impatiently, and I noticed that her lips were slowly turning into a very thin, horizontal line.

I did not want to irritate her further, but for sure I was not ready yet to make such an important decision. And in such a short time! I felt my whole body shivering, my heart pounding in my chest so hard that I had a feeling it was going to jump out soon. My hands were shaking so much that I needed to occupy them, but since I had no idea what to do, I just pushed them into the pockets of my robe, hoping the Headmistress would not think of it as of a sign of disregard.

I was not ready yet to become the Head of the House. I still had troubles with being just a regular teacher; besides, the Head was supposed to be able to make decisions on a spot, and I was just proving that I was unable to do that.

However, I was the only Ravenclaw amongst the teachers. I had no idea what would happen to Ravenclaw if I did not accept the office, but at the same time, I did not even want to imagine that. I cared about the students, about all of them, but I still had that soft spot for my old House...

Maybe I was about to make the gravest of mistakes. Nevertheless, I was afraid that the Ravenclaws would be deprived of the care they deserved. It was perhaps unfair to the teachers, but I was worried that someone who had not attended Ravenclaw would never be able to take care of its students properly. On the other hand, was _I_ really able to take care of them?

"If... supposing I wouldn't accept the offer... who would become the Head?" I asked hesitantly, even though I had a feeling I had done that just to earn myself a couple of seconds.

"That is a decision we would have to make together. All of us. Of course, it would not be any of the other Heads," said McGonagall, and I was sure I had noticed a strange gleam i her eye. Did she knew more than she could say? "Miss Shirley, for God's sake, do get a grip."

The last of her words surprised me to the point that for a moment I could not say a word.

"Pro- Professor...?"

"I am not accepting your refusal. There is no-one better for this office than you!"


	8. Changes

The promotion I had got was supposed to make me feel better. Proud of myself. However, that was not what happened. To be honest, I was so terrified that as soon as I left the Headmaster's office, I quickly went to my room. Standing in front of the mirror, I critically looked at my own reflection.

"You look terrible," squeaked the mirror, which made me grimace slightly.

"Thanks," I replied sourly, then combed my hair with fingers, ignorring another comment my mirror had just made ("that's not going to help you, you red-head witch!"). Sometimes I wondered if it knew Snape; they both seemed to be competing over coming up with even newer ways to offend me.

The Head of the House! A couple of months before I would have never imagined that I could even become a teacher at Hogwarts... and now this. And honestly, I was greatly surprised by McGonagall's behaviour. I had not expected that she would be rooting for me so much. That she would be trying to lift my spirits. Something inside of me twitched slightly, when I thought about it, and I could not help but smile softly.

I wondered how the other Heads of Houses would react. I was certain that Neville would support me, just because it was Neville. But what with the others? Both Professor Summersby and Professor Snape were quite older from us two. Besides, I could not expect that Snape would support me doing anything. And I guess that it was his reaction that I was scared of the most.

After all, even though I had never been a genius on my Defence Against Dark Arts lessons, now taught by Ariadna Summersby, I was able to find a way to get along with this elder teacher. And even though we met extremely rarely, we were on good terms with each other.

But it was not so easy with Snape. I knew that now, he was going to be determined to destroy me. Or at least to discredit me in the eyes of my students. I was worried about that, because as long as only I knew about his taunts, I could pretend nothing was happening. I did not want, though, for the students to lose their respect towards me.

I had already managed to get used to the thought that I would stay there forever. Even as a teacher I had been getting more and more confident. But now, I once again started to be afraid I would lose my job. I did not want this man to destroy my whole life.

The news that starting in December I will be the Head of Ravenclaw spread across the school surprisingly quickly, even taking into account the fact that it was Hogwarts, and at Hogwarts information and gossip spread at an indescribable speed. It both scared me and motivated me as well. I could not let my students down, after all.

To my surprise, it turned out that the Ravenclaws had nothing against me becoming their Head. A couple of the older ones came to me after the class and congratulated me. There were also a few first- and second-years who started singing some song they had created to praise me. The more of such signs of cordiality I met, the more comfortable I felt, and at the end of the day, I actually realised that I was really glad I would be working with my fellow young Ravenclaws. Even with those who were not so positive about me.

"Darcie!" I heard when after all my classes I started collecting the books off the desk. That calling startled me a little, because usually no-one came to my classroom as long as it was not absolutely necessary.

"Oh... Neville," I smiled softly, glancing at him from over the desk. To be honest, I had not expected to see him there. He must have been running all the way there, since his breathing was heavy, and his cheeks quite pink. "Wait, take a bit of rest. I still need to get my things, after that we could go to the Great Hall together."

Neville nodded, then propped himself on the desk and leant slightly over the top. I noticed that he was looking at the titles of the books I had left. I knew he loved a good read, it fascinated him quite a lot.

"I have nothing about any magical plants," I said, slightly embarrassed, since I was aware of the fact that this subject was what interested him most. Besides, there were not many students that would truly find History of Magic captivating. Even I had happened to doze off during those classes, even though I simply _adored_ getting to know more and more about the past.

"Well, some of the wizards have made history thanks to their discoveries in Herbology," responded Neville, laughing. "Besides, who's said that I only read about Herbology? Were it so, I would've already got bored of them."

I could not help but smile. I really liked Neville, and the more time I spent with him, the happier I was to be his colleague. He was so full of cordiality, and warmth, which I could only experience at home. I truly regretted that I had not got to know him better when we had still been at school. All this time seemed to be lost forever.

When I had finally collected my things and put them all into my bag, Neville and I together left the classroom and headed downstairs.

"I've never supposed you liked History of Magic," I continued after a while. "Hardly anyone actually likes this subject."

"I've always been sleeping during Binn's classes," Neville laughed. "If not for Hermione, I would have never been able to pass those classes. And even now I feel that it was a miracle I passed them all. But it's not the classes I'm talking about. The things you learn at Hogwarts and the things you learn just because you want to... are completely different cases. I, for instance, only after my graduation realised how much Charms interest me."

He was absolutely right. The classes were something like a compulsion. Even I had experienced that, despite the fact that as a Muggle-born I had really fancied getting to know the things that were completely new to me. This fascination had got back to me after every summer holidays, when for two long months I had been cut off from everything magical; it got weaker, the longer the semester lasted.

However, the life is not all about school. After I had graduated from Hogwarts, I had started yearning to know more about the world I belonged to. And it had nothing to do with cramming different formulas and definitions into my head.

"I didn't come just to talk about the books, Darcie, even though I wouldn't really mind that, honestly," he added after a while. "I guess you've broken the record! I don't think there's ever been a teacher who'd have become the Head so soon."

I glanced at him with hesitation, not quite sure what kind of answer he had been expecting.

"I didn't ask for that. Professor McGonagall offered me this job herself... Actually, I think it wouldn't be a lie to say that she's made this decision for me."

The blush upon Neville's face not only did not disappear – now, it got even darker. I was not certain whether it was because we were walking so fast, or I had just said something I should not have said.

"How are you feeling?" he asked all of sudden. "I still remember I felt sick to my stomach, when I got to know that I was about to become the Head. I'd just started my job... I still had got the harshness of McGonagall in my head. I knew I would be nothing like her."

I laughed quietly. It was good to know that Neville had experienced just the very same thing some time before, and now, he could understand me well.

"Blade was laughing at me. He said I should've rather become the Head of Hufflepuff, not Gryffindor, and he found it extremely funny. But I didn't pay much attention to that. Besides, he was the one who risked losing this office..."

I raised my brows in surprise.

"How's that?" I asked. I had never heard about it until now.

"Well... Blade was arguing from the very beginning that he should become the Head of Slytherin. You know, after Slughorn had retired, Slytherin was deprived of any Head, and the boy thought that if he had got the job of the Potions teacher after him, he would also become the Head. McGonagall soon made it clear that it didn't work like that, but it didn't change the fact that there was no-one to take care of the Slytherins. It was just at the same time when I started working here."

We had just reached the Great Hall. It was filled with hum of conversations, just like always during the meals, but fortunately no-one sitting at the High Table talked so loudly that it would make Neville's words incomprehensible. I had not even checked who of the teachers had already taken their place.

"The times were hard. You know, the chaos after the war... the majority of the teachers had resigned, just like Professor Sprout or Professor Slughorn, considering themselves too old for that. None of the Houses had their Head. McGonagall wasn't so sure if it wouldn't be good to dispose of the office of the Head itself, but when she tried it, it turned out that she had not even a moment to catch a breath. All the time she was bothered by different students and Prefects. It became obvious that she needed someone to take care of it. Quickly. That was when Dean Thomas became the Head of Gryffindor, he was the Transfiguration teacher back then, just as McGonagall had become the Headmistress."

I felt ashamed as I realised how little I knew about Hogwarts. How much it had changed since I had last been there... even though I still remembered the classes I had with Professor Thomas during the last years of my education. I had never really thought, though, that he would become the Head of Gryffindor. Back then, McGonagall had acted as if the fact that she had become the Headmistress would change nothing.

"The Hufflepuffs were almost immediately taken under Professor Summersby's wings. Just the Ravenclaws had Flitwick, just like they had before. But the Slytherins were left without anyone to take care of them. McGonagall did not want Blade to become their Head, but no-one really knows why it was so. Well, of course, there were different rumours, you know... that she was afraid that he would get completely crazy if he becomes one... but at last, she had to capitulate, because there were no other Slytherins amongst the teachers. At least the teachers of the basic subject. Because it would be hard to imagine for, for instance, Professor Vector, who knows only a part of the students, to take care of the whole House." Neville sighed, then took a sip of his juice. "So McGonagall agreed for Blade to take care of the Slytherins. But, you know..." A smile appeared upon Neville's round face. "McGonagall's predictions usually come true."

He was right. I had known the Headmistress long enough to have already seen that. I was not sure whether it was her experience, or maybe her inborn talent, but usually the same things she had predicted in fact came true.

"Then... then what had happened that McGonagall wanted to fire him?" I asked, not even able to hide curiosity in my voice.

"Blade forgot that it didn't make him omnipotent, even in the school. He really tried to help his students, but out of everyone McGonagall hates the ones breaking the rules the most." Neville smiled sourly. "And Blade started to give out the points his students did not deserve... You know yourself that if a teacher gives some points, it cannot be redone. He clearly favored the Slytherins, and more and more students went to complain to McGonagall. The moment when a couple of second-year girls got hysterical was the final straw. They stated that they were not going back to the Potions class as long as this man was going to teach them. Madam Pomfrey had to calm them down afterwards."

I raised my brows. The whole case seemed to be simply impossible; after all, the Blade I had met in September, had not resembled the one Neville had just described.

However, there was no reason for my colleague to lie. Besides, he had been telling me that with so much certainty in his voice that I could not even suspect him of any lies. Then there had to be something that had made Blade change since then.

"McGonagall threatened to fire him. I guess only the fact that there was no-one else to teach Potions saved Blade's job."

I understood everything now. If McGonagall had started to look for someone else to take Blade's place, he got scared. And there is no better lesson than fear. It was enough to scare him a little bit, and he had learnt that he should not break the rules.

"Since then, Blade has been trying his best not to tread on McGonagall's toes. At the same time, Dean got tired of the situation at school, and he got a better job in the Ministry, as well, so he left. That was when the old Buffbutter became the Transfiguration teacher, and I was offered the spot of the Head of Gryffindor."

When he had finished his story, he blushed even more. It was quite obvious that he was really proud of his achievements; and it was nothing to be surprised of. Even if as a student he had been considered pretty unperspicacious, now, he was simply _loved_ by his students. He was generally regarded as one of the best teachers Hogwarts had ever had.

"A lot has changed since I finished school," I noticed, looking around. At four, long tables many young people laughed and chattered. It was hard to believe that a quarter of this crowd would soon depend on me.

"Oh, this is true," I heard an answer, but I realised in complete astpnishment that the voice was not Neville's. "Not everything for the better."

I turned my head and spotted Snape, standing right beside us. I was just opening my mouth to say something, but he was faster.

"Not so long ago, both Ravenclaw and Gryffindor had _competent_ Heads."


	9. More Secrets

Snape's behaviour surprised me. Until now, never had he dared to offend me in the presence of another teacher. And now, not only had he done _that_, but also he had offended Neville. Never before had I felt such an anger. Only now could I really say that I truly hated him. It was not just taking the points away quite unfairly, or even rude comments about my abilities.

On the other hand, I knew that I could not let him get me provoked. Not now, when we all were in the Great Hall during dinner time, and all of the students were gathered there. Our argument would be observed by everyone, and there was no McGonagall to stop us and solve the problem.

"Give it a rest, Neville," I whispered, seeing Neville blushing even more now; he looked like he was about to explode.

"No!" he answered, shaking his head. It seemed that he really was on the verge of an outburst. "He's been making fun of me since my school time! Does he really think he's got right to do that? I'm not a student anymore! I'm a teacher, just like him!"

"But we've got no right to argue with him, when we're all in front of the students, Neville!" I squealed, glancing nervously towards Snape, who was just taking his place at the table. He was smiling a little, but I could see clear triumph painted all over his face. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Don't think I don't understand you, I do. He's been bothering me since he came back. And I can't avoid him any longer."

No sooner had I said that than I regretted my words. After all, had I not promised to myself that I would not complain to anyone? And now – I did it, and to Neville! Although many thought that Neville was not brave, I knew his courage was so great that I was afraid that he would get himself hurt.

"He's been bothering you?" he repeated, then began to get up. I caught his hand, completely terrified, just to stop him. I did not want him to get into any trouble because of that, and I was sure that Snape would do everything to make Neville regret his decision.

"I _beg_ of you," I whispered. "He's gonna _destroy_ you..."

"I don't care," he replied, frowning. "Though, I really was sure, for a little moment, that you alone have some faith in me, you know."

I blinked in surprise, having not expected such a reaction. It sounded just as if he had completely misunderstood my words.

"You know well that that's not what I mean." I grimaced slightly. "I just don't want you to get hurt, and Snape... You know perfectly what he's like. He's not going to stop himself... While you'd be playing by the rules, he..."

"No, Darcie. Not this time. I cannot let him threaten me all my life just because he is who he is."

I had never seen such a disgust upon Neville's face; but he could not be smiling as he was looking at Snape. I actually admired his attitude, but at the same time, I could not help but worry about the consequences.

Neville pulled his hand out of mine and stood up. My heart stopped beating for a moment as I watched him walk closer to Snape. I had the greatest hopes that he would not start fighting with him, nevertheless, I was afraid my hopes would prove futile. To my surprise, though, nothing like that happened. I could not hear them talking from where I was, apparently because both of them tried their best not to let me, but I could almost see hatred emanating from them.

When Neville came back after a while, he was breathing heavily, as if he had just been running for a great distance. He sat down, and his hands were shaking so much that he decided not to eat and threw the fork aside; it fell onto a plate with a clank.

"The fact that he's considered a hero, does not change that he's also the biggest asshole in the whole world," he muttered, combing his hair nervously.

His words made me smile. Even at this moment I could not stop myself from doing that. Of course, he was right, but the way he had said that, bemused me to some extent. Besides, just the fact that it was Neville I had heard that from, the very same Neville whom Snape had filled with so much terror for so many years, seemed to be just exhilarating.

I was happy that he had finally tamed this fear in himself. I believed that the time when we had still been sure the Potions Master had died was the main factor that had influenced him. Snape had become something more like a nightmare or a childish phobia than a real man. And now, as he had come back, he had not managed to ignite this dread in Neville's heart again.

And I was glad he had not. Neville had done nothing to deserve a life in constant fear. I still remember him shaking so hard when he had still been at school, about to meet Snape. However, he had been present on all of his classes. It had made a completely different man out of him.

"What did you tell him?" I asked, not really knowing whether I should be asking him this question. But I _had_ seen them talking.

I could see the expression upon Neville's face; it betrayed that he was not sure what he wanted to say. It made me feel strange. Becuase if he wanted to hide something from me, it must have meant that something bad had happened there.

But on the other hand, what bad could have happened if no argument had taken place? If both of them had been able to control their own nerves... probably there was a way to make it work, even if some unpleasant words had been said.

"Nothing at all," said Neville, but he did not convince me. He was not really capable of lying.

"Neville."

I glanced at him, my eyes filled with seriousness. For a while, he did try to avoid my look, but finally, he just sighed. Was it really such a grave thing? Now, as he had been lingering so much, I started to worry.

"No, really, it's no big deal. Honestly," he repeated, this time with more conviction in his voice, but I still was not really able to believe him.

Having resigned from having at least a little bite, Neville stood up. His face was slightly paler than before, but it could just as well be the trick of the light coming from the candles hovering above our heads. Though, I guess I tried to lie to myself.

"Well, we'll see each other tomorrow."

The smile he sent to me was forced, and Neville seemed not to even try to pretend it was not so. Not waiting for my answer, he just turned back and left the Great Hall.

I was still staring at the door, when I finally decided that it would be best to follow Neville's steps and just skip dinner. I just finished drinking my juice, then got up. I still found it hard to believe that this day was going to end so badly, even though I had already begun to believe that everything would be fine.

The moment I was putting my bag full of books onto my shoulder, I felt someone's touch on my hand. Surprised, I turned back, but had not expected to see what I saw.

"Please, let me accompany you."

His quiet voice made me shiver. I was worried that he was up to something. Even though it might sound absurdly, I was slightly afraid that as soon as we leave the Great Hall, he would attack me. Because why else would Snape suggest he would accompany me?

"Thank you, I can do it on my own," I answered as coolly as I only could, then started walking. I hoped he would not dare follow me, but he went even further.

Before I could even make a step, I felt his cold fingers clenching around my wrist. I tugged my hand a few times, but he was holding quite tight, and I could not get free. Heart jumped up to my throat.

"I _insist_, Miss Shirley." Despite it being just a whisper, his tone was nothing but one that would not allow any objection.

I had no idea what Snape might want from me, and going anywhere with him did not seem pleasant to me. On one hand, I could doubt that he would dare hurt me – after all, until now he had been just taunting me, nothing more – but on the other... I, myself, had just told Neville that Snape was capable of doing anything. And I truly believed it, whether it was true or not, so I really did not want to take a risk.

Once again, I tugged my hand, wanting him to let me go, but that was when his fingers took an even stronger grip on my wrist. I grimaced slightly with pain.

"Please, let me go, Professor," I demanded, but my voice trembled a bit. And although I had expected to see another sneer of triumph upon the man's face, I spotted no change.

"I will, as soon as we are alone," he answered at last. His voice was calm beyond expectation, as if there was nothing strange in what he was doing.

So I had no other choice. Whether I wanted it or not, I had to leave the Great Hall together with Snape. The corridors were completely silent, because the majority of the students were still inside, eating dinner. We were alone – but the grip on my wrist did not seem to be any lighter.

I was about to open my mouth to remind him about his promise, but that was when I felt Snape tugging me further, now heading towards the dungeons. I was surprised, and – well, there is no point in hiding it – terrified, but I hope I did not betray my feelings. But maybe the Potions Master felt it, after all, my heart rate got faster...

"My office is _not_ in the dungeons," I said, maybe a bit too harshly, when he sped up. Rarely were the students found in these areas; I did not remember myself going this far during my school years.

Snape did not answer. The corridor was cold, and I could feel an unpleasant stench of mustiness. I knew, of course, that there were many places in the castles that I had never been to, but that was definitely not the way I would like to explore them.

"If you say a _word_ to anyone, I swear, you'll live to regret it," he hissed.

I had simply no idea what he was talking about. I glared at him, awaiting any explanation, but he only trapped me between his body and the wall, so I could not escape.

"Do _not_ play the innocent, Shirley. I have no idea what you and Longbottom are up to, but believe me, the Headmistress knows exactly why she keeps me here. Do not _dare_ to meddle in the matters you know nothing about."

His words kept surprising me more and more, but at that moment I remembered the conversation I had with McGonagall. Then there was indeed something bad going on in the school. Snape's return, on the other hand, even though unexpected both for us and for the Headmistress herself, was not completely accidental.

"I do not meddle into anything. And I'm not up to anything with Neville. But we won't have it. Even, or maybe especially coming from you, Professor."

Snape raised his brows. In the dim candlelight the scars on his face glistened pearly. Slowly he moved back from me and let go of my hands.

"So you really don't know anything."

It sounded as if he had not believed me up to now. I frowned, rubbing the skin of my wrists. Until now, I had never really realised how strong Snape was. If he truly wanted to hurt me, he probably could do it easily.

"I don't even know what I was _supposed_ to know about. And now, Professor, if you let me, I'm going back to my office. And I truly hope that next time we meet, you will stop offending me, no matter if I'm alone, or with anyone else."

Blood kept rushing loudly through my veins, I could hear it in my ears, when I turned back to leave. I was not quite sure wha thad just happened. Even though You-Know-Who had already been defeated, even though one would think that there should be peace both in the castle and in the whole wizarding world, it turned out that there still were way too many secrets. And they were secrets that, just as I had thought, could put the school and the students in danger.

"I'll accompany you, Shirley," I heard.

My surprise made me come to a halt and look at Snape. He had not moved from where he had been standing before, and it made me feel a bit more confident.

"Thank you, Professor. I think I can find the way by myself."


	10. A Duel in the Dungeons

Although Snape had aroused my curiosity, after what had happened that night, I had really had no time to discover anything. There was a real epidemic in the school and every now and then a student had to be sent to the hospital wing. At the same time, another rumour found its way around the school, and the young people started panicking. However, I somehow never managed to hear what they were talking about.

"I guess they're using one of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes to communicate without being overheard," remarked at some point Neville.

Even though one of the Weasley brothers was killed during the Battle of Hogwarts, the shop had never changed its name, and everyone still kept saying that they were going to the Weasleys. Well, true, for a while the twins' younger brother, Ron, had worked there, too, the very same man who was Harry Potter's best friend. However, he then had left Diagon Alley, since he had got a job as an Auror in the Ministry.

However, the shop was still widely popular, and sometimes the students could be seen unpacking what they had bought at the breakfast table. I was not quite sure whether it was legal, but until now nothing bad had happened. Besides, the students kept using them in a way that they were yet to be caught.

"Yes, I'm sure you're right," I said, then poured some tea for myself, glancing at the students sitting at the tables nearby.

As of late, I could only talk to Neville during the meals. Although until now he had usually sought for any chance to speak with me, even during the shortest of breaks, now he seemed to be avoiding me. Fortunately, though, the same was for Snape.

"Listen," I started after a moment, not really sure if I was not about to regret my question. "Snape suspected that the two of us are... up to something." I frowned and looked over at Neville, hoping to read anything from his face, but at that very moment, he was very busy with his breakfast. Maybe he was really trying not to look at me.

"He's always accusing people of plots," he answered finally, shrugging. "I thought you'd be the one to know that best."

I truly wanted to believe that, but even he, saying those words, probably was not quite certain they were true, because I could hear that little, hardly noticeable tone in his voice that usually appeared there when he was trying to lie.

"No, Neville, I am convinced that something happened when you two talked last time," I replied quietly, putting my fork and knife back onto the plate, because my hands were shivering way too much. "I'm not sure what you told him... or what _he_ told _you_..."

Neville did not look at me, but at the same time he no longer pretended to be eating. He stared blankly at his plate, and I could notice his face slowly turning red.

"You'll be trying to stop me... persuade me not to do that... but I'm not having it, Darcie. That's why it's better if you don't know, otherwise you'll feel obliged to try to convince me."

His words terrified me. They sounded as if he was planning something really dangerous... and really foolish. Because he had _got _to know that I would never try to convince him not to do something that was necessary. But now, it seemed that it was all about something that could definitely be avoided... something that undoubtedly _should_ be avoided.

I put the cup back onto the table and turned a bit in my chair to look at him. I was glad that there was such a bustle during breakfast, because this way our conversation could not be overheard. Or at least so I hoped.

"Then you really _are_ up to something," I whispered. "Neville, you'd better tell me. If I don't know, I won't be able to protect you."

"But I don't want you to protect me, all right?" he splurted. I had never heard such a tone before, not from him, for sure. Neville had probably noticed that, because he then sighed. "Sorry... but you see, there are some things..."

He sounded just like Snape, and McGonagall before him. I wondered why no-one really wanted to tell me anything. Why people whom I trusted treated me as if I were a child. Because although I could expect such a behaviour from Snape, I could not when it came to Neville.

"Yes, I know. Things that are beyond me. Matters I know nothing about, which I should never, ever know anything about," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "And it would be best for me if I kept myself far from them, because they have nothing to do with me."

Neville seemed to be astonished.

"No, that's... not what I wanted to say," he mumbled hesitantly. "I just... don't want anything bad to happen to you, Darcie, and if... if you'll try to stop me, this is what might happen. This is something between me and Snape."

I did not answer. I had a feeling that I would need to get to know a bit more about this case in a slightly different way.

I knew I could not forget that I was no longer a student who could every now and then break some rules and simply be disobedient. Right now, I was expected to be the best example. And that was what I had been planning to do from the very beginning. But now, as such things were happening, I simply wished I could return to the times when I had been able to sneak out of my dormitory, even if that meant risking losing some points, just to explore some of the castle's mysteries. And the more I wanted that, the more often I reminded myself who I really was.

I did not even have my dormitory friends with whom I could exchange my midnight thoughts. There was only a talking mirror, and I was under the impression that if I said anything about sneaking out at this hour, it definitely would not be happy. Besides, I could not be sure if it would not snitch on me to the Headmistress.

I sighed only, then turned onto my other side. It was not midnight yet, and I already had a feeling that I had been lying like this for hours. I heard the mirror's rhythmical breath nearby. So it was asleep... and if I left now, it probably would not even notice...

I had already chided myself for having such thoughts. I could not spy on my colleagues. I was an adult now, and Neville was definitely able to take care of himself. He was older than me, besides, he had graduated from Gryffindor, and this House was believed to be the best one. Some people even said that he was going to become the Headmaster after McGonagall.

Still, I could not get rid of such thoughts. I really believed that Neville was in danger. That I should at least check upon him before it was too late...

Feeling something a bit like remorse, I slipped out of my bed. The clock standing on my night-stand told me that it was half past eleven. Neville probably was not asleep at this hour – or at least so I hoped, because I really did not want to wake him. Holding my breath, I pulled my navy-blue dressing-gown, then put the slippers onto my feet. That was not how one would expect to meet his History of Magic teacher, but at this hour there would be no people in the corridors.

Once again, I looked at the snoozing mirror, and having made sure that it was not going to wake up, I softly pushed the painting that hid the entrance to my room.

All of the teachers' rooms were hidden just the way the Common Rooms were – the only difference was that no-one really knew where the entrances were. The students only knew the locations of the offices, but nothing besides that.

I walked as quietly as I only could, but I still could hear my own footsteps echoing across the corridors. Fortunately, the people in the pictures were fast asleep, so no-one had really heard anything. I would rather not ignite my wand, either, just so I would not try my luck. I also hoped that the Peeves was nowhere around.

I knew perfectly well where to find Neville's room, but it was the only room of which localisation I really knew; I had not got to know where the rooms of other teachers, or even McGonagall's were yet.

My room was situated on the second floor, in the west wing. So if I wanted to go to Neville's chamber, I needed to cross almost the whole castle, since he lived in the east wing. That was one of the reasons why this night wandering scared me a bit. On the other hand, was it _really_ the first time I was walking across the castle by night?

Sometimes I needed to stop and hide in the empty niches, when one of the ghosts was floating around nearby. I did not want to be noticed by _anyone_, since I could not know what their reaction would be.

However, at this hour, the corridors in the castle were almost completely empty. Even though I had to hide and listen carefully, not sure whether the figures in the paintings were still asleep, I managed not to get caught. So when I finally got to the dungeons in the east wing, where I could find Neville's chamber, I sighed with sheer relief.

I stood in front of an empty wall and knocked on it quietly. The hidden entrance did not open – it would if I had knocked in the right rhythm – but I did not want to get in. I just wanted Neville to hear me.

Sooner than I had expected the door opened, and the man glanced at me in total astonishment. I could not help but notice that he was still completely dressed, a wand in his hand. When he noticed I had spotted it, he quickly pushed it into his pocket.

"Darcie? What are you doing here?" he asked, quite obviously agitated.

"I needed to make sure you're all right," I answered completely thruthfully. "Why were you holding a wand?"

Neville seemed to get even more embarrassed than before as he looked away. It was clear to me that he did not want to explain anything. He nervously scartched his hand, a deep blush upon his cheeks – just the same I had seen earlier that day.

"Ah... well... it's nothing, nothing really. I only thought that it was..."

"That it was _whom_?" I kept asking as soon as he had suddenly stopped in mid-sentence. I frowned when he kept avoiding the answer. "That it was Snape?"

Neville's silence made me almost sure that I was on the mark, even though, to be quite honest, I had no idea why on earth Snape would come to Neville's room. Especially at this hour... There was no reason for the two of them to meet at all – they hated each other so much that they did not want to bump into the other during the breaks.

Unless...

"Oh God, Neville..."

When I was whispering his name, he raised his eyes and looked at me with some strange determination. I felt an unpleasant sensation around my stomach.

"That's exactly why I didn't want you to know," he answered, but this time there was no hesitation in his voice. "Because you'd have tried to convince me not to do that... but now it's already too late."

Neville moved me aside with surprising softness, then left the chamber. The entrance disappeared almost as quickly as it had previously emerged, leaving nothing but a plain wall, as if there had never been anything on it.

"But it's against the rules!" I kept protesting. "If someone catches you... I really don't mind Snape, but you... Neville, I really don't want you to get into trouble because of him! He doesn't deserve that!"

I followed him, trotting, while he quickly walked down the corridors. Almost as if he paid no attention to the fact someone could actually find him there.

"No, Darcie, but I do deserve my revenge. After all these years..."

"But he could kill you!"

No longer did I even try to be quiet. Neville's plans simply terrified me. If he really decided to duel Snape... good Lord, Snape had been a Death Eater! He knew black magic perfectly!

Neville did not answer. He only pushed the heavy door ahead; they led us to the store rooms which hid some of the books that were not available in the library. The corridors there were definitely much broader than in the other part of the castle, but not many knew about their existence. It was a dream place for a duel.

"Stay here," he whispered quietly, "I'll be right back."

I would never stay behind the corner while Neville was fighting Snape, but he apparently realised what my attitude was, because he soon pointed his wand at my ankles. Before I realised what was happening, a thick rope had appeared around them, making me unable to walk.

"You should be happy I didn't Petrify you," he added, frowning.

I swore under my breath when he walked away. Soon I could hear him greeting someone, his voice completly dry. So Snape had already been there. Trying not to listen to them, I reached for the wand I had in my breast pocket. I wondered if Neville had thought I had not brought it with me... otherwise he would not have tied just my legs.

I had to hurry. I had no idea who would be the first one to cast a spell, but as soon as that happened, it would already be too late.

With just one flick of my hand I cut the ropes around my ankles. I had to prop myself on the wall, because I lost my balance for a moment. I heard a familiar sound. So one of them had already cast the first spell...

"Surrender, you trash," I heard Snape, his voice full of hatred. "Nothing good awaits you here."

I made a couple of steps closer, then looked from behind the corner. Neither was hurt yet, but it was just a matter of time. One more bang, and this time it was Snape who had to jump aside to avoid the charm. However, this new position let him cast another spell. Neville let out a cry, and there was a deep cut across his cheek.

All of that happened as if in slow motion. I knew I should do something, but I still was not sure what exactly. Casting a spell on Snape when I remained hidden was simply not fair; besides, he would probably think that Neville had brought me there, worried that he would not be able to win. I could not let that happen. At the same time, though, I knew that if I did not came up with something really fast, something bad could happen to Neville.

"You should have died! Everyone wanted you dead!" shrieked Neville. Bang. Snape laid on the floor. Just the Shield Charm protected him from another blow from Longbottom's side.

I was not quite sure if he had not gone too fast. His round face had already got red as he shouted insults at his former Potions teacher, as if he was pouring out all of his regret that had accumulated during his school years.

"Neville, stop!"

Not being able to stand it any longer, and knowing that Snape was just waiting for the best moment to repay Neville, I ran from behind the corner to stand between the two of them. Yes, it was foolish of me, but I could not see a better way.

Snape made use of that opportunity, when my appearance distracted Neville.

"_Sectumsempra!_" he cried, and I at the last second managed to form an invisible shield between the two men. Unfortunately to me, at the same time Neville had decided to attack Snape.

I did not hear the formula he said; maybe he had cast a nonverbal spell... I only remember that I felt some excruciating pain in my whole body, and then...

...and then, there was nothing.


	11. The Night Visit

_Lily!_

Oh God, what have I _done_...

I hope you didn't kill her, you idiot...

N- no... no, she's still breathing.

What a moron... to stand between two fighting people...

I asked you to stay there, I _did_!

I opened my eyes just for a moment, before I once again submerged in the darkness.

But this darkness was not completely empty. I heard many words... names... I was not sure what was happening to me, but I was more than just certain that I was not alone. There were people around me, lots of people, they called me by my name, but all this time I did not know whether this name was really mine.

I have no idea how long it had lasted. It seemed to have been an eternity during which I had not been even aware of my own self. Sometimes I had a feeling that there was someone sitting right next to me, holding my hand, whispering something. From time to time I could smell a sweet scent of flowers. Someone touched my forehead, once or twice maybe even kissed my hair...

There were moments when I felt as if everything around me was very cold – but soon, this feeling was over, replaced by something completely different.

And at last, after what seemed to have been almost like a million years, for the first time some of the subeams managed to get to my brain. I was not completely sure what part of the day it was – truth be told, I did not even know what part of the year it was, even though I had a feeling I had been lying there for much longer than I actually thought.

"She's waking," I heard a quiet sigh. Only after a couple of seconds I realised that someone must have been talking about me. I was not really able to lift my eyelids yet, but from between my lips a quiet, uncontrolled moan managed to slip out.

But if I wake... what am I going to see? Whom will I notice sitting right next to me? What was going to happen? How long had I been lying there? What had actually taken place before?

"Don't move." By this voice, I recognised Madam Pomfrey. The soft touch on my hand was hers, too. "Now, now, dearie, it's high time. You've been lying here for three weaks already. I was getting afraid you'd need to be sent to St Mungo's.

_Three weeks_? So I had been in the hospital wing for such a long time... On one hand I was glad that I was still there, not at St Mungo's, but on the other... three weeks! What had been happening all this time? Who had been teaching History of Magic?

I was slightly worried that I would be punished for this sudden absence at work. After all, I definitely should not have been at the scene of the accident... and especially so late at night. I wondered what had happened to Neville. And to Snape, since he had been there, too.

"Neville..." I muttered quietly, against my own will. I lifted my hands, which seemed to be terribly difficult, and rubbed my temples.

"Longbottom, this complete idiot, is still alive, and only thanks to you," I heard the very same voice I had at the beginning. Slowly I opened my eyes – it was harder than anything I had ever done before – and got completely speechless.

"Pro- Professor Snape?" I asked so dumbfounded that I no longer even cared that it had probably sounded quite rude.

"Why are you so surprised?" He frowned as he spoke. "I've been sitting here, next to you, for three weeks. I have no idea what Longbottom has done to you, but I was starting to think that there's no way out... despite all of my strongest healing potions.

I looked at him, feeling a blush creeping onto my cheeks. Out of all the people around the world, he was the last person I would have ever thought that would have been staying by my side when I had been unconscious. Moreover, it seemed he had done his best to heal me. Did it meant he felt some kind of remorse...?

"No-one should have _ever_ given a wand to this bloody idiot," he added quietly, his voice almost a whisper, and he probably thought I could not hear him. Still, those words found their way right to my ears. I frowned.

"If you're talking about Neville, sir, he's not an idiot."

He looked like as if I had just slapped him across the face. He became strangely pale, and his skin turned a nasty shade of green. His eyes turned big and round, lips parted almost as if he wanted to attack me.

"So you're defending him, yes?" he hissed angrily, the muscles of his face twitching. "He's cast a wrong spell and almost killed you. And you _still_ defend this dolt, Lily?"

He felt silent. I did not take this opportunity to answer his question. I knew it might sound cruel, I did not even think to protest against him saying such things about Neville; I was so shocked when I heard what he had just said.

"My name is Darcie, Professor."

My voice sounded quite strange, as if it did not belong to me; besides, I had a feeling that it was not just my own impression. Snape opened his mouth, as though he wanted to answer, but resigned in a moment. He also immediately lowered his sight. I had never seen him in such a state before, as if he was not himself.

"Of course it is," he answered finally, the tone his voice snippy. Soon, he stood up, not even looking at me.

That was when Madam Pomfrey came running to us, a frown on her face.

"Professor, my patient is supposed to rest! This is a hospital wing, not a market place!" she rebuked him, as if he were a student, not one of the teachers.

Snape glanced at her, the expression upon his face quite peculiar. At first, I would be able to say it was disgust, but then, I realised how different it was from that. His nostrils flickered slightly when he took a deep breath, then bowed his head, saying his goodbyes to Madam Pomfrey, then quietly left the room.

I found it hard to recover from what I had just heard. I still did not know what actually I was supposed to feel. Because all I had experienced at that very moment seemed to be extremely important, but at the same time, I did not have a key to this puzzle...

Why exactly had Snape called me Lily? Who was this Lily and how was I resembling her, if she was the person Snape saw in me? Why had he actually stayed by my side throughout all those days? Was it just remorse, or maybe something completely different? And why, on earth, had he reacted to Neville's name like that?

Even though I was awake now, Madam Pomfrey did not let me leave the hospital wing, claiming that I still was not healthy enough. Snape came from time to time, to talk to her, but he never even greeted or me nor looked at me.

Every now and then other guests came to see me; I knew that some of the students wanted to came in, but Madam Pomfreey did not let them walk in. Finally, she put a screen around my bed and threatened that if there would be anyone trying to sneak in, she would make sure he – or she – would end up lying in the bed, hit by some powerful spell.

I did not really understand Pomfrey's behaviour. Of course, I was aware of the fact that not only the students wanted to see me; one day I could even hear Neville's quiet voice, asking whether he could at least say hello to me, but he was just another whom she refused.

"You need to rest, sweetie-pie," she answered, her voice as usually warm and motherly. "If I let them all in, it would get quite loud in this room, and you need silence."

I did not like her answer. I needed company, but she did not let me see anyone. Sometimes I could see on the night-stand a new book from the library, someone must have been bringing those to me, but even that was not able to replace a proper conversation with a friend... or even a casual exchange of words about something as simple as the weather.

"Professor Snape was allowed to sit here," I noticed, but truth be told, I did not remember myself planning to say that.

Madam Pomfrey stopped in mid-step. She was getting back to her office when she heard that, and now, she came to a halt and turned towards me.

"Professor Snape was helping you, love. Without his help you would be at St Mungo's now, because even I do not know all those complicated potions. And now, go to sleep."

"One does not have to sit by the patient's side to brew a potion," I replied, regretting I did not bite my tongue.

Madam Pomfrey sighed, then approached me. She put the glass, which she had previously wanted to take away, back onto the night-stand, then started to fluff my pillows. She seemed to be quite upset.

"But one does have to observe the health of the patient to brew them, my dear, and now stop asking these ridiculous questions and go to sleep. Or I will fill you up with sleeping draught," she said, pushing me, so whether I wanted or not, I had to fall onto my pillows.

Her answer, though, seemed to be so enigmatic, even though I knew she was right. I told myself that I was getting some kind of a paranoia, then closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep.

However, it was not as easy as I had thought. I heard Madam Pomfrey's quiet steps as she returned to her office, and then complete silence. For the past few weeks, the epidemics of cold had been finished, and the hospital wing was totally empty, so I felt quite awkward, lying there alone.

No matter how hard I tried to fall asleep, I could not force myself to do that. I turned and tossed in the bed, grimacing (my ribs still hurt quite a bit), but it was no good. Even when I started counting sheep, I ended up thinking about the meaning of all of this. Finally, somewhere around midnight, I noticed that the light flickering in Madam Pomfrey's office disappered, and I quietly slipped out of the bed, wanting to have some excercise.

I felt terribly weak, as if my body had fallen out of practice, forgotten how to move, but it was nothing strange, after all I had been lying motionlessly in the bed for all those weeks. I sighed deeply, finally being able to stretch myself a bit. Pale moonlight got into the room through tall windows; I could see the silhouettes of bats crossing the air. At some point, I thought I saw another shadow, bigger than the others, so I approached the window, squinting my eyes a bit, so I could check it.

As soon as I did that, I heard a motion right behind myself, so I immediately turned back, holding my breath.

"You were supposed to sleep," I heard a familiar, quiet, velvety voice. Once again, I felt like a student who had done something wrong, even though I had not done anything, really. I swallowed, but tried not to act like someone who had been caught red-handed.

"I have slept for a long time, thank you," I answered only.

Snape looked at me, surprised, raising one of his brows. I wondered what he might have been looking for in the hospital wing at such a late hour, but I was not brave enough to just ask him that question.

"Believe me, it will be better for you if you just lay down and rest a bit. My potions can do a lot, but they cannot replace the beneficial effect of restful sleep."

"I don't think I could sleep restfully, knowing that you're freely strolling around."

I had no idea what actually had made me say that. I held my breath and did my best to force my body to co-operate, but it really did not want to move. My bed was just a couple of steps to the right, but this distance seemed to be way too great. I could only dream of passing it with ease.

"You treat me as if I were your enemy," he said even more quietly than before. "I swear to you that I am not one. And that you do not want to change that."

"I've never wanted that. You are the one striving for it, Professor."

I felt myself blushing, and that I lacked air, but this time I did not even try to move away from Snape. I did not want him to think I was scared of him.

"Is it so?" he asked, his voice full of sarcasm. "And who, pray tell, told you that?"

"No-one had to tell me," I replied, my heart beginning to hammer in my chest. "I can judge it on my own. And you, Professor, have disliked me from the very beginning. I wouldn't call a friend a person who calls me a Mudblood, ho offends me in front of other teachers or who stalks me in the corridors.

Even in this darkness I could see the muscles of his jaw twitch.

"Your judgment is wrong," he said to my surprise, then he added, "Please, go to bed. If you want the potions to work, you need rest."

This time I did not protest. Every excuse to finish this conversation was good. I knew I was not going to fall asleep – I felt dizzy, and I could hear the hum of my blood rushing through my veins. However, no sooner had my head touched the pillow than I was fast asleep.


	12. The Wind Changes

A week after I had awoken, I started getting quite nervous. Madam Pomfrey still did not want to let me out of the hospital wing. At least I had got her permission to leave the bed for a bit more than just those few minutes during which I could change. Besides, she at last allowed some guests in, so I had someone to talk to.

Of course, Neville was the first of them; I greeted him with happiness. I did not feel any anger towards him, even though he was the one because of whom I had been lying in the hospital wing for such a long time. Besides, I could not help but feel some kind of relief as I realised he had not ended up in a worse state, because that was something that certainly could have happened.

"You're getting better, that's important," he said, a soft smile on his face, but there was some nervousness in it. "There was a rumour for a while... that no-one really knew how to get you better. That you're going to end up at Mungo's.

I could not help but blush, so I took a chance to just pretend I was very busy eating my breakfast.

"I admit that could've happened," I admitted finally. "But Snape found some way to heal me."

"Ah." Neville frowned a bit, then combed his hair with his fingers. "So that's why he's been coming here. I tried to get to know anything about his strange behaviour, sometimes he just spent there long hours... but still, somehow he was present during all of his classes."

When Neville said that, I felt the bite of the toast I was just swallowing get locked in my throat. I quickly took a big gulp of tea.

"I heard that someone was someone teaching my lessons instead of me." I tried to change the subject. I still found it weird that Snape, after all that had happened, had still been sitting here and trying to heal me for all those days. "Is it you?"

"Oh, no." Now, even Neville was blushing hard. "Well, truth be told, I did want to do that for you, but I didn't get the permission. Besides, you know, right after the duel... and... your ending up here... it was probable that I'd get fired."

I choked.

"_What_?" I managed at last.

"Well... you know..." Neville was not looking at me, and I was really lucky to notice that Madam Pomfrey was nowhere to be seen, because I was convinced that if she was near, she would probably ask my companion to leave. "Duels, just as you said, are forbidden. When you shielded me from Snape's spell, I didn't manage to react fast enough. And your appearance surprised me so much that I actually got the spells wrong... Besides, I was trying to hit him, not you, but it somehow... bounced off your shield and got you."

He became completely silent. He had been talking about the moments I could still remember, but all that had happened later on was still a mistery to me, so I listened to him carefully.

"Snape called... some name, I guess. It was _Lily_," continued Neville after a while, and I felt myself lacking oxygen. "He immediately went running to you, he'd got you before you fell... well, at least before your head hit the floor. I was so terrified that I simply couldn't force myself to move. Snape apparently forgot about me, he just stood up, holding you in his arms and took you here, to the hospital wing. I've never seen him so disturbed. And... you know, back then I felt sorry for him, even if just a bit."

All of that made no sense. Although Neville's story in some wicked way fit what I had been through for the past few days, I still could not understand much.

"Madam Pomfrey didn't wait, just took care of you on the spot, but McGonagall had to hear about everyting. When she got to know what had happened... and that it had been all my fault... she was furious. She was ready to fire me there and then, but for some reason Snape confessed that he was guilty, too, and McGonagall... well, somehow calmed down. I have no idea why, but I have a feeling she really wants Snape to stay here."

She wants him... or needs him to stay, I though. I still remembered those strange conversations I had with McGonagall, and then with Snape, before the accident. Back then, I had already felt that something bad was going on there.

"Besides, it was good he was there, because he could get to healing you. I was not allowed to see you, but finally, I found a way to convince McGonagall to let me come here just once. But I couldn't teach your classes."

He stopped once more, and at that moment I was trying to put it all together in my head; it turned out to be inconceivably difficult.

"If it's not you... then who?"

Neville looked at me, surprised, but at the same I could see in his eyes something unusual, as though he was afraid of giving me the answer.

"You really haven't heard yet? Snape!"

All of this sounded like some really bad comedy. Snape in turn seemed to be the main character. A man with a hundred faces. I wondered what else he was hiding from us – and yet, I was too scared to get to know anything else.

When the hospital wing started filling with students, I felt slightly better, because all of my thoughts were finally occupied with something else than Snape alone, who seemed to have tainted everything, like some weird nightmare. However, in my conversations I also had to talk about the Potions Master every now and then, so I could get to know how much material different groups had covered during my absence.

The days had passed, and finally Madam Pomfrey stated that I was at last completely healthy and that I could get back to my normal schedule.

Never before had I felt this good. After all those days filled with nothing but boredom and thoughts about Snape being up to something, I could at long last focus on something utterly different. I could talk to anyone I wanted, and do whatever I felt like doing. Finally no-one could control where I went and for how long I was gone.

I found out with surprise that most of my students were absolutely delighted with my return. I did not allow myself to smile when I thought that it was probably caused by the fact that I had been substituted by Snape, but I still felt some kind of pride and happiness.

When the first day after my return I sat in the Great Hall to have my dinner, I was also approached by some teachers, asking me about my well-being. I assured all of them that I was already completely fine and it was true, every next moment I was feeling even better.

"I see that Mr. Longbottom still hasn't managed to kill you, even though he was allowed to get closer to you," I heard a voice behind me as soon as I had left the hall.

I came to a halt, closing my eyes. I had to count to ten to calm down even a little bit. After all, I did not want to let him provoke me, not now, after having managed to get rid of that strange obsession.

"Truly fascinating... usually the only thing he is capable of achieving is a total destruction... and yet, this time, he failed."

Until now, Snape caught up with me. I hoped that he would just pass me by, leaving me alone, but I was wrong – he stopped right in front of me. I did not want to argue with him again, but at the same time I could not just stand there and listen to those absurd things he kept saying about Neville. I did not even notice that my hands curled into fists.

"I was convinced that your office is located in a different part of the castle," I noticed quietly, my voice shaking with anger.

"I wonder if I should or should not accompany to your room, just to make sure that this time that idiot will fail to hurt you as well. This is... unusual... how a person with hardly any magical abilities is capable of wreaking such havoc, while many other wizards could not do that, even if they wanted."

"I assure you, sir, that I can do it on my own. And please, do stop saying such things about Neville."

I was surprised that this time I was much more patient with him, although I did feel that I was losing control way too quickly. I needed to get rid of him, quickly, so I would not do anything I would then regret.

"I would like to remind you that it was him, not me, that made you unable to stick to your normal schedule for over a month," said Snape, his voice extremely venomous.

I was aware that all that had happened between Snape and Neville was definitely not the most pleasant of memories, but for some reason Snape hated Neville much more than one could have ever suppose.

Besides, even though I thought of it as of something foolish and egocentric, I had a feeling that it had something to do with the fact that Neville had hurt me. I really tried to push this thought away from me, but it always came back, instrusive like a fly, because Snape kept mentioning that it was me who had got hurt in that accident.

"It doesn't change the fact you have no right to say such things about him. It was you he was duelling back then!"

"You insolent girl," he hissed, and I had to clench my teeth in hopes it would help me regain control over myself. "All this time I have been trying to save you. Just so you could walk, eat, do whatever you want. And you are still defending this half-Squib..."

"Neville is my friend," I cut in. "And I will never let anyone offend my friends."

"One day you will regret making such friends."

Once he said that, he turned back to leave. His dark robe fluttered behind him like wings of an enormous bat.

I leant back against the wall and sighed deeply. No matter how much I was trying not to let Snape provoke me, I never managed to actually do anything. Maybe because he knew my weak spots – it allowed him to do anything he could to hurt me.

That was when I realised that up to now I had still not thanked me for everything he had done for me. Of course, he had not admitted that he had offered McGonagall that he would take over my responsibilities, but both for that and for saving my life, he deserved a thank-you. But now, after this argument, I had no idea how to do that.

December had come, and snow along with it. At first, it had been very hesitant, letting white frost take its place, covering the grass and paths, but as soon as it finally came, it fell from the sky like a thick cap onto Hogwarts. Hagrid started slowly pulling the trees into the castle; they would be decorated anytime now. And there were flowers painted by frost on the window panes.

Amongst the students one could hear some excited voices. Of course, I had to remember that there would be a trip to Hogsmeade before Christmas, and it had been long since I had last visited the village. Well, now, as I was a teacher, I was allowed to indulge in that whenever I had some spare time, but for some reason I had not made use of this privilage until now, and it was a great opportunity to catch up.

McGonagall had once again vanished for a long time, but now it was not that visible – maybe because we all were now quite accustomed to her absence. However, every day I met the person that I would rather not meet. Nevertheless, everytime I did, I felt terrible remorse, because I lacked courage to approach him and thank him for his care. But every time I saw him I found a good excuse. No moment was good enough for such a conversation – for one reason or another. Yet I could not help but feel that it was just a way to excuse my own cowardice.

Neville, though, seemed to avoid me like the plague. I could not be quite sure why – maybe because he still was not allowed to see me. Or maybe because he was afraid that something bad would happen if he stayed by my side for a longer time.

The fact that Neville did not accompany me, however, did have its bright side – now, as I had finally begun to plan my conversation with Snape, I no longer had to explain to anyone where I was going or what I was doing.

Finally, I ran out of excuses to postpone my meeting with the Potions Master. The day I planned that conversation for, I felt as if I was not completely... real. I felt dizzy, and my contact with reality was minimal. At last, one of my students asked whether I really was fine.

After dinner I stayed in the Great Hall, watching it slowly getting empty. I had already noticed that Snape was usually one of the last who left the room, so I was eating way too long on purpose. To my relief, Neville had not come to dinner that evening, so I did not have to ask him not to wait for me.

At last, the Great Hall was completely deserted. I still kept pretending that I was busy reading some book, listening carefully and waiting for Snape to get up.

"You really don't have to pretend," I heard at some point. The voice was just over my ear, so I jumped on my chair. I had no idea when Snape had approached me.

"I was not pretending," I lied, immediately blushing.

An expression appeared upon Snape's face – one I knew way too well: he raised one of his brows in surprise mixed with sarcasm.

"Your eyes did not move," he noticed, and when I found no answer, he smiled softly. "Should I consider that a sign that you have been waiting for me?"

I felt weird now, as he spoke to me so politely once again, since the last time we had been talking we had parted right after he had called me an insolent girl.

"Indeed, I would like to..." I started, but Snape stopped me with a short move of his hand.

"This is not the best place for a talk," he noticed, and it honestly surprised me; until now, he had never cared about us talking in the strangest of places. "Please, follow me."

I had no idea why I did not protest at that moment. I felt some peculiar distrust deep in my heart, however, I did get up and let him lead me.


	13. Passing behind a Painting

At first I did not know where Snape was leading me. Maybe I should put a part of the blame on the fact that I was so nervous that I could hardly see where I was going; my heart was hammering madly in my chest, and I was afraid that he would hear that, too. At the same time, though, it could look like he had completely forgotten about my presence.

If anyone thought at that moment that anything had changed in him, that would be a wrong assumption. Snape was still an enormouos bat; even as I walked behind him keeping some distance, I felt his robes brushing softly against my calves. His steps were fast and long – only now did I realise how quietly he was able of walking. No wonder, then, that when he had approached me in the Great Hall, I had heard nothing.

The corridors he led me across were exactly the same corridors I crossed every day: there were not any secret passages I would have not known about. To be honest, I avoided those parts of the castle, because I really did not like the dungeons, which seemed to be Snape's natural habitat, but I knew them just as well as I knew the rest of the building. Our steps echoed across the corridors, but that was what happened in just any part of the school.

When I realised where we were, I thought that Snape led his way to his office – that would actually make some sense. If we were supposed to talk, was there any better place for that? However, we passed by its door.

"Where are you leading me, Professor?" I asked hesitantly. Truth be told, I could not help but feel that Snape might expect that I wanted to tell him more than just a simple thank you; if it was not so, why would he lead me out of the Great Hall? There was nothing in a thank-you that could not be heard by the whole school

Snape turned his head, but only a little bit, so I could notice his profile. His crooked nose put a strange expression on his face, or maybe it was caused by the fact that he actually grimaced.

"Somewhere that – I might only hope – you will never bring this nitwit, Longbottom," he answered only, not slowing down.

I wondered why he could not – or did not want to – resist the temptation to offend Neville. On one hand I wished to defend my friend, on the other, I was afraid of another argument, especially since I needed to improve my relationship with the Potions Master. After what he had done for me, I could not help but be thankful.

This time, then, I forced myself to keep quiet, even though blood rushed to my face. I had to take a deep breath not to let myself explode with anger and resentment once again.

Soon, we stood in front of some peculiar painting. I narrowed my eyes a little bit, trying to have a closer look, which was not that easy now, as the corridor was really dimly lit. Only one torch attached to the wall put a weak light onto the picture, but even this light was not enough to make it any more comprehensible to me.

"The effects of incorrect preparation of a Strengthening Solution," said Snape as soon as he noticed my expression. I looked at him, surprised, but he said nothing more. I could not help, though, but notice a rather disturbing sneer on his face.

The man raised his hand and his long, white finger stroked the frame almost affectionately. The painting immediately jumped aside, and an entrance to a terribly dark room appeared.

Well, it was hard to say anything about any design since there was not even one decoration inside. There were high bookcases lining along the walls, upon them, books arranged with almost pedantic accuracy; it was so dark in there that I could not spot any titles, but I could swear that none of this books could be found in a library. In the middle of the room was an old, worn-out desk, upon them – a couple of jars, from which I quickly turned my eyes away (if there was anything I had learnt during classes with Snape, it was to never, ever look at the contents of the jars). There was not even one window, nor even a picture, nothing. Only few, single candles put here and there. At the very end of the room there was a single armchair, so shabby that I was almost sure that it could have belonged to Slytherin himself.

"Make yourself at home," said Snape, his voice quiet and completely dispassionate.

I entered, yes, but it would be hard to make oneself at home in a place like that. I had a feeling that I had just entered into some mysterious world in which I should have never found myself. At the same time I had a strange feeling that anyone would become just as grim as the Potions Master if they lived in a chamber like that.

No sooner had I stepped into the room than the painting behind me returned onto its previous place with a quiet tap, and some weak lights appeared on the wicks of the candles. Snape looked around as though he was deep in thoughts.

"I have a feeling, Professor that... that you might have understood me wrong," I mumbled at last when I found enough courage to actually say anything. Softly biting my lip, I glanced over my shoulder to make sure the door remained closed. "I... I really didn't want to tell you anything... that could make..."

"You definitely talk to much," he interrupted me impatiently, which made me raise my brows a bit. "I have never met a person as egocentric as you."

I felt a bit offended, but at the same time I had to admit that he was quite right, so I did not protest. Besides, if I did protest, I would only confirm that. Hesitantly, I just waited for what was to come.

"You're not the only one who wants to say something. I wanted to tell you something, too, but you're talking so much that I cannot say a word," he almost whispered, then pulled a chair, standing at the desk, for himself. "Sit," he added, pointing at the shabby armchair with a soft motion of his hand.

Not quite sure if it was not some kind of a trick, I approached the armchair, but since Snape did not attack me, I just sat down. The armchair turned out to be surprisingly comfortable, even though I had just sat on the very edge. Only then did Snape take his place.

"Professor..." I started once again, really wanting to go now. This place made me feel terrified, besides, the fact itself that I had just found myself face to face with Snape was definitely not pleasant to me.

"For God's sake, Shirley." Snape had definitely started losing his nerve. "Your little brain should have understood by now that I have something to tell you and you are_ not_ leaving before I do so."

I immediately closed my mouth and slumped down in the armchair, feeling my cheeks blush.

"Tea?" he offered and it surprised me so much that at first I was not able to say a word.

"Excuse me?" I squealed at last, when I finally reached my voice.

"I have just asked if you wanted a cup of tea," he replied as calmly as he only could, but I heard in the tone of his voice that he was really getting impatient.

That was when I remembered Professor Umbridge's questioning; everyone had been supposed to get one when she had been a teacher there. I had not missed that dubious pleasure. No wonder that when I heard an identical question coming from the lips of a man so similar to her, I just wanted to say no without wondering why.

However, I could not. I needed just to agree, listen to what he wanted to tell me, and then, disappear as quickly as I only could, so I could pretend – even to myself – that I had never been there. That was the only thing I really yearned for right now.

"Yes, please," I answered at last, so Snape waved his wand and summoned a plain teapot. One more wave, and the beverage was poured into two cups, which he had put on the desk. One of them lazily floated towards me.

I was under an impression that Snape, for some reason, was trying to postpone the conversation he claimed he wanted to have with me, because during all this ritual he remained completely silent, even though he definitely had a chance to talk. He did not even mention the subject of our conversation.

"How do you feel?" he asked after a moment, with which he managed to surprise me once again. Never until now had he asked me about my well-being.

"Wonderful, thank you," I answered almost automatically.

Snape sighed deeply, then leant back in his chair, crossing his legs. He seemed to be even thinner and more miserable than ever, however, at the same time the fact that he was in his own room, made him look slightly calmer. At ease.

"I have never expected Longbottom to be such a coward, to bring someone to help him," he said at last. His hands, resembling two big, pale spiders, wrapped around the cup of tea. Challenging him was stupid of me, but I did not see another solution. I feel bothered by people's stupidity, and Lonbottom definitely is an idiot."

I forced myself to keep quiet, even though it was truly difficult. I immediately took a sip of my tea, but I regretted it right away – it was boiling hot.

"During his school years Potter taught him some tricks, and Longbottom apparently imagined that he could stand in a proper duel. Nevertheless, he lacks... subtlety. If he only had some more of it... well... his spell wouldn't have rebounced, and you wouldn't have got hit."

Snape still did not look at me, and I knew that it was still not the end of the conversation. My hands were trembling, so I tightened my grip on the cup.

"I was convinced, though, that his friends were something he cared about. That's why I was so surprised to notice that he did not even try to help you when his charm hit you. For a moment, I even thought that he had killed you, adn then..."

"You called me Lily, sir."

I had not planned saying that, but somehow, those words had found their way out of my lips. Snape seemed to have awoken from some kind of a trance, and he looked at me, a strange expression on his face. An expression I had never seen before. Was he... terrified?

"You look so much like her," he whispered.

In his voice was a tone that caught me completely off guard. Suddenly, I wished to be far, far away from there... I wanted to open my eyes and realise that all of that had been nothing but a very strange dream.

"What happened to her?" I asked, an unpleasant sensation around my stomach. I had no idea who said Lily was, but I had no doubts that this woman was someone very important to Snape.

"She died," he replied, his voice breaking a little, even though he was doing his best to sound emotionless. "Just one spell was enough... one spell alone took my Lily away. I wasn't near her at that time... but if I had... When I felt your heart still beating, I couldn't waste any more time. And Longbottom... Longbottom stood there, motionless, doing nothing to help you, just muttering, 'What have I done...'"

I was not sure what was Snape's point. For a moment I had thought that he had just wanted to hear my thank-you, but was it so, he would have already reminded me about it.

"I... just... just wanted to thank you for... for everything you've done for me, Professor," I said, just to make sure that it was what he wanted to hear, but Snape only waved his hand impatiently.

"For three weeks, I have sat by your side. Night and day," he continued after a moment, as if he had never made any break. "Slowly making sure that you will somehow make it. At some point Pomfrey no longer tried to ask me out. All that time, I have been trying to make myself believe that you are not like Lily. That you just look like her. But that was when Longbottom appeared again. He and Potter are exactly the same."

Comparing those two young men seemed to be way too much to me, but Snape went on before I had a change to cut in.

"Cowardly and mindless. And yet, Lily saw something in this Potter..."

I frowned a bit, not really understanding his words. Only after a while I got his point. He had not been talking about Harry Potter; apparently he had meant Harry's father... so, in this case, Lily must have been...

"And to think that it's only thanks to Lily that Longbottom is alive," snorted Snape. "And now, he's strutting around the school, just like Potter back then."

"I am not Lily, Professor," I told him when he paused, locking his eyes on the surface of his tea. I had been sitting there way too long and I had a feeling that it was the best moment to leave this chamber.

"Of course you're not," he grimaced. "But it wasn't Lily I've been trying to save for almost a month. It was not Lily whom I was watching to make sure she didn't get hurt when she – like a stupid goose – decided to leave the bed when she was supposed to lie down. It's not Lily making me go crazy, defending this idiot, Longbottom, even though he's almost killed her."

My mind went blank, and I would swear my stomach turned a somersault.

"I should be going," I whispered, wanting to stand up, but my legs refused to obey me. Snape in turn got up and approached me, staring at me angrily, just like back then, when I had mixed some wrong ingredients in a potion.

"I told you that you weren't leaving before I finished," he growled.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Professor," I answered, finally regaining a part of my spirit. "I may look like Lily but it will never make me _her_. Neville is my friend; you, on the other hand, despite all of your assurances that you are not my enemy, are not letting me like yourself."

"I am deeply sorry that I am not an idiot, just like Longbottom," he replied, hit voice dripping with sarcasm.

"No, you are not. But never have I met a man as cold as you."

Snape looked like I had just slapped him across his face. He got pale and motionless, his eyes big, round and terrifying. I stood up at once.

"Leave," he said, his voice trembling with fury but so quiet that I could hardly hear the words. "Get out now and never show your face to me again."

I did not even want to argue with him. My knees terribly weak, I reached the door and finally rushed to my room.


	14. Hogsmeade

The next days definitely were not the most pleasant ones, but I could finally say that my life was getting back to normal. Every morning I started classes, spending my breaks in my office or the library to read and check students' essays. There were moments which I spent completely by myself, but sometimes my students came to me, asking about this or that.

However, one thing had not changed: Neville was still avoiding me, every now and then he even resigned from coming to the Great Hall during meal times. Sometimes I could see him through the window of my office – he was taking care of his plants or talking to Hargid. I smiled at those moments but it would be hard to pretend that I did not miss him.

Truth be told, we had not been friends when we had both been at school, but when I had arrived there at the beginning of the school year, we had become quite close, and now, he was my best friend. It was hard to watch him pretend not to know me.

Still, I had lots of work and I had to focus on it, no matter what. The fact, that now I rarely talked to Neville, gave me more free time and freedom. I had caught up on reading and devoted more of my time to the young people.

After that difficult period when I had still seemed to be a new colleague, not much older than them, I had finally begun to get their respect and trust. It added some new flavour to my job, and I had to admit that I felt pride deep in my heart. The satisfaction granted now by my job made it much more pleasant to get up every morning.

I did not feel lonely, even though I was alone much more often. Finally, after all those months, I had finally understood what the job of a teacher was all about.

A trip to Hogsmeade took place last week before Christmas. The castle grounds were now covered with a thick layer of fluffy snow, and so were the roads and paths of the village. It was nice to walk down Hogsmeade's High Street with my hands stuffed into the pockets to protect them from the cold, as the snow crunched pleasantly with my every step.

At some point I felt a hit to my back and a sound of terror. I raised my brows turning back, and noticed a couple of the third-years, an expression of sheer panic frozen upon their faces.

"We... we're sorry, Professor!" muttered one of them. He was still holding a snowball in his hand; one of them had just hit my back, right between the blades. "It was... not intentional..."

I could not help but laugh. I still remembered perfectly well when I had been playing with my friends in exactly the same way. Besides, this weather invited everyone to play like that – no wonder the boys had come up with that idea.

"It's no problem," I replied, "but be more careful so you don't hit Professor McGonagall."

They seemed to be even more horrified than until now, but I could only grin in their direction and leave. Sometimes I missed those years when I had still been allowed to have snowball fights, but now... now, I was required to be more serious. Besides, even if I were allowed to, I would have no-one to fight with.

Therefore I went down the crowded street, dodging Hogwarts students and the villagers. There were some carolers standing on the corner; their voices made the stroll more pleasant.

After some time I decided to visit Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop, where I could browse some quills. The man standing at the counter smiled broadly.

"Well, well, well!" he cheered, approaching me. "And whose pretty face is it? I haven't seen you here for ages, Miss Shirley!"

I smiled back. Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop was one of those I had visited quite frequently when I had been to Hogsmeade as a student. I had a tendency to write a lot, which usually resulted in the fact that I needed new quills really often. Besides, I had always loved quills.

"I got a job as a teacher at Hogwarts," I replied, not being able to conceal the pride in my voice. "I'm teaching History of Magic now."

The man burst out laughing.

"The old Binns finally retired, eh?" he joked, then led me towards the counter where he could present the newest quills to me.

I spent some time in there, and when I left, I already carried a bag with a couple of new quills, lots of parchment, which I used in even greater amounts now than when I had still been at school, and some bottles of ink of various colours.

The shop was not far from Zonko's Joke Shop, which was – as always – full of students. I had heard that the owner had signed a contract with the Weasley's store in London, thanks to which his sales were several times as big as they had previously been. No wonder, I though, after all it was a bit of some good magic... and some of the jokes were really hilarious (though, I really preferred when my students were not leaving the classroom, spilling blood all around because of their admiration for Skiving Snackboxes).

I spent the next several minutes walking down the streets, and finally, when I felt cold, I turned to the Three Broomsticks.

The inn was decorated with a couple of Christmas trees, which brushed against the ceiling, as well as with colourful lights and never-melting ice. I smiled softly, then headed to my favourite corner. To my surprise, I realised that it was already taken – usually the customers chose their places closer to the centre of the room.

However, the people sitting there were no strangers. After a moment one of them noticed me and raised his hand to greet me.

"Darcie! Come here!" called Neville. The smile on my face widened and I approached him. Neville stood up and pulled a chair out for me in a really gentleman-like way. Only when I sat down did he take his own seat.

I turned my head and grinned at Hagrid, sitting right next to us and slouching slightly to avoid hitting his head on the low ceiling.

"How are ya, Darcie," he greeted me. "Neville and I've been just talkin'..."

I noticed Neville sending a warning look to Hagrid. The latter cleared his throat rather unconvincingly.

"... uh, well..."

"Some of Hagrid's creatures sneak into the greenhouses and eat my plants," said Neville quickly. "I've been thinking since October about who was the one playing such trick on me... and it turned out that it was no student, but the animals!"

I laughed, and Neville stood up.

"I'll go and get you some beer," he suggested, and I nodded, saying thank-you.

When he walked away, I took off my gloves and scarf, and Hagrid looked at me inquisitively. I did not like it when he did that.

"All righ'?" he asked quietly, as though he did not want Neville to hear that. It surprised me quite a bit, because according to the official version, Neville had nothing to do with my accident. After all, no-one wanted any rumours about one of the teachers to spread across the school. And in that case, it would not be just one, but three of us. Because whether I wanted it or not, I had taken part in that duel, too.

"I'm perfectly fine," I reassured him, smiling, but Hagrid did not seem to be convinced. "I've never felt better in my life."

"Fer sure?" he asked, then glanced nervously towards Neville. "I've heard that Snape's bin followin' ye 'round."

My heart jumped up to my throat. I had almost forgotten my conversation with Snape, but as soon as Hagrid mentioned that name again, the whole situation stood right in front of my eyes.

"Uh... yeah, he's been helping me," I answered, maybe a bit too quickly.

Hagrid cast one more inquisitive look at me, then straightened up a little, nodding.

"Yeah... yeah," he mumbled, then slapped the table with his enormous hand. The table creaked loudly. "I'll be goin' then. Need teh take care of the Bowtruckles, ye know. Feelin' cold lately. Tell Neville... or I'll tell 'im."

He waved me goodbye, then approached Neville, standing at the counter at that moment, then bowed down to whisper something to him. I frowned slightly, then closed my eyes to calm down. No. I will not let myself get back into that paranoia. Christmas was near... there were so many pleasant thoughts I could be focused on right now.

After a while Neville came back, putting a mug of hot butterbeer on the table in front of me. I smiled thankfully, then wrapped my hands around the mug. Its pleasant warmth immediately spread all over my body.

"We haven't had a chance for a proper talk for a while," I noticed hesitantly, not sure how Neville would react to my words.

"I had loads of work," he replied quickly, nervously turning his face away.

"I know, I know. The windows in my office overlook the greenhouses," I laughed, but I could see that my words had startled him a bit.

"Oh yeah? Really?" he asked, sounding as though he was quite terrified by that. "I must've forgotten. I'll try to remember it from now on. You know... just so I can look in that direction every now and then to greet you if I see you."

I took a sip of my beer, knowing that my words had immediately made that conversation embarrassing. For a moment I really wished to tell Neville about everything that had happened between me and Snape, but I resigned. I was not sure whether Neville wanted to hear that... besides, I did not want to think of it again.

"You had your responsibilities. It's good you pay so much attention to them," I smiled softly. "Your students love you... and that's what it's all about, right?"

Neville did not look satisfied having heard my answer, but at the same time a gentle tint of blush appeared upon his cheeks. It was obvious that he felt some kind of pleasure... but again, which teacher would not be proud, hearing that he was liked by his students?

We spent almost an hour like that, chattering casually about trivial matters. I felt much better and I could swear that Neville felt some kind of relief as well. The longer we talked, the more of that weird embarrassment between us vanished.

Finally, he stood up.

"I'm sorry, Darcie, but... there are some things I need to take care of," he said, putting on his coat and gloves. "I'll see you at school, yeah?"

"Sure," I answered, then started getting dressed, too.

We said our goodbyes and Neville headed one way, and I took the other path. I bought some gifts for my friends and family, strolled along the streets of the village, then decided to get back to the castle. Usually the students spent many long hours in Hogsmeade, especially when it was so little time left till Christmas, so when I walked down the path covered in snow, I met no-one who would be heading back to the castle, like me.

After half an hour I had already got to Hogwarts and brushed off my coat as it had started snowing when I was halfway back to the castle; I did not want Flich to roar at me for leaving tracks of mud everywhere.

Hardly ever was the castle so deserted – but to be honest, I really liked when it was so. It got even more mysterious than ever, yet at the same time so much closer to my heart. That was why I did not choose the shortest of ways back to my office; instead, I chose to hang around a bit, just like I had always used to back in the good, old days.

"Shirley!" Suddenly I heard a voice and it made me freeze.

"I think I am allowed to walk around the castle?" I asked dryly. "From what I know, I am a teacher. And I am not taking any forbidden shortcuts."

I turned back and faced Snape himself.

"You shouldn't have gone out at all," he drawled, then stuck some phial into my hand. "Pomfrey told me that you weren't so stupid as to dare leave the castle in your current state, but she must have overestimated your intelligence."

I opened my mouth to say something really unpleasant, but resigned, knowing that in spite of our argument, he was still doing his best to help me.

"I'm in a great condition," I assured him.

"You will say this to the Healers at St Mungo, when we send you there in pieces," he growled, then turned on his heel to leave.

Truth be told, I felt like doing exactly the same. And I had no idea why my body acted against my will, holding me there in place. My eyes were fixed upon the Potions Master's back as he marched briskly towards the stairs that led to the dungeons.

"Professor!"

I should not have called him, but I felt really bad knowing that I kept treating him so coldly while he actually cared for me. He did not stop, but his steps slowed down a little. After a moment of hesitation I approached him.

"I told you, Shirley, that I did not want to see your face again," he hissed, not even looking in my direction.

"Then close your eyes, sir," I answered before I bit my tongue. "I just wanted to apologise."

An awkward silence hung between us. I was not sure if I should be regretting my words, but I had a feeling that I had just said something right, something I should have said at least a couple of days before.

"You're the most insolent, arrogant and egocentric person I've had the displeasure to meet," I heard the answer. "And at the same so dumb that I've never known that a human being could be so far from being intelligent."

I blushed. Probably I had deserved all those invectives, but it did not change the fact that it was not that pleasant to listen to them.

"And yet, you're still helping me."

He did not answer, but he did not leave, either, even though it was the best moment for that. Somewhere over our heads Peeves kept knocking over some wardrobes, as judging from the noises coming from upstairs.

"Did anyone say that I was doing that for you?" asked Snape so quietly that I could hardly hear his words. I blushed even more.

"No..."

"Then how come you're so sure that I've been helping you, not doing a favour to someone else who cares about you and your life?"

I did not have any answer to his question.

"If you decided to use your brain for once, I wouldn't have to give it to you straight up," he added, then turned back, and soon I could hear his steps. To my surprise, though, I realised that he came to a halt after just a couple of seconds. "Come, Shirley. Unless you want to be found like this by Filch."


	15. A Touch

I really had not planned to spend that afternoon with Snape, but for some reason, for a second time I found myself following him. I did not want to meet Filch, who had never liked me... well, he had never really liked any student, however, he still remembered me as a student there. Of course, I could just turn back and walk away, but for some reason I followed Snape instead, praying in my heart for him not to lead me back to his room.

I was slightly surprised by the fact that this time he did not even try to do that. The corridors he was leading me across, were the exact same ones which I had been crossing for seven years of my education there, which I knew way too well.

I felt an unpleasant tingling in my hands when we stood in fron of the door leading to his office. I had never associated it with anything nice, and now, after those few years, it had become strangely ghostly, as though it was some kind of a nightmare that I had been dreaming throughout my entire life, not a real place.

"I was under the impression that you did not like my room, Shirley," he addressed me only as he had pointed the wand towards the lock. The door opened with a quiet squeak. I dared not look up at Snape, but I knew, I heard in his voice that there was that sarcastic sneer on his lips once again.

I did not answer. Of course I had not liked it. How could I like a room that looked more like a haunted house in a Muggle funfair than an actual room? However, I did not dare say it out loud... though, on the other hand, I had a strange feeling that Snape somehow managed to read my mind.

I had heard that he was brilliant at Legilimency and Occlumency... maybe that was the reason why? I could only hope that he had not yet possessed the power which, as rumours had it, had been possessed by You-Know-Who. That he was not able to sense the thoughts without using any spells.

"Calm down, I don't plan on taking you there. I don't want to cause any rumours. It's the middle of the day," he added, then waited for me to pass the threshold before he walked in as well and closed the door behind himself. It was probably the first time he was so close to me.

Immediately, then, I stepped aside and looked around. The office looked exactly the same as I remembered – lots of shelves filled with jars of unknown content, sending chills down one's spine, especially the ones with more vivid imagination. No wonder I turned my eyes away so I would not have to look at them.

"Who would have thought," murmured Snape, passing me by and approaching the desk. "Out of everyone in this castle you, Shirley, should be capable of appreciating the properties of those ingredients."

Although he had probably been trying to offend me, I could not help but feel that in this insult a compliment was hidden. If Snape thought that I could determine the benefits of particular ingredients, it must have meant that he did not really think of me as of a complete idiot.

And he knew that I was not that bad at Potions. He might have not liked me, but it did not change the fact that I had always got the best mark.

"I may be capable of appreciating the properties of the ingredients, but I don't have to like looking at them," I replied, frowning. "Even if something is useful, it doesn't mean it must be pretty. There are some things that are not nice to look at."

He remained silent for a while, sitting on the edge of his desk. His hands clasped in front of him, he fixed his eyes on me.

"Is it better for something to be useful but not nice to look at, or to be pretty, but completely useless?"

The question astonished me. It was almost as if he was trying to start some subject but did not want to do it without having explored the ground first. And I had already begun to think that I would find a way to just sneak out of his office before he started a conversation. After the previous time I had learnt that the conversations with him could not be pleasant.

"I guess it's obvious," I answered, raising my brow. "Regardless of how pleasant it is to look at the pretty things... it's better to properly appreciate the ones that have some benefits. Though, it's best when both of these traits appear together."

A slight smile appeared upon Snape's face. I was not quite sure what to expect of him now.

"Do you believe the same applies to people?"

His quiet, velvety voice for some reason drove me crazy. I think I would rather like for him to yell at me.

"What exactly do you mean, Professor?" I asked hesitantly.

"Exactly the same I have just said, Shirley," he answered, then pushed himself away from the desk and put his weigth back on his feet. He made a couple of steps in my direction, then began to walk around me slowly. "I asked if you believe that it's better to know someone who looks good amongst your friends... or someone who might turn out to be useful?"

I frowned a bit. Something about the tone of his voice made me feel quite bothered, besides, the way he spoke about people...

"I do not treat people like things, Professor," I replied angrily. "If I like someone, I just like them. Knowing someone doesn't require any benefits."

"That would explain a lot of things," he muttered, then stood right in front of me. I stared stubbornly at the floor. "Let me restate the question... Is it better to know someone who looks good... or someone who has a beautiful spirit?"

I did not want to answer his question, because I had a feeling that he was going to use my answer against me. Snape had a peculilar gift thanks to which he could use even the best intentions against his interlocutor.

And I, regardless of what Snape thought of me, really did not intend to begin another argument with him. I was already tired of it. I just wanted to do what I had been doing until now – be a good teacher.

"I'm waiting for your answer, Shirley," he spoke up when I kept silent. "You know the rules... You're not leaving this room until you don't tell me what I want to hear. As for me, you may sit here until you're dead."

My hands were trembling. One of them was clenched tightly on the little bottle with medicine I had got from Snape. When I realised that, I began to wonder if I really did not understand what he had meant, or just kept stubbornly pushing this knowledge away from me... and I was not sure which of those options could be worse.

"You're playing some strange games with me, Professor," I frowned, finally forcing myself to look up at him.

He stood there, calmly, the tips of his fingers put together on the height of his chest. He stared at me, as though he was really awaiting my answer. I wondered if he was really curious of it, or just amused by torturing me.

"Absolutely not," he protested. "I just want to get to know one, very specific thing."

I had not even a single reason, though, to suspect that any of it had anything to do with Neville; and yet, I felt some kind of nervousness.

"It's obvious that it's better to have those with beautiful spirit amongst your friends," I answered at last. It meant my loss, but I realised that it was the only way to free myself from his grasp. From him and all those questions, inquisitions, games whose meaning I did not really understand.

"And yet, you seem to love to surround yourself with people who can't give you anything."

So it meant I had been right. My heart jumped up to my throat, then fell down, right into my stomach, making me feel a very unpleasant sensation.

"How can you know that?"

"I'm not blind, Shirley. But a time will come... when I'll stop following you step by step, and you'll be left all alone. And you will have to deal with everything just by yourself," he whispered, and I understood that it really had not been my paranoia. Snape had really been stalking me. For what reason, I had no idea... or at least, so I told myself.

"I can deal by myself, Professor."

He rolled his eyes in a way that had been irritated me throughout all those years when he had been teaching me.

"Oh, of course. If you'd been left all alone, Shirley, you would've been dead by now."

My hands trembled once again. There was some truth in his words, but at the same time, I did not want to admit that it was only thanks to him that I was still alive. Besides, such a wording would border on a lie.

"Drink this potion, it'll do you good," he added as he had noticed that I had no intention of answering. "And no, it's not a poison."

Having realised that once again he had sensed my thoughts, I blushed a lot, then uncorked the little bottle. The elixir had no smell, but it was definitely not transparent. If it were so, I would have already started suspecting that Snape wanted me to drink Veritaserum, and I definitely would not like it.

Finally, deciding to take the risk, I drank the contents of the phial and felt some pleasant warmth spreading all across my body.

"I have told you already that I don't want to be your enemy, and you wouldn't like it, either," he said calmly, then sighed.

Something about the tone of his voice and the manner of his behaviour bothered me a bit. No matter what, he was strangely kind to me, especially when one remembered it was him. But now, as I thought of it, besides those moments when he for some reasons unknown to me had begun to offend Neville, he had never been cruel to me.

"And I've told you that it was not my fault that I cannot force myself to like you."

Some muscles in his face twitched slightly, a dangerous light flickering in his eyes, but this time he managed to take control over his emotions.

"If you think that Neville is a person who can just look good amongst the friends," I continued, making use of the fact he did not interrupt me, "you are wrong. Neville helps me a lot. But I will not say that you do not help me."

"How does Longbottom help you, Shirley?"

The question sounded a bit tricky, but I decided not to let him provoke me. I put the phial back onto his desk.

"With conversations and company."

"Lately he hasn't seem to be either sociable or talkative."

His words made my stomach turn a somersault. I really wanted to move away, but my legs decided otherwise. Funny, how easy it was to them, especially when the door was so close. I just needed to open it, and I would be free, away from Snape, from my paranoia...

"He was busy."

"Oh?" Snape seemed to be genuinely surprised, but there was sheer irony in his voice. "And what he was so busy with? Most plants are dormant at this time of the year. Maybe he's putting blankets over them?"

My blood seemed to boil, and I started shivering.

"What is your point?" I asked, no longer able to hide my irritation. "Why are you trying to make Neville look bad in my eyes?"

"This idiot makes himself look bad in anyone's eyes." Snape's voice had changed. It was no longer as calm and velvety as before. And even though it terrified me a bit, I preferred it that way. "This coward... Who kept you company when you were lying lifeless? Not Longbottom, Shirley. _Me_. Who lets you get rid of all your sorrows now, as you're no longer in the hospital wing? Longbottom? No. Longbottom is too busy with his little plants. _Me_, Shirley, me again. Who has been trying to protect you against his destructive influence? _Me_."

Only then did I realise that I had been standing with my back pressed against the stone wall for a long time. With each word, Snape was getting closer and closer, and now his hand was resting on the wall right next to my face. I was afraid of breathing normally, knowing that then my breath would brush against his face.

I had a feeling that he was still taking me for Lily. However, that time he had not faltered, he had not hesitated even for a moment. He kept pronouncing my name with a morbid conviction, as if he was trying to point it out.

"Can't you get _anything_ through your head?"

No longer could I avoid looking into his eyes. They were just a few inches away from mine, like two dark tunnels. Pearly scars on his face glistened softly in the dim candlelight.

I knew that he had asked me a question, but I did not risk giving him an answer. My breath was ragged, and I was unable to inhale enough oxygen to stop myself from feeling dizzy. At last, I closed my eyes, praying that all of that would turn out to be just a weird dream, so I could lift my eyelids and make sure that nothing of that had ever taken place.

However, no sooner had I done that than I felt something I would have never expected to feel in such a situation.

His hand was cool when it cupped my cheek. His thumb gently caressed the skin right under my eye, as though he was trying to wipe away some invisible tears. And suddenly, as quickly as it had started, the feeling vanished. Snape stood up and moved back.

"Go back to your room," he whispered. "You need to rest."


	16. White Christmas

That night I could not fall asleep for a long time. I kept tossing and turning in my bed, and finally, I just lay on my back, staring at the ceiling above me. It was painted dark-blue, hundreds or thousands of tiny, silver spots glistening upon it, looking exactly like real stars. I adored this part of my room, even though I did not see it very often – only when I lay down on the bed.

My thoughts kept rushing towards one and always the same person; I still could not accept all that had happened. It had been so surreal that even knowing that it was all true, I did not let myself believe.

However, should it not have been obvious to me for a rather long time? Had he not been following me everywhere, making sure that even I would not have hurt myself. Besides, that one memory... When I had still been unconscious in the hospital wing, I was sure I had felt a kiss on my forehead. Truth be told, until now I had suspected it to be Neville, but Neville had not been allowed to get close to me.

Still, I could not... no, I just did not want to believe. Snape had always hated me – since he had been my teacher. Was it not him who called me a Mudblood and insulted me whenever he had a chance? Not to mention, he was older than me. Much older. Such things happened only in films or books, not in real life.

Probably he still took me for Lily. Truth be told, I now began to wonder who Lily really was; until now, I had only discovered that it was no-one else but Harry Potter's mother. However, there was something about her that made Snape look at me and remember her. And it seemed that it was a good memory.

I let out a soft groan and once again turned in my bed. I heard my mirror's quiet snoring, but I still was unable of falling asleep. During dinner, Neville had noticed that I had been quite distracted, and I had to admit that I had not been able to focus on what he had been telling me, even though he truly seemed to have been quite fascinated by what he had been talking about. And although I usually simply adored listening to him when he talked about things he loved, that time not even a word of his could get through my head.

_You seem to love to surround yourself with people who can't give you anything_,in my head sounded Snape's cool voice. I groaned again, then stood up and began to walk in circles around the room, shivering from cold and listening to the hum of the wind outside.

And what could Snape give me? He was older than me, bitter man, who saw no good in the things that surrounded him. And although he concealed lots of his kindness, that he usually did not allow to spot in himself, it could change nothing. His company still was not pleasant to me at all – and I did not believe that my company could give him anything but irritation, no matter what he said.

"Snape hates me," I said out loud to myself, but it sounded quite as if I was trying to convince myself, not like I truly believed it. "Snape hates me, and let it stay this way."

"Keep telling yourself that, dearie," sleepily murmured the mirror.

The last week before Christmas had passed surprisingly quickly. Despite Neville's advice to give some homework to my students, so they would not get too lazy, I allowed them to fully indulge in freedom during those few days.

The castle had begun to depopulate as the students left the school, heading back to their family homes. I smiled softly, watching them pulling their trunks to get to the carriages, which would then get them onto the Hogsmeade station, where the beautiful, crimson Hogwarts Express was already waiting for them.

At first, I had to admit, I had been thinking of getting back home for Christmas – although I was a teacher, I still had that right – but instead, I had decided to stay. I was not sure what I would experience at home; my parents were not quite happy that I had chosen "the other world", which was exactly the opposite of what they wanted for them. That was why I had just written a very long letter to them and sent the owl to take it to them along with the gifts.

Not many students had stayed in the castle for holidays; however, the Headmistress came back, and that sight made many of us really glad. She seemed to be tired and as though much older, but when she smiled, she was still the very same McGonagall everyone knew.

Snape in turn... Snape once again began to avoid me, and I was not sorry seeing that, yet in my heart appeared a feeling that I was not able to name. I did not dwell on it for too long, though, because the less I thought of him, the happier I felt.

However, it was not that easy. Neville really did have lots of work in his greenhouses, because he spent there whole days. McGonagall, even though she had come back school, often locked herself in his office and only Snape was allowed to accompany her during those long hours (I tried not to think of what they could be talking about). Hagrid sacrificed all of his attention to his creatures, which – as he told me one day – had begun to get sick because of the very low temperature.

So those were just days I once again spent in the library, poring over different books. And no, I did not feel unhappy because of that, even though, truth be told, I had perhaps already got accustomed to having some company all the time.

At last, the Christmas morning came: it was white, snowy and frosty. There were flowers painted by the frost glistening on the window panes, and I was really glad that the Elves had made sure that the fire in the fireplace would not go out.

At the foot of the bed I could see a small pile of gifts and I smiled softly. Maybe I was still a little kid deep in my heart, since that view made me really happy. But was there anyone who did not like getting presents? At the same time I wondered if the gifts I had given out would give their new owners the same joy.

I sat at the edge of the bed and gently tugged on the ribbon around the first box, when I suddenly heard a quiet knocking on the door. I raised my brows in surprise, because I had not expected any visit so early in the morning, but I thought I knew who it might be – after all, there was only one person – aside the Headmistress – who knew where my room was hidden.

I put the box back on the blanket, then stood up to open the door. I kept smiling slightly, because I had not seen Neville in a really long time.

"Really, Neville, don't you think it's a bit too early..." I began but stopped in mid-sentence, when the door swung open.

There was someone looking at me in surprise, but it was not Neville but Snape. I blushed and made a step back, quickly tying the belt around the robe. I would have never thought that he would see me like that... and that it would be him who had come so early in the morning.

I honestly did not like it when he looked at me in such a way, one of his brows slightly raised, his face painted with an expression I could not really decipher; I was never sure if it was disgust, irony, or something completely different. That was probably why I lacked confidence to keep eye-contact, and I quickly looked somewhere else, clearing my throat.

"I'll admit that I would be quite concerned if you were expecting him at this hour," he said quietly, and I vacantly put my hands into the pockets of the robe, still not looking at him.

"But you see nothing strange in the fact that you came here so early," I retorted before I could even think of what kind of words left my mouth. I bit my tongue, but it was already too late.

"This is the only hour when I don't expect this blockhead," he hissed. "Neither here, nor anywhere around you."

I glanced at him in resetment. I knew I needed towatch my mouth, so I would not provoke another argument, but it still did not change the fact I could not listen to him insulting Neville. No matter what he thought, nothing could make him any better than my friend.

"May I come in?" he asked, but instead of waiting for my answer, he just invited himself inside, and the door immediately closed behind him.

"I don't want to sound rude, but I still think that this hour is way too early for visits," I said, hoping my voice did not tremble too much; I did not want Snape to think that I was scared of him.

Though, I lied to myself, because I definitely was scared. Not that he could do something bad to me... after all, there was no-one else who would care about me as much as Snape himself. Still, something did not let me feel at ease when he was near. Just my room alone had – until now – been a place where I could feel safe; right now, though, I was so lost that I simply did not know what to do.

Snape ignored my words. He looked around, apparently judging my chamber, and I prayed silently that my mirror would not start talking again.

"I didn't expect to get a present from you, Shirley," finally spoke Snape, and I blushed madly.

Never before had I felt so embarrassed. His words had actually sounded like a rebuke to me. However, he was still my colleague – giving something small to him was just normal. It was Christmas, after all.

"Even you couldn't find anything improper in that gesture, Professor," I dared say, at last raising my eyes. To my surprise, I noticed that there was no anger on his face – rather something resembling a kind astonishment and curiosity. Only upon my speaking up, he grimaced slightly.

"I haven't said that I found it improper," he answered, the tone of his voice quite impatient. "Only that I didn't expect it."

"I suspect that my present is just one of many," I said only to avoid awkward silence.

Snape made some strange move, as though he wanted to make a gesture, but resigned just as he had started.

"You think so, Shirley?" he asked, looking at me and raising his brow a bit. "Then know that you're wrong."

I bit my bottom lip, taking another step backwards. I had not expected such a reaction to my having given him a Christmas present. It seemed that it had made a greater impression on him than I could have imagined. Quite shocked, I noticed that the distance between us had not changed – I had not noticed him moving, but I could swear that whenever I stepped away from him, he narrowed the gap again.

"I don't understand, Professor." I, myself, was surprised that my voice had sounded so loudly and confidently. "It's Christmas. It's obvious that presents are given to the colleagues. It's... it's a tradition. And since I owe you my life... I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I..."

I did not finish the sentence. I was afraid that I would go too far, that the situation would get even more awkward than it already was.

"I do have a gift for you, too, Shirley," he replied, as though he had not even heard my words.

"But... really, Professor," I muttered and that was when I could no longer control my nerves. No longer trying to keep up appearances, I just turned away from him and made a couple of steps aside. Snape did not even attempt to stop me.

"I am not doing this because I feel I owe you something," he added. "I'm doing this because I want to."

I was not sure why this man kept making me shy to such a degree. After all, there were other teachers that had been teaching back then, when I had still been a student. However, he was the only one who had such an influence on me. Was it because I had thought he had been dead for so many years? Or maybe because he had hated me since that time?

"I didn't want to give it to the House Elves, because the ones here are quite audacious," he grimaced again, glancing emotionlessly at the pile of gifts at the foot of my bed. "And I don't want the whole school to be talking about it."

"I can assure you that the Elves..."

"I have already heard among the students that _Professor_ Longbottom had been looking for, as they put it, _something pretty_ for Professor Shirley in Hogsmeade.

The tone of his voice made me feel terrible cold that had nothing to do with the freezing air outside the walls of the castle. My stomach turned some weird somersault, and I crossed my arms on my chest, having no courage to look up at Snape.

"I'm sure that it was a total coincidence," I answered, not even daring to turn towards him. "The students like to chatter."

"Oh, of course," replied Snape, his voice full of venom. "And some people just _adore_ to give them reasons for the chatter."

Only then did I turn back to glance up into his eyes. For a moment I was tempted to break the contact, but I did not allow myself even to blink, even though I would swear that he was doing his best to crush me by just looking at me.

"Never in my life would I have thought that you were aiming so low," he said so quietly that I heard not his voice but his thoughts.

"I don't think it's the best moment for this..."

"You're a coward." He made another step towards me. In the blink of an eye I got close to the door. "But you are not a complete idiot and you know that you can do better."

"Professor..."

"Or maybe I should just admit that a half-Squib and a Mudblood make a good couple?" The muscles in his face twitched dangerously. Perhaps I would have preferred if he yelled instead of insulting me and Neville... especially when there was _nothing_ between the two of us.

Snape was jealous. Now, I knew it for sure. Yet I still did not see the reason why I should explain myself to him. Even if there was anything between me and Neville, he had no right to meddle in things that did not concern him.

"Do you think that I've been caring for you so much so I can watch now that oaf... that numbskull using that so he could get closer to you?"

I stopped moving away from him. Snape made use of that immediately, and before I realised that, he stood right in front of me, like some frightening phantom.

"You do not owe me, Professor," I replied.

"I would give you everything."

"I want _nothing_ from you," I retorted, turning back to leave.

But that was when I felt his fingers closing around my wrist.


	17. Dots Start to Connect

That was the last thing I would have expected. For a little while, my heart stopped beating, but only to start hammering in the next moment, so hard and fast as though it was trying to jump out of my chest. I began to regret that I had opened the door for him at all. That was not what Christmas should like... I wanted the Christmas morning to bring joy, now horror and rage.

I did not want Snape to think I was ungrateful to him, because that was not the case. I owed him my life. But still, I did not wish for him to think that I was his toy just because he had saved me.

I tugged my hand several times, but his grip was much tighter than I had previously supposed. I did not want to turn to look at him yet; I would rather want to prevent him from spotting the expression on my face. And I was sure that he would be able to read anything right off my face – my anger, my fear...

"Do let me go," I said stiffly, and my voice sounded strange.

"You will first hear what I want to tell you," he replied, and the grasp on my wrist got even thighter.

"I doubt that you could tell me anything, Professor," I responded, once again trying to free myself from him, but to no avail.

Or maybe it really was just a dream. Maybe all of my stress had built up into a nightmare that was so vivid that I took it for reality. I sighed deeply, then closed my eyes, praying that – when I open them once again – Snape would no longer be there.

"Please, do hear me out," he said emphatically, dispelling my illusions.

I did not want to listen to him. I wanted him to go away and leave me alone. However, I knew that he would not do that; he was not that kind of man who would just give up at the moment when he had finally captured me. Yet, I thought that I should not feel so strange while being in my own bedroom.

"You have five minutes, Professor, and, for God's sake, let go of me."

Finally, he let me go. I frowned slightly, then began rubbing my sore wrist. I really regretted that I had not managed to get dressed before Snape had come. Then, at least, I would have a wand in my pocket... Besides, it would let me feel a little more comfortable. It was not really the state I wanted anyone to see me in, and Snape was certainly the last person who should have seen me dressed like that.

Pulling on the halves of my robe so it would hide as much of me as it could, I sat down on the bed, not even looking at my interlocutor. I had no idea what he might want to tell me, and truth be told, I was not even sure if I wanted to know.

"I have a feeling that you still don't understand me, Shirley. That you still keep thinking that I take you for a person I have once known," he spoke up after a moment. He did not look at me, either; his back facing me, he stood there, his arms crossed on his chest. Only after a while I found enough courage to look up. His eyes locked on some point in the distance, he just stood, completely motionless, as though he was talking not to me, but to himself. "The fact that you resemble her, does not change..."

Even seeing just his semi-profile, I could notice him grimacing a little, making me feel quite uncomfortable. So he understood me better than I could have ever thought. Or maybe he really could get into my head and read or sense my thoughts and feelings... After all, there was no-one better at Legilimency than him – everyone knew that.

"I let Lily go," he continued. "I saw her with that cretin, Potter... It hurt me, but... but if that could make her happy... but it did not. Potter brought death onto her. I can't let the same happen to you. And I just won't let you go."

He turned to face me so quickly that I had not managed to look in another direction, so our eyes met. He had never looked at me so sharply.

"Neville and I are just friends," I reassured him, but at the same time I still felt quite awkward. I should not have to share such details with him, it was my private life. On the other hand, had he not opened his heart wide to me? How much did he trust me if he had just revealed so many of his secrets, risking that I would tell someone about that? That I would use them against him?

"Do you think so? And what does Longbottom think?"

Those were the questions I was not able to answer, because I was afraid that – unfortunately – Snape had hit home with just those several words. I had no idea what Neville thought... and yet, I was under the impression that he really hoped for something more than just friendship.

"It doesn't change the fact that you don't have any right to meddle into it, either," I said, knowing it was a great risk.

The expression of Snape's face changed, even if just a little bit. It was so inscutable at that point that although I thought for a moment that I had noticed a spark of anger in his eyes, I soon learnt that it was just a reflection of the candlelight.

Silence fell. It seemed to be ringing in my ears; my head ached, and the conversation that had just been broken, bothered me greatly. I lacked my fingers and put my hands on my lap. I was afraid that Snape would find a way out of this situation, at the same time backing me in a corner.

"Professor," I said after a longer while, wanting nothing more but just finish the conversation. "I don't understand much of this situation, I just know that... that when I was still a student, we didn't really... like each other. I don't want to have an enemy in you... Let's just stay colleagues, just like we should."

Once again, on Snape's face appeared the very same expression of disgust I knew so well, as though I had just said something exceptionally abominable.

"So?" he asked, and I had to stop myself from mumbling _so what_, even though I was dying to say them out loud. "Is that all you've had to say?"

I did not see a reason why I should share any more secrets with him. The situation we both had found ourselves in had already been solved – I was glad that he did not take me for Lily anymore, but it did not change anything yet. Our mutual aversion should be broken for the sake of the school and students, but nothing more should ever happen between us.

There were too many differences between us – starting with what we liked and ending with our age.

On the other hand, even though I was slightly afraid of admitting that even to myself, I still felt the touch of his cold hand on my cheek. It made me feel some weird sensations around the stomach; it made me forget about the whole world around me. It was something I had never felt in my whole life.

However, it meant nothing yet. I suspected – or maybe I wanted to believe – that it was just my surprise to the fact that Snape had shown such care towards me. Care I had never experienced from anyone else.

"I just want to protect you, God damn it, what is so revolting about it?" he exploded finally, sending chills down my spine. "When I watch this idiot taking you for granted... You could have everything, Shirley. Everything."

Once again, I found myself lacking courage to answer him. I did not want to hurt him anymore... but he deserved an answer.

I stood up and moved away from him. I knew he was watching me, so I wrapped my arms around myself, as though it could protect me from his piercing eyes. I was not quite sure what exactly he saw in me. Because there had to be something that was pushing him to me, so he desired to fight for me by all means. Besides, he understood me better than anyone, even Neville, with whom we had been completely inseparable not so long before.

"I'm fine, Professor," I replied after a moment, but I regretted it as soon as I said that, knowing that I sounded cold and insensitive. "There's no need for you to protect me all the time. It... it is very... noble..."

"Why don't you get it that without me you'd have been dead by now," he snapped, getting close to me in two long steps. "This idiot will make you suffer. Besides... besides, the days will come when Longbottom will be the least of all your problems."

I looked at him in astonishment.

"What are you talking about, sir?" I asked hesitantly. My thoughts immediately went back to the very beginning of the school year, when I had first had a feeling that McGonagall had really wanted or needed Snape at school. And now, as they kept locking themselves in her study together... was there something we should be afraid of?

"That you will be safe with me," he answered, a hint of anger and impatience in his voice.

I felt something strange, and twitched suddenly, but soon, I realised it was Snape once again. Although he took my hands once more, this time he was not as violent as before, and his touch was not unpleasant.

"Professor, if our school faces danger, I believe that we should first look after our students," I confessed.

If it really was so, if there was some danger outside the castle awaiting us, there was no time for any romance. With anyone. The task of us as the teachers was to protect the young people from any evil that could threaten them.

"So I am supposed to just stand aside and watch someone close to me being killed again?" he growled.

"But Professor, you don't even _like me_."

I had a feeling that I needed to keep reminding him that. After all, he could not like me; besides, I, even though I really did try to start liking him, had not managed to do that yet. We did not spend much time together. In fact, we hardly knew each other. How could he believe that I was someone close to him?

"Since when has Miss Shirley been so wise that she could judge it better than I?" he asked, his voice dripping with irony.

"You've been showing it to me in many different ways."

"I don't know what you've been expecting, Shirley, but from what I know, trying to save someone is a sign of something quite different."

I blushed madly, but did not look away – thanks to that I could see the glimpse of triumph in his eyes. I hated that.

"Sometimes I get the feeling that you're even dumber than this idiot Longbottom," he whispered calmly, making me go crazy. "Talented and ambitious... but not having even an ounce of intuition. Fascinating, considering that your achievements in potion brewing were quite satisfactory."

"You hated me already back then," I answered, and the tone of my voice surprised me. I did not want it to sound so aggressive.

"Because I didn't favour you, just like a half of teachers?" He raised his brow. "Or because I didn't give you any points for doing what I required and what you had to do?"

I was a bit offended, but did not answer, doing my best not to let him provoke me.

"You were my student and I treated you just like the rest of the people in my class. I did not treat you worse, Shirley, but I did not want to go easy on you, and probably that is the only reason why you did not get lazy, and your results were getting better."

To my surprise, I realised that he still had my hands in his. He was definitely way too close, which made me feel slightly nervous, but at that moment it no longer was fear. If he wanted to hurt me, he had already had a chance to do it at least several times.

"I was shocked, seeing you there on that day when I came back... maybe that is why I wanted to talk to you back then."

"You wanted...?" I asked, surprised. "But you told me that you could say the same things to the Headmistress, if only..."

"And then what? What would you think of me?"

Once again I found myself too cowardly to answer. Finally, I began to understand why it had had to be me back then. Why it had been my task to talk to Snape as soon as he had got back to Hogwarts...

"I saw Longbottom giving you advice on how you should be a teacher... and I realised that if you kept listening to him, you wouldn't be able to stay there too long. My methods, even though I have always acted by fair means or foul, seemed to be working." He smiled softly, making me feel dizzy. Although at this point the pieces of the puzzle had already begun to create a whole picture, I did not like it at all. "Yet I still knew that it was not the only threat awaiting you. That was why I kept following you. That was why I wanted to protect you at all cost. And was I not right? Would you be here, talking to me right now, if I hadn't done that back then?"

"If you hadn't decided to duel with Neville, the accident wouldn't have occured," I interrupted him.

"I didn't expect him to bring you there," growled Snape.

"He didn't. I just didn't want to let you hurt him," I answered in anger.

"Had I hurt him, you would have one problem less now."

I pursed my lips and closed my eyes. Even if he wanted to calm me down, his words had the opposite effect.

"At first I kept telling myself that it would be a great loss to lose such a valuable witch and a talented teacher. Yet after some time, I realised that I would rather like it more if you had never become a teacher at Hogwarts. It would be better if I hadn't met you again..."

I found a way out in the words he had just uttered.

"Then let's keep acting as though we didn't see each other. Or... or let's just avoid meeting each other," I replied, trying to step away, but he stopped me once again, trapping me between his body and a wall.

"It's too late, Shirley. You've already cast your spell, so bear the consequences."

I intended to get back at him but did not make it. His hands let go of my wrists and rested on my cheeks, and he leant over me to close my mouth with a kiss.


	18. Christmas Feast

That was the last thing I could have expected from Snape. And to be honest, nothing had ever frightened me to this extend. At first, I stiffened, having no idea what to do. Only after a while, I came back to my senses and started to push him away from myself, even though he was a man much taller than me.

If one had thought that the kiss I had just got had been in any way romantic and sensitive, they would have been completely wrong. I had never thought that something that should be inherently romantic, could be so barefacedly stripped of romanticism. I had not been able to feel anything good or warm in it, even though that was what I had always thought my first kiss would look like. That my heart would be hammering in my chest, and a whole flock of butterflies would start fluttering their tiny wings in my stomach. Right now, though, I felt nothing but anger, fear and disgust.

Finally, Snape moved away from me, but I had no idea what was the expression on his face, because I did not even want to look at him. I could only pray that he would not be smirking triumphantly again.

"Leave," I whispered. "Leave now."

I did not hear his steps, but I knew that he could move so quietly that my hearing nothing did not mean anything. That was when I realised that there were tears in my eyes. I wiped them away with one, quick motion of my hand, feeling irritated. To my complete surprise, when I only opened my eyes, I noticed that Snape had not left my chamber, like I had asked him to.

What was more, when I turned my face away to pretend that I did not see him, his hand once again rested on my cheek, his thumb wiping away the remains of my tears.

"You still think I'm cold?" he asked, his voice sounding strange – I was not able to define the feelings that pierced through it, but I definitely could not link it to Snape. It made me feel even more lost, and that in turn led me towards even deeper aversion towards him.

Why had he not listened to me? Maybe if he had left when I had told him to, I would feel better now, thanks to which I would not be so angry at him. Instead, he stood there, stubbornly, as though his only fate was to pretend to be my shadow.

"You are heartless, Professor, I've asked you to leave," I repeated, my voice trembling with anger.

It was definitely the worst Christmas I could have ever imagined. Suddenly I regretted that I had not left the castle when I had still been able to, then I would spare myself all those unnecessary meetings with Snape. I did not know why he could not understand that I found it hard to even imagine being friends with him. I did not even want to go even a step further.

"I still believe there are matters we should..." he began but I really did not intend to listen to him anymore.

"You had your five minutes. You used them as you saw fit, now I'm asking you to go out and leave me alone."

"I am not used to being interrupted," he growled, his voice changing instantaneously. He looked at me in such anger as though I was the one who had hurt him.

"And I'm not used to the fact that a person, who is old enough for him to be my father, imposes on me like that."

I knew I should not have said that; I really did not want to hurt his feelings, but I was so vexed that I could not control myself, even though I tried to calm down very much.

"So this is your problem, then? My age?" he hissed, a grimace upon his face. "If I were any younger, you would stop treating me as if I were your enemy?"

"I haven't said that."

"But have you thought that?" he snapped. "Or maybe you have just assumed in advance that I was not _worthy_ of your attention at all?"

I trembled. Did he really think that he could put all the blame for his failures on me? It was enough for me to assume that there was no reason for me to try to like him. Perhaps I liked him even less than before.

"Please, just go away," I whispered, closing my eyes.

This time, he did not answer. I could hear his heavy, fast breathing when he moved away from me. After a coupld of seconds the door closed behind him, and I was left alone.

The gifts remained intact until the Christmas dinner. I was not in the mood for celebration, but having been crying for a few hours, I decided that it would be better to leave the room. Besides, I had not appeared for the previous meals; my absence during dinner would definitely be noticed, and I did not want to have to explain myself.

I could only hope that I would not see Snape again that day in the Great Hall. After our morning conversation, I did not think I could look him in the eye... and was Christmas dinner not supposed to bond whatever had been severed before. We were supposed to forgive each other on that day, but I could not imagine forgiving that person.

"Darcie!" I heard Neville's voice, full of relief. "I was afraid you got sick."

I forced myself to smile, even though I had a feeling that it looked more like a grimace. Even at him I could not look the same way I had until now. Not after what I had heard from Snape. How much of what he had told me was true? How much in turn was a lie, which would be a way for him to separate me from my friend?

"I had a difficult morning," I answered, but even though I really did try to sound convincing, Neville must have heard I was lying.

"Darcie, you... have you been crying?" he asked hesitantly, tipping my chin up with his fingers, forcing me to look into his eyes. There was not a chance he would not see the trails left by my tears, even though I had done all I could to get rid of them.

"Yes," I laughed shortly. "In the morning I kicked the corner of my bedside table."

He frowned slightly, but did not add anything else; it seemed he had understood that I did not want to talk about that, and I was grateful to him. He wanted to take my hand, but I avoided it, hoping that it was not too awkward.

When we entered the Great Hall, I noticed that there were less people left than I had thought. I was also quite relieved that Snape was nowhere to be seen, so I did not have to pay much attention to all the inconveniences that could take place.

"You need to tell me about everything that happened today," I told Neville who, having heard my words, smiled softly.

"Today? Nothing interesting. I woke up in the morning and opened my presents... thank you for that set of Dargon-hide gloves, they are wonderful," he assured me and I smiled back. I had almost forgotten what I had given him. "I came here for breakfast... but you weren't here, to my discontent, but at least Snape seemed to be in a very bad mood... good. He didn't appear for lunch."

I blushed, but it probably remained unnoticed by Neville. Anyway, he did not ask any questions, and I was thankful for that.

"On the other hand, McGonagall seems to be twenty years younger, I've never seen her so joyous."

I could not help but smile. The thought of the Headmistress alone definitely made me feel better. After all, I really liked her and believed that she deserved all the best. And lately, she had not seemed to be herself.

Truth be told, I wondered why she left the castle so often. What – or whom – did she look for? Or maybe she did something completely different? And if so, what else could that be? The whole situation had begun to worry me, especially that it was just one of many signs that the school could be facing danger.

We sat down at our usual spots, and Flitwick moved the tray with wizard crackers closer to us. I raised one of my brows, and he giggled. He already had a hat decorated with a great, stuffed eagle on his head. I could not help but laugh out loud.

Neville took the cracker and offered it to me. After a moment of hesitation, I pulled it with him. It went off with a bang, and from the cloud of blue smoke emerged a fake wand. It looked strikingly like one straight from a Muggle toy shop.

"Gorgeous," I laughed.

"It suits you perfectly," said a voice right over ouf heads. My stomach jumped up to my throat, then fell down at an unbelievable speed.

Neville looked up, trying to crush Snape with just his eyes; Snape just smirked ironically, awakening unconceivable fury in me.

"Just like your companion."

The cracker in my hand went off out of sudden, burning my face. I had not noticed until now how hard I had squeezed it. It had been a while since I had last control like that. Snape, though, did not seem to be flurried.

"Severus, why not get some butterbeer?" said McGonagall suddenly, glancing at us from behind Flitwick's back. It seemed she must have noticed something had happened, and now she tried to calm the situation.

"No, thank you," answered Snape coolly. "I have something to entertain me here."

I stood up. Neville caught my hand, trying to sit me back down, because he knew that it could not end up well... but i was not going to sit down. I was breathing heavily, my heart hammering in my chest, as though it tried to make a way out.

I had not pulled my wand out yet, but only remnants of my will held my hand in check. I was afraid that I would lose control over myself and attack Snape in front of everyone gathered in the Great Hall. I did not want to do that, but at the same time, I could not allow him to begin to take it out on Neville and me.

"Severus, I _insist_," growled McGonagall and the tranquility on her face was soon replaced with irritation. Her lips were pursed again.

Some muscle in Snape's face twitched slightly, but the man himself made no move. He kept staring at me, but his eyes... maybe it was just my imagination, but I would swear that I did not see any anger in his eyes – rather a warning.

"Sit down, Shirley," he hissed, but I did not intend to listen to him. "Sit down or something bad will happen to you."

"You will not be speaking to her like that."

Now even Neville stood up. The eyes of all the students were fixed on us. I knew that it would end up badly.

"No... it's all right, Neville," I whispered, which made Snape raise his brow. Slowly he turned his head to the side and looked at Neville.

"A knight in his shining armour? Rather not... seems to be a cowardly Squib," he said quietly. "And I thought you were ambitious, Shirley."

I did not even know when my hand reached to the pocket of my robe, my fingers closing around the wand. I did not want to pull it out, but I managed to stop myself at the last second. Neville probably did not notice what I wanted to do, because he let go of me.

"Have you told him about your morning yet?" he asked even more quietly, making sure, though, that my friend could hear every single word of his.

"Severus." McGonagall had approached us and stared at us. "Please, do join us. Shirley, Longbottom, sit back down."

Snape left along with the Headmistress and I, whether I wanted it or not, fulfilled her request. I still could hear the hum of blood rushing through my veins, though. Neville soon took his seat right next to me. I, however, did not even look in his direction, even though I knew perfectly well that he kept looking at me persistently.

The eyes of the students finally turned away from us, and the Great Hall was again filled with quiet buzz of voices, sometimes broken by the cracker exploding or someone bursting out laughing.

"What was Snape talking about?" asked Neville after a while, glancing askance at the Potions Master. He sat at the other end of the table, so he could not notice that. He did not talk to anyone, though, and paid no attention to the sweets that Professor Sinistra offered him.

For a moment I ignored Neville, but he then repeated my name several times. Besides, I needed to look away from Snape, so it would not seem suspicious.

"Nothing," I mumbled, staring at my hands, still a bit burned from the explosion of the wizard cracker. "He... must have mixed something up."

"Darcie, I beg you." Neville's voice made it clear that he had really become quite serious. "You really can be honest with me while talking about such things."

_But not about this, Neville, not about this_, I thought, then sighed. After all, how was I supposed to tell him about what had happened in my chamber so early in the morning? About Snape having opened his heart to me?

Now, as I thought it, I felt a prickle of guilt in my heart. Maybe I really had been too harsh towards Snape? It was true that I could not feel anything warm for him, but had there truly been no other way for me to tell him...?

"It's not something I should be talking about with you. Certainly not here," I told him finally, then took a sip of my butterbeer. Pleasant warmth began to spread slowly across my body, making me feel strangely sleepy.

"So maybe we could leave?" suggested Neville.

I blinked a few times, trying to focus my eyes on him, but it turned out to be impossible. My sleepiness did not wear off, moreover, I started feeling dizzy. I looked at the mug full of butterbeer not really knowing what I was doing.

"Darcie...? Darcie!" repeated Neville, but I was not able to answer. I wanted to stand up, but no sooner had I done that than I lost my balance, and although I did lean on the table, before I realised what was happening, I lost my consciousness.


	19. Home

My head ached. I was glad that no-one had thought about illuminating the room more than that, otherwise I would not be able to open my eyes. Apparently it was still night – I wondered how much time had passed since I had lost my consciousness. I could only hope it had not been as much as after the accident in the dungeons...

I groaned quietly and propped myself on my hand, trying to sit up, but it turned out to be harder than I had initially thought. My body seemed to be strangely limp and powerless, just like back then, when I had woken up after many weeks spent lifeless in the bed.

"Lay still, otherwise there won't be enough pieces to sweep up," growled a voice behind me.

I was not strong enough to argue, so I fell onto the bed helplessly, only now realising that I was not actually in the hospital wing. This place was much smaller and definitely darker. There were none of those characteristic white walls and rows of beds at both sides of the room.

"Where am I?" I asked unconsciously. I closed my eyes, but opened them a while later, trying to finally focus my eyes upon something to recognise the place, yet it turned out to be too difficult.

The man behind me kept shifting something, I could hear some quiet tapping of items being put aside and jingling of some glass.

"You have a talent for attracting problems, Shirley. The... Heamistress... is now thinking if she's made a good choice accepting your application."

My heart immediately started beating faster, and I could not stop myself from sitting up. I felt dizzy, but not enough to lose balance. Maybe I was not the best of teachers, but I definitely did not deserve being fired after just a couple of months.

Before I said anything, though, I remembered the last moment that was still stuck in my memory. There was something in my butterbeer that made me lose my consciousness. Someone must have poured something inside...

My suspicions at once rushed towards one person, one of the two that had got close to my chair during the dinner, close enough to be able to pour anything inside my mug. Besides, there was only one I could actually think of.

"You tried to poison me!" I cried, glancing at Snape, who stood there, brewing something in a small cauldron.

The man looked at me, bored, maybe even irritated, then sighed and waved his wand at me. I felt some invisible force putting me back into the bed. The blanket wrapped tightly around me, as though creating a straitjacket; even though I tried to free myself, I could not do much.

"Shut up, Shirley, or I will ask the Headmistress myself to get you fired," he scolded me. "I would have never botched it as much as the person who tried to attack you."

My heart seemed to have jumped up into my throat and begin to hammer so hard I could hardly breathe. If it had not been Snape, then who? There was no-one at school I could believe to be my enemy. I may not be a friend of everybody there, but it did not mean that the people around me were hostile towards me.

"Moreover, I only know one person whose achievements were so _pitiful_ that he was not able to brew a simple Sleeping Solution," added Snape after a moment, as though drinking his own words in. I could not really understand why he was so delighted by that fact, but the answer was just about to come. "And so it happens that this one and only person is no-one else but your best friend, Longbottom."

"No."

I did not know myself when those words managed to find a way out of my mouth. They surprised me probably just as much as Snape.

"No? Then know, Shirley, that I know my students perfectly well. I know, who tends to do what. And either someone pretended to be Longbottom quite skillfully, or Longbottom himself decided to make you drink the potion."

Chills went down my spine. Truth be told, I was able to believe that the Potions Master could recognise which students made which mistakes. Probably that was what terrified me so much... because I really did not want... I could not believe that Neville could have put anything in my drink! On the other hand, he had never left the table. Moreover, I had not been looking in his direction, as I had been busy arguing with Snape. It would not have been difficult for him to just pour a couple of droplets of some potion into my butterbeer...

"But it makes no sense..." I groaned quietly. "Why would Neville have tried... it makes no sense..."

Snape rolled his eyes at me.

"Stop pouting like a little baby, Shirley. You are safe, at least as long as you are here," he said stiffly. "The Headmistress did not let me take you to the hospital wing. Apparently she is concerned something really is going on."

I did not answer. I just laid where I was, staring at the ceiling above me. No wonder it was so dark in here... after all, it was Snape's room. I felt at least awkward, knowing it was his bed I laid in.

He had saved me for yet another time, even though just a couple of hours before I had quarrelled with him so much. There was simply no reason for him to once again fight for my health, maybe even life... but he had done that, nevertheless.

"The Christmas break will be over in a few days," he spoke after a moment, his voice just as cool and dry as before. "Until then, you will probably be completely healthy and Madam Pomfrey will state if you are capable of getting back to your usual schedule."

I opened my mouth to form some kind of a thank-you, but my voice got lost in my throat. I did not understand why it was so difficult to me, because it was all about just two words. But maybe I was worried that he would not treat my words seriously. Or that they would not sound as honest as they should.

"Will I be able to get back to my room?" I asked hesitantly.

Snape came to a halt and turned in my direction. His hair veiled a half of his face, and I would swear that he had done that on purpose; perhaps he did not want to look at me. Besides, I had some problems with looking him in the eye.

"And wait until that idiot decides to finish you off? No way. You are going to stay here," he answered immediately.

Finally, I managed to free myself from this merciless embrace of the blanket, then sat up on the edge of the bed, looking at Snape. My heart kept hammering madly. I was glad, though, that I was still in my robes, that he had not changed it to my nightgown.

"Absolutely not. This is your room. Your bed. I am not going to stay here," I protested, even though I did realise that I sounded like a spoilt teenager, not like a grown-up woman.

"I don't intend on letting you go, understand?" In Snape's voice I could once again hear the very same strange tone. He was furious at me, for sure, but despite that, I could hear something completely different. As though he was worried about me... and I perhaps I could believe that now, as I knew the truth – or at least a great part of it. "Somewhere out here there is someone who wants to either kill you, or hurt you in any other way. I am not going to just sit here on my hands, watching them hunt you down."

I felt guilty. Snape did not deserve even a half of my aversion towards him,but still, there was something about him that made it simply impossible for me to like him... or at least to dislike him a little bit less. Even though I should.

"I don't have any enemies here," I muttered doubtfully. "It's... impossible that... m- maybe it was some kind of a mistake..."

"Oh, of course, people usually pour different potions into someone else's drink _by mistake_," interrupted Snape, clearly irritated. "And what else, Shirley? _By accident_ cast spells at them? Maybe _Avada kedavra_?"

I slowly slipped onto the floor; it was cold. I was happy, though, that in the fireplace nearby the fire was still crackling, because Christmas that year was really freezing.

"I don't think it could be Neville."

"Even if it was not him, then there is someone else. Someone who – for some reason – wanted to either poison you or put you to sleep. Think about it, Shirley," he said quietly, leaning towards me so closely that our faces were just a few inches apart. "I have no idea why he wants to do that, but he must have some reason. You don't have to like me, but you have to trust me, otherwise I am worried that there will be nothing to send to your family so they have anything to bury."

I felt some strange sensation around my stomach when he said that. I folded my arms across my chest and turned my face away, making a step sidewards.

"I trust you," I answered finally. After all, that was the truth; he was the only person who really tried to save me. To whom I owed my life – and now, twice. I had no idea how I would ever be able to pay this debt off.

"I told you that there were things you shouldn't meddle into, because you'll get in danger," added Snape.

I turned towards him and frowned as I looked at him. His figure was almost blended with the background, tall nad thin, looking more like a sculpture, not a real man. However, his eyes were so brilliant that he could not be mistaken for any sculpture. I found it quite fascinating, since I had always thought that his eyes were dull.

"I stayed away from them – and what did it get me?" I asked, annoyed. "Why does nobody want to explain anything to me?"

"You are so impatient," snapped Snape. "If you are not cautious, you will not end well. You'll get to know the truth when the time comes."

"How am I supposed to be cautious if I don't know what or who I am supposed to protect myself from?"

I honestly hoped that I was not going to hear that I should keep myself away from Neville, because now he was no threat to me. To my surprise, I really did not hear anything similar to that.

"This is why you need to stay here. At least for as long as it's possible. This way I will be able to protect you."

Once again I turned my eyes away, staring at the crackling fire. Slowly, I approached the fireplace, but I still felt some weird cold that had nothing to do with the frost outside the castle.

"I don't want anyone to have to protect me all the time," I replied finally. "I don't want it to be you, Professor."

I heard no answer. I was not fully sure that it was a good sign, so after a moment I forced myself to continue.

"I already do owe you my life. You have saved me twice. I feel bad knowing that... that I am not able to thank you in any way... or return the favour, perhaps. Moreover, I don't even find myself capable of having a normal conversation with you, because in every case it ends up with an argument."

I felt ashamed of telling him all that, but the shame got even greater as I thought how selfish I had been for a great majority of time. On the other hand, I could not help but feel that when I said that, I got rid of some burden right of my heart. Burden that seemed to have been stuck there for months, but which I had not been able to rid myself of in any other way.

I sighed, adding nothing more. I was not sure what else to say, even though I had a feeling that there were still so many things that I should have said... but I could not put them into words, no matter how hard I tried.

I wrapped my arms around myself even more tightly. There was complete silence, and for a moment I thought that Snape had either fallen asleep or just left, not wanting to listen to me. It it had been so, I would not be even surprised. But after a moment, I felt a touch of someone's hand on my shoulder, and a blush spread all over my cheeks.

"I will protect you, as long as you let me," he said in a voice that did not suit him at all. Or maybe it was just an impression, because it was so different from the voice I usually heard from his lips. "I don't want to watch you getting hurt."

"You don't understand..." I began, but he cut in right away.

"I understand perfectly. Do know, then, that nobody forces me to keep rescuing you. I do it of my own free will. I would be afraid to trust anyone to take care of you, especially at a moment like this, when I don't know who assailant is. I'd rather keep you close and keep my eye on you."

I did not answer that time. My cheeks seemed to be burning and I knew that in the light of the fire nearby Snape would be able to notice a blush. I prayed that he would not look at me. I did not want him to look at me.

However, my prayers were not answered; otherwise I would not feel a gentle touch on my cheek. His hands were always cool.

"You should rest."

I shook my head. I did not want to get back to bed, not after having lay there, unconscious, for a couple of hours again. At the same time, I was under the impression that he was trying to get rid of my company, and I... I was afraid of running away for yet another time. It never ended up well. On the other hand, was facing the reality not going to turn out to be even more fatal to both of us?

Perhaps that was what Snape thought, too, because he moved away from me and got back to preparing the potion. In the cauldron, something was constantly bubbling. I slowly turned to look at him, but I only faced his back.

"Maybe it would be better if you had got back home," he said quietly. "You would be safe there, among your family, far from me..."

I glanced at him in bewilderment; had he not been saying something about me being safe so long as I stay by his side just a moment before? Why all of sudden did he want me to get back to the Muggle world now? Was I not exposed to even greater danger there?

"I don't want to get back... my home is _here_," I replied at once, and he, as soon as he heard that, turned towards me.

"You should have a home of your own. Home where you will be getting back for holidays."

I pushed my hands into my pockets. Yes, my parents' house. But even though I did love my parents, we disagreed on way too many matters for me to feel comfortable there. We belonged in two different worlds.

"Maybe I could rent a room in Hogsmeade," I muttered, thinking out loud.

"This is not what I mean," replied Snape irritably. "This is not home."

Apparently he had already finished brewing the potion, because he had put out the fire and filled a little phial with the contents. He did not cork it in, though, but stepped closer to me and handed the bottle to me. Without a second thought, I took it from him.

"Drink, it's a Strengthening Solution," he said. "You may not want to rest, but _this_ is what you need."

At first I wanted to refuse out of sheer defiance, but I knew that it would be way too foolish of me, so I resigned and put the bottle to my lips.

"I sometimes wonder," continued Snape, turning away from me, "what a true home looks like. Because, you see, I have never had a home of my own, either. I have a... house... in Cokeworth. I always get back there for holidays, but not many know where I live."

I was not sure what he was aiming for, so I listened intently. I had drunk the contents of the phial, and now, I put it back on the table.

"There was a time when I hoped that it would change. It was... long ago." On his lips an almost unnoticeable smile appeared. A boyish smile. Completely different from the grimace of sarcasm I usually saw on his face. "But back then, it ended up being another disappointment. Yet now..."

He turned towards me once again, and I felt quite awkward when our eyes met, but I could not look away.

Very slowly, Snape approached me, and I made a couple of steps back. I did not want our conversation to end with another quarrel and greater unpleasantness, and whenever he got too close, there was no other way it could end.

"I would protect you," he whispered, suddenly holding my arms; I would not be able to escape now. "You could be happy."

I opened my eyes wide, not believing in what I heard.

"Professor," I started almost accusingly

"I would give you a real home. Not a place where you could survive. A home... And you could let me experience what it really is."

Now no potion was needed this time. Perhaps I had stopped breathing for a longer while, because I felt dizzy and there was darkness all around once again.


	20. Scent of Books

When I woke up the next morning, Snape was nowhere to be seen; I did notice, though, a couple of toasts and a cup of relatively warm tea on the bedside table. It meant that he had been there just before a moment.

To my surprise, it turned out that this time he had made sure that I would be lying comfortably in a bed – and dressed in my nightgown. I blushed deeply, hoping that he had not been looking as he had been changing me into it. At the same time, I could not help but wonder where he had been sleeping if I had taken the bed. Almost at the same moment I noticed a blanket hung on the back of the armchair. My blush got even darker.

Slowly, I slipped off the bed and reached for the plate full of toasts. I got closer to the fireplace unhurriedly, munching on my breakfast. That was when I realised that the room was actually covered with books. My curiosity could not leave me alone, so I soon began to walk along the bookcases, reading the titles of the volumes upon the shelves.

Some of them really were about potions. I could see works such as _The Most Powerful Potions_, _The History of Potion-brewing_, or _Secrets of the Darkest Elixirs_; however, besides those, there were many more. I smiled at the sight of the books devoted to the Defence against Dark Arts; I immediately remembered the constant fight between Snape and Dumbledore concerning his teaching that subject at Hogwarts.

"So have I thought, that you'd already got up," I heard a quiet, familiar voice coming from somewhere around the door. I almost choked on the bite of the toast I had been just chewing. "Such breakfast may not be fanciful, but you at least won't be hungry."

As soon as I managed to swallow what I had in my mouth, I turned towards him. He had not changed since the previous evening. Actually, I was not sure what I had been expecting; after all, he was still the same man. Our night conversation might have been peculiar, but it could not change him just like that.

"Thank you," I muttered almost automatically, trying not to look at him. After what I had heard at night, I could not stand his glance; truth be told, I would feel better if he did not look at me, either. But he had not averted his sight – I had a feeling that it had got even more intense now.

I sighed deeply, then returned to looking at the books; I hoped, probably vainly, that thanks to that Snape would forget that I was there. I could live there as long as we avoided each other's presence – I was not that sure, though, if Snape would want to avoid me. Not after what he had told me.

"I remembered that yesterday I forgot to give you a present," he added after a while, once again diverting my attention from the books. Only now did I realise, though, that I was so trembling that I had not manated to read even one of the titles. Because of that I had no excuse not to glance at him.

"I swear, it's completely unnecessary," I answered, and my voice sounded strange, as though it did not belong to me.

"But I _want_ to give you this present," he said emphatically, walking over to me with a little package in his hands. "You shouldn't be so surprised; you said yourself that this is what Christmas is for, to give presents to your friends. You gave one to me, and now, I would like you accept something from me."

I really was not that sure if I wanted to get anything from Snape at all, but there was no way I could avoid that. I could only get rid of it as soon as I got it – but it did not change the fact he had made some effort to find a gift for me. Besides, I honestly did not want to upset him like that.

When he reached his hand out to me, our fingers met; his, as usually, were cool. I did not know, though, if it was the reason why I shivered softly when I felt his touch. I quickly averted my eyes and moved away from him.

"I hope you'll like it," he added, and I hoped silently that he would leave now, so I could at least open the bundly without his eyes focused on me. I did not want him to watch me as I unwrapped his gift...

But once again, I had been wrong. He had moved aside, yes, but sat down in his favourite armchair and crossed his legs, and having put his elbows on the armrests, he joined his fingertips. I felt as though he kept observing me, so there was no chance for me to even pretend that I felt comfortable. However, I had no right to tell him anything.

I put the package on the desk, doing my best not to look at the armchair in which Snape sat. My hands trembled slightly when I tore the paper, and a blush slowly slipped onto my cheeks when I realised what I had right in front of me.

How Snape had got to know that I had always wanted to get that book, I had no idea, but there it was, lying right in front of me: a brand new copy of _Spells and Charms for Enthusiasts_. My heart beat harder, my breath getting shallower.

"I... really, thank you," I said quietly, still not allowing myself to look at him. I was not sure what I would feel or do if our eyes met. "I... I have dreamt of this book... for a very long time."

"When you were still at school, I always thought that you liked Potions much more than Charms," replied Snape.

I could not stop myself and soon, I found myself looking in his direction. He was so calm... as though Snape in a class was someone completely different than the one who appeared in this room. There... there he as if felt more confident. It was funny to think of him as of someone who could be insecure, hesitant, shy. Yet it seemed that it was the case.

"Someone effectively managed to discourage me," I replied truthfully, though I should have probably bitten my tongue.

A grimace upon his face, Snape observed me from his seat. I quickly looked away, then stared at the cover of the book. It smelled... just new. I always loved new books. My fingers gently sensed every irregularity in the leather which covered the book; it was an amazing sensation.

"You are too easy to discourage," muttered the man, but he did not seem to be resentful. Rather... disappointed. "And if... if I gave you private lessons from now on?"

I felt something strange around my stomach. I fought with that temptation, but finally, I gave in and once again looked into Snape's eyes. Maybe it was just the light playing upon his face, but at that moment he seemed to be less pale.

"I could teach you a lot. What we teach at school is indeed a small percentage of what a wizard could achieve. And potions... potions mean power."

Snape stood up. His voice sounded quite mysterious, but I recognised that hint of solemnity whenever he spoke about potions. Despite his love for dark magic, one could not deny that he simply adored potions and this school had probably never met a teacher better than him when it came to brewing them.

I hated those lessons. However, the Master of Potions was right: I loved potions, maybe not as much as he did, but I still felt quite fond of them. I admired looking at them as they changed their colours... as they bubbled lazily in the cauldrons... it was wonderful to be able to measure out the exact amount of ingredients and discover how subtle the differences were.

"I teach History of Magic now," I answered, frowning, but I knew that I wanted to refuse him only to prevent meeting him more often than it was necessary. "The knowledge of..."

"The knowledge of potions can always come in handy," interrupted Snape, approaching me in just a few, long steps. I wanted to move away, but I only hit the desk and grimaced in pain. He, however, did not notice that. He seemed to be quite feverish when he caught my hands. "Wherever you are. If not for potions, you wouldn't be here."

I had to admit that he was right, even though I really did not intend to say it out loud. I could not accept his offer. Otherwise he might think that I said yes to more than just casual lessons. Besides, what would the students think?

"I will help you reach greatness, Shirley. You won't have to stay here as a teacher..."

"But I do want to be a teacher!" I protested, slipping my hands out of his grasp. I made a few steps away from him, feeling blood rushing to my face. I was not sure if I was telling him the truth, but I had no ideas as to how to refuse him.

"You don't have to lie to me," he replied, and I reminded myself about that terrifying ability of his that let him sense my thoughts.

"I cannot agree, Professor," I explained after a moment of silence, glancing at Snape over my shoulder. "What are the students going to say? Or the rest of the teachers? They will definitely notice that we go somewhere together."

Upon his cheeks appeared dark spots I had never seen before. I was not sure whether I had or had not gone too far this time, but he did not raise his voice at me. He did not even grimace.

"Since when do you care about what others will say?" he asked only, frowning, his eyes darkening. "Until now, I have always thought it was just the opposite."

I quickly turned to face him. That was when I remembered that I wore nothing but my nightgown, and felt ashamed. Thoughtlessly, I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping that Snape would not see anything weird in that gesture.

On the other hand, I really wanted him to notice that, so that he would let me change into something that would let me feel at least a bit less awkward. But could I ever feel comfortable in his presence?

"But we are both teachers now," I said. "We should be the example..."

"Then be one, and show your students that learning... getting to know new things is worthwhile, even after having graduated from school!

I felt that Snape had defeated me. No matter how much I tried to refuse him, he always could find some counterargument. Besides, if I were completely honest, I felt weirdly tempted to agree. However, I was scared of meeting him, face to face, with no-one else in the room but the two of us.

"What would I be supposed to give you in return?" I asked hesitantly.

The Potions Master did not answer, and I was unsure of the reply that could come at any time. I still kept a safe distance between the two of us, and whenever I could, I avoided eye-contact. My heart still kept hammering in my chest way too fast and hard, but I could do nothing to calm down. After a while, I felt dizzy.

"Nothing," he said at last. "Understand that I only..."

He stopped. Until now, I had never seen Snape in such a state. Hesitant. Real. Without the mask he kept putting on every day, which made him become a fearsome Potions teacher. If I agreed, would he become so strict again?

And if he would not... if it turned out that he would be just like he was now... would he teach me just as much as he had when I had been at school?

No. I did not even want to let the thought of meeting Snape during those classes in my mind. It was not even about what the people would think anymore... I was simply afraid of my own feelings and thoughts that could appear.

"You want to see me," I whispered at last, knowing that I was not going to hear the rest of the sentence. "Is that what you wanted to say, sir?"

"I want to protect you. I want to know that you have nothing to fear, and with me... with me you'll be safe. I can't guarantee much, but this is the one thing I can."

I did not even know when he had approached me, because I stood with my back facing him, staring at one of the bookcases. But even the fact that I had been staring at the title on the spine of one of them did not make it any easier to focus on anything. Snape had that one, bothering trait that he was not someone about whom it was easy to stop thinking. And I was not quite sure if that trait was good or not, since I thought about him differently every time.

"I... I know... that I am not someone about whom girls your age could dream," he whispered, and only then did I realise how close to me he was, since his breath gently brushed against my ear when the man leant over me, placing his hands on both of my shoulders. "That I'm... older than you... and that I've never been handsome. And that many consider me cruel. But know that it will never..."

He stopped once again. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine that I was in some other place, but instead, it made me focus even more on the fact that I was all alone with Snape. That he was so close to me. That once again he opened his heart to me, ready to accept every blow. But I really did not want to hurt him at all.

He was not handsome, but there was something in his face that made it quite fascinating. Of course, he was much older than me, but his protectiveness made me forget about this age gap surprisingly fast. And yet... yet, I could not be with him. I was afraid of the changes in his personality, depending on where and with whom he was. Not to mention, he had once been my teacher. How could I let that happen?

"Please, stop it," I whispered after a moment. I did not want anything to happen if it would be something we could both regret. I did not want to make him suffer – so maybe it was better to stop it now. "Please."

"Why?" he asked, a dangerous hint of irritation sounding in his voice. "What makes you keep pushing me away?"

"For God's sake, you're my teacher! Besides... besides, such stories take place only in fairytales, and not..."

"This is not a fairytale, Shirley. But it does not change the fact that you can be happy at least this once. And you can make me happy."

He was almost curel when he gripped my arm, forcing me to face him. Our eyes met, and I was not prepared for that. If I only could run away... close my eyes and disappear...

"You are a teacher, just like me. Nothing stands in our way, Shirley. No-one has ever said that if you want to be a teacher, you must choose to be alone," he whispered feverishly, cupping my cheeks in his hands. Now, as I felt strangely hot, the cool of his hands was almost pleasant. I put my hands on his wrists, wanting to free myself from him, but for some reason, I could not force myself to do it.

My heart hammering madly, I felt dizzy, as though I was drunk. Snape gently leant his forehead on mine.

"We are so alike," he said so quietly that I could hardly hear his words. "We could give so much to each other... if you only let me..."

I did not want to let him, but... oh, God, yes, yes, I did want to. A part of me could no longer resist. I closed my eyes, but no longer attempted to fight with him. I felt him leaning close to me. I did not forbid him to kiss me this time.


	21. Night Talks

Quite fortunately, the Headmistress did not decide to make me redundant, and soon, Madam Pomfrey stated that I was strong enough to return to my work after the break. All that time I had been living in Snape's room, since he had still believed I had not been safe in the castle when I had been alone. He had not agreed to my sleeping in an armchair ("it is you who needs to recover, not me"), so finally, when the break was over, I was in a great shape.

It did not change the fact, though, that I was still at least embarrassed, despite of – or maybe just because of – what had happened between the two of us. I knew that the rumour was going to spread across the school sooner or later, and that would mean they would finally find their way to Neville's ears.

Well, Neville. I had not seen him since the memorable Christmas feast. I still did not believe, though, that it could have been him who had tried to intoxicate me with that Sleeping Solution. Why would he be trying that? I really wanted to meet him to get to know a bit more about that. However, I suspected that some investigation had been already carried out, but for some reason I was not let into the details.

The last evening before the beginning of the new semester, Snape returned into his room quite late. I had been just getting ready to leave and have a dinner. When he noticed that, he looked at me quizzically, as though he had just saw a person he had not expected.

"Are you leaving somewhere, Shirley?" he asked, and I, for some reason, blushed madly. I had a feeling that he was going to scold me for my idea.

"Madam Pomfrey told me that I was completely healthy by now, so I think I should get back to my normal life," I said, doing my best to sound as natural as possible. "I... I am really thankful for your help and... and everything..."

My hands began to tremble slightly, so I quickly turned my face away from him, not wanting to look into his eye. Once again, he would probably see much more in them than I was willing to let out, but at the same time, I was afraid that my nervousness would betray just as much.

"Not going to happen," protested the man, frowning. "Pomfrey may be talking whatever she wants, but I have got a clear order to keep you here until the moment you get back to your normal schedule. According to this, you are not allowed to leave this room today, and tonight, you are going to sleep here. Only tomorrow morning you will be able to go to breakfast with the rest of the school."

I knew it would end up like that. Especially because I had already noticed early in the morning that Snape had got strangely sulky. No, he was not that strict teacher I had always known, but the Snape I could see now I did not want to tease, either. Actually, I was even more afraid of getting him angry than a Professor.

Probably it had something to do with there having been a one-hundred-and-eighty degrees change to our relationship. We had to known each other better, this time privately, and now, he was much more to me than just a colleague to me. Who exactly, I was not quite sure just yet, but I was definitely way too thankful to him to want to hurt him.

"I had already spent too much time in here, Professor," I answered, shaking my head. "Every night I see how incomfortable you must feel trying to sleep in that armchair... Instead of having some rest during this break, you are even more tired now."

Snape raised his brow slightly.

"I got my hands full, Shirley, I wouldn't have been able to rest," he answered slowly, and I was completely sure that the resentment in his voice was pretended, because it sounded just fake. "All the time I had to take care of you."

"I really could take care of myself..."

"And what then, I would need to wipe you off my floor? No way," he answered, then grimaced softly. "And I have already told you to call me Severus."

Yes, during all those days he had been repeating it over and over again. I, though, was not way too accustomed to calling him "Professor" to just get rid of this habit so easily, and just start calling him by his name. Besides, it was yet another sign of familiarity that I was so afraid of.

"Let me bring you something to eat," he muttered after a moment, and having taken his wand out, he gave it a short wave. On the table appeared a plate of sandwiches and a bottle of pumpkin juice.

"Sir, have you... I mean... have you eaten yet, Severus?" I asked, deciding that it was not the best moment to start any arguments, even the most pointless ones.

"I am not hungry," he answered only, then folded his arms over his chest and stepped away towards one of the bookcases, looking at the shelves. Although I could not see his face, I would swear that he did not look for anything particular; he just tried to avoid eye-contact.

_Just like me_, I thought, then sighed. I had perhaps got too used to the new Snape. The one I could talk to about everything. The one who, even though dripping of sarcasm, had turned out to be good and surprisingly protective. With whom I actually sometimes felt... happy.

I knew it was going to end now. It had been just a very short dream we should have never allowed to indulge in. After all that we would need to return to reality and pretend that nothing had ever happened.

Yet still, against my better judgement, I realised that instead of letting Snape be, I slowly approach him. I was not so sure what I was doing. And if what I was doing was the right thing to do... However, I could not stop myself.

I stood next to Snape and gently put my hand on his shoulder, a gesture which he repeated so often. He twitched slightly, then looked at me in astonishment. For a moment I tried to resist, but finally, I glanced in his direction as well, smiling hesitantly. At the same time, though, I felt as though I was about to faint.

"You should eat something if you are hungry," he said, his voice rather hard, but after a moment, he placed his hand atop mine, gently caressing its back with his thumb. At last, he took it off and hid it in both of his. "Your hands are cold. Are you sure you are all right? You really don't have to get back to work if you..."

"I will be fine," I replied quickly, not wanting him to think that I was weak. Besides, I really cared about this job.

Most of all, I did not want to depend on anyone from now on. My whole life I had had to rely on somebody. Now, I could finally be free. Independent. I really appreciated Snape's help, but it did not mean that I wanted to give my freedom for his care and protectiveness. Even for the feeling of safety.

Snape pursed his lips, the expression on his face inscrutable. I had no idea what he could be thinking about – however, I had a feeling it was nothing pleasant. I sighed deeply, turning my face away. Probably having come so close to him was not the best idea; this way, I gave him false signals.

I was just about to go away when I felt the man tightening their grasp on my fingers, so I would not move too far away.

"Don't go... just a little bit more," he whispered.

Once again, I saw another man in him; a person so different from the strict, unfair teacher I had known my whole life. He was simply a miserable, lonely man who needed some warmth...

Warmth I could give him, if I only wanted.

On the other hand, how great was the price I would need to pay for that? I had never been such a good person to just sacrifice my own freedom for someone else's happiness, especially when I could not be so sure if this sacrifice would not make me feel trapped. If I only have the assurance that if I did that, I would experience some happiness, too...

"For these several days you have given me a sample of what I want from you, even though I have no right to expect anything," he said quietly, tucking a lose strand of my hair behind my ear, and I shivered. Truth be told, he had every right to demand anything from me... after all he had done for me. "And I even started believing that it could be possible if only..."

"It's not," I answered, but my voice broke. I slipped my hand out of his.

"Why not?" he asked, glancing at me in annoyance. "What actually makes it impossible for you to..."

"I don't know!" I interrupted him, even though until now I had probably never dared do that. "I... I really do not know. But... but I'm so afraid that something will go wrong. That I will... feel unhappy... or that it won't make _you _happy!"

Snape hid his face in hands, and I knew that he was doing his best to calm down. Since our quarrell during the Christmas feast he had not allowed himself to get furious when I had been near. He had not even raised his voice at me. I was not sure if it was because he was afraid it could do any harm to me, or maybe what I had told him actually had some influence on him...

"But we will never get to know if we don't try, Shirley! Your fright might be something that locks the way to happiness for both of us. I may not be rich, but... but it does not mean that I wouldn't give you everything you would ever want..."

Sometimes he painted a picture right in front of the eyes of my imagination. A wonderful picture in which we really could everything we dreamt of. But I was not so sure that my dreams and his dreams were indeed so alike.

"You give yourself false hopes, sir!" I shook my head, not even noticing I had just forgotten myself and called him "sir" again. "The only thing I want is freedom. And you would like to keep me like some rare bird in a golden cage."

"How come you know what I would like, Shirley?" he growled, then turned back and having crossed his hands behind his back, he made a couple of steps away from me, apparently irate. "You wouldn't be unhappy. I would do everything to make that happen. _Everything_! I would give you all the freedom in the world. You'd be able to become whoever you'd want to be..."

"But it's all just _illusions_! A fairytale! Such things don't happen in real life."

"Then let me prove you that you are wrong," he replied, his tone so sinister that I glanced at him in fright.

That night I could not sleep. I kept tossing and turning in my bed, still thinking abou Snape's words. About his promises... And what if he actually could make them happen? What if he really was my only way to happiness?

I sighed, then turned to look at the armchair in which he slept, expecting that he would be deep in slumber. However, I noticed in amazement that he was not asleep and sitting straight, he stared right at me.

"You should be asleep," he reminded me quietly. "It's late and you're getting back to work tomorrow morning."

I did not answer, but still, I did not even try to pretend that I was asleep. Somewhere in the distance a clock ticked the time away, reminding us that the night would not last forever.

"I can't sleep," I confessed. "But you should sleep. Better if you lay down in your bed, I'll get out and read a bit, maybe it could help."

Snape sighed quietly, then rubbed his eyes. I knew he was tired, but he hardly ever showed that. Right now, he was so defenceless; sometimes I wondered how much he trusted me if he allowed me to see him in such a state.

"You cause so much trouble, Shirley. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if it's your hobby or just a coincidence."

I could not resist the temptation and laughed quietly, and even in this darkness I could notice that on Snape's face appeared a soft smile.

"I swear, I don't do that on purpose."

"Even if you did, I wouldn't mind. If you did, I would think that you deliberately provoke all these situations when you and I are all alone together. And this, believe me, is not an unpleasant thought."

I was really glad it was dark in there because thanks to that Snape could not notice my blush. He made me blush way too often; no-one before him had done that – maybe that was one of his specialities.

"I could watch you like this every night," he murmured quietly. Hardly ever was he romantic because it was something against his nature; and yet, there were some times when he made my heart beat faster. This was one of those. "Sit by your bed and watch you sleeping... or not sleeping, then I would find some ways to make you fall asleep."

"Sleeping Solution, for example?"

I had not planned saying that; after all, I did not want to destroy that moment which did not occur so often. My words made Snape burst into short laugh.

"There are more pleasant ways."

At that moment I would give a lot to just be able to turn away from him. It was not only about the blush on my face anymore; I simply was not able to look him in the eye.

"Go to sleep and stop saying such things," I mumbled, pulling the blanket up to my chin. I had already closed my eyes, pretending to be trying to fall asleep, but the truth was, I was not able to do that right now. My thoughts were rushing, my heart kept hammering madly in my chest.

"I can't sleep," he answered, then stood up. The fact he had nothing but his bathrobe on could remain unnoticed; his bathrobe was just as long and black as his daily robes.

I tried to stop thinking. At that moment, I imagined way too many things. For example, what a life with Snape would look life, if I really agreed to do what he wanted so much. If we lived together in Cokeworth... what would happen then? Would he really sit like this by my side every night? Or would we fall asleep side by side? How often would we argue? How much would we need to control our emotions?

"I hope you think of something pleasant," he whispered, gently brushing my hair off my face. I hated when he so quietly moved so close to me; I was not ready then to take the blow from him. "Though... judging from your face, I shouldn't be too concerned."

"I'm not thinking about anything," I lied, and he let out a strange noise between a snort and a sigh as he sat on the edge of my bed.

"Oh really? Then let me tell you what I am thinking about."

I did not want that to happen because I knew that I would be lost then. I was not able to say it out loud, though.

"I am thinking about every day and every night we could spend together. Sometimes I even imagine what it would be like to take you to my house with me... a house you could call your home. Sometimes I even let myself think of what it would be like if I could call you Darcie Snape."

I felt dizzy, but I did open my eyes and look at him in astonishment. It was not something I would have been expected to hear from him.

"Severus, I..." I began, but did not know what to add.

"Don't think of it right now," he answered, shaking his head, then stood up. To my surprise, though, he did not walk away; instead, he circled the bed and lay down right behind me, wrapping his arm around me. I could feel the warmth of his body. "Now, you should sleep."

He leant a little and kissed my head; the kiss reminded me of the time when I had been unconscious. Yes, it must have been him...

But before I could think of anything else, I was already asleep.


	22. The Imperius Curse

When I woke up next morning, there was no-one in the room anymore. I sighed deeply, then stood up, stretching my muscles. Although I did not want to admit that, I had probably never slept as well as I had that night. I smiled softly to myself, but right after that, I scolded myself silently. Such a situation, after all, should have never taken place.

Quickly, I got dressed and prepared for a day full of work. Actually, I was glad I was about to get back to my normal activities, because thanks to that I could occupy my thoughts with something different and simply return to the life I had known.

I was slightly afraid, when I left the room, that I would meet Snape in the Great Hall. I was not quite ready for that meeting, so on my way I kept coming up with different scenarios of acting around him, but as soon as I entered the room, I realised he was not in his usual seat. Just like Neville, who was nowhere to be seen. It surprised me a bit, but I hoped it was not to be seen upon my face when I approached the High Table.

Smiling, I greeted everyone sitting at the table. I heard Flitwick squeal something that "he was glad to see me again", and Hagrid leant in a bit to pat my shoulder (I groaned quietly). However, I could not help but glance to my right, where I should have seen Snape, then to my left, where usually was Neville. Both chairs, though, remained empty.

Trying not to think of it, I began eating my breakfast, at the same time thinking about the day ahead. For the past several days, when I had been sitting in Snape's room all alone, I had been preparing lessons for the next lectures, so I no longer felt nervous as I thought about the classes awaiting me.

I could not help but feel glad when I realised that there was fire crackling joyfully in the fireplace in my class as I entered. It was really cold in the corridors, because the frost that had started in December, had not got any lighter now, and recently even the most robust ones had resigned from leaving the castle during breaks, even though until now I had been seeing some students who had been still trying to throw their snowballs. However, the snow did not stick, and the cold quickly became a bother.

However, all of the students had come to the lesson that day, even though some of them definitely had a cold. I sent them to Madam Pomfrey, who – as always prepared for such a situation – had already brewed a great cauldron of Pepperup Potion.

For the next days, I slowly returned to what I called normality. Even despite that, though, I found myself once again hardly ever seeing Neville and Snape; moreover, McGonagall had begun to disappear for days again. It kept bothering me, but now I could not get myself distracted, knowing that the exams were closer than they seemed.

Some students complained about it from time to time, but the truth was, there was not much time left until their exams, and those who wanted to pass their O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s decently, needed to get to work properly.

About a week after the classes had started, when I entered the Great Hall in the morning, I feltquite surprised. On the chair next to mine, exactly the same where Neville usually sat, I saw no-one else but Professor Sprout herself, even more grey-haired and even more smiling than when I had seen her for the last time.

"Merlin's beard, look who's here!" she cooed, smiling, reaching her hands out to me in greeting. I shook them happily; Professor Spout had always been one of my favourite teachers, even though I had never a green thumb. "Darcie Shirley, I swear it was yesterday that I saw you putting the Sorting Hat on!"

"And I'm happy to see you, Professor Sprout," I replied, taking my seat. However, despite the joy her sight brought to me, I could not help but feel a prickle of fear. If she was there...

"Don't worry, dearie, I'm here only for a couple of days. Your friend was stopped by some business and I was asked to substitute for him for a while... ah, Longbottom! Awfully talented a student, just constantly frightened. Poor child," she shook her head, then moved a plate full of sausages closer to me. "Eat, eat, my dear, don't worry about me. I haven't had anyone to talk with in a while."

I smiled, then sipped some tea, which I had just poured for myself, from my cup. Truth be told, I had been missing Professor Sprout's good-natured smile and the joy she brought with herself wherever she went.

Since that day we had many occasions to talk, because we saw each other during meals and breaks, because whenever she could, Professor Sprout got back into the castle to escape the cold.

"All our Mandrakes are going to freeze! I needed to move them to an empty classroom," she said during one of the breaks when she caught me in a corridor. "And those new varieties of Tentacula, which Longbottom brought from Asia last summer... I have no idea how they are going to react to this cold, I truly hope they won't just die out!"

One day after my classes, when I sat in my office, reading through the essays I had been given by my students, I felt a soft slap on my hand; actually, it was something very close to a kind of flicking, but I was so lost in thoughts that I almost jumped in my chair when it happened.

When I raised my eyes, I noticed it was a minuscule paper plane, which had just landed on the top of my desk and now kept tipping me using just one of its wings to draw my attention. In surprise, I reached for it, and no sooner had I put my hand on it than it unfolded, creating a letter.

I immediately recognised this narrow, slanted, a bit feminine handwriting.

_Shirley,_

_I am awaiting you tonight at precisely 8:00 p.m., so we can start our lessons, according to what we planned. You do not have to bring anything with you, I will prepare everything by myself._

_SS._

I blushed softly when I had read that letter. Several times more I scanned those familiar letters, then I closed my eyes.

Actually, I had not given him a clear answer, since after our first conversation about it we had never mentioned potions again. It seemed, then, that Snape had made the decision for me, as I had not been able to make it.

If one thought about it, I could actually write some words of refusal on the back of his note, and simply ignore the fact he had made that choice for me. However, for some reason I found myself unable to force myself to do that, and honestly, I did not think I regretted that his choice was to give me those lessons. Even though I tried to pretend that it was not so, I felt some kind of excitation as I thought of them.

So I did everything to finish whatever I had to do until half past seven. Having made sure that there was nothing else that still needed to be done, I slipped out of my room to avoid listening to my mirror complaining, then headed downstairs.

However, once I reached the corridor in the dungeon, the very one which could lead me to Snape's chamber, I heard stifled voices, amplified though by the echo.

"I think that you are too strict, Severus," said a woman's voice, and I was quite surprised to recognise McGonagall's voice in it. "The fact that it was Longbottom's hand does not mean that he is behind the whole plan..."

"However, you are too lenient. I know he used to be one of your pets when he was still at school, but it doesn't mean you should defend him now. If he was the one to brew that potion and give it to Shirley, he is guilty, and we must not..."

"For God's sake, Severus, you forget that Lonbottom did _not_ act on his own free will!" McGonagall was getting angry.

My heart began to hammer so hard that I was afraid it would alarm both of the talking. Trying to calm down my breath, I pressed my back against the wall. My eyes, though, were wide open in amazement and horror.

They spoke about Neville. Regardless of everything, he was the one who had tried to poison me. On the other hand... if he was not the one behind all of that...

"Have you got to know about anything else?" asked McGonagall after a while, lowering her voice a bit. "Do you know who's behind that?"

"Minerva, out of all the people in this world, I thought that _you_ would be the one that needs no explaining how Veritaserum works," replied Snape, clearly annoyed. "Of course, I can reveal every secret of Lonbottom's, but that won't make him suddenly remember things he simply does not remember or know."

The Headmistress sighed deeply, then, judging from quiet tapping of her heels, she changed the weight on her feet.

"All right... all right. If you get to know... anything... let me know," she said quietly, as though disappointed.

Only after a while did I realise that the woman had turned back to leave, and that meant that she could notice me at any moment now, because although dark, the corridor was not completely deprived of lightl. McGonagall, though, was so agitated that she just quickly passed me by, paying no attention to me.

"Shirley!" roared Snape as soon as McGonagall's steps subsided. "Come here."

That was when I realised how tense I was. I took a deep breath, then forced myself to walk over to Snape. All of my body still trembled, and thoughts kept racing in my head.

"I'm sorry... I... I really didn't want to eavesdrop," I mumbled, feeling awfully awkward. "It was an accident."

Snape waved his hand, then led me to his room. All this time he remained silent, and I was not sure if he really did not care at all, or I was simply in trouble.

"I didn't want you to get to know about it like this," he said quietly as soon as the door had closed behind us. His voice sounded strange; he really had to be worried and nervous. "But you know already and there's no way I could hide it from you. It was Longbottom who tried to poison you... or _just_ put ineptly brewed potion into your drink. But we found out that he did not act alone. Or actually..."

He stopped. Only then did I notice that his hands trembled slightly. I felt extremely tempted to take them into my own, but I did not allow myself to do that.

"I have known about it for some time now, but I've still hoped that this could be prevented. However... it turns out that the enemy is growing stronger, and we can do hardly anything. That's why it's so important for you to be able to cope with everything."

He looked at me seriously.

"The enemy?" I repeated hesitantly. "But... but You-Know-Who has been defeated!"

Snape rolled his eyes irritably.

"Don't pretend to be more naive than you really are," he almost growled. "The fact that the Dark Lord has been defeated hasn't changed much. There are still people true to his ideas. Some of them have really been hunted down, and now they rot in Azkaban... and may it stay that way... but some of them avoided their punishment, and now they want to continue their master's work."

I felt a wave of cold that filled me up from inside, but it had nothing to do with the January frost.

"So... a couple of Death Eaters have been at large, and now... they want to..."

"I would like it to be just a couple of them, very much," answered Snape, glancing at me, then delicately touched my cheek. "There are quite a lot of them, but we still don't know exactly _how _many... and who it actually is." He sighed quietly. "It doesn't change the fact they want to achieve the same. Apparently one of them cast the Imperius Curse on your friend, forcing him to brew the potion. Seems, though, that he didn't realise what a moron Longbottom is."

I bit my tongue, forcing myself to stay quiet. No matter how much Snape tried not to cause any quarrels between us, he was not able to say even one nice word about Neville; moreover, he could not stop himself from uttering nasty comments about him, whenever his name was said.

"Why though... why did they want me to drink this potion so much?" I asked after a while, hoping that my voice did not make me seem to be too terrified.

"That's something I don't know yet. But I know that now you really must be always on your guard." He looked at me like he never had. I did not have the strength to oppose to him when he looked at me like that. Besides, I knew it was pointless.

"I promise, I will be careful," I muttered.

"This is not enough. From now on you are absolutely forbidden to hang around _anywhere_ without my company," he said emphatically.

That was not what I had expected. Snape surprised me with his order so much that for a longer while I was simply not able to say a word. I knew, though, one thing: that I could not agree to that. I did not want to be tied to him all the time. Lately, spending my free time with him had become more pleasant, but it did not mean that I wanted to stay with him all day and all night long, sacrificing all of my private life to him.

"I cannot agree," I replied finally as soon as I had at last recovered a bit.

"Don't make my task more difficult," he said warningly. "You're not going to change my mind, and I'm going to get my way anyway. From now on, you're staying with me all the time, unless you have your classes. And when you have your classes, you are one hundred times more careful than ever. Understood?"

I frowned, wanting to keep fighting, but Snape's look successfully stopped me. I closed my eyes.

"Yes, sir," I replied.

What happened then shocked me even more than anything else. Snape wrapped his arms around me and gently pressed my head to his chest. I could hear his heartbeat.

"I asked you so many times to call me by my name," he whispered. "And believe me, I am not doing that to keep you by my side all the time. I just want you to be safe. I have already let you get hurt."

I smiled involuntarily, but exactly at the same moment Snape moved away from me.

"Let me start our lessons, then." The tone of voice once again became businesslike, as though the last several seconds had never occured. "I've already prepared everything for you. You have your instructions in this book."


	23. Surprise

Next weeks definitely were not easy. I had to get used to my new slavery. Well, it was not all that new; after all during the Christmas break I had lived almost the same way. There was a difference, though: back then, I had not had to walk by Snape's side during breaks.

The worst thing of all, though, was when Neville got back to work. While Professor Sprout could understand the situation, Neville seemeed not to see its gravity, and during one of the meals he leant closer to me, glaring menacingly at Snape.

"Why is he following you everywhere?" he asked, and I had not the heart to tell him that he had almost been forbidden to talk to me. Imperius or not, just like Snape had said in the dungeons, it were Neville's hands that had brewed the defective potion and slipped it into my drink. "I feel sick when I see that."

I felt dizzy when I thought that there were moments when I indeed appreciated Snape's presence by my side. Besides, I still had not forgotten that night when we had fallen asleep side by side, Severus's face nestled in my hair...

"Darcie... are you all right?" Neville's voice brought me back to reality. Immediately, I blushed.

"Me? Y- yes... yes," I answered, trying to sip from my cup, but I forgot that the tea was still hot and I burnt my lips and tongue. Grimacing slightly, I put the cup back onto the table.

"You didn't answer my question," said Neville after a moment, but the look on his face was still hesitant, as though he was afraid something might happen to me. "Why is... why is Snape watching your every step?"

How was I supposed to explain that to him? That it was all his fault? No, I did not believe that Neville was guilty, but the truth was, it were his deeds that had made me unable to go anywhere without Snape's company. I did not blame him, and I really would give a lot to be able to explain the situation to him, but I could not find the right words.

Most of all, I was worried that if I used some unfortunate wording, Neville would get offended or – what was worse – that I would hurt him to the point where he would no longer want to know me. Besides, I was afraid that I would reveal to him more than I would like to.

"You know... after what happened during the Christmas feast... the Headmistress began to worry," I answered finally, trying to sound as natural as possible, but I had a feeling that somehow Neville could see right through me. It was not, though, the same fear bordering on certainty, which I knew from talking to Snape. "She believes it would be best to leave me in..."

"...Snape's hands?" asked Neville harshly. "I would understand everything, Darcie, but..."

"It's enough, Neville," I interrupted him, frowning. I suddenly realised that the moments when he offended Snape irritated me just as much as those when Snape spoke unflatteringly about him.

"So now you're defending him?" His eyes darkened. I had never seen him in such a state, and I understood that that one sentence was too much for him to digest. However, I could not let him keep on saying such things.

"I owe him my life, Neville," I reminded him, my voice sounding hard and firm. "Twice he's saved my life, even though he did not have to."

This time I did not get any answer. Neville quickly finished his breakfast, then left.

As February came, severe frosts were gone. From behind the clouds peeked pale sun, on the paths there was mud, the result of snow slowly melting down.

The next trip to Hogsmeade was supposed to take place on Saturday right after Valentine's Day, but the corridors roared of rumours concerning whether the Headmistress would allow that; now, though, once the cold was gone, hope returned to the students' hearts.

Thanks to that little groups of young people stood in the line at the castle door, where Mr. Filch as always checked the presence of their names on a long list and poked everyone with his Secrecy Sensor.

I smiled softly upon seeing that, because I remembered how many times I had got back to the castle with my sides bruised, as Filch had had it in for me. Those were not bad memories, though – I still carried in mind that I had smuggled some not-really-legal items to school.

I still looked outside the window, even when all the students had already been checked properly and turned to walk down the path towards the village. There were not many people left in the castle; although besides the first- and second-years usually some older students stayed, feeling full of Hogsmeade, this time I had a feeling that everyone who could had left, glad that they could get out of the castle after those weeks of bitter frost.

After all the students, I saw the teachers, too, chattering jauntily as they set off down the slippery stone road. I smiled quite sadly, since I could not leave school, even though I would really do a lot to change that.

"Come on, don't despair," I heard a quiet, sarcastic voice right behind my back. I did not want to turn back; I would not be able to look Snape in the eye when he used that tone. "The time will come when you leave this place."

I really tried to control myself, very much, but it was so hard that almost impossible. I had to take a very deep breath to calm down.

"No-one's stupid enough to try to attack me with so many people around," I noticed, and my breath made the window-pane in front of me mist over slightly. As an answer, to my astonishment, I heard a laugh.

"You think so? And what was it like last time? The Great Hall might not have been full of people... but there were many students, not to mention the teachers. Did it stop Longbottom?" asked Snape, which made me turn towards him.

His eyes glistened strangely, just like the eyes of a predator a second before it pounces on its prey. For some reason it caused my heart to beat faster as a chill went down my spine.

He was right. I noticed irritably that he was right a bit too often, which made me feel like a foolish school girl.

"That's why I'm not leaving the castle," I muttered, quickly looking out the window, to avoid the eye-contact. Last people just disappeared from my sight.

"Very good," answered Snape in an almost bored tone. "If you tried to resist, I would forcibly tie you to myself, and then you wouldn't really have any choice. You have already allowed yourself to do too much."

I frowned slightly, not quite sure what he was talking about.

"You were supposed not to go anywhere without my company. However, you've been avoiding meeting me since morning," he said, as if he had noticed doubts in my mind. "Remember that I've known this castle a bit longer, and better than you. No matter where you hide, I will always find you."

I had to scold myself for my own thoughts, because I could not help but feel that it sounded in some strange way romantic.

To my surprise, I noticed that Snape put his hand on my own lying on the windowsill. For a moment, I wanted to quickly take it away, but I changed my mind. His touch, after all, was not unpleasant at all.

"I have no freedom anymore," I said quietly, keeping my eyes on our hands. "Because of that, I lost my only friend."

Silence was the answer. I knew I should not have said that; when I was with Severus, Neville's name was forbidden – it always brought out the very worst of him. However, he should know the price I paid for that.

On the other hand, was it really such a high price for my life and safety? I knew that Snape did not do that for himself and his own desires, but because he wanted to protect me. The fact that he liked keeping me close to himself did not influence his decisions, even though I would like to think it was so. If it was the case, I could force myself to continue hating him. Instead, I felt some great gratitude for everything he did for me.

"Your only friend..." he repeated quietly, and I was glad that no student was to be seen, and Filch had already hidden himself in his office. "You said that as though you really believed it."

This time it was me who had no answer. Was he not right again? Besides Neville, I still had him... but for some reason I found it difficult to think of him as of my friend.

"I... said it wrong," I tried to explain myself. "But... but try to understand me, except you, rarely do I have a chance to talk to anyone. And Neville... he..."

"He should leave you all alone. Twice already has he endangered you, does that idiot not see that?" thundered Snape, involuntarily tightening his grasp on my hand. "If he likes you, he should bear your safety in mind."

I bit my lips, really wishing for Snape's words to be untrue, but I realised perfectly well that although he said that cruelly, he was right. My health had been endangered twice already. Both of those situations had been caused by Neville, to a greater or lesser extent.

However, I did not want our friendship to end like that. I liked Neville, and I knew that he liked me as well, which made Snape extremely envious.

"Maybe... maybe today... we could have our lessons again?" I suggested, trying hard to change the subject, but it did not work well.

"No. Today is Saturday, and you should have a day of rest," answered Snape. At that moment he finally realised what he had been doing and gently loosened the grip on my hand. However, this time quite consciously, he interlaced our fingers.

I did not feel uncomfortable, even though my stomach turned a somersault once I felt that. For some reason, there was something really pleasant in it. Snape's hands, although cold, were strangely soothing. They were bigger than mine, so he would be able to hide both of mine in his, if he wanted. That awareness made me – for some unknown reasons – feel safe with him. He would never let me get hurt.

I noticed that I had never felt anything like that when I had been with Neville. I knew that he, too, would do whatever he could to protect me, but he did not give me that sense of security which I felt when I was with Snape.

"So instead maybe..." I began, hoping that he would at least let me go back to my room.

It was not so easy. After all recently I once again lived with him. He had even summoned my bed to his chamber, so now we could both sleep relatively comfortably. I had already begun to get accustomed to that, even though I really did not want it to become normal to me. I should live in my room, and find nothing but that normal.

"Come with me," said Snape, as though he had not been listening to me at all.

He moved away from the window without a word, and since he held my hand, he pulled me with himself. Protesting would do nothing there, so I did not even try to free myself.

He walked fast and that made me jog to keep pace with him. I wondered where he led me.

"I get the impression that you like neither my office nor my room, even though you should've got used to it by now," he added calmly. "But it seems you feel comfortable there only when you read."

I blushed softly, knowing it was not so. Even though his dark chambers did get me down, there had been some more moments when I had felt wonderful in them. However, I could not mention them out loud.

"So I had to find another place... though, I must admit I would rather take you to my room."

I did not really understand what he meant. I blinked hesitantly, looking around. He did not lead me downstairs, towards the dungeons, but stayed on the ground floor. Pale sun peeked through the windows, and only then did I notice that Severus's face was grayish, as though he had not been out in a very long time.

Frankly speaking, I felt sorry for him. I wanted to be able to take him somewhere... where he would be happy. Where he could smile and stop worrying about everything that met him there. But could such a place exist at all?

The first place I thought of was home, but the thought alone made me feel dizzy. We never brought up that subject. Snape knew well that my reaction to his words about home was quite bad, since he imagined his home only with me inside it and... and it was simply impossible.

"Where are we going?" I asked hesitantly, quickly trying to get rid of those thoughts in my head, afraid that he would once again miraculously see right through my mind.

I was not quite sure if he could sense my thoughts, but I could bet that upon his face a soft smile appeared.

"You'll see."

It had not been long before he opened the door for me; it led to one of the unused classrooms. However, that place did not look like a classroom.

It was small; the desks had disappeared, and where they had stood, appeared a little, round table and two chairs. The table was covered with a dark tablecloth, in the center stood a vase with one single flower.

"Severus, is it..."

"I thought that maybe... that you might celebrate all those absurd holidays," he said in such a tone as though it made him extremely annoyed, but I could sense a weird hint in his voice. It looked like he did his best to conceal his nervousness.

I could not believe that. Snape had prepared it all for me, because it had been Valentine's Day the previous week. Although I would have never suspected him of that, it seemed to be his peculiar way of asking me on a date.

After a moment of shock another feeling appeared. At first I wanted to call it gratitude, because it was just as nice and warm, but then, I realised it was not quite that. I felt my heart hammering in my chest

I knew that I should not feel that strange desire, but at that moment for the first time I really wanted to embrace him, keep him close to me. Despite all of the quarrels, despite all of the incompatibilities between us. We were completely different, and I knew that could not be fixed and nothing would suddenly make us a good match for each other. And yet, for a moment it seemed not to be impossible.

Or maybe I had always believed that, just had not wanted to admit that?

"Don't look at me like that. I think it's ridiculous, but..."

I did not let him finish the sentence, no matter how much exasperation he tried to put into his voice. This time I simply did not believe him. I was sure that he was the one to want it; he wanted to spend Valentine's Day with me – he did not do that only for me.

Softly, I cupped his cheeks in my hands. For a moment I could see surprise in his dark eyes, but then I closed my eyes, standing on my toes, and planted the faintest of kisses on his lips. After a while, I felt him embrace me, pressing me against his body. At that moment, for me, the world did not exist.

…because could just one person be the whole world for someone?


	24. Severus

The following weeks turned out to be strangely easy in comparison to the previous ones. My fear and annoyance disappeared, even though I could not hide that I was more and more bothered by my having parted ways with Neville, who had been my best friend from the very beginning. However, he did not seem to look for my company, therefore I did not bug him too much. We only exchanged casual courtesies.

I could not help but wonder who might have cast the Imperius Curse upon him... and why it was I who was supposed to be his victim. It made no sense at all. Of course, according to the ideas of the Death Eaters I should be eliminated as a "person who acquired magical powers by force", but if that was the case, should not all of the people from non-magical families be protected? And yet, no other attack had taken place; no-one except for me had been hurt.

Fortunatelly, though, even I had not been attacked again. Despite that, Snape still insisted on my living in his room and not going anywhere by myself, unless it was absolutely necessary. Moreover, every evening we had classes during which he taught me Potions. Soon, though, it turned out that they went beyond the initial framework – his admiration for the Defence against Dark Arts was too strong, but I could not complain. Because although after every lesson I was simply exhausted, I felt myself getting stronger.

Slowly, the snow began to vanish from the castle grounds. Spring was fast approaching, and the whole world seemed to be reminding us about it; however, along with spring came preparations for the exams, and the whole school was suddenly overcome with some strange rush which always appeared somewhere around Easter. On one hand, I could not understand it, on the other, though, I was quite glad, because it meant that even the students who usually put everything off until the very last moment, now would get to work and somehow pass the exams.

Yet it meant one more thing for me: I had more and more work on my mind, and because of that, even less spare time. Less time for classes with Snape. Less time for having any life outside work. Sometimes it happened that I came back to the chamber right after dinner only to start correcting students' essays and finally fall asleep with my head on them. That was when I discovered one more of Severus's traits: whenever he saw me with my face on the desk, he carried me to my bed and put me to sleep. At first I admittedly woke up a bit confused, but soon, those memories began to put a smile onto my face.

At the beginning of April, now officially as the Head of Ravenclaw, I went with a scroll of parchment to the tower to take a list of the names of the people who wanted to stay at school during the Easter break. I, of course, planned to stay, too, because now I was responsible for my Ravenclaws. Besides, there was nowhere else I could go, since I still was not ready to meet my parents. I decided it would be better if I came back only for the summer holidays.

The day before the break I gave all the students one more homework, and after the lessons I sat in the chair behind the desk with a deep sigh, then hid my face in my hands.

The semester would soon be over. I knew that only two months were left... two months of work, some exams, and then what? I was afraid of what was to come. Going back to the Muggle world. Looking my parents in the eye, when they did not understand that one could prefer working at Hogwarts than in one of the local shops. After all, it was not a _normal_ job! That was not what they wanted me to be like! What would they tell the neighbours?

A quiet knocking on the door brought me back to reality.

"Enter," I said in a strangely tired tone, rubbing my eyes and glancing towards the door. Seeing Snape I was not surprised; he always came to me after my classes, so he could safely bring me to the Great Hall, where we ate meals together, and then returned to his chamber, where we worked or had additional classes.

"We're going, Shirley," said Snape, his voice sounding just like the Snape I knew: hard and despotic, and I did not even have the power to protest. I gathered my books, put them all into my bag, then stood up, heading towards the door.

I wondered if my emotionless acceptance of that state was connected to the fact that I had already got accustomed to my slavery, or that I did not really want to fight anymore. I did not even allow myself to think that I could want to give up on a part of my freedom for that sense of security. Even after what had happened on the Valentine's Day.

Frankly speaking, Snape and I never went back to what had happened on that memorable Saturday. Yes, we had managed to get close to each other, but it was nothing more but friendship; even though warm, it was not passionate. He still seemed to treat me as though I were a school girl, and I accepted that without any reservations. Besides, we had no time to get any closer to each other – for some time I was even convinced that it was enough for me.

"You're silent," noticed Snape as we were halfways to the Great Hall, and I glanced at him hesitantly. "Usually, you babble about everything that has happened during the day, and now, you don't even deign to greet me properly."

I blushed softly, because I realised he was right. I did not do that out of rudeness – I was simply exhausted.

"I'm sorry," I said finally, rubbing my temples with my fingers. "I'm so tired and confused... I was thinking about Easter. Since I started my job here, I haven't seen my family, and... and honestly, I don't even know if I want to see them."

Snape looked at me inquisitively, frowning slightly. I felt weird, because I was sure he would now scold me for what I had said. Until now, I had never mentioned my family when we had talked, knowing that home and family were his sensitive spots. Most probably he did not understand my approach to this subject – he would possibly tell me not to play a fool and be grateful for the family I had...

I had already started preparing a response in my head, so I could explain why I was not ready to see my family, when he suddenly spoke.

"You are not even going to try to get back home for holidays." I was surprised by his extremely brusque tone; as though he was not acknowledging at all that I could desire anything but staying at Hogwarts for the next several weeks. But on the other hand, had he not told me that I had no right to go anywhere without him?

"I've already told you that I'm not going anywhere," I answered slightly irritated. After a long day of work it was not hard to annoy me. "I'm staying..."

"That is not what I'm saying," interrupted me Snape, suddenly coming to a halt. I could swear that I saw some weird amusement in his eyes. The fact that I did not quite understand what might have amuse him in such a sitation made me frown, expecting any answer. "You are not staying in the castle."

Those words shocked me so much that I blinked, looking him in the eye. Millions of scenarios rushed through my head; one was even more unbelievable than the previous. Because where was I supposed to go for Easter if not home?

"Where are you planning to send me?" I asked after a while, not even realising how rude my words might have sounded.

"Well, well, Shirley," answered Severus warningly, but the way he looked at me had not changed at all. "A little more politely, please."

I was not sure, though, how I could ask that question more politely. I knew, after all, that in my current situation I could leave the castle only when Snape decided to send me somewhere, and I did not really have much of a choice. As he had noticed it before, my protests only made his job harder, but they would change nothing. If he had planned something for me, he would always make that happen, no matter if I wanted that or not.

"Where are you sending me, Professor?" I repeated a bit ironically, but this time I tried my best to sound as politely as I only could. My tiredness and annoyance really bothered me; I would rather like to be all alone now.

"I am not sending you anywhere, Shirley," replied Snape, frowning in a way characteristic to him. I did not understand what he might have meant; if I was not bound to stay in the castle, he had to send me somewhere – instead, he denied that. I had already opened my mouth to ask, when he added, "I'm taking you with me."

My heart stopped beating for a little while, and I could have sworn that I got pale. I did not know what to say.

"I know that the teachers rarely leave the castle for the breaks... but I thought that it would be safer for you if you got away from here for a while," he explained. I was glad that there was no-one to be seen, because the tone he used while speaking was meant only for my ears. It soon began to soothe me, too; especially when Snape's thumbs gently caressed my fingers, and I had already noticed that his touch brought some strange kind of comfort. "I didn't want you to go all alone... and I didn't want you to go God knows where. Because you wouldn't be safer in the Muggle world. Quite the opposite."

I sighed deeply, then looked up into his eyes. I still wondered how I could have ever thought they were cold; yes, the way Snape expressed his feelings was completely different from what I knew, but his eyes were not dispassionate. Ever.

"So... have you found the one who cast the curse on Neville? Or have you discovered why it was me to be attacked?" I asked hesitantly.

This time it was Snape who sighed, shaking his head a bit.

"We're still working on it. But believe me, as soon as I get to know, that person will regret it bitterly." His hands clenched on mine; I was sure it was an involuntary reaction, because he always did that when he was annoyed. And the thought of someone wanting to hurt me was enough for him to get vexed immediately. "We know, however, that the Death Eaters have perfectly mastered mingling with the crowd of Muggles... this way they can eliminate Muggle-borns."

I did not say a thing. I looked down and glanced at our hands; his fingers were long, thin and pale, a bit like spiers. However, when they were interlaced with mine, they did not resemble any frightening creatures.

"So where are you taking me?" I continued after a moment, not wanting that silence to last too much.

"Cokeworth," he answered without hesitation, and I looked up, surprised. That was the last thing I had expected, and I did not quite know how to react. "My family house."

I knew perfectly that it was what he had been trying to achieve for the past months; he wanted to have me by his side in his house, very much. However, it was a subject so sensitive that we never got back to it. I had been convinced that he would not try to start talking about it again, and even if he would, he would be delicate; instead, I was faced with the fait accompli, and could not do much anymore.

"But..." I started hesitantly.

What was I supposed to say now? That he imagined too much? That he should have told me about it sooner, so I would have some time to think if I wanted it at all? Still, I knew he did all of that just for my well-being... or at least so he thought. Yes, I did need the change of environment, but I was not ready to go with him to his family house.

Indeed, I had been living with him for several months now, so I should have already got accustomed to his presence by my side all the time. But that situation was something completely different, since there were many other people at school: students, teachers, other staff... But if I leave the school along with Snape, and then go to Cokeworth, we would be all alone for a week, and it was a place I did not know at all, so I did not even have any idea where I could hide, just in case.

The only logical solution to that seemed to be Disapparition – but would Severus not feel offeded if I run away from him like that? Besides, where would I be able to run away? I could not get back to school, because it would mean questions. I did not want to get home, either...

"It's just a couple of days, Shirley," said Snape finally, slowly losing his patience. "Don't act as though I was taking you there forever."

Once again he was right; it was just a week. I could be afraid of it, but it was not such a long time so I would not be able to survive it all alone by Snape's side. It was going to be just like during the Christmas break...

"Thank you that you care for me," I answered, hoping that it would sound natural, but the tone of my voice turned out sour.

So I regretted my words almost immediately. I slipped my hands from Snape's grasp and hid my face in them, shaking my head. I needed some rest, and I really did not want my bad mood to influence him. He did not deserve such a treatment. All he did, he did for me. For my well-being.

"I'm sorry," I muttered only, but Snape had already turned back and made a couple of long steps; his cloak fluttered behind him, like wings of some enormous bat. I felt an unpleasant sensation in my stomach.

At that moment, he surprised me even more. When I thought that it was the right time to go away, so I would not stand incongruously in the middle of the corridor, Severus came to a halt and looked at me over his shoulder, raising his brows a bit.

"Are you coming, Shirley?"

I did not answer; besides, it was not a question, but a command. I felt myself blushing, more and more with every step, and my heart began beating even faster, making me feel dizzy. I was not sure what to think.

I was going to Cokeworth. To Severus Snape's house. I was almost sure that until now, he had never left Hogwarts for holidays – however, he was ready to do that for me, only because I needed some change.

I wondered what else was hidden in that man. That man I had once considered to be cold and without any emotions... which of my judgements would be the next ones to turn out to be wrong? Because I was sure that in the house in the mysterious town of Cokeworth Severus would reveal even more secrets that he had no courage to reveal when he was at Hogwarts.

There, in his home, he was not Professor Snape. There, he was just Severus.


	25. Cokeworth

"Are you certain that we couldn't just take the Hogwarts Express?" I asked hesitantly, frowning, as we strolled down the stone path towards Hogsmeade. "From London, we could go by the Knight Bus. Or maybe..."

"No," answered Snape dryly, looking grim as he glanced at me. "I don't want to cram in public transport. Since my graduation, I have never taken a train, and I've never gone by the Knight Bus, and I would prefer it to stay like that."

The tone of his voice surprised me. I looked at him, but lowered my eyes right after. On the horizon loomed the buildings of Hogsmeade, the closest spot for Apparition. I dragged my trunk with a rather long face, because I extremely disliked Apparition; I really would rather like to take a train or bus...

However, he insisted on going to Hogsmeade and Apparate immediately in the park close to his home. I was a little worried about that, because I knew perfectly that the area was inhabited by Muggles. What if one of them spotted us? On the other hand, I was aware of the fact that Snape was very careful and he would never allow himself to violate the secret about the wizarding world.

"Would you really rather like to waste a whole day among the people you don't know? Out of whom everyone could turn out to be a Death Eater?" growled the man. He had taken my hand when we had still been in the castle, and he still held it. "No way, Shirley. Apparition is much faster and safer than any other mode of transport.

It would be hard to argue – of course, skipping the fact that one could get splinched. I dared not say it out loud, though, besides, I did not think I had to, since Snape understood me better and better, even when I used no words.

"We'll use Side-Along Apparition," he explained. "You just need to hold me tight, and I will lead you."

No longer did I try to protest, since I knew well that no matter how much energy I would put into that, I would not be able to convince Snape to change his mind. The worst about that was the fact that Snape could find arguments I could not refute, even if I really tried.

Finally, we got to Hogsmeade, and I felt some funny sensation in my stomach; it had nothing to do with the Apparition – it was all about _where_ I was about to Apparate and spend the next few days.

"Hold your trunk tight," said Snape quietly, and I could have sworn that I heard some kind of fascination in his voice. Was he honestly so happy about me living with him for several days?

If he really needed so little to be happy, I could give him at least that. I owed him so much more, so how could I complain in a situation like that? He did that all especially for me, but he needed nothing more but my visit to smile. It was just my cowardice that stopped me.

Because, unfortunately, that was the truth: I was scared. I was scared of what was between us, between Severus and me. I was afraid of what could develop from our relationship. I was afraid of how the society would accept it – and if we could bear it. If I only could take that risk, maybe I would have already made all of his dreams come true.

Snape took my hand into a firm grasp and began to count down. On "three" we both turned at our spots, and I felt some invisible power pressing us into a tunnel that took my breath away. It was not the first time I had Apparated, so I knew that it would only take a while – however, the first time I had tried that, I had really started panicking.

This time, though, only a couple of seconds had passed before I felt my legs buckle under my weight as my feet hit the ground. Once again I could breathe in fresh air. Slowly, I opened my eyes.

That sight was a great surprise to me. We had landed in an overgrown park, nearby some unkempt, dirty alleyway, on both sides of which stood rows of doomed, brick houses. Despite the wonderful weather, everything seemed to be dark there, as though dusty. That was not what I had imagned the town in which Snape lived to look like.

Tardily, I turned my head to glance at the man who still stood motionlessly by my side. His hand almost clutched mine.

"I... I know that it is not your dream place for holidays," he said quietly, as though ashamedly, which did not suit the Snape I had always known at all. "But you will see that it's not as bad as it would look like."

I could not stop my thoughts from flowing back to Hogwarts, which was now surrounded by the green. Along the paths and on the grounds grew fragrant flowers. That picture was completely incomparable to what I could see right now – and there was no doubt about which scenery would seem to be better for spending holidays.

However, I forced myself to bite my tongue. It was enough for me to hear that strange tone in Snape's tone; I did not want to bother him further.

"Come this way," added Severus after a while, leading me towards a rather narrow pavement. The tiles there were broken and uneven, so we needed to be careful not to twist our ankles. Our trunks rattled quietly as we headed towards the closest crossroad, if we could actually call that place like that. It was nothing but a little passage between two buildings – if I were not led there, I probably would not have noticed it by myself.

I wondered if anything good could happen to me in a place like that. I was used to the towns looking slightly different – maybe not beautiful, but at least well-kept. Less gloomy.

Yet that place looked like no-one lived in there – in some windows one could notice planks. A couple of them were broken. Destroyed street lights probably were never repaired, and the plate with the name of the street was so rusty that I could not read the words. Only after a while I heard a quiet noise of some television coming from one of the buildings, and a quite coarse voice of some man. So the area was in fact inhabited...

My hopes for the Easter break began to fade away. I did not know what I had expected, but I could not expect _that_. Grime, terrifying poverty, loneliness which was way too obvious.

Finally, we reached one of the houses, which was in no way different from the other ones. Snape reached for his wand and aimed at the lock. A soft light flashed, and the door opened in front of us. Severus gestured for me to enter – and so I did.

I was surprised by the fact that in comparison to the rest of the town, the house seemed to be pedantically clean, even though it was far from that. Moreover, the items inside did not match to such an extent that I was honestly shocked to notice that the overall effect was quite good: armchairs and a sunken couch stood next to a rickety table. Over our heads hung an old chandelier, on which the candles had just been lit. On the scrubbed floor lay an ancient, faded carpet.

However, it was not what fascinated me the most. In that living room just one thing pointed to the fact that it was Snape's house, and it was: books. Hundreds, maybe thousands of books stacked on tall bookcases, standing by the walls.

Nothing of that could be pretty. And yet, there was some weird charm about it, something that made me not want to turn back and run away.

"Welcome to my home, Shirley," Snape finally spoke up as he closed the door behind us and giving the room an almost hateful look. One, short flick of his wands made my trunk disappear, perhaps landing in the guest room. "Don't stand in the entranc, there's draft in there. Better come with me, I'll show you to your room."

Only then did it strike me: it would seem that the room had no way out. Now, that the exterior door had closed behind us, I would not be able to find even it: in the place where it had been before a moment, now stood rows of leather-covered books, which seemed to cover the walls like a peculiar tapestry.

And yet, when Snape headed to the right, one of the cupboards opened right in front of him, showing a secret passage. The corridor was at the beginning completely dark, but just one step was needed for the candles attached to the walls to get lit, casting a rather dim light onto faded, flowery wallpapers and the carpet on the floor.

I knew it would sound cruel, but Snape, marching in front of me in his worn-out black robe, seemed to somehow match the whole surrounding. On the other hand, he did not match it at all: how could a man as elegant as Severus Snape live in a place like that? It was simply unconceivable.

At last, we left the narrow corridor. The other one was much broader, but just as grim. Along the walls, I could spot a couple of doors, which made me certain that from the outside that house seemed to be much smaller than it really was. I only wondered if it was Severus's contribution, or someone else had been tinkering with the building before him. The latter seemed to be more probable, since Snape did not need a large house. Frankly speaking, a big, empty house would only make him even more disheartened.

We turned to the right, still in complete silence. Sometimes we passed by some old picture frames, but I could not notice any people in them; then even those inhabitants had left the house. I was not surprised at all.

Finally, Snape opened the last door on the left, letting me inside. The change was so huge that I was left speechless.

That room, unlike the rest of the house, was really bright. Through a high window pale sunlight poured in. The walls painted yellow were so clean that I would bet that someonw had taken care of that place quite recently. On the floor lay a tiny, fluffy rug. In the corner, in turn, stood a large four-poster bed, a bit similar to the one I remembered from my dormitory in Ravenclaw.

"I hope that... that you like it," said Snape, then he cleared his throat. It was obvious he felt quite embarrassed. No wonder; I did not know what I felt, either. "You will be living here for the next week."

Still in silence, I looked towards the door, then once again at the room. Right next to the bed I could notice my trunk, now unpacking lazily. Was it possible that the door that led us to that place were no door but some kind of portal, a secret passage to a different world...?

"Oh God..." I whispered before I glanced at Snape. I hoped that I did not look like I was too frightened, even though at that moment what I felt was in some weird way similar to fear, though much more pleasant.

"Of course, you may come here more often, if you like it," he added after a moment, shrugging a bit. "You're always welcome here."

There was no doubt that the room had been prepared especially for me. That as soon as Snape had come up with the idea of bringing me there, he had decorated it to make me feel a bit more comfortable in that dark, almost desolated house.

"If you want, I can show you around," he offered, reaching his hand out to me, and I put mine on his without a second thought.

He led me through the corridors to show me different places: a library, a dining room, even his study. All of them looked the same: neglected and giving the impression of being completely abandoned.

"Does this place not depress you?" I asked hesitantly as we stood in the middle of his study. It was a dark room where the main role was played by a heavy, oaken desk, probably several hundred years old. On its top lay an overturned photo frame. The heavy curtains over the high window behind the desk were closed and not much sunlight could get through them. Yet even there the candles had been lit as soon as we had opened the door.

"This place? Yes," answered Snape, and I heard a weird hint of sadness in his voice. "It always has. I have never got back willingly, I still don't. Maybe that's why I don't even feel it's necessary to keep it maintained."

"It could be beautiful," I noticed quietly, making a few steps away from him and looking around. In the picture frame a silver-haired wizard napped, snoring quietly. His black hat almost fell off his head.

"Do you think so?" As Snape asked that question, he seemed to be astonished that someone could actually believe that. "I have never thought about that."

Although I knew well that I should not be doing that, I approached the window and opened the curtains, letting the light invade the interior. The room did not become suddenly pretty because of that, but it was definitely more bearable. I could not understand how one could work in such darkness.

"Just a few changes would be enough... and you'd need lots of time," I answered, getting close to the desk to put the photo frame up properly. Before I did that, though, Severus caught my hand, not letting me touch that item.

"You could change everything here," he said quietly, making my heart beat faster. I knew I was trapped. That was exactly why I did not want to be alone with him, with nowhere to run. "Make this place your home... change it from an old nightmare into a beautiful dream."

I blushed. Once again Snape dared raise the topic, even though before I would have sworn he had been avoiding it. Or maybe he had been avoiding it because he had been afraid I would run away. Right now, though, I had nowhere to hide, and he could finally talk to me.

"Severus," I replied in a whisper. "You know just as well as I do that it's..."

"...impossible? No, Shirley, this is what you say, and fear speaks right through you. Fear and cowardice." He looked at me so that I shivered. It was his sinister glare which I had been avoiding ever since my school days. "I belive it is plausible, if you only wanted to take that risk."

I sighed quietly.

"What risk?" I asked, frowning. "That I would live with you in an abandoned town?"

Snape's face for a moment seemed to be blank, after that, a nasty grimace appeared on it. There was no doubt that I had made a mistake saying those words out loud. However, I did not want to deceive him. It was not the place where I would like to spend even a day, if I only had a choice.

"It's not so bad in here," he answered stiffly.

"So why do you hate this place?" I snapped before I could stop myself.

"What am I supposed to get back to?" he growled, letting go of my hand. "To these empty, cold walls? To the books? Wine? No, Shirley. Nothing and no-one awaits me here. You're the only one... the only one who could change everything. Make me come back home happily. Change the cold into warmth."

"I don't want to be trapped in a cage," I answered, folding my arms.

"No-one would ever trap you!" His voice echoed across the walls. "I would find a way... I would make you happy. I could see that on your face... The room you'll be living in now was made for you. You felt good in it. If... if we decorated the whole house so that you would like it...

I was afraid of how far into the future he had already gone. What else had he planned for us?

"Sometimes you are happy when you are with me," he added quietly, appraoching me and taking my face in his hads. Light reflected from his pale face, exposing his old scars. "If you deny it, you'll lie."

I did not answer, knowing he was right. My heart hammered in my chest like crazy; my lips were slightly parted as I gasped for breath.

"Severus, you demand too much of me," I whispered, feeling my lips tremble.

"I saved your life, Shirley. I believe it's a fair trade... life for life."

Softly, I put my hands on his; they seemed to be even colder now than ever. At first, I wanted to take them of my face, but I resigned and ended up caressing them gently with my thumbs.

"You'd be the lady of the house, Shirley... think of it," he said feverishly. "I wouldn't keep you here all the time. You'd work, just like you do now, we'd get back here only for the holidays. Together. We'd get back home. What about this sentence sounds so bad that you're so afraid of it?"

"I don't want to be the lady of the house, Severus. I don't want to be Mrs Snape," I answered desperately.

The worst about it, though, was that my voice did not sound convincing at all... and I was not sure why. Was it because I did not want to hurt him and for a moment I actually hesitated? Or maybe because deep in my heart I did not feel such aversion to that idea?

Snape's face hardened as he looked me in the eye.

"I can stand a coward, but not a liar, Shirley," he answered so quietly that I actually had to read those words from his lips.

"I'm not lying..."

"There's only one way to find out." Snape moved back a bit, but he still stared at me seriously. "Are you ready to risk everything to get to know the truth?"


	26. Veritaserum

I felt weird sitting in one of the wobbly armchairs and waiting for Snape. His words made me want to take a risk – probably for the first time in my life. But my constant pussyfooting had begun to tire me. Finally I had a chance to make my own decision and perhaps begin everything anew.

My hands trembled slightly, so I laced my fingers and put them on my lap, sighing deeply as I looked around.

I could not help but imagine what it would be like to live there with Snape. Would we be happy, despite everything that divided us? Our interests, our personalities... and our age... there were so many differencies between us. Was Snape's fascination with me strong enough? Or would a couple of months pass and we part our ways just as quickly?

But I had already learnt how to live with Severus, and no matter what I had told him before, I thought I would be able to get used to living there with him. I was afraid, though, that as soon as I got accustomed, I would stop reaching for more. Because he was not wrong: I was ambitious. Maybe not excessively, but I did not want to just stop. I did not want to become a housewife with no future.

But had Snape not told me that he would not keep me there all the time? I would live just as I had until now, just with him. I could not explain that, but upon thinking about that, I felt my heart flutter.

"I found it," I heard a familiar voice. Snape entered the living room, and the door hidden behind the bookcase closed with a soft squeak. The man approached me and sat in the armchair in front of me; in his hand, he held a tiny, transparent phial; when he looked at it, he frowned. "Are you sure you want to try?"

I sighed quietly, then straightened up in my armchair. I did my best not to show Snape how much my hands trembled.

"We can't be sure if it will work," I replied quietly, setting my eyes on the bottle. I knew the potion very well. Professor Slughorn had taught me how to brew it a couple years before, when we had still lived convinced that Snape had been killed. I knew its grand, terrifying power, but it was not enough to stop me. "But there's still a chance, right? At least... both of us will know, then."

Snape hesitated for a moment, then put the bottle in front of me, on a little, dilapidated table. It looked like he was just as doubting and frightened as me, even though he was not going to drink any potion.

"You're probably the first person I know who wants to drink Veritaserum voluntarily," confessed Snape.

"Still better than Legilimency," I answered, still staring at the phial. My hands still kept shaking too much for me to reach for it. "At least you won't get to those of my memories which I would rather keep secret from you."

On Snape's face a strange smirk appeared; it made my heart suddenly beat much faster.

"You know, Shirley, that once you drink Veritaserum, I'll be able to ask you about anything, and you'll tell me the truth, right? Even if it was your greatest secret, you would reveal it to me," he warned me, and I involuntarily moved to the very edge of my seat.

I knew he was right, but I still trusted him enough to believe that he would not ask any questions that he was not supposed to ask. The problem was, though, that our opinions about which questions he should ask, and which he should not, were not completely harmonious.

"Promise me you won't ask questions that could ridicule me," I asked quietly.

Snape sighed, then leant over the table to gently touch my face. Unconsciously, I leant into the touch of his hand; it was surprisingly pleasant, and the more often he did that, the more I liked it.

"I couldn't do that," he replied, looking me in the eye. He could be lying to me, but I would still believe him. I smiled softly, touching his hand, and he added, "You know that you really don't have to do it, yes?"

I had a feeling that he already knew the answer which still remained secret to me. Despite that I was afraid that it was not the real answer, just his desire. An illusion which could never come true, nothing more.

Finally, I mustered all the courage I could and reached for the phial. It was cold, as though it had been kept in the cellar for months – and I suspected that was the case. When I uncorked it, I could smell nothing, as though the fluid inside was nothing but water.

"Cheers, Severus," I laughed, raising the bottle as though in a toast, then sipped a bit from it.

The potion had no taste, but I had not expected to taste anything. It was one of the peculiarities of Veritaserum – no-one but the person who applied the elixir could notice its presence.

"How are you feeling?" asked Snape, glancing at me cautiously, as though I was not a person but a research subject.

"I feel no difference," I confessed, "but it should be so, right? Veritaserum is undetectable."

A soft smile curled his lips, but there was something strange lurking in his eyes. Something I could not recognise and what made me quite disturbed, but it might have been just my proneness to paranoia.

Finally, the man stood up and began to pace around the room, keeping his hands laced behind his back. I observed him in silence, wondering what he waited for. After a moment I realised that he could actually think about which question he should ask as the first one. It was probably so, because after a while of wandering across the room he came to a halt and looked at me.

"You... you should perhaps ask me some trial question, right?" I suggested, feeling quite nervous. I was not sure what he wanted to drag out of me. In this state I really could tell him everything.

To my surprise, Snape shook his head.

"There's no need for that," he answered. "I know my potions and I know perfectly how they work. I flatter myself for never brewing a faulty sample of Veritaserum, and the one I brew is so strong that one could not deceive it."

I raised my brows a bit. On the other hand, he was the Potions Master, after all. That title was not for nothing.

"Fine, let's get started," he said after a long while of silence. In a couple of long steps he approached me so much that I needed to sink in my armchair to increase the distance between us even a little bit.

In this situation I really did not want him to be too close. I was already at a disadvantage, I did not want to be even weaker.

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live here?" asked Snape in his calm and dispassionate voice.

"Yes," I answered without hesitation, a bit surprised by my own frankness. "Truth be told, even more than once."

I could have sworn that I noticed in his eyes a flash of triumph, which made me blush deeply. I was not sure what would happen if his suppositions turned out to be true, not just his fantasy. What then?

"Have you imagined us together?"

My heart fluttered in my chest and I felt dizzy, but I knew it was already too late to back away.

"Yes," I whispered.

"_To what extend together?_" he asked again, putting a strange emphasis on those words.

"Excuse me, what?" I answered with a question, blinking fast. I did not understand the question, but at the same time I was not so sure if I wanted to understand it.

Snape raised his brow, then moved slightly away from me. It did not mean, though, that I felt any safer. Quite the opposite; it was strange to watch him pacing around the room while I sat in the armchair as though being interrogated. But was it not an interrogation of sorts?

"Who were we for each other?" he clarified in the same, flat tone; I wondered if he tried to conceal his emotions on purpose, or maybe something else made him behave like that. Perhaps it was his habit...

I looked down, not being brave enough to answer the question while looking him in the eye. I felt terrible. I did not want him to know all the secrets... but I wanted to get to know them so much. There was no other solution; Snape had to hear it out.

"We were married," I muttered, sinking my fingers into the once perhaps stuffed armrests. "I guess so."

I did not know what emotions appeared on his face at the moment I said that, but before I noticed, he once again stood right in front of me. His hands landed on mine, his face was few inches from mine.

"Were those visions nice?" he asked louder than necessary.

I swallowed, then nodded. My breath had become so shallow that I found it hard to gasp for air.

"Now focus, Shirley." His voice suddenly became quiet and gentle. It was no longer so matter-of-fact as it had been just before a moment; his eyes were, too, full of emotion. I was aware of what he wanted to hear. Would I be able to give him the answer that would please him? Or maybe I was bound to take those dreams of his away forever?

I was afraid of that moment. Even though the previous questions had been making me feel uncomfortable, the one that was about to come was to influence our future. I had no idea how we were going to react – at that moment, each of us felt some strange pressure.

"You know perfectly that my feelings towards you are something... something more than the feelings a teacher has for his student. Or of one friend for another," he whispered, gazing at me with such a piercing look that I was not able to turn my face away. Was not able to... or maybe I did not want to? "Are yours the same?"

I felt weak; I was afraid I was going to faint. Snape's voice reached me as though from a distance, and I felt the need to answer that question, even though I was afraid of doing that. It surprised me, though, that at this moment everything seemed to be so clear...

"I'm asking you something, Shirley," he spoke again, more insistently this time. "Do you love me?"

I could feel his presence even better than ever: his breath on my face, his penetrating glance... the touch of his hands on mine... He was so close that if he wanted, he could hurt me.

"I do," I answered finally, without any doubt as to the truthfulness of my confession.

What Snape did then surprised me. For a moment he looked at me carefully, then moved away and took the bottle. Before I realised what he wanted to do, he strode to the window, opened it, then poured the contents out.

"No! What are you doing?" I asked, shocked, as I knew well enough the value of Veritaserum. It needed to be brewed for a very long time...

Severus looked at me with that strange smirk, then closed the window and got back to me. I did not even notice I had stood up. Having put the phial back on the table, the man took my hands.

"It was just water," he confessed.

I pulled my hands out of his grasp.

"You _lied to me_?" I asked, completely devastated.

"I've just bent the truth," he replied with a grimace on his face. "But we've achieved the goal, right? We both have got to know what we wanted to know. You thought you'd taken Veritaserum and said the truth. And don't be so outraged." He frowned, then grabbed me by my shoulders. "You've been lying to me for a longer time."

I did not have any answer to his words. He was right. However, I had been doing that partially unconsciously... as though a part of me had been so frightened that it had wanted to hide the truth from him and from me, just not to cause any pain to either.

"Oh my God... oh my God," I whispered, hiding my face in my hands. "I've told you everything... about what I imagined."

"It had to happen at some point," he answered slightly irritated, but a moment later I could feel his arms embracing me. I sighed deeply, resting my cheek against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat.

I had told him that I loved him... that I had imagined us married. That I had thought of living with him, and that it had been pleasant. Now, he knew everything. Moreover, I knew everything, too.

"Take that risk. This one and only time, Shirley. Now you know what would give you happiness. Could you really sacrifice it all for your fear?" he asked in a strangely sharp voice, which completely did not fit the situation. After all, he held me tight, caressed my back... If I said yes, it could become my daily life.

"I could become your wife," I confessed after a while, totally defenseless. And yet, it was not an unpleasant feeling. "I could stay with you forever."

"Then do," he answered quietly.

And then, someone knocked on the door.


	27. A Visit

The magic of the moment disappeared as quickly as it had emerged, and honestly, I had a feeling that we would not be able to get back to the conversation too soon, because it definitely was not an easy topic. On one hand I was glad it was over, because I had never been good at talking about feelings, but on the other... well, I was in some way disappointed. Maybe even a kind of desire, as though I wanted to know the end of our story now.

Despite all that I felt that for some reason that visit was important; after all, the town was almost completely desolated. Who could come round if not someone who knew Snape and wanted to talk to him? Therefore, it had to be some wizard – however, I could not help but think that the wizard could be either good, or bad.

Severus apparently thought of the same, because he glanced towards the door, moving away from me, and reached to the pocket for his wand.

"Keep your wand ready," he whispered, and I did not argue. I only nodded, then pulled out my wand, standing right behind Snape, who slowly headed towards the door. "Who's there?" he snapped.

"It's me, Minerva McGonagall," the woman introduced herself, her voice familiar and sharp. This time, though, she sounded as though differently. Her voice was full of emotion. I remembered her having used it just once, and it had been when Snape had come back to Hogwarts. "I have an important news for you."

The door swung open, but Snape looked at me quickly.

"Don't hide your wand, idiot, it might be a trap," he hissed, and I immediately regretted my sudden motion. Without a word I returned to my previous position, aiming at the door; the Headmistress had just passed the threshold.

"You may test me as much as you want, Severus," she told Snape, "but it is me. We have discovered something that I believe... both of you should know."

I raised my brows a little, when my eyes met McGonagall's. She glanced at me above the rims of her glasses, as though trying to read something from my face. What it could be, I did not know, but her eyes were so piercing that I could have sworn that she could see right through me, as though I was made of glass; it was not a pleasant feeling.

"Sit down, Minerva. Maybe you'd like some tea? Or something stronger?" offered Severus, sounding just like a typical gentleman should. Then I had been right; at home, he behaved differently than at school.

McGonagall waved her hand and took off her outer cape, hanging it on the backrest of the couch. After a moment, though, she decided to sit down.

"Just a drop of wine, if you have some, Severus, but just a little bit," she answered, then leant back heavily.

Snape looked at me, then gestured towards the armchair in which I had previously been sitting. I blushed softly, even though I was not quite sure why, then sat down opposite the Headmistress, while Snape turned towards the door that led to the cellar, where he kept his wine.

"How do you feel?" asked McGonagall out of sudden, taking me completely by surprise. We had not had a chance to talk in a long while. "You've had a difficult year... fortunately it is ending soon. Of course, I'll understand if you decide to resign..."

"Quit the job?" I interrupted her, even though I had not planned it at all. "I really don't want to do that. I love that job, and I don't want to leave it."

"I thought that there was... well... that you liked some more _ambitious_ tasks," answered McGonagall, leaning a bit towards me.

The sentence seemed to be strangely familiar to me. Only after a while did I remember that Snape had once called me ambitious. I could not help but blush; my cheeks burnt, and the fact that McGonagall could see me in this state did not help.

"Professor Snape gives me some additional classes. I am still learning and developing, Professor, maybe one day I will be able to be more useful to the school," I replied, putting my hands on my lap. "I would lie if I said that being the History of Magic teacher is the peak of my dreams, but I know that my students need me... and I don't want to leave them. I love this job, Professor, and I know I can do it. The year might have been difficult, but it does not mean I want to resign."

A soft smile appeared on her face.

"Of course, of course," she answered, then sighed. "Recently, it is not that easy to get new teachers. Young people do not fancy this work. The older ones believe that teaching is... below their dignity. And yet, we need good teachers."

A quiet squeak of the door announced Snape's return. I could not help myself and turned my head to look in his direction. I had to admit that he was one of the best teachers Hogwarts had ever known, even though he was quite strict and sometimes even unfair. He had his flaws, that was true, but no-one had ever taught me as much as he had.

In silence he put three glasses on the table, then filled all of them with Elf-made wine. Having put a glass to either of us, he took the third one and sat down in the other armchair.

"So, Minerva," he started in his calm tone, and the Headmistress immediately remembered why she had come there.

"We've managed to get to some... sources," she said, a shadow rushing across her face. I began to wonder what kind of _sources_ she was talking about... and if she obtained the information completely legally. "I got to know why someone tried to attack Miss Shirley."

My heart began beating faster. Involuntarily I clenched my fingers on the glass. Snape's face also seemed to have tensed a bit, but he did not allow himself to show anymore emotions. I understood that I should not reveal more than necessary.

"Then it was really _her_ they wanted to attack, and it was no accident?" he asked, his voice betraying completely nothing.

"Both yes and no," said McGonagall, sitting straight. She did not look at me at that moment; her eyes were focused on Severus, on his face... what did she see in it? "Yes, it was Miss Shirley they wanted to attack... moreover, from what we deduced, they planned to abduct her, but only because she possesses some... information."

"I possess no information," I got indignant, feeling some kind of fright that someone might consider me a traitor.

"Silence, Shirley," thundered Snape, and I dared not open my mouth again, because I was afraid he would silence me with a spell. The man one again turned his eyes to McGonagall. He seemed to be completely relaxed. "_What kind_ of information?"

"About you, Severus," answered the Headmistress, and I almost choked on my wine. "Someone is trying to get to _you_."

To my surprise, Snape did not look like he was scared. Not even astonished. Upon his face appeared something similar to a smile dripping of dark satisfaction. He pushed his long hair away from his face and closed his eyes.

"So it is..." he whispered. "I wondered when it would happen. If they know already that I'm alive... I just wonder if they will try to kill me, or just get the secrets of the Dark Lord out of me."

I jumped to my feet, which seemed to shock McGonagall. Snape sighed, then waved his hand quite casually, and I immediatelly fell back into the armchair. This time, though, I could not move, just like when I had decided to leave my bed right after the accident.

"Don't move, Shirley, or I swear I'll petrify you," he warned me. "No... nothing of this surprises me. Actually, I'm rather surprised that they haven't got me yet, if they are such superb wizards."

"Don't play tricks, Severus." McGonagall frowned. "You know they're dangerous. You've just needed to pretend you're dead to stay alive..."

"I am not afraid, Minerva. I know those people, and I haven't yet stooped so low to let that rubble scare me."

I felt in some way proud when Snape uttered those words. I did not say anything, though, wondering what I could do to protect him. Because no matter if he did pay attention to the threat he was facing or not, right now, he was in danger. In an even greater danger than I had ever faced.

"Be careful," said the Headmistress.

"You speak like you didn't know what I've been doing for so many years," answered Snape. "Had I not been careful, I wouldn't be with you anymore."

"I am perfectly aware of that," replied McGonagall, grimacing a bit, which caused her glasses to slip down her nose. Fixing them, she added, "There are too few of us now, though, to allow another war to happen."

"I am not going to let it go that far. I'll get rid of this rubbish once and for all. It'll be best if you don't get in my way."

I had an impression that his words surprised McGonagall almost as much as they surprised me. Still in complete silence, I glanced at the woman, but she had apparently forgotten about my presence. She was not used to people speaking to her like that, even if that person was no-one else but Snape. A thought rushed right through my head: Snape had once been a Headmaster, too... and it had been the worst year of my education at Hogwarts.

"Listen, Snape." McGonagall's voice changed and now became much harsher. Her lips, too, having created a thin, horizontal line, she pointed at Snape's chest. "You can't keep acting on your own. You have no idea how many of them there are... there might be hundreds of them, and if all of them try to get to _you_..."

"Then they will. Me, and only me," snapped Snape, frowning.

"No!" I protested.

"Shut up, Shirley..."

"I will not shut up. I am not going to let you sacrifice yourself! You're needed at school! You haven't got back after all those years to just let yourself get killed!" I shouted, feeling in my heart something that felt like anger mixed together with fear.

I was terrified. Yes, I was, yet not for myself, but him. And although it was not a totally selfless fear... because I was afraid that I would lose him, too. And I could not lose him now, now that I had finally understood everything.

"Calm down, Shirley," said Snape, his voice not as cold as before. Truth be told, I heard a strange tone in it; one I had never heard in anyone else's voice, certainly not in Severus's. "I'd rather have myself be killed, than let them hurt you, understood? And if you get involved..."

I blushed as soon as I realised that all of the conversation could be overheard and observed by McGonagall. I was convinced that from those several sentences she had realised more than I had been able to understand for the last few months. I was slightly worried that Snape would get angry, yet he seemed to be completely unaffected by the fact that there was a witness of the whole conversation. As though it was no difference to him...

...unless McGonagall had already known. And it was not impossible. Not after what had happened at school.

"I don't want anyone to kill you," I said quietly, suddenly looking down. I knew that the Headmistress kept observing us, but Snape had to know the truth. Besides, was there anything to be ashamed of in the fact I cared for him?

"Do you really think I will just let myself get killed?" asked Snape, and I would bet he raised his" brows. Only after a while did I muster enough courage to glance at him again. Upon his face was a strange grimace. "Sit."

I could not argue with him. I sighed deeply, then sat down in the armchair once again, wishing I could disappear.

"Do you have any information about _who _actually is trying to hunt me down?" asked Severus, his voice returning to its usual calmness and matter-of-factness, when he addressed McGonagall. She, on the other hand, seemed to be agitated.

"Unfortunately not," she replied, shaking her head. "Lucius..."

"Ah, Lucius..." repeated Snape, his voice clearly dripping of venom. "Surprisingly easily has he managed to switch teams."

McGonagall frowned and pursed her lips. She leant in and I was sure she wanted to cast some spell on Severus, but she only put her glass back on the wobbly table before she straightened up again.

"Voldemort wanted to hurt his family," she said emphatically. "Perhaps you don't know that, but it was him who led me to you."

"I should've expected that," muttered Snape, sipping some wine from his glass. After a while he put it aside, then stood up. Having laced his fingers behind his back, he yet again began to pace across the room, looking around, as though it could relax him. I could partially understand him – I was always soothed when I saw books, and there was a multitude of them. "What about Draco?"

"He's trying not to get involved," replied the Headmistress. "However, I would personally like him to have a hand in it. He's very talented."

Snape did not answer. At first, I had not known who they were talking about, but the longer I had been listening, the more convinced I was that they had been speaking about Draco Malfoy and his father.

"I know this boy better than you, Minerva. I know that he won't do anything one's trying to force him to do. Let him be. Maybe he'll come to his senses." Snape turned his head to look at McGonagall but still did not sit down. It was obvious he was lost in his thoughts. "I heard he'd got married. Maybe that's the reason why."

"Yes, he has, to Miss Greengrass." McGonagall nodded affirmatively. "But he's got plenty of time..."

Snape interrupted her with a wave of his hand.

"As I said, don't force him to do anything. In time, he'll see that if he doesn't do anything, he won't help his family. Currently, he's just as wanted as I am, I assume. He, Lucius, Narcissa... everyone. We have all been Death Eaters, and they do not approve of treason."

Unwittingly, he rubbed his left arm, and I frowned. I dared not speak up anymore, but there was no need to continue the conversation.

"Well, Severus, for now, I have nothing else to tell you. I should get back to school," said McGonagall, getting up. "I'm glad we know at least this much... and you two should be careful."

I shivered when our eyes met – I had never liked when McGonagall's piercing eyes found mine, because then I felt as though all of my feelings were on top of me.

"Happy Easter," she added, then nodded and left.

Snape stood still, staring at the door. His face expressed nothing.


	28. Mrs Snape

Although I really wanted to talk to Snape when McGonagall had left, he began to avoid me. I was not sure why – maybe because he was worried I would try to stop him from doing what he planned. And he was probably right, because I could not let this idiot sacrifice himself.

Now, as I had already begun to believe that the Easter break spent together with him could turn out to be pleasant, I suddenly realised that I was completely alone in a town which I did not know, in a house that terrified me. Although I found it hard to admit, I understood that the only bright side of the holidays was Snape's presence, and now, as he had started avoiding me, I could not be happy.

I spent that evening in the living room, finishing my glass of Elf-made wine and reading a book which I had found on one of the countless shelves in the house. I could get back to the room Snape had prepared for me, but there, I would live in a completely different world. In the living room, I could see him at least by accident.

I turned the page and sighed deeply. I let the book lay on my lap while I leant back in the armchair, letting my back rest a bit. Then, I closed my eyes, but not to allow myself some daydreaming; only to let them feel some relief. I had been reading for a couple of hours already, and the light in the room was so dim that it was not that easy. Of course, I could just light up my wand, but I did not want to do that, finding it a bit uncomfortable.

"You're still here?" I heard a quiet voice. As always, Snape had appeared at the moment when I had expected him the least, moreover, he had done it so quietly that I had no idea when he had entered. "It's late, you should rest."

I opened my eyes and tipped my chin to look at him. He seemed even paler than ever, and the scars on his face glistened softly. I remembered one of the first nights I had spent in his room, when my gratitude had still been the only warm feeling I had had for him. When had it changed so radically? At which point had he stolen my heart?"

"I am resting," I replied, paying no attention to Snape sighing in impatience. I closed the book and put it onto the table, then stood up and walked over to him. He frowned, as though he did not trust me completely.

"I guess I didn't say it clearly," he stated, his voice sounding slightly cool, but this cold was lined with concern; I knew that side of him too well already, so I could not help but hear that. "At this hour, I want you to be asleep, Shirley, not read some rubbish."

I could not stop a smile from tugging at my lips. At that moment I wished I could take his hands, put them close to my face, just like he did sometimes... but I was aware that he had not been avoiding me all day to get any romantic gestures right now. He looked tired.

"I have a feeling that you'd need sleep much more than I do," I noticed. I did not manage to stop an impulse and in the next moment, I caressed his cheek gently. Snape glanced at me suspiciously, as though he thought I was up to something, but I, knowing I had done nothing bad, did not look down.

"Why are you doing that?" he asked out of sudden, and I blinked and moved back slightly. I had no idea what he was talking about, and since he could have meant my touch, I would rather not risk angering him.

"Why am I doing _what_?"

"Everything. A few hours ago you still didn't know what you felt, and now..." He stopped, probably not knowing what to say, or maybe not wanting to say it out loud. After a moment, he added, "You betrayed your thoughts in front of McGonagall."

"I got the impression that she knew perfectly well about everything," I stroke back, folding my arms over my chest. "She wasn't surprised at all."

"Then you don't care that someone could see us together... realise that there's something between us?" he asked, and I felt that was a tricky question. I had no idea why, but he was trying to provoke me.

"Of course not. You told that a couple of weeks ago... that I'd never cared about what other people said, right?"

I had no idea whether I had let him provoke me, or not, but at last, I understood I had done exactly what he had wanted me to do. Otherwise he would not smile the way he did now: triumphantly.

"I haven't expected that of you, Shirley. But I'm glad that you're ready to risk at least that," he answered, then he himself reached out his hand towards me and gently cupped my cheek, caressing it with his thumb.

My nervousness began to leave my body. Unconsciously, I closed my eyes and leant into his hand; his touch was really in some weird way pleasant, it made my heart beat faster.

"In a couple of days we'll be back at Hogwarts. I wonder if you'll still believe that with Longbottom around."

He should not have said that. I took a deep breath into my lungs and turned my head away, breaking our contact, even though, to be honest, I regretted that, because I knew Snape would not start looking for it again.

"You asked me to trust you, remember?" I said after a while, once I had mustered enough courage to look him in the eye. "Back then, you told me that I didn't have to like you, but I needed to trust you. But you don't trust me at all."

I could not fail to notice the grimace upon his face. He let the hand, which he had been holding in mid-air until now, as though expecting me return to my previous position, letting him keep caressing me, fall by his side

"It's not you I don't trust, Shirley," he answered, his tone sharp and disagreeable. "It's that idiot I don't trust. Especially not after what happened in winter..."

"He didn't do that of his own accord!" I protested.

"Stop defending him!" growled Severus, and I immediately stepped back. "On his own accord or not, he has done it. I won't be able to protect you if you keep moving away from me so stubbornly, Shirley."

I had not wanted to make him furious, but I knew that the fault lay on both sides. It meant, though, that I was not without a fault, and because of that, I felt ashamed. I reached for his hand, but he avoided it and turned back to leave.

"Come back here," I implored, but my voice sounded totally differently than I had planned: rather as though I had _demanded_ him to stay. No wonder Snape ignored me. His steps were long and fast, and I knew perfectly that if I did not come up with some idea quickly, he would really leave.

My heart skipped a beat when I noticed him reaching his hand out and the door opening. I had no more than a few seconds.

"Yes, Severus, my answer is: yes," I said, this time loudly, however also more delicately.

Snape came to a halt. He did not close the door, though, which meant that a single misstep, one wrong word or gesture would be enough to make him leave. Yet he did turn to me, looking at me irritably. I knew that look perfectly, but although it did sent chills down my spine, I did not look down.

"What a _yes_?" he asked sharply.

I swallowed. It was not supposed to look like that. I got an impression that I was in some way blackmailing him, although I really did want to give him such an answer.

"I will stay with you," I said so quietly that I could hardly hear it myself. I was terrified to such an extend that I did not even notice Snape's reaction. "Here... in this house. I'll... I'll help you make it a real home for you."

Before I noticed, he was already standing right next to me.

"What did you say?" he asked, pretending to be harsh, but his voice was too soft for me to be scared. I looked up and into his eyes.

"I'll help you feel at home in this building," I replied, curling my hands into fists. My nails dug into the palms. I did not notice when Snape reached for my hands, but as he touched them gently, I relaxed them.

"You're a real witch, Shirley," he said, his voice strangely mild. "Are you sure there's not a drop of Veela's blood in you?"

I could not help but smile. Although to many those words could sound like offensive, I knew that it was nothing but a compliment. Snape was definitely not used to saying nice things, but I did not feel bothered by that; I was able to understand which words of his were compliments, and which were not.

"I'm afraid that there's only Muggle blood running in my veins," I answered a little cheekily, remembering him constantly mentioning my _dirty blood_ at the beginning of the school year. No wonder he now grimaced slightly.

"How long will you keep reminding me about it?" he asked, looking at my face, as though there really was something fascinating about it.

"As long as it's necessary," I replied, slipping my hand out of his grasp, so I could softly caress his face. Rarely did I find enough courage in my heart to show my warm feelings towards him in any way. It did not surprise me, then, that Snape seemed to be a bit surprised by my gesture. However, it was probably a pleasant surprise to him, since he smiled gently, burying his face in my hand.

It was one of those few moments when Snape revealed his other face to me. The part of himself that was gentle and emotional, which – as it seemed to be – he was ashamed of. However, it did not mean that I liked only this face of his. I liked him also when he was cold... because I knew that he was still the same man. Besides, I had met him when he had been like that: cold and nasty. It was that cold and nasty Snape who had been caring about me all the time.

"You look terrible," I said quietly after a moment. "You must be tired."

"You have a strange concept about what one should say right after confessing love to someone," noted Snape.

I blushed a lot, but did not look away.

"It's good I care for you, isn't it?"

Severus sighed, then gently took my hand off his cheek and brushed his lips against it so softly that almost unnoticeably. Finally, he moved away from me, turning back, so I no longer could see his face.

"You should rest, Shirley," he spoke up.

"So should you. Or maybe, especially you," I answered, frowning. Something about the tone of his voice bothered me.

"If I fall asleep, I won't be able to stay by your side in case an uninvited guest appears," he replied, tucking his hands into the pockets of his robe. "This house is safe... but it doesn't mean that it can't be broken into. We don't know who wants to hunt you down, and it might turn out to be a powerful wizard."

"Not who wants to hunt _me_ down, Severus, but who wants to hunt _us_ down," I said quickly. "And you won't be able to protect anyone if you're so tired!"

Snape turned towards me and glanced at me in a way in which he had never looked at me before. I wanted to say something, but could not think of what could be said at such a moment.

"I brought misfortune upon you," he said quietly. "I thought I were protecting you, and yet... yet I brought misfortune upon you. How could I even think that someone like you... I'm so much older than you, I should've known better."

He was about to go away when I ran over to him and embraced him tightly, not letting him go any further. I buried my face in his back.

"You gave me all the best," I protested, "and now, we're in this together. You and me, Severus, and together, we can do this. Until now, we always have."

I felt him gently touch my hand, and I was sure that he smiled, even though I could not see his face. Maybe that was the way Snape guessed my thoughts? Maybe it had nothing to do with Legilimency?

"Go to bed," he said only.

"I won't go to bed until you do this," I answered firmly. I knew well that he was exhausted. At the same time I could not help but wonder how many nights he had spent sleeplessly, thinking that I was in danger.

"Never in my life would I have thought that I'd hear something like that from you," he said with a large dose of irony. "Why don't you tell me you'll take me to bed yourself?"

This time it was him who surprised me, and he did it to such an extend that I blushed, having no idea what to tell him. Apparently he had not meant anything inappropriate, so why did I react like that?

"Go and change," he added after a moment, probably sensing my embarrassment, but what I heard then shocked me even more. "I'll join you in a moment."

He freed himself from my embrace and walked in the opposite direction. For a moment, I stood motionlessly, not quite sure what I should do, but finally, I decided to get back to my room to change into my pyjamas. Whatever was going to happen now, I would at least be ready for bed, and if Snape came to check on me, he would not be able to scold me.

Soon, I found myself in my room, which once again seemed to be completely surreal. And now... now, I felt that it was really mine, if I was bound to stay with Snape forever.

My heart began beating faster as I realised that. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and noticed that my cheeks were quite flushed, and my eyes glistened strangely. Of course, I did look like I was tired, but at the same time... I thought I looked prettier than usually.

"Darcie Snape..." I whispered to myself, and my reflection smiled softly. I wondered if it was one of those enchanted mirrors, or I had smiled myself.

After a moment I turned back and approached the closet to get my pyjamas out. I washed myself and got changed, then sat on the edge of the bed. _If I lay down now_, I thought, _I won't fall asleep, anyways... is there any point in trying?_

Before I found an answer to my own question, I heard a knocking on the door. After a moment, I saw Snape peeking into the room, already wearing his usual, black nightshirt.

"I thought you were already asleep," he said, and I was not sure if he was teasing me, or he had really thought so. "If you don't want me to stay awake, let me sleep by your side. This bed is big enough... and last time you didn't seem to be disturbed by that."

"It's your house, and the items in it belong to you. You may do whatever you want to them," I answered.

"To the items, yes. But not to the people," he noticed.

"The people also belong to you," I whispered as he got close to me. "And they trust you immeasurably."


	29. Legilimens

That night was quite probably the most amazing one I had ever had in my life. No, nothing inappropriate happened during those several hours, neither of us would ever allow that, and that was perhaps why I trusted Snape so much. Because I knew that he would never let any harm to be done to me; especially not by him. And I would never hurt him.

However, I still felt wonderful with him, whenever he let me cuddle up against his body, giving me that sweet sense of security. For if he stayed with me all the time, no-one else could even put a finger on me.

I suspected that it was exactly the night, even though I had already given him my answer, when I finally got really happy upon thinking that I would stay with him all my life. I wondered what our life together would look like; because I did not believe that it would only consist of the pleasant moments. Difficulties and pains had to come, too, and before everything else – prose of everyday life.

Although I woke up at dawn, I closed my eyes for a while more, sensing Severus's presence right next to me. His calm, rhythmical breath showed he was still fast asleep, therefore I did not want to wake him yet. There was no need for either of us to get up so early, so I let myself get lost in my dreams.

I wondered what my parents' reaction would be once they got to know that I planned to get married. I suspected that they did not expect it to happen so soon – besides, they probably did not think I would get involved with someone _like me_. It would only bond me more to the world I lived in now, therefore the chance for me returning to their world, the Muggle world, was smaller. Moreover, what would their reaction be once they knew that I would become the wife of my former teacher?

Snape sighed quietly in his sleep, and I gently put my hand on his. Even now, it was cool, even though his embrace gave me the feeling of pleasant warmth.

We would live there, in Cokeworth, in his family house. I could only hope that some life would return into the town... well, at least we would be able to give this house a new life. It was going to become a beautiful, warm house. A place where we were going to go back to for every holidays with pleasure, so we could take a break from the school noise.

Were we going to have children? I blushed softly when such a thought appeared in my mind. I knew that it was way too soon to think about that, but I could not help myself. At the same time I realised that the answer was: it was quite doubtful. Snape hated children. He definitely disliked his students, and I was not sure whether the fact that it would be his own children would change anything. Not to mention, we would not have a chance to bring them up, since we both spent almost all year at Hogwarts.

Finally, I gently slipped out of Severus's embrace, then began to get dressed. I let him sleep; he really needed that.

Yet I, as soon as I got dressed, walked to the kitchen, where I could prepare some breakfast. I had managed to realise that what Snape had tried to convince me to was in fact not so bad, even though I had been resisting it so stubbornly all that time.

I had not mastered the "kitchen magic", as I called it, yet, at least not to the point where I would risk preparing the whole meal like that (after all, I did not want to poison anyone), so I started in a simple, Muggle way. I hoped that even if Snape saw me like that, he would have nothing against it, because for some reason I got the impression that he wanted to cut himself off the Muggle world, but I did not know why.

I was just putting the kettle filled with water on the old-fashioned stove, when I suddenly heard some strange noise. I frowned a bit and looked around.

"Severus?" I asked, but got no answer.

After what we had heard from McGonagall the previous day, I was really beginning to get nervous. On the other hand, though, it might have been just my own imagination playing tricks on me – I could once again get into my paranoia. I took a deep breath and got back to what I had been doing, listening intently. I could not let myself forget about the weird nose I had just heard, even though it could be just a book falling on a shelf.

Just in case, I reached into my pocket and pulled my wand out, then put it on the kitchen top right in front of me, so I could always take it.

But I did not make it. As soon as I let go of my wand, I felt some strange pain in my back, as though someone had hit me with something, and my body got completely stiff. I fell onto the floor painfully, and over me appeared two faces: one which I did not know, and another one, which I wanted to scream at the sight of, but not a single sound came from my throat.

"Is it her?" asked the stranger.

"Her," the other one nodded, then aimed at me and muttered, "_Obscuro!_"

A black band immediately appeared over my eyes, so I had no idea what was happening around me. I could hear someone whispering, "_Mobilicorpus!_" and my body, now completely rigid, began floating in mid-air. I wanted to shout, to alarm Severus... because if it was him they wanted to hunt down, then he needed to be careful. However, I was simply unable to say a word – and to my terror, I realised I did not even have my wand with me, since I had left it on the kitchen top...

_Severus... if you can hear me... I beg you, run!_

I had no idea where they had taken me. I only knew that when they had finally put me on some flat surface, someone shouted, "_Incarcerous!_" and thick cords were suddenly wrapped from my ankles up to my neck, so as soon as the Full Body-Bind was broken, I was still incapable of moving.

After a moment, I heard a swish of a wand, and I was certain that someone cast some nonverbal spell, but it only caused the band from over my eyes to disappear. I blinked, not accustomed to the light.

"Bring Nott," muttered one of the men standing over me.

"I'm not going to tell you anything," I snapped at once, though I knew that it could have been the most foolish reaction from me. However, I had no intention of cooperating with them, even though it could mean my death.

The man who had just made such a command laughed quietly, then knelt down next to me, touching my face. Quickly, I turned my head to make it impossible for him, but it only made him giggle again.

"So young, yet so cheeky," he said quietly. "We'll see what you'll tell us and what not... Because, you see, we have our ways of getting information we need."

"You'll be sent to Azkaban for this," I hissed. "And there's no coming back from there, until you're dead."

The man clicked his tongue.

"Oi, oi, oi... I think I know a bit more about Azkaban than you do, little girl," he muttered. "Sometimes I regret that Fenrir's no longer with us... if he were, believe me, he'd be so fond of your skin."

I shivered. I knew perfectly who he was talking about. For almost everyone knew Fenrir Grayback, one of those werewolves who tasted human flesh even when they did not turn into a wolf. This one, in turn, found it honorable to attack as many people as possible.

"Ah, you see... you know who I'm talking about," he sung, apparently quite amused by my reaction. I took a deep breath, but did not answer. It must have irritated him, because he stood up and looked around. "Where's Nott?"

"I'm here," replied a calm voice, and I noticed a pale face of a young man. He was not much older than me; I was almost sure I still remembered him from Hogwarts. He must have been in the same year as Harry Potter."

"Have you brought it?"

"Do you mean _this_, Avery?" Nott lifted his hand, and in it, I noticed something I did not want to see at all: a little phial filled with a water-like liquid. Who would have thought that after what I had experienced the previous day, such a thing would happen now...

The man called Avery looked like he was losing his patience. On his temple I saw a pulsing vein, and the corner of his mouth twitched nervously.

"Don't tease me, Nott," he growled, then beckoned at the men who had brought me there, and they immediately got closer to me and pushed me onto a chair. Until now, I had never seen anything like that: as soon as I sat down, the chains rang and bound me, so I could not move.

Once more, I looked at the Death Eater I knew. No... I could not believe that he was a Death Eater. On the other hand... would his presence at Hogwarts not make everything match, forming a whole? Now, I finally understood how it had happened that the potion had been poured into my drink during the Christmas feast...

"You don't have to do it..." I whispered, but it only caused the man to laugh.

"You're even more naive than I thought, Shirley," he replied. "Of course, I do have to, and I will do it. I'm only surprised that until now you haven't thought of... that you're so shocked..."

I closed my eyes, not believing it could be the truth. But there was no other explanation. I tried to free myself once more, but the binds and the chains turned out to be too tight for me to be able to move at all.

"We don't have the whole day, Nott, make her drink!" screamed Avery, and Nott at once appeared right next to me.

"Open your filthy mouth, Mudblood," he snarled, but I gritted my teeth, looking him in the eye. I did not intend to follow anyone's commands. The Death Eater slapped me hard across the face, but I only gritted my teeth more.

If I only had a wand... but would it change anything at all? I still would not be able to move. I would not be able to make any motion, cast any spell... but I would feel safer somehow.

"Open up, Mudblood!" cried Nott, this time being quite agitated as well. When I still did not do what he wanted, he aimed his wand at me. "_Crucio!_"

I screamed. Never had I felt a pain as terrible as that one. As though every single nerve in my body was burnt with a white-hot poker. It was horrible – but the worst was the fact that I had a feeling that this pain was never going to end. I wanted to stop crying, because this way I gave them the opportunity to pour the potion into my throat, but I could not. Tears burnt my eyes, and I could not even squirm in agony; I only curled my hands into fists, feeling my nails digging into my palms.

That was when I felt that drops of something completely tasteless landing on my tongue. Without a second thought, I spit everything out, which resulted in me getting slapped across the face once more. I tasted blood, and the man's hand grabbed my face quite brutally. Yet the pain I had felt before a moment disappeared just as quickly as it had started.

"I'm not going to waste all my Veritaserum on you, idiot," he hissed, almost pushing the bottle into my mouth. It was my only chance

Not thinking much, I bit him hard on the fingers. I heard Nott's piercing scream, but it in no way improved my situation. I was not sure whether I had or had not taken a dose of Veritaserum, and the fact that I had attacked one of them made the others go berserk. I saw Nott squeezing his hand, it bleeding profusely.

"You think you're so smart?" Avery sneered, immediately pulling his wand out. "Let's see if you'll still be so willing to play... _Crucio!_"

I had no idea how long it had lasted. I had a feeling that it had been hours... maybe days, years... eternity. I was tired of constant pain, and at that moment, I could only wish for death. The fact that the chains kept me up on the chair were the only reason why I was not lying limp on the floor. I breathed heavily, my face wet from sweat.

Nott had gone away, as well as two other Death Eaters. In front of me was only Avery, smirking triumphantly.

"What now, Mudblood?" he asked quietly. "There's no-one to help you... no-one. There's just the two of us."

I wanted him to kill me. To see the flash of green light as everything stopped. But at the same time, I knew that Severus was still in danger. As long as the Death Eaters' attention was drawn to me, he was safe. Or at least a bit safer... I had no idea how many of them there were.

"I am... not going to tell you anything," I breathed, lifting my heavy eyelids.

"We'll see about that," he muttered, leaning over me. Only inches parted my eyes from his. Not thinking much, I spat right into his face.

"You bitch," he growled, once again casting the Torture Curse on me. I howled like a wounded dog.

_Please... may it end... may it pass..._

And it did, indeed, pass. Once again, when I already thought that I would die, that there was no hope for me, the pain stopped and the madman's laughter reached my ears.

"Did it hurt?" sneered Avery. "Good... now, let's see how much you'll tell me... _Legilimens!_"

There was no other spell I would be as scared of as that one. I did not know how to protect myself against it, and this way one could get into the deepest secrets of my mind. To everything... my stomach turned a weird somersault. _To the moments spent with Severus._

Right in front of my eyes scenes from my life began to appear, like in some grotesque film. I got the impression that Avery had not yet mastered the spell perfectly, because he could not find what he was looking for.

I was sitting on a stool in the Great Hall, my knuckles white from my constant clenching my fists. I was trembling when Professor McGonagall put the Sorting Hat onto my head.

"The redhead's going to faint!" laughed a voice on the right, and I could not even get angry, because that was exactly what I felt.

_I'm quite convinced you're not going to become a Gryffindor_, I heard a high-pitched voice in my head.

_I don't want to be a Gryffindor, I want it to end already_, I thought, strangely irked with the quiet voice.

_Well, students usually really want to become Gryffindors... you know, many wonderful wizards came from that House._

_Just like from any other_, I answered at once. _Everyone thinks that it's the courage that could let you reach for anything, and yet the courage is so often confused with stupidity._"

The quiet voice laughed, but did not answer; instead, I heard the Hat cry, "RAVENCLAW!"

"Enough, enough, enough!"

The other voice certainly did not belong to the Sorting Hat, but it brought me back to reality. The dark hall once again materialised in front of me, but my eyelids fell almost immediately.

"I'm not interested in your childhood memories!" yelled Avery. "Talk, Mudblood...!"

But he did not finish. His face stilled, turned greenish-white, and he, himself, soon fell limp onto the floor.

"It seems, Avery," I heard Snape's quiet, full of disgust voice, "that you have something that belongs to me."


	30. Death Eaters

I had probably never felt so happy to see Severus. For the past several hours I had thought that I would never see him again. Now, he looked like an angel to me... I smiled softly, though, it was difficult.

"Good to see you," I mumbled.

"Shirley, do you really need to get in trouble so often? I think I'll have to cast the Permanent Sticking Charm on you and walk around with you everywhere," he sighed, but his irritation was lined with relief.

He walked over to me, then gently tapped first the chains, then the binds, which had been making me feel numb, with his wand. As soon as the chains and the ropes fell, I slipped down from the chair, completely unable to control my body. I was so weak that even something as easy as standing on my feet seemed to be unforceable to me. Before I hit the floor, though, Snape caught me and picked me up. I sighed deeply, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Once again you're saving my life," I whispered. "Thank you."

"You'll thank me once everything's over," he answered quietly, looking around, then briskly left the dark room.

Even now I hardly knew where we were, but it was not something I would really care about. Maybe later on, when I came back to my senses, I would ask Snape about that... Right now, though, I only wanted to get to a place where we were safe.

It was completely dark outside now, as we had left the building. Severus's face was still full of seriousness and focus, that was perhaps why I tried to ask no questions. I had a feeling that we could still not be safe. After all, someone might have heard us and now was following us... I only hoped that it was not the case.

Finally, Snape came to a halt and pressed my body close to his. I closed my eyes as I felt him twist at the spot, and nothingness sucked us in.

Later on, I was ashamed of that, but apparently Apparition had exhausted me completely. Next thing I remembered was waking up in a clean, bright room. Soft, warm sunlight danced upon my face, slipping thorugh the slit between the curtains, but it did not bother me at all.

I groaned quietly. My whole body still hurt, but not as much as back then, when Snape had carried me out of that terrible place. I hoped that not too much time had passed since that had happened.

When I finally opened my eyes, I propped my hands on the soft mattress, so that I could finally get up, but that was when some invisible force pushed me back into my bed. I blinked in surprise.

"Were I you, I wouldn't be trying this, Shirley," I heard a familiar voice, and tears of happiness gathered beneath my eyelids.

"Severus!" I said joyfully, immediately finding the pale, scarred face of the man.

"I think I'm already used to staying by your bed, Shirley. I even wonder if I won't be missing it once everything's over," he replied emotionlessly, but I knew he was just making fun of me.

Severus Snape was making fun of me. And no, it was not sarcasm. I did not think I had ever witnessed such a situation. I had a feeling that there were many other things I still did not know about him, and I wanted to learn as much about him as possible even more now. Now, that I had finally realised how little was needed to part us forever.

"You need to rest," he whispered gently, putting his hand on my head. "When I found you, you were in a horrid state."

"How much time..."

"Don't worry. You've only slept a dozen hours or so," he answered quickly, seeing me begin to get anxious that I might have slept for many days again. That vision truly terrified me, therefore his response managed to calm me down a lot. "Though, I would rather like you to sleep some more. Your body needs rest."

"I feel wonderful," I retorted, frowning.

Snape raised his brows, then leant back in his chair. It was a gesture that let me know that the man would not allow me to leave the bed so soon, even though I could really beg for it. Yet I knew that as long as he would stay there with me, I would not try to resist. However, truth be told, I would rather like to have at least a little walk.

"How did you know where to look for me?" I asked after a moment, obediently pulling the quilt up to my chin.

Snape, who had been reading something, sighed, and put the book aside. Then, he looked at me, his eyes full of compassion, as though I were a child who demanded a fairytale, while he had no idea how to tell one.

"You thought I didn't expect someone to try to hurt you, Shirley?" he asked, frowning. "Oh no, I was well aware of the fact that someone had been hunting for you for a long time. When I was still at school... I was _somewhat interested_... in spells." He stopped, then stood up, walking over to the window. After a moment of thought, he opened the curtains, so more sunlight could get into the room. "I knew how the Trace worked... It was not a problem for me to create something... something similar to that spell."

I blinked, feeling myself blush. On one hand, the fact that Snape had gone so far as to really following my every step terrified me. On the other, though, if not for his creativity, I would have probably been dead by now.

"Now... whenever anyone wants to hurt you, I'll know about that," he explained calmly, but he still refused to look at me; I was certain that it was because he was not sure how I would react to the information that he had been following me. I only wondered for how long.

For a moment I felt a strange urge to ask about that, but then I understood that it would not be the best idea. I did not want to provoke another quarrel right now... especially because there were so many other things I was very curious about.

"But... but why did they abduct me, if you were just a couple of feet away?" I asked, my voice trembling. "After all, it's you they want..."

"No," he answered, shaking his head a bit. "You're still too naive to understand how the Death Eaters work. A Death Eater won't _just_ kill. What they care about is causing as much suffering as possible."

I still did not understand. Unconsciously, I sat up, but once Snape saw that, he sighed and once again waved his wand to push me back into the bed.

"I've already told you, Shirley, that you were not supposed to move," he snapped irritably. "The Death Eaters wanted to abduct you, because they knew that if they hurt _you_, it would hurt me the most. Besides, they wanted to get to know everything about me... and you know much more about me than anyone else. That's why they wanted you so desperately."

"I _swear_ I have told them nothing," I whispered immediately, with the strange impression that Snape was suspecting me. I did not want him to treat me like a traitor, especially since I would have never dared to betray him.

"I know, Shirley, I know," he replied quietly, then sat down on the edge of my bed and patted me on the head. That gesture surprised me even more than anything else. "There's no-one I could trust as much as I trust you."

It sounded a bit like a compliment, but at the same time it made me feel a twinge of pain in my heart. It was as though Snape behind the mask of a cruel and cynical teacher hid a personality so delicate that I was afraid of crushing it. The better I knew him, the more ashamed I was of my hatred towards him from my school years... and I really wanted other people to notice what I could see in him.

"Did... did you see anyone else besides Avery? Did you hear any names?" he asked after a moment, moving away from me.

I closed my eyes. Once again, was struck by what I could remember... a familiar face... a person I would have never suspected to be a Death Eater. But now, after all that had happened I had no doubts.

"Yes," I answered quietly, not opening my eyes. "Besides Avery, I saw three more... I didn't hear the name of one of them, but... but there was Nott." I remembered the young man's name with some difficulty.

"Nott...?" repeated Snape, apparently astonished. "What did he look like?"

"He must've been my age, maybe a bit older," I said. "Dark hair, rather tall... he was supposed to apply the Veritaserum."

Grimacing softly, Snape pushed his hair away from his face, then stood up and began pacing around the room, as always keeping his hands crossed behind hi back. For a longer while, he stayed silent, but I knew that his mind was full of thoughts.

"Then the young Nott... I hoped he wouldn't follow in his father's footsteps," he muttered quietly, then finally looked at me. "You said there were three of them. So one whose name you didn't hear, Nott... and who else?"

I felt dryness in my mouth. Only then did I open my eyes, letting Snape look into them seriously. It did not help at all.

"Blade," I whispered at last.

Severus came to a halt, then approached me in a few fast steps, looking just as agitated as I felt.

"_Morgan Blade_?" His voice was no longer so calm, and I was not even surprised. I nodded.

"The very same," I muttered. "Now... now I finally know who cast the Imperius Curse on Neville. It _must_ have been him, when he was still a teacher."

For a moment, complete silence fell. Snape stared at me, as though he could read anything at all from my face, but then, he just sighed and stood up, rubbing the bridge of his nose. When I said it out loud, it seemed to be impossible... and for a while, I hoped that Snape would believe the same. I would rather like him to laugh at me than agree with me. It would help me stop worrying with the fact that a Death Eater had been hired at Hogwarts. To which secrets had he had access...?

"When he got to know why he was going to be fired, he must have heard that I was alive," said Snape quietly. "That was when he cast the curse on Longbottom, because he knew that controlling him would not be difficult... Maybe that was why Longbottom wanted to get so close to you... it would also explain why he didn't try to help you when he accidentally hit you with a spell."

Somehow, Severus made it sound even worse. I could not hope that I had been wrong anymore; it all sounded way too plausible. As though the missing piece of a puzzle had finally been found.

"Do you think that Avery is... their leader?" I asked hesitantly, and Snape turned his head at once to look at me.

"Avery? Oh, no. I don't think that torturing you or me would be so important that their leader would need to do it. I think it's someone else... someone more brainy," answered Snape. After a while, he got back into his chair and leant close to me. I could see his eyes, full of emotion and piercing. "I'm quite surprised, though, that he's at large. He was said to be locked up at Azkaban... so it means that he has either avoided it, or he has somehow run away. Which might mean that other Death Eaters, who have been captured, might be on the loose, too."

"Then who might it be?"

Severus leant back in his chair, then joined his fingertips, as usual when he was thinking about something. I did not know the names of particular Death Eaters. I only knew them as a terrifying mass who existed to sow terror and death.

"I can only surmise," he replied at last, so quietly that I was hardly able to distinguish words. "But I... I have certain suspicions."

He did not allow me to ask yet another question; instead, he took his book and opened on the right page, then glared at me so menacingly that I knew I should not try to oppose to him, if I did not want to regret that.

"Rest... or I'll find some Sleeping Draught for you."

I was glad that after a few days I was well enough to return to school along with Severus. Until now, he had been taking care of me so solicitously that I had got almost completely used to his presence – and to the house in which we lived together.

Every morning and evening he gave me a dose of Strengthening Solution, which made me soon recover. After some time I realised also that Cokeworth was not such a terrible place. Snape took me on walks, showing me different places. Besides seedy streets and gloomy alleys, the town hid also beautiful parks, and behind the hill nearby was also a vast forest.

No wonder, then, that after some time I felt almost sorry that I needed to leave that place. Still, I was still happy that we were returning to Hogwarts.

Just like the previous time, Snape had not agreed to going by train or the Knight Bus, therefore, whether I wanted or not, I trod after him towards the meadow from which we could safely Apparate to Hogsmeade.

"Remember not to tell anyone about what's happened to you here," he said seriously. "We can't trust anybody now."

I nodded, yet could not help but gently slip my hand into his own. My gesture surprised him, however, after a moment a soft smile appeared on his face, and his hand tightened a little around mine.

"I'm sorry I'll have to share you with the rest of the school," he whispered, which made my heart flutter in my chest.

"I won't stop being yours," I promised.

"You must come here for the next holidays," he added, making use of the last moments during which he could talk to me completely openly. "Don't come back home... come here with me, and never leave."

I did not answer, but he probably was not awaiting my response. He only glanced at me with a gentle smile, then gripped my hand tightly and together, we spun at a spot, focusing our thoughts on Hogsmeade.


	31. The Secrets of the Castle

More and more often one could meet the students learning in the corridors; the library, usually quite empty, now seemed to be bursting, so I had to avoid that place, even though until now it had been my favourite. However, I found it a good omen, in contrast to the prevailing epidemic of hysteria.

During Thursday's History of Magic lesson, Arianna Hopkirk interrupted my lecture on the 20th century Ministers for Magic, bursting into tears and claiming that she was too stupid to take her O.W.L.s. When I had sent her with her best friend to the hospital wing, I heard a knocking on the door, and Professor Flitwick's face appeared in the doorway. The man entered and explained that Miss Palmer had sunk into real despair during her Charms class and begun to implore to let her go back home before she completely defiled her name during the oncoming exams.

However, it was only one of many days like that; the closer it was to the O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, the more often such cases occured. The culmination of all that was the moment when one seventh-year Hufflepuff stood at the top of the Astronomy Tower and threatened that he would jump, unless the Headmistress allowed to erase him from the list of examinees.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Montgomery," said McGonagall who, fortunately, that day happened to be in the castle. "Nothing bad will happen if you fail, and believe me that Professor Longbottom cannot praise you enough, and he does know what he's saying... I'm certain that you have at least one N.E.W.T. sewn up."

After that even the mass panic seemed to have faded away, even though every now and then a couple of students had to be sent to the hospital wing, so Madam Pomfrey could apply her famous Calming Draught.

"I'm teaching a bunch of idiots," I heard Snape's sigh; he was just poring at the desk, correcting the essays he had assigned. Right next to him stood over a dozen phials waiting for their turn. "I'll be genuinely surprised if half of them pass."

I could not help but smile. I glanced at him from behind my own pile of assignments; at that moment, I was just trying to get over some really cloudy text about the uprising of goblins, and it caused me to start losing my temper as well.

"I'm convinced everyone will pass," I answered, and Snape looked at me in surprise. "After all, they have a great teacher."

"Are you trying to bribe me with compliments, Shirley?" he asked, and I laughed quietly.

"I'd like to remind you, sir, that my marks don't depend on you anymore," I replied, faking seriousness.

"Your O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s didn't depend on me, either," noticed Severus, putting his quill aside and rubbing his wrist.

"Maybe not, but thanks to you, I had a great base."

Snape grimaced softly, as though he really did think that I was trying to corrupt him. After a moment, he moved his chair and stood up. To my surprise, I noticed that he approached me, and once he stood just a foot away from me, he gently ruffled my hair.

"I'd love to have been able to teach you then. You're a talented student. All I regret is you being so... conservative," he said in a familiar to me, gentle tone, which made my heart get softer. "Potions need not only following strict rules... they need a heart. It would be enough if you just opened your mind a little."

I really loved it when he talked about potions with so much affection; he spoke about them as though they were a kind of magic greater than any other, as though spells did not have the same power. Therefore I had no doubt that he was better as a Potions teacher than a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, even though he strove for the latter so much. His fondness of potions was also quite useful for the students, even though hardly anyone liked him.

"You left me in good hands," I assured him. "Professor Slughorn was really a wonderful teacher."

Snape raised his eyebrows a bit.

"Better than me?"

I knew he was just teasing me; I could notice that in his eyes. The longer I knew him, the more ashamed I was whenever I thought of the moments when I had been accusing him of coldness and lack of affection. Now I finally knew that he was simply capable of concealing them perfectly.

"You've got me there, Professor," I laughed, and he responded with a soft smile, before he leant over my essays.

"There's a mistake... it's Hodrod the Horny-Handed, not Ragnok..." he muttered, pinpointing the name in the essay. "And here again... and here." He finally closed his eyes, sighing, then asked, "Whose is this essay?"

I glanced at the top corner of the roll.

"Dante Pucey," I replied, then bit my lip. Dante Pucey, Adrian Pucey's cousin, was a Slytherin.

"I'll talk to him," Snape growled, then moved away from me, so he could return to his pile of assignments, which did not seem to get any smaller.

I felt it was going to be a long evening.

Summer came to Hogwarts quite early. It was sad to look at the students, who instead of indulging themselves in enjoying the wonderful weather, had to hide in the dark corners of the library or empty classrooms to study. However, I understood them perfectly.

Several times, I tried to convince Snape out of the castle, to have a walk with me on the school grounds, but he always refused, grimacing.

"I swear that if you ask me that question just once more, I'll transfigure you into some potion ingredient and use during my next class," he growled at last, so I had to give up, which made me quite upset, since according to what I had promised him, I could not go anywhere without his company.

"All right, all right," I muttered and slumped down onto the bed.

I felt like in a cage, but I was perfectly aware of the fact that Snape had every reason not to let me go anywhere by myself, so I did not even try to protest.

"You'll never cease to surprise me, Shirley," he said, glancing at me from over the cauldron, in which he was currently preparing something. "I thought that you'd still be trying to convince me... 'The grounds are almost empty at this hour... no-one's going to see us, anyway...'"

I laughed shortly and looked in his direction.

"I promised I'd be careful," I replied. "I've got no intention of quarreling with you, knowing you're right, and since you're busy..."

Snape raised one of his brows slightly, but said nothing. I watched him adding different ingredients so carefully, as though each of them was worth a fortune. Finally, after about a quarter of an hour, he put out the fire under the cauldron, and poured the contents into several bottles. Then, he put them on one of the shelves.

"What now?" I asked.

"A poison, which I'll try on you immediately, if you don't shut up," he answered calmly, aiming the tip of his wand at the cauldron, which at once became completely spotless. One more wave of his hand, and it disappeared.

I sighed quietly, then reached for a book. Now, I no longer assigned any essays to my students; I wanted them to focus on studying, therefore I had some more time for myself. And I needed it, because recently fatigue really got to bother me.

Before I found the page on which I had finished, though, the text was covered by Snape's white hand. As I tried to understand what was happening, he took the book out of my hands.

"I swear that if you say a word about this to anyone, you won't leave this room until the end of the school year," he hissed. "Understood?"

I had no idea what he was talking about, but without a second thought, I nodded. That was when he took my hand and helped me onto my feet. For some reason, my heart began beating faster, but I hoped he did not feel that. I also needed to avert my sight, because I felt my cheeks burning with a blush – something I did not want him to see.

He led me towards the door. We walked out into the dark corridor, but Snape did not slow down even for a while, so I needed to jog so I could keep up with him. We were not crossing any desolated corridors, just the very same we usually walked down every day, so when we got onto the ground floor, we could come across studying people. Some of them even looked at us and greeted us, but Snape seemed not to even notice them.

Finally, we turned towards the Great Hall. I wondered where we were going, because the Great Hall was completely empty at that moment; it was bound to fill in two hours, when everyone would come to supper.

Our footsteps echoed across the walls, and I glanced over my shoulder to check if anyone was following us. When I did that, I felt a tug.

"Are you going or not?" asked Snape quietly, and I immediately turned my head and sped up. I regretted not being in a better shape, because I was already out of breaty, yet Snape kept his face pace.

At last, we got to the door leading to a side chamber. Snape opened it, and then, as soon as we walked in, closed it quickly. There was nothing fascinating in there; at one time, the chamber quite probably had its functions, because there were some tables and chairs standing all around, and on the walls hung some tapestries, yet now, all of that was covered in dust, as though no-one had entered that place for a many years.

"I told you once that I'd known this castle for a long time, and much better than you, right?" he asked, a strange smirk upon his face, and I nodded in bewilderment. I did not really know what it had to do with that strange room.

However, I was about to get to know. Snape turned and jabbed the tapestry on the wall opposite us several times with a wand. It squealed quietly and rolled up, revealing stone door, concealed so well that for a moment I thought I was staring at a bare wall.

"What is..." I began, but Snape once more aimed his wand at the right place and with a quiet groan the door cracked open.

I blinked, not sure where he was leading me, but I was too curious not to follow him when he reached his hand towards me, smiling encouragingly. It looked like he had been wanting to share that secret with me, but had never really had a chance to do that... Now, though, he swelled with happiness and pride.

I returned the smile rather shyly, putting my hand on his, and he immediately led me through the door.

At first, I needed to squint my eyes, not accustomed to this brightness. Soft breeze brushed against my skin, so there was no doubt it was just one of the secret ways out the castle. It did not lead to Hogsmeade, though, but to a vast meadow on a hill. If we walked closer to the edge, we would notice something resembling a low cliff, and underneath, the Lake, glistening in the sunlight.

That place was totally separated from the rest of the castle. One could not get to any other place from the spot we were at, but we could notice a few students walking on the grounds or studying by the shore.

"Wonderful," I whispered, completely awestruck, looking around and taking in all those views. I could not believe that it was all true, even though the whole castle was magical. Yet that place contained a completely different kind of magic.

"I don't know if anyone but me knows this secret," Snape spoke up. "I think that at one time Dumbledore did, but now... now, I'm glad that there is no-one else who would come here to clear their mind."

I glanced at him, but he was not looking at me. He set his eyes upon some point in front of his, and I did not disturb him; actually, I looked around as well, once again letting myself get carried away by admiration.

"Now, you are here... but I want you to know this secret," he added just as quietly. The grip on my fingers tightened, and I could not help but smile. My thumb gently caressed the back of his hand. "I want you to know every single one of my secrets."

His confession took me completely by surprise; never in my life would I have supposed that he trusted me so much. I wondered how I had deserved that – how I would ever deserve... I did not say a word, though.

"I've never brought anyone here. Even Lily," he explained in a low voice after a moment, then sat down on the grass, and I followed. "Even though I knew this passage back then. When I was at school... when I was at school, I found it useful, especially when Potter and his bunch decided to show how _funny_ they were."

A light grimace rushed across his face. He did not explain, though, what he had meant; I guessed, however, that there had been no warm feelings between him and James Potter and his friends. Never would I have thought, though, that the father of the famous Harry Potter could have acted like that.

"To Lily, I've shown a lot... but not as much as to you, Shirley. That's why I'm not going to let some idiot tell you that I confuse you with her. At... at some point, it might have been like that," he admitted, finally glancing in my direction. "But not now."

He cupped my cheek in his hand, and – just like a couple of months before – caressed it with his thumb, as though wiping away some invisible tears.

"I think Lily would've liked you, if she'd had a chance to meet you," he added after a while. "You're a bit alike. But only a bit."

He leant in and placed a kiss on my forehead, so similar to the one I still remembered from the time when I had been in a coma.

"I promise that every single secret of yours will be safe with me," I answered, closing my eyes. His touch was in some strange way soothing, as though it could take away all of the everyday worries. As though it could move us to a world that existed for no-one but us.

"I know," he replied. "You wouldn't lie to me. You're a coward, but not a liar... However, recently you proved that you are not such a great coward." A smile appeared on his face. "Even though not many wizards would be able to do it."

I blushed a lot. I knew he meant those moments spent in the seat of the Death Eaters. I wondered what had made me do all that back then; maybe it was my fear that had prevented me from betrayal? But did it make any sense? How could one cowardice prevent from another?

"I'm not sure," I muttered hesitantly, but Severus shook his head.

"But I know it perfectly," he interrupted me. "To protect the ones you love, you'd be able to do everything. And this kind of courage is much greater than the one the Gryffindors keep bragging about. It's not wrongly labelled stupidity, but true nobility."

I could not help smiling. When he embraced me, I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, letting the sunlight play on my face. At that moment, I prayed I would be able to stay with him like that forever... but peace was not something that was meant to be.


	32. Farewell to Hogwarts

Although I would do so much to just be able to sit there with Severus for long hours, I knew that we could not do that; behind that secret door plain everyday life awaited us – he needed to correct the homework he had assigned to his students, and I should get back to my office, waiting for those who might have had any problems with the material we had covered for the exams. However, I still felt some strange happiness, knowing that I shared yet another secret with Snape, and it was such a beautiful secret.

Finally, we stood up to get back to the castle. As soon as the door closed behind us, the tapestry got back onto its previous place, just as faded and dusty as it had been; no-one would have been able to tell if someone had touched it.

Quickly, we got back to the Great Hall, and having crossed it, we once again found ourselves in the Entrance Hall. The gems in the enormous hourglasses rattled quietly whenever one of the teachers awarded or deducted points.

"Ah, Snape, here you are," we heard McGonagall's voice, full of emotion, and Severus quickly let go of my hand, as though he had never been holding it, and laced his fingers behind his back, turning back to face the Headmistress, glancing at her calmly.

"Has something happened, Headmistress?" he asked in his usual, matter-of-fact tone.

McGonagall pushed her glasses up, since they had slipped down her nose when she had grimaced slightly. It looked like the situation was quite nasty, and the woman really did not want to talk about it; however, there was no other solution but finishing it now.

"Yes, something has happened. I would really appreciate it if you will please follow me to my office," she answered, then looked at me. "Your presence won't be required, Miss Shirley."

"But has..." I began a question, but that was when I noticed Severus move his head slightly – an inch to the left, an inch to the right. "Oh... yes, of course."

I would have sworn that I saw a little smile on Snape's face.

"I'll be in my office," I added quickly, and McGonagall nodded before she asked Severus to follow her.

I felt somewhat nervous when I sat in my office. Not many students came to ask me about something, and I was so distracted that I felt really guilty whenever someone actually did come. I wanted to be able to give them real help, and they truly deserved to devote all of my attention to them, therefore now, as my attention was far away from that place, focused upon a completely different person, I could not help but scold myself internally.

I sighed deeply when another student had left. I closed my eyes and hid my face in hands, hoping that my premonitions would not turn out to be true, and in fact nothing bad had happened.

I was jerked back from my thoughtfulness by a knocking on the door. Convinced that it was just another student, I took one more deep breath and looked at the doorway.

"Come in!"

In the doorway appeared Severus, even grimmer than usually, which actually surprised me – and unsettled me at the same time. I felt an unpleasant twinge in my heart, realising that my fears had been true, and something had in fact happened.

"Come with me," he said, holding his hand out to me.

I stood up without a second thought, slipping my hand into his grasp. However, I did look at him enquiringly. For the first time, he seemed to be really old, even though I knew it was not the case. Before I could even bite my tongue, I asked, "What happened in McGonagall's office?"

It was quite obvious that nothing pleasant had occured, since Snape grimaced slightly as he opened the door. We left, and he answered only, "Not here."

The darkest scenarios rushed across my head. For a moment, though, I did have some hope that maybe he had learnt something more about the Death Eaters. Maybe McGonagall had discovered who their leader was, and that was what had upset Snape so much? Maybe it was one of his friends...?

For a while, I felt strangely tempted to ask that question one more time, but I would rather not risk making him angry; because he was in such a state that it would not be hard to get him furious. I forced myself to stay silent, then, as he led me across the corridors, down the stairs, towards the dungeons. That way had never seemed so long to me.

Only when the secret door to his room closed behind us, he let go of my hand and made a couple of steps away from me, looking somewhere ahead.

"Severus...?" I asked hesitantly, not knowing if it was the moment when I should speak up, or maybe I should still stay silent.

"You... you don't need to worry about my constant surveillance of your life, Shirley," he answered after a long while. I noticed that he kept curling his hands into fists nervously behind his back. "I was allowed to stay at school until the end of the school year... but I won't be coming back in September."

My world stopped for a moment. Not having any idea of what I should say, I just stared at him, trying to catch a breath. Only after a while did I calmed down enough to be able to react in any way. Without a second thought, I ran over to him and took his hands into my hands, forcing him to look me in the eye.

"You can't!" I protested. "This school has never had a better Potions teacher! The students need you!"

Snape grimaced a bit, then firmly took my hands away from his face before taking a step back. I felt in some weird way lonely, even though we were still in the same room, and there was not much more than a feet between us.

"You heard what I said, Shirley. The... ah... the Headmistress decided that it would be better... she let me stay until the end of June, so that there would be no chaos amongst the students, since it would not cause any turmoil in the examination schedule."

Something about the tone of his voice definitely did bother me. Hardly ever did he speak about McGonagall with so much resentment.

"What happened?" I asked quietly, still not quite understanding why the Headmistress would want to get rid of him less than a year after she had been trying so hard to bring him back as a Potions teacher.

"Sit," he said only.

It was just one word, but in the way he uttered it I sensed that it would be nothing pleasant to listen. I dared not object, though, so I walked over to the chair by the desk and moved it back to sit down. All that time, though, I did not take my eyes off his face, trying to read anything from it.

Snape sighed deeply, then sat down as well. Trying to calm down, he closed his eyes, and I had to control myself not to instinctively embrace him. I had no idea how he would react to my touch at such a moment.

"The time when the Ministry interefered in the affairs of Hogwarts," he spoke after a moment, "is not over yet... though, it may be better. Maybe a teacher such as I should be got rid of for the sake of the students as well as the teachers."

He stopped and swallowed, as though he was doing his best not to say something inexplicably nasty.

"But you are not dangerous!" I protested, frowning. "Not... not you! Until now, you've always done whatever was necessary to protect the students! For God's sake, you've saved my life so many times!"

"But the Ministry does not consider it the way you do, Shirley! To them, I still am – and will be, until the end of my life – an ex-Death Eater, regardless of who would vouch for me! In the past Dumbledore did it, now, McGonagall did the same, but apparently the words of either of them mean nothing!"

He was irritated, furious, maybe resentful. I found it hard to understand what he could feel at a moment like that one; I knew, though, that I wanted to protect him at all cost, not to let him be treated the way he was being treated now.

"Once, Dumbledore was considered a genius. The highest authority, whatever the case was. However, it seems to have changed, and as soon as he died, he became an irrelevant old man who should not be trusted."

"But... but after all you've done for this school... for the whole wizarding society, and everyone else... how can they not trust you?" I asked, still not quite understanding what had happened in McGonagall's office.

"Why won't you understand one thing... they... do not... care!" he replied angrily, but still did not raise his voice. "They don't care that whatever I do, I do it to protect... someone, no matter whom. Ever since Dumbledore gave me a second chance, I've never dared waste it. I knew that I wouldn't get another one... however..."

I was scared that my desire to reveal what had really happened would turn out to be nothing but unhealthy curiosity. Or that – what was even worse – Snape would think it was the case. However, I still wanted to know, so I could react in any way.

"I have no idea how to protect you from now on, Shirley," he added after a while, looking at me seirously. "I've been trying my best, but... but apparently the words written on paper are... are worth more than your health and life." He swallowed and hid his face in hands; only then did I notice that they were trembling slightly. Without a second thought, I took them gently into mine – this time, he did not tug them away, but looked at me tiredly.

I did not try to break the silence, knowing that Severus might need it at such a moment. I just looked him in the eye.

"I can't lock you up in my house, like in a cage," he whispered finally. "And I can't be sure I'll discover who stands behind it all when I'm still here. You'll need to deal with everything on your own from now on."

"What did they tell you?" I asked at last. "McGonagall..."

On Severus's face appeared a grimace, and for a moment, I had got a feeling that I should not have asked that question. However, when he slipped his hand out of my grasp just to caress my cheek a bit, I did calm down, even if just a little bit.

"McGonagall still tried to... excuse me," he answered. "It's only thanks to her that I can stay here until the end of the school year. I... I shouldn't have cast that spell on you. I shouldn't have invented it. The Ministry considers it... a serious violation... of certain legal regulations."

I frowned; apparently he was talking about that one spell that made Severus know when I was in danger. Why, though, if I did not try to fight it, the Ministry deemed it was something despicable?

"On the first of July I am supposed to come for a hearing on the improper use of magic. It also causes me to be... as the Minister called it... incapable of teaching at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry..."

"But... I thought it was up to the Headmistress as to who teaches here, and who does not!" I said indignantly, then stood up. "I see nothing improper in you having developed a spell, which... thanks to which you found me! If not for it, I would be probably dead by now... or at least lying at St Mungo's without senses!"

"Tell that to those big shots from the Ministry," almost growled Snape, standing up as well. "When I mentioned that I can't help but remember the school from the times of the famous Professor Umbridge, I heard that I could leave Hogwarts even today, if I don't watch my tongue."

"But still... it makes no sense... you haven't hurt me... you've been protecting me!"

I did not even notice when I had started to pace around the room, feeling the irritation engulfing me from the inside. Why did the Ministry act like that? Had another Death Eater broken into the ranks of the Minister's closest associates? Even when the Minister was no-one else but one of the most prominent Aurors, Kingsley Shacklebolt himself? I did not believe that someone might have cast the Imperius Curse upon him without anyone noticing...

"That's where the problem lies, Shirley." Snape still stood there, watching me. "The spell had not been tested before it was used on a human being. It's true I put you in danger..."

"But if I die now, it won't be because of you!" I interrupted him and turned so I could look at him. Tears were burning my eyes.

Snape used that moment when I stood still, and approached me quickly to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"Listen carefully," he said finally, holding me in place when I tried to leave. "Stand still when I'm talking to you... You must help me now. It's very important. If... if the Ministry don't want to contribute to the capturing dangerous criminals, dealing with innovative spells instead... we have to take things into our own hands. I'm not able to do it alone."

I looked at him and drew a deep breath. My breath was slightly shaky because of the tears, but I was doing my best to calm down. Finally, I nodded.

"We must discover who now manages this wretched organisation... Avery is not clever enough, but since he gave orders to the rest, we may suppose that none of the three you've met beside Avery have anything to do with command. As I said earlier, I do have some suppositions, but first, we need to check them before we start to act." His voice was quiet, but hardly empty or emotionless. Never before had I heard such a tension in his words.

"Then what am I supposed to do?" I asked after a while, having no idea as to how we could make our situation any better.

"Nothing, for now. We have to speak with Lucius, as soon as possible. He has certain connections we don't have," explained Severus, and I once again nodded. "I'm afraid that the whole case has already gone too far. Further than I've thought till now. But it's still not too late to prevent a tragedy. We just have to cut off the dragon's head."

"_How_?"

"When we've talked to Lucius... I'm almost sure I won't have any doubts as to what's happening at the Ministry, and I'm convinced that at the moment quite a lot is happening. A lot of nasty things."

I bit my lip.

"So you think... that there are Death Eaters in the Ministry already?"

"Oh, I don't doubt it, of course. The sooner you penetrate the Ministry, the easier it will be for you to hide, don't you think?" A grim smile appeared on his lips."That's why it'll be hard to get them, because you'll never know who's really guilty... who's lying, and who's been deceived. I'd wish for Lucius's son to help us... but he, apparently, is not interested in having a hand in any of this."

I sighed deeply, remembering the conversation between Snape and McGonagall when the name of Draco Malfoy had been first mentioned. I had never had a chance to get to know this boy better, even though we had been going to the same school for a couple of years.

"So, what we have to do is to do the dirty business for the Ministry, thus risking that we'll end locked up in Azkaban as well, Shirley..." whispered Severus, his eyes set upon mine. "But either this... or agonising death."

"I'll follow you everywhere, Severus," I answered just as quietly, smiling a bit. "How are we going to meet Lucius?"


	33. Lucius Malfoy

Saturday on which we went to Hogsmeade was hot and steamy. I had an inkling that there would be a storm at the end of the day, yet I still hoped that it would not happen before we got back to the castle. During the rain the path which led from the village to Hogwarts became slippery, so walking down the road was nothing pleasant.

The visit in the Hog's Head Inn was nothing pleasant, either, since the room which we were given was tiny and inside, I felt as though no-one had ever opened the window there, not to mention getting rid of the thick layer of dust which lay on every surface. Maybe if it was any less steamy outside, waiting for Lucius Malfoy would not seem to take so long.

"You know," I said quietly to Severus, who kept staring at some spot in front of him. "If I were to testify in your case as a defence witness... they would have no reason to convict you. In this case, there would be no need to remove you from the Potions teacher job at Hogwarts. If I..."

"Silence, Shirley," growled Snape. "You're not going to testify in any case. You're not going to stick your neck out for me."

"So you think I'll just keep quiet when you..."

"_Yes_, you will keep quiet," he answered emphatically, finally turning his head to look at me. Our eyes met, and I frowned.

That was, though, when the door opened and at the threshold stood no-one else but Lucius Malfoy himself. The bartender bowed his head a little, glared a bit ominously in our direction, then closed the door – and hopefully walked away.

"Well, well, well..." murmured Malfoy, and I blinked. I had already heard that voice somewhere, but I could not remember when and where.

Severus nodded his head a bit, as though in a greeting, then gestured towards the seat next to him at the table. I could not help but watch the blond gentleman as he walked calmly up to the chair and sat on it. He looked like he had aged a lot in a very short time. Around his eyes he had many little wrinkles, however, his light, pale eyes seemed to be immensely penetrating.

No wonder, I thought, that McGonagall and Snape collaborated with him... he seemed to be an influential and extremely intelligent person. However, only later on did I discover how right I was.

"Recently you get in trouble surprisingly easily, Snape," sang Malfoy, leaning his cane against the table top. I was a bit struck by the view of the knob in the shape of a silver snake head. "If I weren't so sure it's you, I could start doubting."

"Enough with the jokes, Malfoy," snapped Snape. "I don't need your company, I need your influence."

The corner of Malfoy's mouth twitched slightly, but that smile did not seem to embrace his eyes, which remained cold, as though dead, even if still shockingly astute.

"Oh, of _course_," answered the blond. Although those were just two plain words, they sounded a bit like an insult. Involuntarily, under the table I curled my hands into fists. I still was not certain what was between the two men, because when I had talked to Snape face-to-face, he had spoken about Malfoy with deep respect, but now, I had got a strange feeling that they felt aversion towards each other, perhaps even disgust.

Hesitantly, I glanced at Snape, not quite sure if I should speak up. Therefore I left speaking to him. Yes, I was supposed to help him, but I had an impression that currently he just wanted me to know as much as possible about the whole case, not to comment on it.

"If I understood you well, you're still... in... _good relations_ with the Ministry's employees," said Snape after a while of silence. The look he served to Malfoy caused even me to shiver a bit. However, Lucius, though, looked completely unimpressed.

"I do have certain sources," the latter agreed. "In many cases gold is quite helpful while finding friends. Therefore, even if I'm not friends with those whose help you might need, I am certain I'll be able to... _reconcile_ with them.

The tone of his voice made me alert, but I had heard before that Lucius Malfoy was one of those people who were affluent and could use their wealth. Whether it was a proper way to use their wealth or not, it would be hard to judge; for sure, he did use it to achieve his goals. And if he had agreed to help Severus...

"I must get to know if Death Eaters entered the ranks of the Ministry," answered Snape. This time, he spoke openly, even bluntly, which shocked not only me, but Malfoy as well; the latter moved back a bit. His sight for a moment landed on the cane by his side. "And if so, who it is."

For a moment silent fell in the room; I was convinced that both of the men were listening intently, as though trying to catch the sounds that would indicate that someone was eavesdropping. However, we could only hear the bartender sweeping the floor downstairs.

"Well, well... Severus... I haven't expected such a question," Malfoy replied finally. "And it is incredibly... difficult."

"But you know the answer," answered Snape, using such a tone that Malfoy could not even try to argue. "There's no-one else who would know as much about the Ministry as you do, Malfoy."

The blond cleared his throat, and then, to my surprise, smiled softly. At last, he stood up and walked up to a horribly dirty window, through which one actually could not see anything at all. However, the man seemed to be watching something outside.

"At the Ministry, there's no-one who'd have served the Dark Lord in the days of his splendour," he said after a long while. "There's also no-one who would have served him after his revival and during the war... However, there are a couple of people who... attracted my attention."

"In what way?" asked Snape emphatically.

"Calm down, Snape." Malfoy turned back to cast a glance at Severus. I was astonished by how different they were... and yet, how much similarities they shared. "You say it as if you didn't know I was aware of the... value of such information."

"I don't care about money, Malfoy. Name your price."

In response, we heard a short, quiet, cold laughter. Lucius walked over to the table and propped both of his hands on it.

"I have enough gold, Snape. I need something... different," he said at last. "A favour for a favour, like the old days."

Across Snape's face rushed some strange shadow, as though he was reminded of something he would rather not remember. At that moment, I regretted being there. Yes, I was aware of the fact that my presence there was necessary, but I had got a feeling that thewhole conversation was in some peculiar way... intimate. As though two old friends were talking about things about which only the two of them could know.

"Agreed," answered Snape.

Lucius raised his brow a little, then smiled in a way that made it somehow very similar to Severus's triumphant smirk. The man straightened up, then folded his arms over his chest, then walked over to the window once again. Only then did I realise how pale he was; his skin's hue was almost the same as his hair colour.

"The names mentioned are not unknown to you," said Malfoy after a while. "I'm surprised, though, that the case from a few years ago taught them nothing... The parents of the majority of them ended up in Azkaban after the war."

"You missed that pleasure," replied Snape roughly.

"Good," immediately answered Malfoy, "because thanks to this you have an informant at your beck and call. You're no-one special, Snape. Information has its price, and I know it perfectly. If there was someone who offered me more than..."

"_Names_, Malfoy, or there's no agreement," growled Snape.

In the room there was sudden silence. I frowned a little. Even the sound of sweeping the floor had died out; I hoped the bartender was not eavesdropping behind the door. I had no idea how much he knew, but I definitely did not think that the things that were discussed there should ever come to light.

"For God's sake," Malfoy sighed, then in a quick motion reached for his wand and waved it towards the door, which immediately opened. In the doorway was no-one but the bartender himself, staring at us from underneath the bushy eyebrows.

"I told you to leave us alone," hissed Snape.

"I've heard something that caught my attention," answered the grey-haired man, not even trying to lie that he had heard nothing, that he had not been eavesdropping. He came limping into the room. I was surpirsed by the fact that neither Snape nor Malfoy tried to stop him. "And I won't say I'm glad to hear that it's happening once again."

"Do you know something about it?" asked Snape calmly.

The elderly man smiled quite mysteriously. Softly, he waved his wand, and after a moment into the room flew a tray on which were four incredibly filthy glasses and a carafe full of amber-coloured liquid. The man sat down, and the liquor poured itself into the glasses.

"I've heard a little something," admitted the bartender. "Being the owner of an inn does have its perks. Especially when it's an inn like this."

Malfoy turned back, curiously glancing at the inconspicuous bartender, whose piercing eyes was in some way similar to Lucius's gaze. But it were not Lucius's eyes the elder man's eyes resembled the most...

"Some of them are nitwits," continued the man. "Otherwise they wouldn't have appeared here right after the war. It's not a safe place for them... especially so close to Hogwarts... as I live and breathe... they reckon people can't think. But sometimes it's enough to put two and two together."

Snape seemed to be irritated, but said nothing; he only gave the bartender a disapproving glance which I knew perfectly well from when I had still attended Potions classes. I bit my lips and looked away.

I could not help feeling that in a very short time the things had gone much futher than we had thought. Or maybe they had been that far for a very long time, but we had just found out about them. I was afraid that it might already be too late, that the disaster was already inevitable... and the vision of another war scared me the most.

"It is said that some of the Death Eaters avoided getting caught after the war. That somehow they managed to run away, and the Ministry's trying to cover it up, 'cause it'd make them lose respect, which they recovered with such difficulty. In turn, others are sitting nicely in prison, waiting for the right time. A few mentioned even that the guards at the Azkaban had been bribed, and when the time comes, they'll set the prisoners free."

His quite creepy smile sent chills down my spine. Snape looked at Malfoy, and the latter returned his pretty alarmed glance.

"Have you heard any names?" Snape suddenly asked the bartender, who took a nice swig from one of the glasses. Only then did he nod.

"Aye, I have," he muttered, watching the glass get filled once more. "For sure, Avery, but he's not the boss there."

"We already know about Avery," Snape interrupted him. Both Malfoy and the bartender looked at him in amazement. "Go on."

"So then... the Carrows. It seems that it was Avery who saved them from Azkaban, but now, they're hiding somewhere," answered the bartender. "They're waiting for a signal from their boss. Well, just like Mulciber and Jugson."

Snape grimaced slightly, as though the names rang a bell, but he had not expected to hear them, but it could as well be the lights playing upon his face. He sighed and wiped his face with a hand.

"Anyone else?"

Malfoy narrowed his eyes a little, leaning back against the wall. His arms were still crossed over his chest, his eyes fixed upon the grey-haired man, but when he sensed my glance on him, he glared at me, which made me look away.

"Some names that tell me nothing," answered the bartender. "Wilson. McGallagher. Rogers. That'd be all."

"Wonderful." Malfoy sneered cooly, then clapped his hand. "Give us a while, we'll pay for the whisky in a moment."

The bartender bowed, but there was some odd expression upon his face, as though he expected being paid for something more than just the liquor.

When the man had left the room, complete silence fell. I was unable to read anything from Snape's face; he stared at some point in front of him, his face expressing nothing. Malfoy finally sat down and took a sip from the dirty glass, flinching a bit. When he put it back onto the table, he drummed his fingers on the table and looked at Snape.

"And what do you think?" he asked quietly.

"I don't think he's bluffing," answered Snape finally. "After all, it's Dumbledore. A coward like no other... but he knows what war and suffering are. And he doesn't want it to happen again."

I raised my brows a bit when the name of _Dumbledore_ was mentioned. Only then did I remember where I had seen those piercing, blue eyes before. So the bartender must have been the very brother of Albus Dumbledore.

"His words only confirmed the rumours I have also heard, Snape," said Malfoy. "At the Ministry you can hear about the promotion of Wilson, Rogers and McGallagher... apparently for some _outstanding achievements_, but no-one's really talking openly about what those achievements were. I have no idea who they've got, but I'm sure that their network at the Ministry is much wider than one could suspect. Or maybe," once again, he sipped from the glass, "some specific person pulls the right strings."

Snape frowned, looking at Malfoy.

"What do you mean?"

"I've heard more names, Snape. Besides those three... I know about the young Goyle. Draco knows nothing about it, and I'd rather it stay like that. Furthermore, the young Nott... Montague... Flint... Snape, these are your students."

"My _former_ students, Malfoy," answered Snape, but the expression on his face made it clear that he was deeply shocked. He looked like he was really tired.

"Anyway... I'm glad that Draco isn't trying to get involved in the case. And Snape, please, don't try to change that." Lucius looked at him seriously. "After what's happened... after what's happened to my family, I don't want my son to go through it once again."

Severus leant back in his chair.

"None of them is the leader, right?" he asked, as though he had not been listening to Malfoy's words about his family at all.

"No... but if the rumours are true, and I doubt they could be, there's someone else. Someone behind all of this. Someone who truly _desires_ to become the next Dark Lord."

"_Who is it_, Malfoy?" asked Snape vehemently.

On Lucius's face appeared a grim smirk.

"Rudolf Lestrange."


	34. Black Clouds

"I should've expected that," muttered Snape under his breath, when a couple of hours later he was pacing around his room. The expression on his face remained completely enigmatic, but there was no doubt that he was neither calm nor happy.

It was hardly surprising. In the last few days his life had collapsed and now lay in ruins, and I could not do mcuh to help him. I truly wished he would have let me testify in his case on the first of July, but I dared not mention it again after our conversation in the inn, when he had informed me quite sharply that he had not wanted that. I knew that he was doing it all for my sake, but why would he not let me do something for him at least this once?

"Who is that Lestrange?" I asked hesitantly, glancing at Snape.

I knew we should deal with the exams, but at that moment, I simply did not pay it any mind. I sat at the desk with a quill in my hand and for an hour I have been puzzling over the first question. There was no point in it, but I did not want to just give up already. I would not be able to fall asleep, knowing that I had done nothing that day, despite it being so late.

Snape, in turn, did not even try to pretend he was working, but I was not surprised at all. In this state, he simply would not be able to do anything. He was shocked and at the same time furious at himself, even though I could not quite understand why.

"The husband of one Bellatrix Lestrange," answered the man, coming to a halt for a while, so he could look at me. I had already heard that name somewhere, but could not remember where. "Bellatrix loved the Torture Curse. An absolute psycho. And yet, at the same time, the most devoted to the Dark Lord... there used to be even a rumour that they had an affair, but... I doubt that. The Dark Lord was not capable of love.

I frowned slightly, thinking of that. Involuntarily, I doodled something on the parchment, breathing deeply.

"So... that man considers himself... because of the relationship between his wife and You-Know-Who as if his successor?" I asked hesitantly, raising my eyes. Only then did I notice that Snape stood not that far away from me, still looking at me intently.

"I can only guess," he answered, shrugging, "but yes. I have suspected it for a while, but... but now, as Lucius told me that... I should've got on with this issue much sooner. Don't pay too much attention to keeping the appearances. The more time we wasted, the stronger the Death Eaters grew.

"But it's still not too late," I noticed.

"No? And how come you know that?" he asked brusquely. "From what Lucius said, I can judge that they have actually almost taken over the Ministry. Not only the Ministry. The Azkaban guards also are bribed. Before, there were Dementors, but after their joining the Dark Lord, the Ministry resigned from their... _services_. However, they did not think that human people are even more likely to be bribed. If what Lucius and Aberforth said was true... another war is coming."

I sighed deeply. I was afraid that Severus was right... After all, I did not want to allow myself to think about the war, that the situation from a few years before would happen again. And yet, everything seemed to indicate that it would indeed occur.

Finally, I put the quill aside and walked over to Snape, delicately taking his hand. He did not slip it out of my grip, but he also did not reciprocate it in any way, as though he was a motionless statue.

"And what now? We must do something, otherwise the whole world will be in danger," I said quietly, looking at him tentatively. "On the other hand... there are only the two of us... and even if the others join us, there are far fewer of our people than Death Eaters."

"And I don't know if I'm not tired of playing the role of a hero, Shirley. I've got enough of thinking of who else might be facing danger," he confessed finally, his voice calm, yet slightly tired. "For the first time in my whole life I actually hoped that everything would finally fall into place. That after all those years I would at last get what the fate had not been willing to give me. A normal life. A family."

In anger, he curled his hand into a fist and punched the wall. However, I still held his other hand in mine and did not move away.

"It will be enough if we just... survive it," I promised, hoping to calm him down. "After all this..."

"Shirley, do understand one thing: we cannot be sure if we are going to survive it at all," he replied, looking at me seriously. "War is war. You don't know what's going to happen. You make plans... and in the next minute you're already dead."

I wished to find a way to cheer him up even if just a bit, but I realised it way too well that he was right. Besides, who else could know it as well as he did? He had been through enough wars to be able to predict what was going to happen now. And yet, I still wanted to hope for a happy ending to our story.

"If we give up, we will lose at the very beginning," I said. "Then, there will be no hope for us whatsoever."

To my surprise, upon Snape's face appeared a soft smile. He stretched the fingers of his left hand and gently caressed my cheek. I could not resist; I returned the smile, leaning into his touch.

"You'll never cease to astonish me, Shirley," he answered quietly, then leant in a bit and softly kissed my forehead. "Go. You must finish your work... and I should talk to McGonagall."

I nodded my head, then returned to my previous seat at the desk. I took the quill and once more began staring at the almost blank scroll of parchment. After a while, I heard a quiet tap when the door closed behind Snape.

It was already very late when he came back. I had just finished preparing the final exams for my students and now, I sat in my navy-blue dressing-gown, curled up in the worn-out armchair. In my hands I had the book which I had got from Snape for Christmas. One could think that I already knew it by heart, but I still returned to it very often. Maybe even too often.

I did not even realise when he walked in. Only when his body obscured the dim light coming from the candle attached to the wall, I took my eyes off the book and glanced up at him.

"You'll lose your sight if you keep reading in the dark, Shirley," he said sharply. "Besides, it's already so late that you should've already gone to sleep."

"I've been waiting for you," I answered only. "I just had to make sure you'd be back and go to sleep yourself."

I was not sure whether it was a shadow rushing across his face, or maybe Severus really did smile. I liked it when he smiled, even though he did that so rarely. I was pleased to notice, though, that it happened more and more often now.

"You shouldn't think of it. I'll manage," he assured me. I, however, could not forget those moments when lying in his bed, I had glanced towards the armchair, in which he had been sitting, just to see him watching me. I knew it perfectly well that even now there were nights when he did not sleep at all, too concerned about all that was happening around... when so many people could sleep soundly, completely oblivious to the truth.

It pained me that so many people still did not believe in his kindness and heroism. It pained me even more that not so long ago I had been doubting that, too. Maybe that was why I tried so desperately to make it up to him.

"Go to sleep, Shirley," he said gently, touching my cheek. "Lots of work's awaiting us, and you need to rest."

"You say that as though you didn't need that," I replied, frowning.

"Stop teasing me and go to bed," he said, this time putting more emphasis on his words, even though what I had been saying was definitely not teasing. It annoyed me when he treated me like a child who could understand hardly anything, or maybe like a half-brain.

"You need rest just as much as I do," I replied, putting the book on the table next to the armchair and getting up. I was much shorter than Snape, but at that moment I seemed not to notice that. I looked him straight in the eye, knowing that he did not like being opposed. Nevertheless, I did not intend to follow his commands, realising that he did not follow them himself.

For a split second I thought that he was going to hit me. The muscles of his jaw twitched dangerously, but nothing happened. Snape did not even raise his voice. What was more, after a while another smile arose upon his lips.

"You surprise me even more, Shirley," he said, then cupped my cheeks in his hands, the pads of his thumbs gently caressing my skin. I could not help returning the smile, but it did not change the fact that I was still quite indignant. "Not so long ago I scared you so much."

I sighed deeply and put my hand on his wrist, however, I did not try to take his hand away from my face.

"I'm worried about you," I said at last. "I can't watch you not sleeping all night... you act as though everything was your own burden, but forget that there are so many people around you. Go to sleep. You need it way more than I do."

For a moment Snape stayed silent. Then, to my greatest surprise, he embraced me, pulling me close, as though I was some valuable treasure which he was afraid of losing. This way he made me feel secure. When my head rested on his chest, I could hear his fast heartbeat.

"I'm afraid that if I don't take care of your safety, no-one will do that. People keep talking, but none of them are eager to work," he whispered. "They'll carry out an investigations and trials against me..."

"You've been taking care of me from the very beginning, Severus, but let me take care of you at least this once. I'm not a doll who cannot help you. I... I want to. I really want to help you. I'm ready to risk my everything..."

"But I am not ready to risk your safety, Shirley," Snape interrupted me. "When will you get it through your skull?"

I regretted my words, because they caused Snape to move away from me and go somewhere into a dark corner of the room, to change to his pyjama. I closed my eyes and hid my face in hands to calm down. I should control my nerves better... it had been the main source of my problems from the very beginning.

Although after a moment Severus already wore his usual, black night shirt, he did not lay down in his bed. I noticed him still standing in the corner and staring at me quite persistently, so I quickly looked away and turned back, folding my arms over my chest. I had no idea what he expected of me.

"I want you to finally understand it... I have already lived my life. I've got more than one chance from fate. You are still so young, you're not destined to live for such a short time. Especially when it's me who put you in danger."

His words took me completely by surprise; I was not prepared to hear them, so I was not able to answer at once. Only after a while did I slowly turn back to look at his face, almost ghostly pale in this darkness.

"It is not _you_ who put me in danger. It's the Death Eaters who want to hunt me down."

"Yes, but..."

"Besides, I owe you my life," I cut in before he had the chance to say anything else. I could see, however, that his face changed rapidly, as though I had just slapped him. I knew that he was not used to being interrupted. "Not to mention, if anything happened to you, I would never forgive myself. And I presumed that you should've understood that better than anyone else, Severus."

I stopped, then in complete silence walked over to my bed, to lay down. I was so agitated that I doubted that I would be able to fall asleep, but I had no intention of waiting for him to give me that command once more. I did not want him to think that I was doing it only because he told me to.

Before I could slip under my blanket, though, Snape approached me and once again took my face in his hands, yet this time, there was no gentleness in his touch. That way he forced me to look him in the eye.

"You make me go crazy, Shirley," he growled. "You wake thoughts and emotions in me about which I haven't known until now."

"And what, you're going to hit me now?" I asked provocatively.

For a moment I was almost sure that this time it would happen. I closed my eyes, readying myself for the blow which, however, did not come.

Instead of that, I felt a familiar taste of his lips on mine. At that moment, I did not want him to kiss me. I was angry with him, but at the moments when our lips met, I always forgot about my irritation. I did not want it to happen again, because then, he would think that I am not genuine and serious in my words.

And yet... fury began to get out of me like air from a punctured balloon. Involuntarily, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me, closer than we had ever been. I was not thinking about what I was doing.

"Stop, Shirley," he whispered suddenly, almost forcingly pulling away from my lips. "I don't want to hurt you."

I felt ashamed. I had done nothing wrong, and yet, I had got a feeling that my gestures had been out of place. I flushed deeply and immediately turned my face away from Snape. Although I did take a breath, wanting to say something, I resigned after a while. I did not know what to say in a situation like that, so I decided it would be safer to remain silent. I felt Severus gently stroking my hair, but I got into my bed and turned my back on him.

I heard his quiet steps, however, that night, I was sure that I was not the only one who did not sleep.

I fell asleep only early in the morning. When I woke up, it must have been early forenoon, so I was glad it was Sunday. Otherwise, I would have definitely overslept. I sat up in the bed, still a bit unconscious, and rubbed my eyes.

The room was empty and, as always, immersed in darkness. I began to worry that our quarrel the previous night had made Severus feel quite offended, therefore I decided to find him, so I could talk to him.

As soon as I got dressed, I left the dimly lit room. The corridors in the dungeons were usually empty, so I was not surprised when I did not meet anyone there. Wondering where I should go first, I discovered with amazement that I could heard some voices.

I frowned slightly, then began heading in the direction from which they were coming. Immediately, I understood where I was going, but I was still not quite sure whose voices were those.

"...you don't understand what you're asking of me..."

"Oh, no, you're wrong... I understand _perfectly_ what I'm asking of you, and this is exactly why I'm doing this."

"But you should just leave me be! I'm already done with this game."

I came to a halt at the door of Snape's office. It was not ajar, but I could clearly hear raised voices. One of them, the calmer one, certainly belonged to Severus, but the other one I could not match to any face I knew.

"I'm not saying you have to do this. I'm only asking you a favour," said Snape.

"A favour? And for what? All my life you've been pulling the rug from under my feet," answered the other one, definitely younger and very annoyed. "No, Snape. I'm not your little pet anymore. I'm not going to risk..."

"Don't you understand," Snape began to lose his temper, "that if you don't do this, not only your family will be in danger? After all, they hunt people like you! And do you want to know what the best bait is?"

The door opened with a thud, and I stood face to face with Severus and a young man with very fair hair.

"I've already had a chance to see, Draco, and I don't know if I want you to find it out the hard way."


	35. The Unexpected Comes True

I knew Malfoy by sight; we had probably never exchanged even a word when we had still been at school, so now I felt quite awkward, especially since it had just become quite obvious I had been eavesdropping on the two men. Well, I had not intended that at the beginning, but when I had heard their voices, I had found it hard to resist... and now, I had to face the consequences.

"I only..." I began, but Severus seemed not to see anything strange in me standing behind the door. More than that, as though he had not expected _not_ to see me there.

"You should've known how they work, Draco," he spoke, looking not at me, but at the young man nearby. "They won't get you, but those who are close to you. They will be gloating over your suffering. If this is what you want... go right ahead."

The blond flinched in a way that made him amazingly similar to his father. I did not quite understand what he was doing there, but apparently he had come at Snape's request. It seemed to be quite strange to me, especially after what Lucius had said about his son's attitude towards getting involving in such cases.

"I don't quite understand why you need my help, Snape," replied Draco. "If you already have my father's help..."

"It's not enough," Snape interrupted him.

Hesitantly, I walked into the office and quietly closed the door; I had got a feeling that it was not the kind of conversation that should be heard by the whole castle, and their voices echoed across the corridor.

"Then summon Potter," growled Malfoy. "I'm not a hero. A couple of years ago my family was in danger. I'm not going to put my loved ones in danger just so you have some fun!"

Snape's face turned pale; he looked like Malfoy had just slapped him. And yet, when he opened his mouth and spoke, his voice sounded calm.

"That's exactly why I need _you_, Draco," he answered. "Potter's involvement in all this will be very suspicious. Besides, I just don't like that boy. If you can deal with it... your family will be secure. You are not supposed to play hero and save the world. You are supposed to save what you consider precious."

Severus's eyes turned to me, and I felt myself flushing. Immediately, I looked down, knowing that Draco, too, had noticed that. I had no idea how much he knew about me, but I felt quite awkward, listening to Snape calling me precious in his presence. After all, the young Malfoy was a stranger to me.

Finally, I heard a quiet sigh, and tentatively looked up. I noticed the blond roll his eyes dramatically.

"What are you expecting of me?" he asked after a while.

"We need to know how many of them there are. It shouldn't be troublesome to you, since they are your friends," said Snape grimly. "I don't want you to dissuade them from doing what they are, because they'll understand that you're not with them."

"D'you reckon that they are so stupid that they actually suspect me to _be with them_?" snapped Malfoy, and for a moment I thought that it was all lost.

"This is exactly why it is you I need, not Potter," answered Severus, frowning. "Potter... may be... noble and heroic... but at the same time, he's dumb. I need someone who's capable of thinking by himself."

The look Malfoy cast at Snape was far from friendly; it was cold and suspicious.

"You won't pull the wool over my eyes like that, Snape," muttered Draco. "I don't expect compliment. I know, though, that if anything goes wrong, my family will die. I don't intend to risk once again."

"Do understand that if you don't do that at all, you will all die!" snarled Snape. "In their eyes, you are nothing but a filthy traitor. Do you think they'll go easy on you? Ask Shirley what it's like when they are torturing you just because you are in any way connected to the traitor! Do you want to know what awaits your family?"

Only at that moment did Malfoy turn in my direction, as though until now he had not noticed my presence. I bit my lips, not quite sure what to say... or if I should say anything at all.

"All right! Fine! I understood!" replied Draco at last, clearly annoyed. He sighed, then hid his face in hands.

Snape looked at me, but I was not able to figure out what he wanted to tell me... it was an enquiring, inscrutable look which I particularly disliked, because it made me feel as though I was in danger. And now, when the danger was something greater than just losing House Points, I really wished he would not have looked at me like that.

"I should be heading back," said Draco after a moment. "Astoria's awaiting me. I hope she'll understand the situation..."

He left without saying goodbye. Snape watched him leave, then sighed and walked over to the desk. He seemed to have forgotten about my presence, so I decided it would be better for me to leave.

"Where are you going, Shirley?" he asked, though, as soon as my hand touched the knob. Immediately, I moved away from the door, as though it had burnt me. However, I did not look in his direction, being almost certain that he was not looking at me, either. "I thought you came here for some particular reason. Not to mention, you're not supposed to hang around on your own."

I closed my eyes. For a moment, I had thought that he had forgotten about that agreement, but apparently he was still afraid that someone was going to attack me in the corridor.

"Do you really think that someone would attack me in the castle?" I asked, finally deciding to turn to him. "After Neville did it? They'd have to be a fool to try this trick once again."

"Don't expect only the intelligent ones among the Death Eaters. Frankly speaking, majority of them are idiots," answered Snape, looking up from his papers. "Besides... the most important thing is to achieve a goal. Now, I have an impression, they are not trying to cover their tracks anymore. They've become strong enough not to care about it."

Once again, I sighed and walked over to Severus's desk. He stood up and approached me, putting his hands on my shoulders; his eyes found mine. When he stared at me like that, I wanted to look away, but for some reason, I could not.

"I came here only to check on you, if everything's all right," I answered, and it surprised even me how cold my voice had sounded. Apparently Snape was shocked, too, because he did move back a little, but did not take his hands off my shoulders. One of his brows twitched insignificatly, but he was still peering at me carefully.

"Why wouldn't it be?" he asked sourly.

I frowned, hearing the tone of his voice. This time, I had no problems with looking away from him.

"It doesn't matter. I should get back to my office and finish the exams," I replied finally.

"_You are not going anywhere, Shirley_," said Snape emphatically, pushing me towards a chair, on which he forced me to sit. I cast a sharp glance at him, but he seemed not to notice that. "You haven't yet mastered lying well enough to deceive me. You've already finished your job, so now, you'll stay here."

I wanted to get up, but Severus was ready for that, because he once again pushed me onto the chair, frowning.

"I do appreciate that you care about me," I said firmly, glaring at him, "but it is way too much."

"Don't make me explain this once again. I've got enough of convincing the young Malfoy," answered Snape, finally moving away from me. This time, though, I did not try to stand up. Once again, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I could not fight with him now. There were so few of us, so few people who were aware of the danger... we needed to cooperate, no matter how difficult it would seem.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled after a while. "I... all of this simply begins to tire me. I'd like to do something the way I want."

Severus did not answer. He stared at a roll of parchment on which he was writing down examination tasks, but I could notice that his eyes did not move. I wondered if he was thinking about something, or maybe he just wanted to avoid looking at me.

"You have to be careful now, Shirley. More than ever. We can't do anything right now... all we can is wait for the results of both Malfoys' actions. At the same time, McGonagall is trying to clarify some matters with the Minister. We have to pretend that nothing's going on, so we don't create panic among the students. The exams must be carried out normally, only after the end of the school year we will be able to do our business," he explained after a moment of silence.

I nodded. The fact that we needed to wait so long filled me with worry that something might go wrong. I did not like the awareness that our lives now depended on how the things would go, while we could not even lift a finger.

To my surprise, Snape stood up, walked over to me and leant in a bit to gently kiss the top of my head. It was a gesture that did not look like him, but I had a feeling that he was, too, engulfed by fear. For some reason, it comforted me.

"Stand it just for a bit longer..."

* * *

By the beginning of June, it had got almost unbearably hot. Just like in winter hardly anyone left the castle because of the cold, now everyone kept running back to the cool of the school walls to hide away from the searing heat. Hogwarts had never seemed to be this crowded, even though nothing had changed inside.

Classes were still held like they had before; just like what Severus had told me, I did my best to act as though nothing was happening. However, I found myself checking if anyone was following me more often.

"Professor," spoke Stillwater one day. I looked up from behind the desk; the students were supposed to read a text from their books, but that boy as always had decided not to follow my instructions. I began to seriously wonder if there was any way to tame him.

"Yes, Mister Stillwater?" I asked quite irritably. "Is there any problem in the text you should be reading right now?"

The smile that appeared on his face was neither apologetic, nor even genuine. Actually, it looked as though he was trying to offend me even that way.

"I was only wondering," he said in his usual, cheeky tone, "if it's true that the Mud – I mean... that the people from non-wizarding families... tend to fall into paranoia more often than the pure-blood wizards."

I raised my brows a little. I did not like that question at all. It sounded as though he was trying to provoke me, so I knew I should keep my nerve in check. I took a deep breath to calm down, then shook my head.

"I don't know anything about it," I said only. "However, I don't think that it could have anything to do with the article I have asked you to read."

There was buzzing in the classroom. Hardly anyone was looking at the pages of the textbook now; the eyes of the students were fixed either on me, or on Stillwater. I did not want a regretable situation to occur, but I was well aware that the young Slytherin would do anything so that I would remember his presence in this school for the rest of my life.

"I, unfortunately, do see a certain connection."

He was going way too far, and I was certain that he was, too, aware of that. However, the way looked at me showed that he did not really care about following the school rules. I wondered, though, what was his point in all this.

"You see... for a long time I have wondered if it is good for the students to be taught by people who are... _not pure-blood wizards_ at this school," he explained in a strangely calm tone. "Recently, I have also noticed that not only do you bring danger to this school... but also you behave in a very odd manner, therefore I see no reason to follow your instructions anymore."

From the back of the class came giggling, but the rest of the group was completely silent. I had to bite my tongue not to answer that he had actually never followed my instructions. I did not want to add fuel to that fire.

"Do sit down, Mister Stillwater," I said, maybe a bit too harshly. I had not even noticed when I had got up.

"I am not the only one who thinks that, _Professor_." Even that title sounded like an invective when he said it. Of course, he did not come back to his seat; soon, he stood maybe a foot away from me and looked me right in the eye. "There are more people like me... but some seem to think that you are so mentally unstable that you could attack them."

Blood roared in my ears and it was even harder for me to control myself. That boy was always getting on my nerves, but recently, he had got even more arrogant than he had ever been. Talking to Snape about him also had been futile.

"Once again, I'm asking you to sit down, Stillwater," I said in a slightly raised voice. "If you don't follow my instruction this time, I will ask you to talk not to me, but to your Head of House."

Honestly, at that moment I wished I could send him to McGonagall, but I was not sure if the Headmistress was currently in the castle. Besides, I needed to follow certain steps, so that Stillwater would not use my mistakes against me.

"Then, let's go," said the boy, quite amused.

I glanced at the students gathered in the classroom; no-one was reading, all of them were staring at us with clear tension. The lesson was supposed to end in less than a quarter, so I decided not to prolong it.

"Please, disperse, lesson over," I said, then asked Stillwater to come to the dungeons along with me.

This time, the boy did not object, which surprised me, but at the same time, I could not help being alarmed. I had an inkling that he was trying to hide something, but I had no idea what indeed he was trying to do. That was why I decided to follow him, so I would not have him behind my back.

"You are really getting paranoic," he said in a slightly bored tone, when we entered the dungeons. The temperature there was slightly lower, but it did not make me feel any better. I still needed to be careful about what I was doing and saying. "Or maybe it's not the problem of the Mudbloods... but you?"

"Watch your language, Stillwater," I growled, curling my hands into fists.

I was glad to see Snape leaving the classroom and heading towards his office. He could not fail to notice us, so he came to a halt and frowned.

"Shirley, Stillwater!" he thundered.

"Professor," said the Slytherin, trying to play innocent, when we found ourselves rather close to Severus. "Professor Shirley's threatening me."

"Threatening?" Snape's tone changed; it sounded as though the man was trying to hide his amusement, but at the same time, he let the corner of his mouth twitch. One of his brows went up. "And how's that?"

"She's being aggressive towards me," he explained. "I knew that it would be safer to talk in your presence, Professor."

It was such an overt lie that I was convinced that Snape must have noticed that; on the other hand, his love for the Slytherins had not changed at all since I had been a student. He was still biased.

Severus gestured us inside the office. I did not know why, but I shivered, as though it was me standing in front of the professor after I had done something wrong.

"Professor," I said as soon as Snape had closed the door behind us. "I have already talked to you about Mister Stillwater's egregious behaviour. Today, in front of the entire group, he has refused to follow my command."

For a long while, Severus remained silent. Slowly, he walked up to the desk, then sat down and set his eyes on the young Slytherin, putting his fingertips together.

"Is it true, Mister Stillwater?" he asked calmly.

"It is," admitted the Slytherin, "but I've done that only because I have been afraid that continuing to follow Professor Shirley's commands would put us... me and the entire school... in danger."

Snape smiled in a very weird way. Slowly, I began to worry that his indulgence with Stillwater's behaviour would be my doom.

"Understandable, Stillwater," said Severus, and the boy began to get up to leave. However, that was when Snape did something I had not expected. "Not so fast," he added, grabbing his arm not to let him go.

The boy howled in pain and jerked his arm free. I blinked in astonishment – and Snape, too, seemed to be quite unhinged. It was obvious that although he had put a strong grip on the other's arm, he could not have hurt the student.

"Roll the sleeve of your robes up, Stillwater," ordered Snape in a frighteningly cold tone. At first, I did not know what he might have meant, but soon, the pieces came together. "Roll it up, boy."

Whether he wanted it or not, the Slytherin took the edge of his sleeve and raised it slightly.

"More, Stillwater." Snape grimaced.

"My parents will know about it," hissed the Slytherin, not doing what Severus had told him. Snape was clearly tired of the conversation, so he grabbed the boy by his hand and jerked the sleeve up himself.

"I think they should," I whispered, stiffening with terror.

On Stillwater's pale arm appeared the Dark Mark, now as black as coal.


	36. Action Plan

"I told you that you were supposed _not to go anywhere_ by yourself! For God's sake, Shirley, can't you get _anything_ through your head?" thundered Snape when a half of an hour later we were alone.

When the Headmistress along with the Minister for Magic had come, the boy had apparently realised that he had stood no chance against four well-trained wizards, and he had simply surrendered, letting McGonagall lead him out the room. I was not sure where he had been taken; maybe a couple of floors up to her office, or maybe straight to the Ministry, where he would be interrogated for sure; even if not now, then in a few hours.

It was impossible to pretend that nothing was going on anymore; the Minister, although terrified, had finally understood that. I had also wanted to use that situation to convince him to let Severus keep teaching, but never before had I seen anyone who would be trying to avoid a conversation on any topic as desperately as he had. I had had to let go... at least for now.

"You could have _died_," he continued, pacing around the office, and I sat at the desk, hiding my face in hands. I did not want to listen to him. I knew perfectly that he was right... however, was it not better that I had come to him with that matter? Would it have been better if I had waited in the classroom until everyone had left and Stillwater attacked me?

"But nothing happened," I whispered, yet did not dare look up at him. "I'm here... safe and sound, just like you are..."

"_Yet_, Shirley."

Finally, I glanced up, but Snape was not looking at me. He was still pacing around, and I could barely hear his footsteps. Even when he was so agitated, his steps were so quiet... he would probably never cease to surprise me.

"If I hadn't come here with him,"I decided to try to excuse myself, "he would have presumably attacked me right after the lesson. Do you consider it a better scenario?" I noticed Severus turn his head to look at me, but I continued, "Thanks to this, we've discovered that there are Death Eaters even among the students. If it's like Stillwater said, and there are more people like him... Don't you think we should find them...?"

Snape walked up to the desk and propped both of his hands on it. It made me lean back, but it was not so easy when I was sitting on a chair – we were just a couple, maybe a dozen inches apart, and I sensed an explosion coming.

"You shouldn't feel excused because of that. It was nothing but a coincidence, not your intended action," he said quietly, then sighed and shook his head. "But you are right, that man could have attacked you just anywhere. The fact that he didn't do that in the corridor is nothing short of miraculous. I have no idea what might've stopped him.

I did not answer, realising that once again he had put his finger on the truth. In the classroom, during the lesson he would not have dared do anything to me, because there would have been way too many witnesses. He had wanted me to bring him to Snape, because it would have given him a couple of minutes during which no-one would have guessed what had happened.

"What will happen to him?" I asked, really wanting to change the subject.

"He'll be interrogated... and probably sent to Azkaban, despite his young age," answered Snape grimly.

I felt sorry for the boy, even though I really hated him. However, he was still just a student. How had it happened that he had been enrolled into such an organisation at such a young age? Perhaps it was the vision of greatness that had convinced him... but had he really not realised how dangerous it could be?

"If nothing changes, he'll most probably escape with the rest of the Death Eaters," I noticed quietly, still remembering Lucius Malfoy's words. "If the guards have been bribed... and Stillwater is truly one of them... if he's sent there, he won't feel lonely." I flinched slightly.

Severus sighed and stood straight.

"Probably," he admitted. "And that's why I have no idea what to do."

For the first time he said something like that. I looked at him hesitantly. Until now, like a seasoned player, he had been able to predict the opponent's moves and face them. Now, though, it seemed to me that he had been caught in a trap.

"Does the Minister know what's hapening? If we tell them..."

"Then what? He'll fire the guards and hire new ones. The Death Eaters might be weak-minded, but not all of them, and their boss definitely is not as stupid as one would think. Lestrange used to stand aside, because it was his wife playing the first fiddle, but it still doesn't change the fact he's been a Death Eater for many years, and he knows perfectly how to run such a unit. Remember that the Lestranges have served the Dark Lord for a really long time... and all of them have usually been very close to him. Lestrange is not just some private.

I stood up, feeling my knees quiver. Having folded my arms over my chest, this time it was me who started to pace all around the room. We could not just let it be, even though just a couple of days before Severus had insisted that we sit quietly and let the others act.

But in that case... did the Malfoys know about Stillwater? Did his family know about it at all? Or maybe his whole family was now serving the same idea...?

"We must do something, Severus," I said emphatically, glancing at him. "We can't just... leave it right now. Now, that the Death Eaters will get to know that we have started acting in their cause, they'll probably get active, because hiding will no longer make any sense. And it means that the war will come much faster."

Snape rubbed his jaw, thinking. I knew that he was an excellent tactician, but now, he seemed to care about me way too much. He should stop thinking about my safety and simply begin to act, to stop the plague from spreading. Just like he had told Draco before – if he did not do anything now, we would all be in danger.

"I haven't got any raports from the Malfoys yet," he said quietly, as though still wondering about something. "I don't know, either, how much the Minister knows, and how far we may go so we won't get sent to Azkaban, when the Death Eaters are still there."

"Maybe Draco was right," I started tentatively, "and Potter should indeed be involved. I've heard that..."

"_No_, Shirley. Potter won't come. Yes, I do know that there are rumours about him, what a wonderful Auror he has become, but I still think he's an insolent, arrogant idiot who believes he knows more than he does."

I raised my brows a bit. He really despised him, even though one would think that those things were already in the past.

"But he's an Auror and if we..."

"I said no," Snape interrupted me quickly. "We'll manage without him. We just need to develop a proper plan."

There was no point in arguing with him any longer, even though I had got a feeling that there was something wrong about his refusal. I did not believe that sheer aversion towards the guy could stop him from using his help, if he was indeed capable of providing us with lots of help. After all, until now, aversion to anyone had never stopped him from cooperating... and hardly could I accept the thought that he had changed so much.

"Then let's develop it," I replied, hoping that my voice sounded calm enough. "We can't just sit here doing nothing. It's true that we still knew very little, but..."

"As soon as McGonagall's back, we'll have to talk to her. That's when we start."

* * *

"Who would have thought... one of the students..." McGonagall's voice faltered. At that moment, she looked older than ever, and I felt a weird urge to wrap my arms around her. Common sense, though, told me that it would not be a good idea.

"There's certain probability," said Snape in his cold, matter-of-fact voice, "that there are more of them. Stillwater has mentioned it... and I believe that we should discover them as soon as possible, otherwise the whole school will be in danger."

The Headmistress leant heavily back in her chair. She looked very tired. It was obvious that she had not been calm for many days now – probably she had been working on that case by herself, too, just like Severus and I had, but neither of us really knew _what_ in fact she had been doing. Not much information would she share with us, and she undoubtedly knew much more than what she had told us.

"How would you like to do it, Severus?" she asked, peering at him over her glasses. I smiled slightly upon the thought of what else she might have taken after the Headmaster before her.

"I think that we could easily use your predecessor's idea," answered Snape calmly, but I noticed that the corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly. I did not know whether he was trying to refrain from smiling, or maybe it was a nervous tic.

McGonagall straightened up and propped her hands on the desk top, looking straight at Severus, raising one of her brows.

"What are you talking about."

This time Snape allowed himself a rather unhappy smile. He laced his fingers behind his back and from the corner of his eye glanced at the door.

"Perhaps you, too, remember those... _interrogations_... which were back in the day carried out by one Professor Umbridge," he said in a quiet, singsong voice, as though those memories amused him.

"What? No, Snape! These are _students_ we're talking about!"

"At least some of them might be Death Eaters, Minerva!" said Snape indignantly. "Do you really want to risk the safety of everyone else? Or maybe we should just send them back to their houses, it will be better for them!"

A complete silence fell in the office, interrupted only by quiet buzzing of some instruments which were put here and there on different tables. Truth be told, not much had changed since the days of Dumbledore.

"Severus is right, Minerva."

I almost jumped at the sound of that voice. I turned back just to notice a man with silvery hair and a long beard, glancing at us over his half-moon spectacles. I had almost forgotten that there was his portrait in the office.

"So... so you believe we should apply Veritaserum to the students and question them as if they were criminals?" McGonagall flared up. "Forgive me, Albus, but I have always had the impression that you shun such methods, too!"

"Because it is so," answered Dumbledore sedately. "However... there are moments when one should be guided by the good of students. By the greater good. Hogwarts is not full of dimwits. They will understand what's going on."

McGonagall flinched.

"That's exactly what I'd rather avoid!" she replied, pushing the glasses up her nose. "Albus, they are still _students_..."

"But not children anymore, Minerva. You must ask yourself a question, what's more important to you: the comfort of the students, or their safety."

And like nothing had happened, he just bowed his head goodbye, moved to the frame of the painting and vanished.

* * *

"It doesn't sound friendly..."

I flinched slightly upon hearing that voice. I almost dropped the rolls of parchment I was carrying, so quickly did I turn back.

"Neville!"

His round face brightened up when our eyes met. I could not help smiling. We had not talked in such a long time; even at meals we appeared at different times. I had a feeling that it was Snape who had been taking care of that, after all, he had insisted that he had to lead me even to the Great Hall.

"Have you seen?" He waved some note in front of my face. "McGonagall told me to pin it to the information board in Gryffindor Tower... Merlin's beard... once again I can't help but think of the times when Umbridge was here..."

I knew perfectly what he meant, but I did not answer. After all, I contributed to that myself. However, Neville did not have to know about it... I did not want him to suddenly start considering me his enemy.

"We haven't got a chance to speak in a while," I stated, trying to change the subject; I hoped that Neville would not notice how desperate I was about it. "You must be really busy, hardly ever do I see you in the corridors..."

"It would be easier if that overgrown bat didn't follow you everywhere," answered Longbottom sourly, not even looking at me. I had to bite my tongue so that I would not tell him something nasty; I did not want to quarrel with him now. "I'm busy, but not so much that I wouldn't talk to my friend."

I blushed a lot, so I quickly turned my face away, so Neville would not notice that. I also took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"He's worried about me," I muttered. "He follows me, because he's afraid that something bad could happen to me..."

"...in the corridors of Hogwarts?" In Neville's voice clearly sounded irony. "Really, Darcie, he's not the only one who cares about you... and I'm pretty convinced that you can do so much better, you may hang out with people of... well... not of Snape's ilk."

I frowned. I felt precisely the same like when Snape had offended Neville without any reason to do so. Now, Neville repaid him in exactly the same way.

"You don't have to like him, Neville, but Severus has already saved my life a couple of times, and I don't see the reason why I should consider him inferior. Snape cares about me, and I appreciate it. And you, as my friend, also should be glad that I'm alive and well."

Neville's cheeks took on a strange, dark hue.

"Oh, right. Forgive me. _Severus_," he said, and at first, I did not understand what he might have meant. Only after a couple of seconds did I notice the same, unpleasant hint in his voice that I heard in Snape's tone whenever he talked about Neville.

So Severus was right. Neville indeed was envious.

"I should hang the note in the Gryffindor Common Room," he added in a different, cooler tone, not even looking at me. "So... see you, Darcie."

And he left, still staring at the piece of parchment he was holding. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, but my heart was still beating twice as fast, and I realised my hands were in fists; my nails sank into my palms.

"All right, Shirley?" I heard a familiar, quiet voice. "Has someone bothered you?"

I opened my eyes and noticed that by now Neville was nowhere to be seen. I turned back to look at Severus and forced myself to smile, shaking my head a little.

"No, no... everything's fine."


	37. At the Crossroads

O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s always took place sooner than the rest of the exams; that was why the most stressed out students soon met their dreaded fate. Finally, the whole castle was filled with strange wizards and witches from the Ministry. Some of them I recognised, because they had been my examiners a couple of years before; some of them, though, were younger, and I did not know who they were. I watched them with certain suspicion. At that moment I did not think I could trust anyone from the Ministry.

"None of them are Death Eaters," whispered Snape as he noticed me staring at an examiner with a long, jet-black beard. "Lucius had checked them at the very beginning... there's no-one to be afraid of amongst them."

I glanced at him, frowning slightly.

"Have you talked to Lucius?" I asked hesitantly. It meant that we would soon be able to put our plan into action. While McGonagall was interrogating the students, we should take care of the other part of the plan.

"Yesterday," he answered, nodding his head. "But only by the means of Floo Powder... I'll need to meet him face-to-face as soon as possible."

"I'm going with you," I offered immediately, and Snape looked at me. I had no idea what he was thinking about, but he did not object.

"Although I'd rather prefer you stayed here, you're right," he answered with a gentle sigh. "It'll be better if you come with me, because although Lucius told me that there was nothing to be afraid of, it'd rather not have you stay alone."

I smiled gently. I liked knowing what was going on, even though I had realised already that I played actually no role in all that. Especially because Severus would not let me do that... but maybe he was right. I was still not a very experienced witch, despite the fact I really wanted to help...

"Then we'll meet in the Hog's Head, on Thursday," he added after a moment. "And remember not to do anything on your own until then."

Even though Snape claimed that no-one from the Ministry was a Death Eater, it had been a while since he had last acted that way. He did not let me leave him even for an inch, and although I did appreciate his care, I could not help but feel like in a cage once again. It began to annoy me, but I dared not object.

The days seemed to be unbearably long, and when Thursady finally came, I had a feeling that since the exams had started, at least a couple of years had passed. As I woke up, I noticed that Snape was already up. In his posture, one could sense that peculiar stiffness, which he usually showed during his lessons. The same that made the students feel both respect and fear towards him. However, at that moment there were no students around him, so I wondered what was the reason for that tension.

I got up and began to get dressed, yet I did not break the silence. I had got a feeling that Severus was simply lost in thoughts, and I did not want to disturb him. At the same time, I had a moment to wonder about certain matters.

"I've never thought that I'd get to say goodbye to my job like this," suddenly, I heard his quiet voice. Only then did I realise what had got him in such a melancholy. I frowned a bit, glancing at him. He was not looking in my direction, his eyes were fixed on his books.

"You don't have to say goodbye to it," I replied. "After all, on the first of July everything could happen. And I have an inkling that everything will have a happy ending."

Snape stayed silent for a long while.

"You know, Shirley... they really don't like me at the Ministry. They... they will never forget who I used to be. To them, I will be a Death Eater for the rest of my life, even though Dumbledore vouched for me. The same Dumbledore who then died by my hand.

His hands were in fists, and I could notice that a muscle of his jaw was twitching dangerously. It had been a long while since I had last seen him so annoyed.

"You've got a chance to prove on whose side you are, Severus," I replied, and the fact that my voice sounded so firmly surprised even myself.

"I'm tired of constant proving that I've never asked for that, God damn it!" he exploded, and I moved away in shock. "I have never wanted to get involved in all that! Yes, yes, I did make a mistake when I was still young, but how long can one atone for old sins? I have already died for them!"

I was not surprised that he was angry... I would really like to help him, but there was no such a way in which I could help.

"It'll be over soon," I promised. "Now, that we have the Malfoys to help us..."

"I shouldn't have pulled you in this, Shirley. You're in danger because of me," she whispered. "Just like Lily back then."

"I am not Lily, Severus. I won't meet the fate she did," I replied, and my voice once again took that strange firmness. "You should stop blaming yourself for her death. It's You-Know-Who who did that, not you."

Snape did not respond. He did not even look at me, but I had a feeling that my words somehow had got to him.

"Let's go. It'd be better if those big guys from the Ministry did not know that we're not at school, so we need to get our things done as quickly as possible."

The Hog's Head Inn was almost completely empty, if not for two very old hags, talking to each other with a strong, Scottish accent. Once we entered, they cast a not really friendly glance at us, but Snape did not even turn in their direction.

"Has he come?" he asked the bartender carelessly, and the latter smiled quite mysteriously, beckoning to the closed door.

Severus did not say a word, just started walking in that direction and almost noiselessly opened the door. I slipped inside right behind him.

"I've told you already, Snape, that you should stay away from my son," Lucius growled immediately, before either of us could say a word, even one of a greeting. "I swear you'll regret it if anything happens to him..."

"He's an adult, and he has the right to make his own decisions," reminded him Severus, raising his hand. "I only made him aware of the dangers awaiting him."

A terrible grimace appeared on Malfoy's face.

"Don't play with me, Snape," he hissed, narrowing his eyes. "I don't want to lose my son for your sick ambitions."

It had happened so quickly that I failed to notice what had actually happened. I only heard as though a bang and a muffled thud, and the next thing I saw was Lucius slowly slumping down the wall; blood was running from his nose. Snape stood in front of him, his wand reached out towards the other.

"Don't you dare... repeat that," he said surprisingly calmly, but in his eyes raged wild fury.

Lucius stood up, wiping blood off his face and throwing his long hair back. I was afraid that he would give Severus a taste of his own medicine, but fortunately nothing of that happened. Only then did I realise that I had unconsciously pulled my wand out.

"Put your wand down, girl," snapped Malfoy impatiently. "You don't want to fight with me, Snape, so calm down. Remember that if you break our agreement, we won't cooperate anymore, and I'd like to remind you that without me, you can do nothing."

A soft move around his jaw showed how annoyed Severus was. Hardly ever did anyone dare to stand up to him, but still, Lucius was not just a school boy, and Snape should not have gone over the top. On the other hand, I knew that he was aware of the fact how much he needed Malfoy's help. Or maybe, the Malfoys' help...

Hesitantly, I glanced at Lucius, and then at Severus, and finally, as ordered by the former, put my wand back in my pocket. It did not change the fact, though, that I felt strangely tense, knowing that one of them could burst out once again.

"Your son and his family may die if the boy doesn't start doing something," hissed Snape. "Is it what you want?"

When an hour later we set off on the way back, I felt perhaps even worse than I had when we had been heading to the village. Snape was silent, and I sensed tension in the air, which had nothing to do with the approaching storm. At the same time, I could not help but think of the students who were at that moment sitting their exams in the castle nearby. I was certain that Severus was thinking about them, too, even though his face remained enigmatic.

We had not got to know much from Malfoy, at least not much except what we had already known. But indeed, among the examiners there were no Death Eaters, which did not mean, of course, that the school was safe. Hogwart had always been the place which had been attacked first by the Dark Arts, since it was the only safe place; besides, young people were taught there, and those were the ones who would one day be able to stand up to the Dark Wizards.

The situation, however, had turned out to be less hopeless than I had thought. Yes, the Death Eaters had gone deep into the structures of the Ministry, but not everything was lost yet. It turned out that in fact the Minister himself had been aware of the whole situation, but apparently someone had convinced him that it was Snape who had enabled the Death Eaters to get this far. That was why Shacklebolt wanted so hard to get rid of him from Hogwarts.

Perhaps that was the news that had shocked me most. I wondered what Severus had felt at that moment.

"Who would've done that?" I suddenly asked out loud, and Snape turned towards me, raising his brows in surprise. Apparently neither he nor I had expected such a question. "I mean... I mean that someone's apparently trying to get rid of you. Don't you think that it could be Lu..."

"Malfoy has nothing to do with that," Severus quickly cut in. "I know what I'm saying. All of that had happened before I broke the promise, so it wasn't a... revenge. Besides, I don't think that he would try to lie to me. I don't care if he likes me or not, but both of us care about his son's safety. No, Shirley." A strange grimace emerged on his face. "At first, I thought that it was a repay for my treason. Now I know that it's much more."

He came to a halt, so I did the same. I felt my heart hammering in my chest. I did not know what was going on in Severus's head, but once again I could see in his eyes that peculiar mixture of sick fascination and something else. Something I could not even name.

"A Death Eater has done that. By his own hands, or he has used someone whom Shacklebolt trusts. I'm inconvenient for two reasons: one, I flatter myself that I'm quite a good wizard. Two, I know them perfectly. I know their structures, their mindset... currently, I am probably the greatest threat to them. They need to get rid of me, so they have a clear path to Hogwarts."

I felt all blood leave my face. Despite the day being so hot, I suddenly shuddered from cold.

"So... so what now?" I asked tentatively.

Severus sighed and shook his head.

"Now, nothing. I'm not going to let you get entangled in it once again, Shirley."

He began walking, but I stood still, staring at his back. I could not understand what he had just said; or rather my brain did not want to accept his words. It had sounded as though he claimed that my part was already over in this project.

"I want to help you!" I flared up and came running to him. I stared at his side-face stubbornly, but he did not turn his eyes to me.

"That's not going to happen. You're staying here, in the care of McGonagall, and I'm going to deal with them by myself. There's no other way out. It's not your business and...

"It is! Of course it is, after all, it's about..."

"…and I'm not going to let you die," he continued impassively, staring stubbornly straight ahead.

Never before had I felt such anger and bitterness, and at the same time, fear. I was afraid that if he decided to solve all of his problems by himself, he would get trapped. After all, there were so many of the Death Eaters! Of course, he was a wonderful wizard, he had proven it many times before, but it did not change the fact that our opponents were not weaklings, either, and there were many more of them than us. He could not go there alone.

"Are you aware of how many of them there are?" I asked reproachfully, even though I tried my best not to do that.

"Of course. Perhaps I am destined to _survive miraculously_ once again," he added sarcastically. It had been long since I had heard that hint in his voice. At the same time, it scared and outraged me. And yet, I could not stop thinking that we could not fight now... after all, that was what the Death Eaters wanted: to turn us against each other, to separate us. Then, we would be weaker. That was why I could not agree to his idea.

"Don't kid me," I snorted. "You're going there to die. And after all you've done for me, I have no intention of letting you do so."

Before I realised that, he stood in front of me, looking right into my eyes. His wand was aimed at me. I trusted him, but at that moment, I could not help but feel hesitant. I had no idea what he was planning to do.

I objected to him; hardly ever did it happen, and he really could not handle it well. On the other hand, though, I began to wonder if it should be just me who needed to change for me to stop opposing to him. Perhaps he, too, should put some effort into it, and fight his conviction that he was infallible.

I calmed down a bit, then made a step forward; the tip of his wand touched my chest now. If he cast a spell, it would hit me inevitably.

"Move, Shirley," he growled in the tone I knew from my school times. In his eyes, there was the same antipathy. "I don't want to send you back home in pieces, and it will definitely happen if you don't get out of my way."

"Fire away," I answered in a strangely quiet voice. The fact that it did not tremble surprised me, but it was still full of emotion. "The effect will be the same, no matter if you'll do that... or you'll let yourself get killed in the name of your own honour."

A shadow rushed across his face.

"How dare you..."

"I'm coming with you. You can't protect me anymore. This time, I have a feeling that it's time for me to defend you."


	38. The Last Night

We did not talk to each other all the way back to Hogwarts. I had an impression that Snape tried to pretend to be resentful, but deep in his soul he concealed something else; probably some part of his personality of which he was ashamed. Usually in those moments he looked like he was extremely indignant. And I did not want to break the silence, knowing that if I tried, I would in all probability regret it a lot.

When we came back, it turned out that the exams had been over. The students, exhausted after the whole day of stress, were now sitting in the Great Hall, discussing the tasks they had been given. Some of them looked like they were about to faint even now, even though they had already got through the worst part of the day.

"I swear, my examiner tried to spite me constantly clearing his throat like that!" I heard when I was passing by one of the long tables (I felt terribly guilty as I thought that I had not been in the castle when my students had been taking their exams – well, not on History of Magic, but still, they were my students).

"You're overreacting. I actually think that they cleared his throat whenever I made a mistake... and thanks to that, I could correct myself," answered the first student's friend.

I could not help but smile; I remembered my own O.W.L.s, then my own N.E.W.T.s. I had always thought that the examiner had been trying to spite his examinees, to dispirit them... and yet, at the end of the day it had usually turned out that he had been either trying to help them, or just had not been aware of his own behaviour.

"I'm surprised to see you vanish for a whole day in such circumstances," I heard the Headmistress's cold voice, and my heart stopped beating for a while.

I knew I should have stayed; as the Head of Ravenclaw house, I was responsible for the Ravenclaws... on the other hand, I knew that if we did not stop the Death Eaters, the whole school would pay for that...

"I'm sorry," I mumbled finally, not looking up. I was glad that Snape was nowhere to be seen, because I was sure that if he were, his presence would only make the situation worse. "There... were certain matters..."

"Oh, probably more _important_ than your work."

I was not looking at the Headmistress, but I was sure that her eyes were once again narrowed, like a cat's eeys, and his lips were pursed and created a thin, horizontal line.

"I'm sorry," I repeated only, and the answer I got was a deep sigh.

"You are very lucky that I am the Headmistress, one of very few who would be so lenient," she said, and I smiled to myself; on one hand, McGonagall had never seemed to be a person who could be called lenient. On the other, she was right. If anyone else was the Headmaster, I would most probably be forced to pack my things now.

Only after a long while of silence I dared look up and meet McGonagall's eyes. She was still glaring at me rather harshly, but there was also something else, something looking more like anxiety. I could not be sure if it was just my imagination, or her face indeed betrayed more than her mind would want to.

"We need to talk," she added after a moment, this time quietly. "Where's Severus?"

I shook my head.

"I've got no idea," I answered genuinely. "We split once we'd got into the castle."

"In this case, please, be so kind and find him, and in half an hour I'm expecting you two in my office. There's something you should know."

When a moment later I was crossing the castle corridors, I felt my heart hammering in my chest. It was strange that the Headmistress was so much on our side, even though this way she could upset the Minister. Still, she was also the one who would put the well-being of the students over her own. Maybe that was why she wanted to help us...

I realised that we were indeed lucky that it was McGonagall who was the Headmistress here. If not for her, probably both Severus and I would have already said our goodbyes to Hogwarts a long time ago.

I found Severus in his office. He did not look at me when I had entered; he had apparently learnt to identify me by my footsteps, because I was convinced that he would not be so calm if someone else had walked in.

"The Headmistress asked me to..."

"I'm busy, Shirley, don't you see?" Severus growled from behind a pile of papers. I had no idea what he was reading, but he seemed to be focused on it. At first, I thought that he was doing that just to avoid looking at me, but then, I realised that something had really made him quite anxious.

I did not answer. However, I did not leave, either, knowing that I had to bring him to the Headmistress's office as soon as possible. Therefore, I stood there, waiting and watching Snape carefully while his eyes raced across the parchment, full of tiny letters. His face kept changing so slowly that I was not sure when he had begun frowning so much.

Finally, he stood up, rolled up the parchment and tucked it in his breast pocket.

"Things got quite complicated, Shirley," he said quietly, still not looking in my direction. "Yes, yes, I know. The Headmistress wants to see us," he added quickly, as soon as I took a breath so I could tell him about this.

Therefore, I quickly closed my mouth and let him lead me out of the office. I had to jog to keep up with him; once again, he resembled an enormous bat as he almost glided across the corridors, his cloak fluttering behind him like wings.

I wondered what was in that roll of parchment which was now tucked safely in Snape's breast pocket. Although I had laready got used to seeing him so anxious, the expression I had seen on his face a couple of minutes before bothered me a lot. I had a feeling that even though I had just begun to hope that everything would be fine, fate decided to pull the rug out from under our feet.

Both of us got onto the moving staircase that led up upwards, towards the door of the office. Only then did I notice that my hands were trembling and my body was strangely tense.

We entered as soon as we heard McGonagall's voice. The Headmistress sat at the desk, nervously adjusting her glasses.

"You wanted to see us," said Snape, his voice cold and emotionless.

"I believe I should tell you something," answered McGonagall, getting up. For a moment, she closed her eyes, however as she opened them again, she did not look scared, rather determined, and it reassured me quite a bit.

Hesitantly, I glanced at Snape, who stood almost right by my side. I did not remember standing so close to him, but it did not bother me at all. Definitely not after that quarrel, when the only thing I wanted was to make up with him.

"During the questioning, we found out that the enemy had already got into the school," finally explained the Headmistress, making my heart sink unpleasantly to the bottom of my stomach. "Besides Mister Stillwater, the Death Eaters had already recruited Mister Pucey and Mister Selwyn. Both are already in the hands of the Ministry..."

"Have you gone completely mad, Minerva?" thundered Snape, glaring at the Headmistress. She seemed so agitated that she did not even say a word. "I've just got a note from Draco Malfoy, in which he told me that the Death Eaters in the Azkaban are going to escape tonight!"

McGonagall became white as a sheet, and I realised that I would rather not get to know _what_ was written on that parchment.

"Tonight...?" repeated the Headmistress, clutching her heart.

Snape pulled the roll of parchment and with a flick of his wrist handed it to McGonagall. She took it into her hands, which were trembling slightly, and unrolled it. The more she read, the more pursed her lips were.

"We can't let them get to school, Severus," she whispered finally.

"You expect the impossible from me. I am not able to face the whole army by myself," answered Snape angrily.

"Not by yourself," I interrupted finally, even though, frankly speaking, I did not remember myself forming those words. "I'm going with you."

Only then did Snape turn towards me and looked at me, his brows raised high in astonishment.

"I thought we'd already made certain matters clear," he hissed.

"Miss Shirley's right," said McGonagall, glancing at Severus harshly. "You're going to take her with you. I don't know, though, who else would be able to help... I don't want to create panic among the students. They're already stressed enough...

"MINERVA, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THE STUDENTS WILL GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THOSE BLOODY EXAMS WHEN WE'RE AT WAR?!" Snape thundered, punching the desktop with his fist.

McGonagall flinched so much that her spectacles almost completely fell off her nose.

"Calm down, Severus, or you'll have to leave," she said irritably, but what surprised me was the fact that her voice sounded surprisingly calm as for those circumstances. "I don't want to create panic among the students. Their frame of mind is one thing, but there's another reason."

Snape was breathing fast, and one could notice on his face that he was really considering the chance of leaving the office.

"If we let the students give into fear, the Death Eaters will get to know that we're aware of their plan of attacking Hogwarts," explained McGonagall after a moment. "It'll be better if they don't know about it. It'll give us a pinch of advantage."

Snape frowned slightly, but did not oppose, so both I and the Headmistress had to conclude that he had agreed to the plan.

"It still doesn't change the fact I'm not taking Shirley with me," he growled. "I've promised myself that I wouldn't let her get hurt."

"And I promised that I wouldn't let you die!" I snapped. Did he really think that I would let him go by himself?

"In this case," spoke the Headmistress, "I think that I need to agree with Miss Shirley. The school can't afford such a loss, Severus. We've already got past it once too often. Don't make us do it again."

The glare Snape cast at McGonagall made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

"Wonderful," he hissed furiously, then left, slamming the door.

"Keep an eye on him," McGonagall addressed me in a whisper before I dashed out of the office after Snape.

Although I kept calling him as I was rushing across the corridors, Severus did not stop even for a while. He did not even give me a disapproving, scornful glance over his shoulder. He did not say a snappish remark. Nothing.

I thought I would rather like him to shout at me. Hit me. Anything. Knowing that I had pierced him to the quick just with wanting to protect him, I felt both guilty and falsely accused, even though it would be hard to explain.

However, he did not block the door as he had come back to his room. When a few seconds after him I tried to open it, it yielded with surprising ease.

"Are you proud of yourself?" he spat out.

On his face blossomed dark spots, and his eyes glistened dangerously. His chest moved quite rhythmically in the pace of a fast, heavy breath, his lips, slightly livid, trembled a bit. Never had I seen him this irate.

"You wouldn't have thought that I would let you fight with them by yourself, would you!" I answered, walking up to him.

Maybe I had made a mistake, because Snape immediately took me by my shoulders and almost brutally pushed against the wall. Although I tried to jerk myself free, I was not able to run away from him. Finally, I gave up and looked him provocatively in the eye.

"I thought you understood me, but apparently I was wrong, and you are in fact an even greater idiot than I'd've ever assumed," he growled.

"I know perfectly what you're talking about," I flared up. Blood kept roaring in my ears, and a flush appeared on my cheeks. "You said that you didn't want to watch another person you love die. Do you think I want to watch it happen? Do you think I'd let that happen, knowing that there's a chance to protect you?"

"You are so insolent and arrogant that I am genuinely surprised that the Headmistress still keeps you here."

"Don't change the subject," I replied, but my voice sounded quieter than I had planned. However, it was perhaps it that made Snape suddenly look at me with the same mildness that I had seen before. Mildness that he was still trying to hide, though.

After a while, he let go of my shoulders and with a quick motion combed his hair with his fingers as he turned away from me. I noticed that his hands were shaking, too. He was afraid.

"You know nothing of war," he said finally, and the tone of his voice touched the deepest parts of my heart. The sorrow sounding in it was so piercing that I felt ashamed that I had been behaving like that towards him. "I'd rather see you not having to get to know... it's not like... like in school. Now, you're a fully educated witch, but it doesn't make you capable of facing the evil coming towards us."

"And you still think I'll let you face it by yourself? Have you lost your mind, Severus?" I asked.

"I need you more than ever."

When he glanced at me, tears were glistening in his eyes. Only then did I realise that I was crying, too, even though I could not remember letting myself do that.

"No-one has ever said that it must end badly," I whispered, taking his face in my hands. Snape sighed and caressed their backs with his thumbs. "It... it had to happen, sooner or later. And I'd stand by your side no matter what."

He closed his eyes and leant his forehead on mine. Despite the situation, I felt some strange tranquility in my heart. As though his presence and acceptance could overcome everything.

"And if the worst is to come?" he asked quietly.

"Then we'll die together."


	39. The Attack

I was really thankful to Draco Malfoy who had informed us about the Death Eater's plan. If not for that, we would have been completely unaware of what was to come that night... and there was a lot.

The castle was asleep. The majority of the students were resting before the exams that were awaiting them in the following days, some of them were still revising the material. None of them, though, could be aware of what was to come – and we truly hoped that they would not have to be aware. Because that was exactly the point – to dispose of the Death Eaters without raising any suspicions.

Besides, I was convinced that it was not only about the students' suspicions. In their case, the main problem was their frame of mind; it was the worst moment for the school to be attacked, and our enemies were well aware of that. But it were not the students that were supposed to remain blissfully unaware.

Our main point was not to let the Death Eaters at large know that we know their plans. We did not want Lestrange and his supporters to find out that we had been fighting with the ones he had sent to Hogwarts. Otherwise, he would most probably send reinforcements, and I was aware of the fact that we were terribly outnumbered that even without that we had really little chance of survival.

Just like the Headmistress had said, there were not many people who would be capable of helping us, since involving too many people from outside the castle could put the students on their guard, the same was with engaging too many teachers. She had promised us, though, that she would join the battle. After all, she was the Headmistress. Her duty was to protect Hogwarts and everyone inside.

Now, along with Severus, I sat in his room; he was busy preparing some potions which, as he thought, could come in handy. The ones which he already had in his storage, now stood in row on the table in front of him.

"I don't know if I'm going to use any of these," he muttered under his breath, and I raised my eyes from over the book in which I tried to find any spells and jinxes that might be useful. "The potions are hardly convenient in the battles."

I frowned a little and put the book in my lap, slowly turning the page. I was doing it unconsciously, because my whole attention was focused on Severus.

"I know that you're one of the greatest Dark Arts expert," I said after a moment. "You'll be fine, with or without the potions."

Snape sighed and put off the fire under the cauldron. With one flick of his wand he poured its contents into a small bottle which he immediately corked. The cauldron itself he cleaned right after.

"You wanted to say that I'm great at Dark Arts... that'd be right," he said quite sourly, not even looking in my direction.

"No, you know perfectly that this is not what I meant," I answered, standing up. I put the book aside, then walked over to Severus. "You know how to fight them... Perhaps because you know how to use them, too, but it doesn't change the fact that you know counter-spells... counter-curses that could save our lives for sure."

"You're overestimating me, Shirley," said Snape after a moment of silence. Only then did he look up and glance me right in the eye. "In the majority of cases fighting skills don't matter. Potter, for instance... he's defeated many qualified wizards. All of this not because he had such skills or talent, no... what he had was luck. And in many cases only luck can save our lives... even though I would rather believe this is not the case."

I put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me, surprised, then gently caressed it with his fingers.

"I have a feeling that I've already run out of luck, Shirley."

"Then add some to your supply," I answered with a soft smile.

"I don't brew Felix Felicis on a daily basis, if that's what you mean." Snape frowned slightly. "More than that, I believe that the less one uses this potion, the better, so I haven't brewed it for at least several years."

"It doesn't change the fact that you might need it tonight," I noticed.

"Can't you hear anything I say, Shirley?" said Severus, looking at me angrily. "_I do not brew this potion._"

I could not help but smile, even though the expression on Severus's face should have rather made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I ran over to my trunk, in which I still kept my things (the wardrobe was taken by Severus, and I had not agreed to his idea of making place for my things even there), and then started searching through my clothes. On the very bottom I found a tiny phial about which I had almost completely forgotten.

"Where did you get it?" asked Snape, apparently surprised. "I don't believe that you'd be able to brew a potion as complex as..."

"I didn't brew it," I answered quickly, shaking my head. I returned to him and tucked the bottle into his hand. Snape was so shocked that he did not even object. "During my classes with Professor Slughorn I had managed to achieve such satisfactory results that I got it as a reward... until now, I have never considered it necessary to use it, so I always had it in my trunk. But tonight it might actually come in handy."

Snape did not answer. He stared at me in shock mixed with doubt. I, however, had no doubts. If I ever were to use Liquid Luck, it would be exactly when that one night was about to decide whether I would survive or not.

"There's not much... it'll be enough for just one person," noticed Severus, weighing the bottle in his hand. "If we share it..."

"I know that it won't work as well or as long as it should... but there's no better solution, is there?"

I looked him in the eye and smiled. After a while, I noticed a hint of smile on his face, too. We had to make it.

Late in the evening, Flitwick informed us that nothing could stop him from participating in the battle. He did not want to watch whatever could happen and have no influence on it. Once again I remembered why he had used to be my favourite teacher when I had still been at school. When he had been young, he had been a Duelling Champion, and once he had told me in secret that the Sorting Hat during his Sorting, had not been sure if he would not make a decent Gryffindor. Now, I finally understood why.

However, I still had a strange feeling that even after having drunk Felix Felicis we would not be safe. After all, in Azkaban, there were many Death Eaters, and there were only four of us, even with McGonagall and Flitwick.

Everything was about to change, though, which I soon discovered. A few people had come to Hogwarts, using the cover of night and other miraculous solutions.

"Who?" I heard Snape's quiet question, as he had just stuck out his head behind the door to talk to McGonagall. "No... I know nothing of that... I haven't summoned anyone. Do you really think I would have summoned _him_?"

When he had returned to the room after a while, I looked at him in surprise.

"What were you talking about?" I asked.

"Some people have got to know about the attack," answered Snape, and in his voice I could hear a hint I had never heard before. It was not fear... "Someone must have told them, because I... I have only told you and McGonagall."

"If not you, then who?"

Despite the question I had just asked, I had a feeling that I knew who the secret informant could be. Snape probably thought the same, because when he glanced at me, he narrowed his eyes, yet did not answer.

My suspicions were confirmed a quarter of an hour later, when, together with Severus, we entered the Entrance Hall, as directed by McGonagall.

"Oh God," I whispered, staring at the people gathered there.

Besides me, Severus, McGonagall and Flitwick, there were quite a lot of people. The first one that drew my attention was Lucius Malfoy in his black robes and hair tied at the back of his head. To his right stood his son, strangely similar to him.

"I thought you might need some help," said Draco with a soft smile, slipping his hands into the pockets of his robes and looking around proudly. "I've summoned a couple of people who, I think, could help us tonight."

Behind Dracon stood no-one else but Neville Longbottom, staring at the floor, but I could have sworn that a few seconds before he had been looking in my direction. My heart began beating a bit faster; with him by my side, I felt a bit better.

Yet they were not the only ones gathered in the Entrance Hall. Some of them I had never seen in my life, or at least for a couple of years.

"Let me introduce you some of my acquaintances," Draco addressed me, making a step forward. "Our old friend, Harry Potter, currently an Auror," he said, pointing to a young man with dark, disheveled hair, who raised his hand in greeting. "Then... Ronald Weasley, an ex-Auror." Now, he pointed at the red-haired man, standing not far from Harry. "Hermione Granger, a Ministry employee." The woman, who had just been introduced by Draco, smiled and waved her hand.

Apart from the famous trio, even more people appeared in the school. George Weasley with his brother Percy, Aberforth Dumbledore from Hogsmeade, Hagrid and Madam Pomfrey, as well as some other people, but there was not enough time to introduce them – Severus reminded Draco of it quite harshly.

McGonagall was just sharing her action plan with us when the front door opened once again, and in the hall appeared a person nobody expected.

"I hope... I am not too late," panted Kingsley Shacklebolt, the Minister for Magic himself. "I couldn't leave Hogwarts alone at such a moment."

Snape glanced at me and to my surprise, he smiled. I could not help the smile that slowly slithered onto my lips. Softly, I squeezed his hand, and he only whispered one word, "_Now_."

I knew perfectly what it meant. I nodded my head, then reached for the bottle of Felix Felicis. Having uncorked it, I sipped a little, then handed it to Severus. He took the phial from me, then sighed. I still had a feeling that he had some doubts, but finally, he downed its contents and closed his eyes.

The feeling that filled me up right after having drunk the potion was incredible. I was aware of the fact that our project risky... but then, we were not alone. Along with us, there were around twenty other wizards; there were Aurors amongst us. We definitely were not as defenseless as it had seemed at first.

The attack started shortly after midnight. The teachers that did participate in defending the castle were supposed to protect the students in their dormitories. There was a moment when I felt like returning to Ravenclaw Tower, but something told me that I should stay and stick to McGonagall's plan; although it was the first time when I had used Liquid Luck, I understood that I had to trust it.

Until now, we had not realised how much the Death Eaters had achieved. The fact that they had convinced some students and a teacher from Hogwarts to join them had certain consequences. One of them was that they had managed to get rid of the protection around the castle, and even McGonagall was completely oblivious to that. Therefore, that night they could quite easily enter the school grounds.

Some of them were walking, some were flying. Fortunately, the Headmistress's analytical mind allowed her to construct a plan that made us prepared for such a possibility, so a part of us stood on the towers, while the others took their positions on the ground, around the castle.

We used the ignorance of the Death Eaters. They could not be aware of the fact that we would be prepared for their attack, so we stayed as silent as we only could, watching them moving closer, almost noiselessly. We waited for McGonagall's sign.

And finally, it came. A little spark left the tip of her wand. I did not know whether the Death Eaters noticed it, but we, who were focused on the Headmistress, noticed it instantly.

It sounded as though the whole castle exploded. Each of us cast a different spell; each of them with full force hit the opponents. At first, we needed to deal with those on the brooms, so we would not let them into the castle through the towers that were not protected by our people. We could now spot some black silhouettes slipping off the brooms; I did not want to picture what was going to happen to them, but right now, it was really a fight to death. There was no prison to put them in anymore.

However, I did not really have much time for such thoughts. The only thing my mind was focused on was casting spells towards the black cloud of Dark Wizards on the broom, moving quickly towards us. Not always did I hit them, the same was with my companions; besides, now, as we had already revealed our presence, the Death Eaters had begun to cast Killing Curses at us, and avoiding them made aiming much more difficult.

At that moment, Harry Potter was in the best position; yet, he had accepted the most difficult of tasks. Having put his Invisibility Cloak on, he had got onto his broom and approached them from behind. He was far enough for them not to notice the broom floating by itself, but soon, they tasted the spells the Auror began to cast at them.

However, it did not mean he was safe there. After some time, several of the Death Eaters understood what was going on and turned back on their brooms. I was not sure what happened then, because I was not able to watch that. My task was different – I was to focus on the other Death Eaters, who had approached the school walls disturbingly fast...

I looked down and noticed a dark shadow, moving quickly in the rhythm of spells and curses being cast. It made me feel better, because I knew that Snape was still safe and sound. Because although both of us had used Liquid Luck, I could not resist the temptation to look in his direction from time to time...

Until now, I had never realised how many Death Eaters there were in Azkaban. Only now did I appreciate the fact that there were more of us, because if the original plan had remained unchanged, and just the three or maybe four of us had been forced to fight against them, we definitely would not have made it. For even now, when there were five times as many of us as back then, it was really difficult. We could not stop all of them from entering the castle.

"Inside!" I heard McGonagall's voice. She had abandoned the plan of "not stressing the students" long time before, since it was infeasible. She had changed it, though, to not letting the students out of their dormitories, so their lives would not be risked. Therefore the corridors were completely empty when we followed the Death Eaters who had entered the castle.

I was just running down the stairs when at least four of them stood on my way. My heart in my throat, I disarmed one of them; they were too close, though, for me to do the same to the rest.

"I think we're going to play," I heard a husky voice of one of them, coming from behind the mask, but I still recognised it.

"Not this time, Avery," growled another, more pleasant voice, and Avery fell flat onto the stairs.

It was enough. The other two were distracted enough for me to be able to cast some jinxes at them. As they lay on the stairs, I glanced a few steps down and grinned.

"Thanks for saving my life."

"I think it's the fourth time, Shirley, you owe me," answered Snape calmly, but I noticed that he was smiling a little.

"Remind me when we get rid of this vermin," I told him, laughing, and then, we both headed towards the Great Hall, where McGonagall was battling Blade and three other Death Eaters.

The rest scattered all around the castle, but from the fact that our people were nowhere to be seen, I concluded that they did not get the chance to just hang wander about. At first, we needed to get rid of those who were close to us, only then should we look for the rest, so told me common sense and, as I thought, Felix Felicis, too.

We were dashing across the Entrance Hall when some spell swished right next to my ear. Then came a smash of the glass being broken and a clatter of rubies falling out of the great hourglass over my head. I did not look at who it was who had attacked me; I aimed over my shoulder and gave him a taste of his own medicine. Only later on did I realise that at that moment, I had Petrified Marcus Stillwater.

The worst of all was looking for the Death Eaters all around the corridors and empty classrooms in which they were lurking. At some point, we needed to revive Stunned Ron Weasley, who had been ambushed near the Charms classroom. We had no idea how many of them there were, and we could only hope that when dawn came and we started restoring the castle to its original state, indeed all of the Death Eaters were locked in the dungeons...


	40. After the Battle

The following day, next exams were supposed to take place, but they were all cancelled and postponed; after all that had happened at night, everyone had other things on their mind, and no-one really wanted to deal with things as trivial as the exams. Besides, the examiners seemed to be even more shocked by the night attack than the students.

McGonagall, to celebrate the successful completion of the battle, organised a great feast. Miraculously, after all, we managed not to lose even one of our men, even though Neville had half of his face burnt, and some of the combatants suffered minor or serious injuries – all of them, though, were alive, and their health did not stand in danger. Besides, the most important thing was that Madam Pomfrey was all right, and now, she could help the victims along some other people.

The fact that Severus and I had survived without any serious injuries (yes, we were both a little bit singed, and there were some abrasions here and there, but nothing more), as I suspect, was all thanks to Felix Felicis, although we had been doing our best to avoid any unnecessary risk. It did not mean, though, that we had been acting like cowards – Snape could not be a coward. Once again, I had experiences his bravery firsthand, and I seriously hoped that it would not remain unnoticed.

The whole morning and forenoon, as we had made sure that the Death Eaters were not hiding in any empty classrooms or other chambers, we spent on tidying the castle up, and then, we had a chance to sleep a little bit (the Death Eaters locked up in the dungeons were continuously watched by the Ministry's employees).

In the afternoon, a meeting of the Minister with some other people took place. I did not participate in it, but Severus told me that, among other things, they wondered where to put the prisoners, since Azkaban was no longer a safe place.

Everyone who had come here to fight, stayed for the whole day, helping and resting along with the school staff. Thanks to that, I had a chance to get to know Neville's friends better: not only Harry Potter, but also Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Finally, I also had a word with Draco Malfoy, a young man, who had once been considered to be a teacher's pet of Snape's, but who turned out to be a really kind person, and I realised that I really could talk to him freely, like to no-one else.

The evening came, and with it, the feast promised. The Great Hall was now more crowded than ever, because the examiners and our guests had been invited, too. During said feast it was also officially announced that Professor Severus Snape, for all his heroic efforts, was to become the Deputy Headmaster.

"So you're not saying goodbye to the school?" I asked him, enthusiastic, applauding him loudest of all.

Severus sent a very soft smile to me, as though he did not want the students to notice that, then took my hand.

"I intend to stay here for a very, very long time," he answered with a hint of carefree hint in his voice, one I had never heard before. "The Minister himself said that... that his previous decision had been too hasty, and during the meeting in the Headmaster's office... he, well... revoked it, allowing me to keep teaching."

At that moment I felt a terrible urge to wrap my arms around him and simply kiss him, but I realised that I should not do that in front of everyone, so I only gently squeezed his hand.

"Then my hopes did come true," I said, and when Snape raised his brow quizzically, I explained, "I hoped that finally someone would appreciate the fact that you're a brave man. That you'd stop being the 'bad guy'."

"And what if one day I'll turn out to be the 'bad guy'?"

I laughed. Never before had I seen him in such a good mood – but I could understand him perfectly. I knew that at last all the tension and fear caused by the Death Eaters raising forcers had left him, even though it was not the end of the war yet. Moreover, he no longer had to be worried by the fact that because of some "illegal experimental spells" he would need to say goodbye to being a teacher.

He was staying here. He was going to be the Potions Master for many years, and perhaps one day become the Headmaster once again, after having left the office in rather inglorious circumstances. This time, though, he had a chance to write his name in history in a more positive way.

No longer was it the effect of Felix Felicis. I knew perfectly that the potion had stopped working many hours before that, but I still felt the same, wonderful excitement and happiness, as though everything was laughably simple. I wondered if it was caused by the fact we had scared away at least one of the dark shadows, or by one Potions teacher, the same who was now sitting right next to me.

Usually Severus sat a couple of chairs away from me, on the right side of the Headmistress, while I sat on her left. Now, though, no-one really cared about where they were sitting – the Gryffindors were mixed with the Hufflepuffs, the Ravenclaws with the Slytherins. The teachers sat among the students, the examiners next to the examinees.

"What now?" I asked quietly, but I knew that in the buzz of the conversation no-one would pay too much attention to us. "It's not the end yet, is it?"

"It's not," admitted Snape, "but there's nothing to be afraid of anymore. The majority of the Death Eaters in the dungeons have already been questioned, and it turned out that it's much better than we thought. Well, yes, many of them are still at large, but there are not so many of them as we supposed."

I bit my lip and looked at the table in front of me. Just a couple of hours before I had not been sure how the night was going to end. Now, another one was approaching, and it was going to be completely different from the previous one. Soon, the term was going to end, too. All of that fell onto my head with a surprising force, and I felt overwhelmed, even though I knew I should be relieved.

"You're pale... are you certain you're all right?" asked Severus, and I nodded my head, but did not answer at once.

"Everything's all right," I muttered after a long while. "I just... realised how much had happened."

Snape smiled once again. I had already begun to get used to this sight; it was pleasant and I truly hoped that I would get to see it much more often than until now. And then, I thought of the upcoming holidays.

"You were very brave last night," said Severus.

"It's thanks to the potion," I explained, but he shook his head.

"The potion may change a lot... but not this. You were just brave."

My heart seemed to jump up to my throat in a very pleasant way when Snape repeated that, even more when he lifted his hand and gently caressed my cheek. I leant into his touch, closing my eyes.

I felt a bit ashamed of myself when I realised that I had never really made up with him after our argument on the way back from Hogsmeade. That was when I noticed that the meeting with Lucius Malfoy seemed to have taken place so long before... and yet, not even forty-eight hours had passed.

"I don't like feasts," confessed Severus suddenly, and I opened my eyes to look at him. "I'd rather get some fresh air."

I suggested, then, to go out, and he accepted it willingly. From the corner of my eye I noticed that McGonagall raised her brow a little bit as she spotted the two of us getting up, but she did nothing to stop us. I could have sworn that I saw her smile.

When we were crossing the corridors, they were completely empty, because the majority of people were gathered in the Great Hall now – actually, everyone except for those who were currently in the dungeons. I felt sorry for the people who had to keep watch over the Death Eaters... but not to the point where I could sacrifice the walk with Severus to go and help them.

The man took my hand as we got out of the castle. It was a warm, rather steamy evening; over our heads stars were glistening. I liked that sight, so I was really glad that in my room there was a ceiling enchanted in the way that I could see the little silver spots sparkling on the dark blue paint, which made it look almost exactly like the night sky. And yet, I could never replace the real sky with even the most beautiful charms.

On the sky were also a couple of little clouds, telling us that it would be raining – perhaps the next day, I thought at that moment.

"Are you going to join the battle with the Death Eaters at the Ministry?" I asked, glancing at Snape, and he, to my surprise, flinched slightly.

"Honestly, Shirley, can't you talk about anything but work?"

That question surprised me even more than the grimace upon his features before a moment. The man walking by my side seemed to be an utterly different person than the Snape I had always known. Even the Snape I had lived in Hogwarts... or the one that had shown me around his house in Cokeworth.

Once again I thought of the upcoming holidays, and my stomach squeezed. I did not know what was going to happen during the two months that suddenly turned out to be surprisingly close. Disturbingly close.

"I'm sorry, I just..."

I did not manage to finish that sentence, even though I really wanted to explain that to him. But at that moment, all my words suddenly evaporated from my head.

Severus pulled me close, cupping my cheeks in his hands and kissed me like never before. For a moment, I was so surprised that I did not know what to do. Only after a while did I embrace him, returning the kiss.

"You're making me go crazy," he whispered after some time, breathing heavily; the pad of his thumb was gently caressing my cheek. His hands were still strangely cold despite the warm air around us.

"I could say the same about you," I replied, laughing quietly.

Snape leant his forehead against mine, and for a while remained like that, completely motionless. He closed his eyes, and I felt him calm down – and it soothed me, too. I also let my eyelids fall, and my breath became deeper and slower.

The man who was now holding me in his arms was a very special person. And yet, at that moment his presence so close to me seemed to be something as natural as breathing.

After a moment, he moved away and once again took my hand, so we could walk around the park. Only now did I realise for how long I had not been doing that; partially because I had been too busy, but partially because Snape had not let me do that. And now, as I thought of the horryfying number of Death Eaters that had come from Azkaban the previous night, I could finally properly understand why had been so worried about me.

Most probably only thanks to Snape I was still alive. And it would be a lie to say that I had been in danger only because of him, even though the fact that I was close to him had put me in even greater danger. Now, though, it did not matter anymore... or, actually, it never had. I would have never given the thing between us for certainty that no-one would lie a finger on me for the rest of my life.

We were silent as we were walking. And yet, I did not feel the need to talk; this silence was not that awkward kind of silence – it was tranquility both of us needed at that moment, and I was glad that I had a chance to share it with Severus.

I had no idea how long we were outside the castle, crossing those narrow stone or sandy paths. At that moment even the Whomping Willow looming on the horizon quite unearthly, seemed to have its own peculiar charm.

"I believe we should be going back," said Severus after a long while of silence. "The rest might get anxious if they notice how long we've been away."

"Just a little bit more..." I asked, shaking my head.

I could not see Snape's face, but I had a feeling that my answer put a smile onto his face. Softly, he squeezed my hand, as though saying "well, all right," even though he did not tell me anything.

"Are you going to miss it?" he asked, looking around.

"Yes," I said, glancing at the outline of the Forbidden Forest. "But it's just two months. And after that, I'm going to get back."

"Two months can be just as long as the eternity," he noticed in a shockingly gentle voice, as though he was talking about something he had experienced himself rather than about what – as he could have thought – might have happened to me.

"I know," I nodded, feeling dryness in my mouth.

Soon, I was going to be back at home. In the place where although I felt loved, I had a feeling that I was not accepted. My parents had never fully accepted the fact that I was who I was, and I could not – or maybe did not want to – agree with them wanting me to live a life of someone I was not.

I did not want to live a life of a Muggle, even though I knew perfectly that it would be a much easier and safer life. Yet I did not want to live a safe life, if that meant that it would be boring and deprived me of a part of my own self.

I was well aware of the fact that if I had agreed to live the life my parents had planned for me, I would have never met Snape, or entirely understood what had happened those few years before, when we had all thought that he had died. Never would I have experienced all that he had let me experience.

"Though, on the other hand," continued Severus after a while, bringing me back to reality (I blushed, slightly ashamed of the fact that for a moment I had forgotten about his presence), "two months may be nothing but a glimpse."

"Like the past months," I laughed.

Snape came to a halt, and I glanced at him quizzically, because I knew that he wanted to tell me something.

"I know that we don't always agree, Shirley, but nothing has changed for the past months," he said, holding both of my hands in his and looking me straight in the eye. "My offer is still valid if..."

My stomach turned a somersault, and heart began to hammer madly, as though it wanted to jump out of my chest.

"I love you even more now than back then, in Cokeworth," I whispered, flushing.

Snape smiled a little, then leant in to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. Just the same like back then, when I had been unconscious. It seemed to have happened before ages, even though not so much time had passed.

"I'll need some time to prepare everything... but I believe that the second week of July would be fine."

I felt dizzy.

"There isn't much time left, Shirley," he added quite harshly, but I understood well that he was just teasing me. "So, were I you, I'd think of the witnesses, bridesmaids and other details."

I laughed out loud, and before I realised what I was doing, I embraced him tightly.

"Are you certain your parents won't have anything against?" he asked. "After all, I'm much older than you."

"My parents would only want me to be happy," I replied, "and there's no-one else who could make me as happy as you do."


	41. At the Ministry

Although I knew that it was not the end yet, at first I pushed that thought away, to the deepest part of my mind. Perhaps because I was aware of the fact that the Death Eaters had been weakened and could not be reckless now. They would not be able to attack us, therefore it was possible to resume the exams and while the students were once again revising the material from the previous year, we, the teachers, were getting ready for war.

And yet, in this hustle and bustle, I managed to write a letter to my parents. I did not want to wait with announcing the news to them until the holidays, even though then, I would be able to do it personally. I had a feeling that it would be better if they got to know sooner, even if from a letter, that I was planning to get married.

I wondered how they would accept the news. Especially because my fiancé was much older than me, and I had probably told them quite a bit about him when I had still been at school. I was afraid that they would not approve of that relationship – and one could not be even surprised. And yet, in this case, I could never be persuaded by them. I had changed during that last year, and I knew that I would finally be able to have my own way.

Now, as I thought of Severus and called him in my thoughts "my fiancé", I could not help but smile just like a teenager would. I was blushing upon just thinking about it, and I felt my heart begin to race, to flutter like wings of some magical bird. Perhaps even Snape himself would scold me for that, but I could not control myself.

I was just working on correcting a whole pile of History of Magic exams, when I once again thought of that evening. I hid my face in hands, still not believing in my own luck, and I grinned to myself.

"I'm teaching a bunch of idiots," I suddenly heard a tired voice. "Perhaps it would be better for me if I had to leave this hatchery of imbeciles once and for all."

I looked up and shook my head.

"You know best that it wouldn't be so. This place is your home. Just like mine. Besides... maybe you're not very liked by the students–" (here Snape raised his brow a bit) "– but you're a wonderful teacher. If you left, it would be a great loss for the school and the students. They'd feel it..."

"At least I'd be calm."

I couldn't help giggling quietly. I put my quill down and stood up to stretch a bit for a moment, then walked over to Severus.

"Would you really be so calm, leaving me here for the whole year all alone, without your protection?" I asked, teasing him.

Once again, he looked at me surprised.

"Not for the whole year. You'd be coming back for every holiday," he answered in such a tone as though it was something obvious. "Besides, I could always be visiting you and make sure you're all right. But I don't think I'd need to be worried about you... soon, we'll get rid of the rest of that scum, and we'll make sure they'll rot in hell."

I took a deep breath and nodded my head. One more battle was still awaiting us; this one, I hoped, was bound to be the final one, and afterwards, we would not even remember who the Death Eaters were. Soon, the longed-for peace would come.

I felt Severus taking one of my hands into his. At such moments I once again realised that Felix Felicis in fact did not give the real happiness. Of course, the feeling that appeared after having drunk that potion was wonderful, but it was simply nothing compared to what the touch of a beloved person could give.

"Don't hope for too much, though, Shirley," he said quietly. "I intend to come back here many times... and I'm afraid I will soon be following your every step."

Soon, all the exams were over. The Ministry had used that time in a different way, neutralising the Death Eaters that had been caught at Hogwarts (I did not know what really happened to them, because no-one but the Ministry's employees had never got to know what that "neutralisation" actually was), and a questioning about the Death Eaters at large had been carried out.

From what I got to know, once again one of the most valuable sources of information turned out to be no-one else but Lucius Malfoy himself. When we talked about it later on, he seemed to be amused, stating that the Ministry very easily changed their mind about who they need, and who they do not.

Since it was mainly thanks to Severus that the whole plot had been discovered, he participated in all of the conferences at the Ministry, which caused his constant absences at school. However, when he came back, he always told me about everything he had heard.

"Today, they pointed out that these are meant to be _secret_ meetings," he said with a strange smirk on his face as he looked at me. "Probably I shouldn't be telling you all this."

"Then don't," I answered, feeling myself blush.

"Wouldn't you be curious?" he asked, raising his brow a little, then sat down in the armchair, crossing his legs and putting his fingertips together. Whenever he did that, I remembered the moments when I had still claimed that I had hated him, and felt some kind of shame. "Wouldn't you be trying to get it out of me at all costs?"

"Of course I would be curious," I admitted, propping myself on the desk, so I could look right at his face. I was not sure whether he was making fun of me at that moment, or not. "But would I be trying to get anything out of you at all costs? No. Certainly not."

A soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips, but he managed to tame it before it actually slithered upon his face.

"You put an emphasis on the word _you_," he noticed, even though I had really not noticed that while speaking. "Does that mean that if I were someone else, the answer would have differed from the one you've just given me?"

The blush that had appeared on my cheeks before, apparently got even darker now, because I felt a hot flush.

"What kind of person do you think I am, Severus?" I asked resentfully, which apparently amused him.

"A different one than the one I met here a couple of months ago," he answered, then stood up and slowly walked over to me.

I had nowhere to walk away, even though I felt some kind of nervousness. Not fear, because it had been a while since I had really been afraid of him, but it definitely did not mean that I always felt one hundred percent comfortable with him.

And yet, I had nothing to be nervous about, because Snape only caressed my cheek. As always, that gesture made me smile.

"You've changed, Shirley," he said quietly. "Back then, you were a hopeless case of a blithering coward. Recently, you've shown that it's no longer the case."

"No, it's not like this," I shook my head. "Even back then... if I'd seen someone I love in danger, I would've needed to react somehow. I haven't really changed that much. Just now... now, I really care for you."

One of Snape's brows once again went up.

"Well, back then, you were there... during that duel..." he muttered, a strange grimace on his face. "Do you want to tell me that you were there because you and Longbottom..."

"Nothing of that sort!" I interrupted him at once, feeling my heart drop unpleasantly, and my stomach curled up. "I and Neville... no matter what you think... what you've ever thought... we have really always been just friends."

I was not lying. Neville, after all, was the only person I had in fact known when I had appeared here on the first of September. We were of a similar age, had the same friends... it seemed to me that it was obvious that such a friendship would be the most natural. Never, however, had I ever seen anything more than a friend in Neville.

However, the more time had passed since Severus's true intentions had begun to come out, the more I could realise that he had every right to suspect that I could actually feel something for Neville.

"Did you want to say that no matter what anyone thinks," he spoke in an undertone, frowning. "I'm convinced that I was not the only one who suspected that... moreover, I could swear that the man at the center of everything would share my viewpoint."

I turned my face away to avoid looking at him. It seemed to have been such a long time before... and yet, I still felt some weird kind of shame. But Snape's hand stopped me and forced me to look him once again in the eye.

"You know that it would be more _normal_..." he whispered. "You're of the same age... and he's never been your teacher..."

"I don't care," I answered emphatically. "Neville has always been a friend to me, nothing more. I thought you trusted me."

To my surprise, Severus smiled, then made a step backwards, watching me with a strange expression on his face. If not for the fact that it was Snape, I would have said that it was pride. Or maybe it was pride...?

"Of course I do. I just wanted to hear that once again."

The last week of June was the best moment to start acting. We were totally aware of the fact that the Death Eaters had been informed that we knew about their existence. We did not know, though, how much information they had managed to gather, therefore we really needed to be quite careful.

We knew the names of the Death Eaters – some of them were a great surprise, and the Minister for Magic himself had felt the breath of terror when the people from his immediate surrounding had turned out to be suspected. It only showed that not only had the Death Eaters become more self-confident now, but also, they had a good reason for that – everyone who was cunning enough to have tricked a whole bunch of Aurors, associates of the Minister, and the Minister for Magic – ex-Auror himself, would get quite audacious.

We had to get rid of all of them, if we wanted to bring the peace back, because not only the fate of the wizarding world, but also the Muggle world depended on it.

This case, therefore, required not only a great dose of subtlety, but also a great number of people, since according to the plan, there were at least two or three for every one of the Death Eaters. It was due to the security reasons, for if they had all managed to fool the finest wizards of all for such a long time, it meant that they were really dangerous Dark Wizards.

"Potter will play the main role in this performance," explained Snape when we were hurriedly heading towards Hogsmeade, from where we were supposed to Disapparate to the Ministry.

It was apity to leave the castle. Now, as the exams had been finished, even the weather seemed to be lenient to everyone: after a giant storm, the air had been cleared, and the last weekend of the term seemed to be a promise of a veritable paradise on earth. Meanwhile, we were to spend at least one day of it fighting the forces of the evil.

I have to admit that back then I was not as scared as I had been that memorable night, standing on the top of the tower and awaiting the fugitives from Azkaban. Of course, I did feel some kind of anxiety which in some peculiar way resembled the stress I had once felt right before my exams, but it was not terror.

"But I implore you, Shirley, don't try to play the hero," added Severus after a moment, this time a little bit quieter. "I appreciate the fact that you've managed to get rid of at least a part of your cowardice, but I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm safe," I assured him.

"Oh, of course," he replied irritably. "We're just going to the most dangerous place on the earth at this moment, and she's telling me she's safe."

"I won't be by myself," I reminded him quickly, but it was apparently a mistake.

"That's exactly what I am afraid of."

I decided not to continue the topic any longer, because we had just left the castle grounds along with its protection, and finally, we could Disapparate.

The plan assumed that every group would start at another time, so the sudden inflow of the people from outside the Ministry would not attract too much attention. At the same time, we could not make it last too long, because it would make it possible for the Death Eaters to communicate with one another and inform the rest about the operation.

The point was, then, to find a way for our actions not to start at the same moment, but to begin one after another, so we could undetectably get rid of all the undesirable people without causing too much of a stir.

The most important thing, therefore, was to appear at a very specific moment – we could not come too late, so we would not cause any delay, but if we Apparated too soon, it also would not be too favourable. That was why Snape stared at his pocket watch for a moment before sighing and nodding his head. That was a sign upon which we both twisted at a spot and we were sucked in by the darkness.

We were not supposed to work together. Perhaps because the others were afraid that one would sacrifice their own life for the other, thus risking the outcome of the whole action, we were put into different groups.

That was why as soon as we had arrived in the Ministry, we got separated. Snape silently headed towards the lifts, and I, in turn, was to meet Hermione Granger in the Atrium. I had a bit more time than Severus, so my steps were slightly slower as I walked towards the splendid fountain.

Soon, I spotted her: Hermione, her steps brisk, a smile on her face, was walking in my direction. When she stood in front of me, she reached her hand out to me, and I shook it.

"How are you feeling?" she asked cheerfully. It was also a sign that it was really her, not a Death Eater impersonating her.

"Perfectly well," I answered, and she winked at me.

"So, let me show you to my office."

Hermione Granger was the unlucky one to work with one of the Death Eaters we were supposed to get rid of. However, it gave us some room for manoeuvre, because our appearance in this office was nothing surprising. I was nothing but an applicant in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, and it had so happened that we had met outside her office.

Yet it turned out that the Death Eater had been prepared for that eventuality. As soon as we entered the office, he stood in front of us, using non-verbal spell to lock the door behind us, so he would cut out us from the escape route. But it was not the first time we had fought with a Death Eater – and now, he was outnumbered.

What was most important at that moment was to prevent him from warning the others by the means of the Dark Mark, so we had to either keep his hands somehow occupied, or tie him up. At first, it was easier to acquire the first goal, but from there, the way to immobilising him completely was quite straight.

According to the plan, which we had discussed with Hermione beforehand, I was to distract the man, while she was bound to cast one well-aimed Full Body-Bind Curse – it was enough to incapacitate the Death Eater until the relevant services dealt with him. In theory, though, it was much easier than in practice, but I had to admit that I had been afraid that it would take us significantly more time.

And yet, before the sunset, all of us had already gathered in the Atrium, while the employees of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement were "neutralising" the threat.

"You did an excellent job," said Snape quietly as we walked through the sleepy village.

"You've got no idea what I did," I laughed.

"Granger told me about it," he explained. "Perhaps you know, too, that thanks to this action, she's got promoted."

I blused slightly, being really glad that it was dark enough for Severus not to be able to notice that, then nodded my head.

"Deputy Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement," I replied. "It does sound exceptionally boring."

"And what does sound interesting?" he asked.

I laughed.

"Teaching young people about the History of Magic, while one Potions Master follows my every step."


	42. Epilogue

It was a beautiful morning on the thirteenth day of July. I had not slept that night, but never before had I felt so well, even though when I had got up at dawn, I had been crying for almost a quarter of an hour. Yes, it might sound absurd... but those were the tears of happiness. I still could not believe in what was about to happen in a couple of hours.

Now, in turn, I was sitting on a chair in front of a dressing table, while my mum tried to do something to my hair, which on that very day decided not to cooperate. Besides, my mum's trembling hands did not help, either.

"I wish you had your father's hair... really, I swear..." she murmured under her breath, attacking it once more with a brush.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I had not put my gown on yet; I was sitting there, wrapped in a white towel. My face was strangely pale, and my eyes kept glistening rather peculiarly. On my cheeks, though, there was a flush that had little to do with my usual blush. I had not yet managed to put on my make-up, or do anything at all, actually, but I had a feeling that on that day, I looked just pretty.

Those were the last moments of me as Darcie Shirley. I was amused by the fact that until the very end Severus called me exactly that: Shirley. It did not bother me at all, in fact I thought I had got used to it.

It had taken a bit more time than I had at first assumed, but finally, my mum managed to put my hair up into something that looked like a bun. Loose strands of my hair fell at the sides of my face in gentle waves, and I could not recognise myself when I once again looked in the mirror. I only hoped that I would not be the only one to whom I looked pretty.

"Give me this, I'll do it..." said my mum, her voice strangely wet, when I reached for the cosmetics box.

She was right; I was not the best at that stuff, besides, I had a feeling that she needed that. For the last time I was really her little daughter of whom she could take care, even though we both knew that it would not be the last time I needed her help.

My parents had not been delighted when they had got to know that I had been planning to get married so soon. My father had got furious when he had realised how old my betrothed was, and my mum had almost fainted when she had heard the name Snape. It had turned out they had remembered it from when I had been complaining about him at school.

But it had not lasted long. Soon, they had understood that I had really wanted it, and that Severus would take care of me. I had told them about everything he had done for me during that school year, how many times he had saved my life... and then, Snape himself had visited us in my house. Since then, my parents had been simply rapt.

"So polite he was..." chirped my mum, and I had to stifle laughter. "And the way he was looking at our Darcie..."

"In a moment I'll start thinking that it's you getting married, Eleanor," mumbled my father, but even upon his face I could see pride.

To my surprise, I realised that my father and Severus got along really well, despite the fact they were from two completely different worlds. It did not bother me, actually, I was really glad, because it meant that my parents had accepted my choices... and we would be able to visit them, for example for the holidays.

Everything had gone much better than I had thought. That was why when the thirteenth of July had finally come, I could hardly control my joy.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart," whispered my mum, looking at me proudly. I smiled softly, tears glistening in my eyes. "We still have some time..."

She took a step back, then turned towards the table, on which was some box that I had not noticed before. Surprised, I glanced at her when she lifted its lid and took out something from the inside. Finally, she walked over to me and standing behind my back, gently put an exquisite necklace with a pendant in the shape of a heart onto my neck.

"Once, it belonged to my mum," she explained. "I think you should get it, sweetie pie."

I could not allow myself to cry, even though they really wanted to run down my cheeks. I embraced my mum and pulled her close.

"I love you, mommy," I whispered into her ear.

"I love you, too, sweetie."

For the time of the wedding my parents' garden was put under a special protection; there were about dozen of different spells cast upon it, which was to shelter us from the curious eyes of our Muggle neighbours.

In the middle of the garden a giant tent was erected, in which later on the reception was bound to take place. Currently, there were rows of beautifully decorated chairs, on which the guests sat. At the other end of the tent stood a white arch, adorned with white roses, at which the Ceremony Official was already awaiting us.

I was nervous and kept brushing my dress down, even though I knew perfectly that there was not even one unnecessary wrinkle on it, not even one grain of dust. My mum, on the other hand, continuously fixed my veil.

"Stop it, Eleanor," father admonished her, but I could see that his eyes, too, were slightly wet.

"It's time," answered mum, then once again, she kissed my cheek and returned onto her seat.

Out of nowhere appeared music. My hands were trembling and I felt like I was about to faint while my father was walking me down the aisle, towards the white arch. And it had nothing to do with the fact it was so hot, and I was wearing a rather tight corset. However, it did have a lot to do with the fact that at the end of the long, golden carpet on which I was walking, stood a smiling man, clad in a brand-new dress robes.

Severus had never been so handsome. I had seen him so many times already, but at that moment it was as though I saw him for the first time. He was at least a couple of years younger when he took my hand in his, and the Ceremony Official started talking.

Frankly speaking, I could not remember even a half of what he said back then. My attention was focused on Severus, who every now and then glanced at me from the corner of his eye, as though checking if I was still there, if it was not a dream.

But when we put the wedding rings on each other's fingers, we both understood that no dream could ever be so beautiful and so real.

Everyone around us began applauding us and screaming in joy. Someone next to us waved their wand and the chairs shifted; tables also emerged from nothingness. The waiters began to hand out glasses. Meanwhile I and Severus were about to have our first dance as husband and wife.

"I can't dance," I laughed.

"Neither can I," whispered Snape, "but they don't have to know about it."

That day and that night were the most wonderful in my whole life. More amazing than the first day at Hogwarts. Then the day of getting my O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s marks. Than getting back to Hogwarts a year before. Than any other day and any other night.

"Are you sleeping?" I heard a quiet question.

I shook my head and shifted slightly closer to my husband. I knew that it was the middle of the night and I should be asleep, but whenever I recalled the day of our wedding, I could not. My heart was hammering, as though I was experiencing it all over again.

"We're coming back next week," noticed Severus. "Do you really want to get back from your honeymoon sleepy?"

"Maybe sleepy," I murmured quietly, "but the happiest in the whole world."

"You act as though it were a fairy tale." I knew he rolled his eyes, and I chuckled. "In a week, we're getting back to work, I'd rather not have you complaining about being sleepy."

"And I actually do hope that I'll be complaning about it," I answered in a low voice, glancing up into his eyes.

He smiled. His grim expression more and more often was replaced by this smile. Gently, he brushed the hair out of my face, and leant in to kiss me.

"You're behaving inappropriately," he whispered; he was so close that his lips gently brushed against mine. "I think I'll have to give you detention, Mistress Snape."

"With the greatest pleasure, Professor," I laughed again, and embracing him, I returned the kiss.


End file.
